BlueIris Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 ... So, yeah, I'm a little lost here as to what this woman wants... What do you want? It doesn't sound as though you'd care if you stopped seeing each other. But I don't think she is at all committed, or developing any feelings... I don't know whether to go full romantic and do the flowers, romantic walks in the gardens, that type of thing, or just go easy and let it flow naturally. Are you developing feelings?
Author Smoothman Posted September 26, 2016 Author Posted September 26, 2016 What do you want? It doesn't sound as though you'd care if you stopped seeing each other. Are you developing feelings? Yes...I am.
AceCutty Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 You've already taken down your profile? Too soon! I'm not big on talking on the phone, unless I really know someone. Although my dad complains that I text more than I call. She knows him well enough to sleep with him, but not enough to talk to him on the phone? Women these days. 1
AceCutty Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 UPDATE: Whilst texting her is awful, in that she'll reply, but almost never initiate, whenever I ring her she is super happy and sounds very pleased I called. So... Met Friday, picked her up, got home, pretty much jumped into bed straight away... After we went out for dinner, and we chatted happily, and we got around to TV, and suddenly I discovered she watched all the shows I did! May not seem like much, but up until then she said she "didn't watch TV at all" You may see above I posted about this... Seems she does watch on her laptop... Got, Daredevil, Gotham... So that led to Game of Thrones discussion, and when we got back to my place, we watched episode 5 of season 6, as she hadn't watched since moved last... The Hodor episode...! We sat on the ends of the couch, but held hands... Dropped her off feeling closer than before... Now originally she said she didn't want to see me Saturday, but Saturday afternoon I get this: "might go to ur place watch TV and play with lily again tonight" Lily is my cat, who she loves. So I pick her up after my dinner, we end up having sex in the living room because we just got carried away, then sat wrapped in a doona, naked, watching another episode. She still flat out refuses to sleep over. Sunday she was as distant as ever. I rang that night to say hello, she told me she was chatting to her brother. I thought she'd let me know when she was finished, she didn't, so I rang back again later, and she chatted happily. I did tell her that she was hard to gauge...that she has never said one word about "us" She said "I'm a nice guy" That's it... I told her that I really liked her, and that I am happy to keep seeing her, let's see what happens. We finished chatting, and I texted her a thank you. "Better to talk I think" She replied with a bunch of random emoticons. Not love hearts, kisses and smilies...no... I got tongue out, falling star, moon, star, angel, bee. Then: "anyway if i don't like u at all，i wouldn't see u as u said.. i admit" I did peek at her online profile, and she is still online frequently, like every morning, every evening. So, yeah, I'm a little lost here as to what this woman wants... You are falling in love with her because you had sex and like the same TV shows? That's pretty crazy, man. Do you share any of the same values? What are your long-term goals? Dude, you are FIFTY YEARS OLD! I can't believe what I'm reading here. I would expect this from a 20 year old, but not someone your age. This is why it's best to avoid sex if you're looking for a relationship. You start looking at someone who isn't that special to begin with with rose-colored glasses and don't logically evaluate your situation. 1
Author Smoothman Posted September 26, 2016 Author Posted September 26, 2016 You are falling in love with her because you had sex and like the same TV shows? That's pretty crazy, man. Do you share any of the same values? What are your long-term goals? Dude, you are FIFTY YEARS OLD! I can't believe what I'm reading here. I would expect this from a 20 year old, but not someone your age. This is why it's best to avoid sex if you're looking for a relationship. You start looking at someone who isn't that special to begin with with rose-colored glasses and don't logically evaluate your situation. Just to clarify, Not love...no. When I say I'm developing feelings it means I can see a possibility, and may allow myself to start down that path. I've had a stupid number of relationships in the past 18 months, almost all ended when I walked away after x months because I DIDN"T develop feelings for someone who did for me at least three times. My problem is that I couldn't feel anything, so this is a bit of a surprise for me. No, I'm not "falling in love" But I do see something here worth developing and pursuing...UNLESS SHE's just here for fun and games... That's what I'm struggling with
BlueIris Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 (edited) Yes...I am. Ok. That's good. Then I think you should continue and get to know each other at least for a few months and do it because of your interest, because of what you want. Don't worry about how she texts. Texting is an inherently flat means of communication and lots of people do it mindlessly in the midst of other activities. ... But I do see something here worth developing and pursuing...UNLESS SHE's just here for fun and games... That's what I'm struggling with The truth is, you can't tell. No one can tell that early in a relationship. It takes many months to get a feel for what someone is really like, how they live life, how they respond and act in a variety of situations. Either of you could find out in 2, 4, 10 months that it is great- or not a good match. In the meantime be yourself and enjoy! PS- And have fun! If it isn't fun and you don't do new things together, it'll fizzle. Edited September 26, 2016 by BlueIris
Miss Peach Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 OP - To be honest you sound like a woman in this thread. A lot of women (and men) make the mistake that sex means a relationship. She seems odd but she is showing you interest. But she seems to be (rightly) still evaluating you. FWIW I don't initiate with men until we are in a relationship. So I don't find that part odd as it works well for me. 1
Shorty Shortison Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 It just sounds like she likes you engouh to have sex or maybe see where things go but she is really looking for something else in the meantime. Plus seems like she has a bad personality like I said.
