Situation with my ex gf of 4 years, just looking for a second perspective

[richard1991]

It has been 3 months since my girlfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me. Nonetheless, it has been quite a ride and I will summarize everything a bit to get your opinion.

 

 

 

She dumped me because I was a lame ass man, I was complacent to everything she asked and wasnt man enough. Sex declined etc etc. Nonetheless, we did love each other greatly, I was her first and also we always planned to marry etc.

 

 

 

After dumping me, around 2 weeks later she kisses with a guy that was always hitting on her while we were on the relationship and I found out. I confronted her and then decided to move on. I initiated NC and she went nuts. I saw her at a night club and she swore to me that the guy was only a rebound and that she still loved me missed me etc. I completely rejected her and ignored her.

 

 

 

Around a week later she was desperate to contact me so we decided to chat and she was asking me to keep the door open because what we had was special etc. I told her that I needed time and I didnt want to see her at that time because I had a trip planned to Thailand. She was mad of course but I stayed with my position.

 

 

 

I returned from my trip and contacted her to talk to her and see where we stand, she told me she was dating this guy but that she still saw me as the father of her kids etc. She told me she was certain that we will return but not right now. We talked for a bit and I decided to leave things as they were, of course we kept texting but I kinda ignored her a bit.

 

 

 

Later that weekend we ran with each other in a bar and she was with this guy, they fought horribly in the middle of the place and she ended up leaving with me to have crazy sex. It was super emotional and we both poured our hearts out talking/having sex. She told me she ended things with this guy for good. After that we kept talking and honestly felt like no time has ever passed. I kinda let go and behaved like when we were in a relationship, she did sometimes and some other dont. Bottom line I felt the spark was kinda gone and she told me if the other guy texted her she wouldnt know what to do. In addition she told me she needed a confident man to make decisions both in the relationship and in sex, which hurt horribly because I know my mistakes and the problems we had but she didnt even gave me a chance to prove her wrong. To this I said to her to better leave things as they were since I dont feel like dealing with the other guy and her confusion. She agreed.

 

 

 

Since then, the same week we decided to leave things she started talking with the guy and dating him (I was pissed as hell). I even saw them the other night and she barely said hi to me, when I tried to talk to her she kinda ignored me which hurt.

 

 

 

Also I know for a friend that she talks about me with this guy all the time, additionally they only talk like twice a week and when we hooked up they didnt even had sex at that point.

 

 

 

My thing is, my ego is hurt, I still love her but right now I dont want her back. It hurst and I do not understand anything that happened/is happening. Is this a rebound relationship she is in? What pisses me off more is that is the guy I hated the most she is dating, and we hang out in the same group of friends which makes everything worse. I honestly cant be with her right now but I see her as the girl I was going to marry.

 

 

 

Any advice, opinions etc are welcome, just trying to get an outside perspective of my situation

 

 

 

Thank you!

[ExpatInItaly]

I have a bad feeling she broke up with you specifically to test out this new guy. The timeline is just awfully coincidental, combined with the fact that you know he'd been hitting on her. This is also why she is bouncing back and forth between you two. I would bet any money they'd been getting close for a little while before she broke up with you.

 

She is awfully bold to suggest you keep the door open - really? Apparently she doesn't understand how break-ups work. I find that very arrogant of her. Also, she likely ignored you when you saw them because he doesn't know she had sex with you and she didn't want you blowing her cover.

 

How frequently they talk or that they talk about you isn't relevant. The point is that she has made a choice. Is it a rebound? I don't think so, not in the true sense of the word. In my experience, it is usually dumpees who rebound, looking for someone to fill that painful void. That's not to say her new relationship will last, though. But she entered it for different reasons than your average rebounder. The decline in sex and her seeming lack of interest in solving any problems indicates she was already checking out. Thus, the break-up isn't as painful for her right now as it is for you. She'd already processed it and done a lot of her grieving before finally pulling the plug.

 

Your best bet here is to go No Contact. This is to protect yourself from further hurt and to prevent her from bouncing around between the two of you. She wanted to break up, so she needs to get what that really involved. No friendship. No sex. Nada.

[DarrenB]

Whenever you're in such an intimate LTR, of course you'll fantasize and believe you'll be 'together forever', 'married with kids' vise versa, you know, all that mallarkey.

 

You're probably right, I believe it might be a rebound, but at the same time it might be genuine. You cannot dwell on the what-if's or the different outcomes you seem to might have embedded in your brain. You're going to have to move on w/o her in your life.

 

You say your ego is hurt yes? don't make it more hurt and save yourself the embarrassment and emotional stress of trying to keep her in your life - either temporarily, indefinitely or simply as a memory. She seems to be moving on, and it seems to me that she's one of those people that enjoys seeing their previous partner emotionally and mentally hurt. It is not nice, I believe she is doing these things to hurt you.

 

You need to rid of her entirely, so you can progress on yourself and work on an entirely new mindset. I believe you can do it, anyone can. It will hurt in the meantime and whilst you are going through the process, but It'll be worth it in the end. Guaranteed.

[richard1991]

Thanks for the advice guys, I do know that I have to move one with my life and thats what I am doing. I have lose weight and right now I am in the best shape of my life. Additionally, I have been hooking up like crazy which is good.

 

It has been exactly 3 months since we broke up, but what is hard to accept for me is that she actually is with this guy because she loves him or something, we really did have an amazing relationship till the last 3 months and is just crazy to think things like this happen. We even went to Cancun together 2 weeks before breaking up.

 

I know I shouldnt dwell on those things but is hard to get rid of every memory and the pain of what happened just like that. I honestly believe the relationship was dead but I cant accept she is with that guy, the only thing I want now is that that relationship goes to hell. What are the possibilities that it becomes something genuine after all the **** that happened?

 

BTW, the guy knows she left with me that night and that we had sex.

[springy]

Absolutely no way to predict what will happen with her and the new guy. You don't have to accept anything, she's going to do what she wants anyway...hard as it is just try not to think about it so much. Cut contact so you can get over her.