I may have made a mistake

[Microwave]

I split up with my girlfriend of 5 months just over a week ago as I felt I couldn't trust her. She never cheated on me but something just didn't feel quite right.

 

We had a heated argument and I said some things in anger which I wish I hadn't and then ended it.

 

I know through mutual friends she never wants to talk to me again and is even dating again.

 

For the first few days I was broken, although the last 2 days I feel a lot better but still constantly think about her.

 

The few people I do have the ability to talk to are going through their own problems which out weigh mine and I don't want to add to their burden. It kinda hurts that there is no one there to ask how I feel (even tho I would say I'm ok when I'm not)

 

Although I ended it I feel like a made a mistake and maybe the trust issues were in my head. Is it normal to have doubts over my decision and to feel like I've made a huge mistake and thrown away a relationship with the woman I love?

[CarrieT]

You probably did the right thing.

 

Red flags appear within ourselves for a reason. You were smart to listen to them, even if you didn't have concrete reasons.

 

You are already feeling better about yourself and soon the entire mess will be a memory. Also, a 5-month relationship is not *that* invested. It isn't like you were together for five years and had a child together.

[Scarletwolf]

What you felt is called "gut feeling" and is usually right. Move on, even if you don't feel like it, embrace a hobby or go out with friends, that helps a lot.

[Satu]

Most often, if there's a persistent feeling of 'wrongness,' there is something wrong.

 

By 'persistent,' I mean for more than a few days.

 

 

Take care.

[Frozensushi]

Most often, if there's a persistent feeling of 'wrongness,' there is something wrong.

 

By 'persistent,' I mean for more than a few days.

 

I'm surprised that everyone here is all in agreement with this. I was told in the past when I had a "bad/gut feeling" about my GF that I was imagining things.

 

But, when you are with someone for a while and one-day something feels 'off' I guess it's human nature to be worried.

[Microwave]

Thank you all for your comments, you have helped me feel so much better about the decision!!!!

[Methodical]

Without 'proof', having self-doubt about the decision you made is a normal reaction. I agree with other posters. Typically, gut reactions don't kick in without some form of cause unless you are extremely paranoid. I don't think that is the case.

 

Five months isn't a huge investment of time. Some ppl have trouble moving on after a few months, while others move along quite easily.

 

As for talking to ppl and adding to their burden when they have their own, I feel ya and can relate. Hopefully you'll find the forum helpful. There are a lot of ppl who give stellar advice .

[Microwave]

I'm constantly thinking of her, having conversations in my head with her. I appreciate staying busy will take my mind off her, but when she does enter my thoughts, does anyone have any advice how to handle it?

 

Should I be remembering why it ended or should I just try to stop thinking about her when she appears in my thoughts.

 

I'm worried mentally I'm obsessing over her (I haven't made contact or done any type or physical or online stalking)

[springy]

If the poster had come in and said they had a "gut feeling" their ex was:

 

1. The one

2. Going to come back

3. Going to regret their decision

 

Most would not encourage that gut feeling.

 

Without much information it is hard to advise.

 

Are you typically a paranoid person? Did something happen that triggered the gut feeling? In general are you un-trusting?

 

In any event, what's done is done. I will assume you had good reason to feel the way you felt and should be okay with your decision to end it. If the heated argument had anything to do with her being untrustworthy, at 5 months in I'd say you made the right decision. I assume the feeling did not materialize out of nowhere. Don't linger on it.

[Broken2016]

Hi Mircrowave,

 

I know what you mean about the 'gut' feeling. I had a gut feeling something was wrong throughout my relationship, something just felt amiss. I do think this could have been down to me being a worrier and having that type of personality, but at the end of the day I do believe that if things didn't feel right then chances are they probably weren't. It's normal for you to now feel like yo regret your decision, but just remember that at the time, it was probably justified and the right thing for you to do. Just take some time out for yourself and I'm sure things will become clearer and you will be able to look on to your situation more objectively.

 

take care,

[Satu]

I'm constantly thinking of her, having conversations in my head with her. I appreciate staying busy will take my mind off her, but when she does enter my thoughts, does anyone have any advice how to handle it?

 

Should I be remembering why it ended or should I just try to stop thinking about her when she appears in my thoughts.

 

I'm worried mentally I'm obsessing over her (I haven't made contact or done any type or physical or online stalking)

 

 

From my journal:

 

 

"If you had a broken finger, would you try to heal it by not thinking about it?

 

 

Freud and Jung concluded that most mental and emotional pain comes from:

 

Resistance

 

Conflict

 

and

 

Failure to adapt.

 

All you will achieve by trying not to think about this is the creation of terrific tension in your psyche.

 

The thoughts come, but you try not to think about them = resistance.

 

You try not to think about the thoughts but you do = conflict.

 

Conflict + Resistance = Mental and emotional pain.

 

 

Let the thoughts come and go, just like any other thoughts.

 

If you don't they will slam in hard, at inconvenient times.

 

 

Gradually the thoughts are drained of energy, and become something of little significance.

 

Then, having completed your process, you can properly and effectively adapt to your current circumstances.

 

 

You get what you resist.

 

What you resist persists."

 

Take care.

[Microwave]

So last night was pretty horrific, spent most of the night in tears.

 

Managed to reconnect with some old friends who I've not spoken to for a while via the telephone.

 

I could only manage about 20mins each call before I just wanted to sit in silence. I couldn't take my mind off her.

 

Currently doing the whole nc thing, it hurts that she's not made contact although I can appreciate she's either angry at me or has moved on.

 

Part of me would like to meet her to talk, although deep deep down I know it won't give any additional closure or be a good idea.

 

I really wish I could grow a pair, man up and move on.

[Frozensushi]

I really wish I could grow a pair, man up and move on.

 

It's hard, don't beat yourself up!!! The pain you feel is just as valid as any real physical pain.

 

I've been going through the same thing and it's a nightmare. Ever since my Ex ended the relationship, thoughts of her have raced through my mind constantly. It's been all consuming. My Ex has been haunting my dreams for weeks as well, there's no escape.

 

It has been getting a little better with each passing day. By little, I mean minuscule, but it is happening.

 

We just have to hang in there. We should form a new gang called "The hanger inners".

[Microwave]

Thank you Frozensushi, it's nice to no I'm not alone in thinking this way!

 

I've not had the dreams yet, I'm sorry to hear that you are having them. I really hope that you also find peace with your situation!