spiderowl Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 I guess the sex must be pretty good to put up with the lack of proper communication and response.
Author Smoothman Posted September 27, 2016 Author Posted September 27, 2016 Well, it is getting better... She really is lovely on the phone and in person... She texted me last night about a phone interview, I called her, and we chatted for ages... After that I got a message from her: "You have a lovely personality" And this morning, my GOD, a "Good Morning" With a SMILEY! LOL OK, that's all it takes. I'm calm, happy to continue along...I'll take flowers next time I pick her up, and just be relaxed... As you said, if it's right, it's right, we can still enjoy each others company while we find out.
Author Smoothman Posted September 27, 2016 Author Posted September 27, 2016 Hmm, so I offer her a night out Thursday (Friday holiday here) She replies: "Probably" Then continues to talk about her job applications. I help her with her cover letter and resume (Just sent her mine to read, not like I was doing the legwork here), then just suggest I pick her up Thursday night after work as usual... Then after thanking me for my help, and complimenting me on my great resume and cover letter, she texts: Her: Thursday night maybe Me: Maybe? Her: I always say maybe Me: I know.. Well...I'm just going ahead with confidence... I am enjoying our time together...I think you are too. Her: well .. im less confident than u Me: Not confident with how you feel..or with me? Because it's early days yet... Her: ohh i mean i m less confident in life So she's STILL on OLD daily...which is OK at this stage... But assuming Thursday goes ahead, I will get clarification on the exclusivity of this.,
Author Smoothman Posted October 2, 2016 Author Posted October 2, 2016 UPDATE: So we just had a long weekend here. Thursday night I had promised a special date. I bring her flowers, she says she doesn't have a vase, since I had thought that might be the case, I give her a vase I bought as well. She happily goes up to her apartment to put the flowers in the vase, comes down, and I take her to dinner, nice quiet restaurant. After a great meal we go back to my place, and immediately jump into bed for a great session of lovemaking... Watch a bit of GoT, back to bed for more sex (She's a pretty horny girl, which is great), then once again, I drive her home because she doesn't want to stay. Friday she tels me she's asked her ex for a driving less. I offer to do this for her...she accepts. So I drive over, to pick her up, she drives us home, once again we jump into bed. The sex is getting better and better, we are incredibly sexually compatible. We stay in bed, talking and making love for hours. Then more Got (Finished season 6), and once again, I drive her home. Saturday I ask her over again, she happily agrees, another night of sex, tv, and driving her home. OKAY, I know it's just two weeks...but we've spent every non work night together... She has started to tell me that she thinks I have great personality, that I'm a great lover, that she finds it very easy to spend time with me. I also managed to get her to agree to a night away in the country at a beautiful, romantic hotel. That a few weeks away yet though. I'm hoping she will start to stay over soon.
Author Smoothman Posted October 3, 2016 Author Posted October 3, 2016 BUT: She still hasn't slept over. I have never been in her apartment, or even past the front door. I asked her about this, she said she is just like that, not even her friends come over to her place, she always foes to theirs. She still checks her OLD account regularly. Whenever I ask her out, it's a "maybe' "Probably" When I asked her to stay a night at a nice hotel, it was another "I'll have to think about it" She rarely Yet, she has always agreed to come over, seems very very happy to see me, to talk to me. When she's actually with me, it's all good, but as soon as I depart, she goes into this low-contact mode. I guess that's just her personality. Oh, and: Her ex asked her to go on his holiday with her, which surprised her: "ex just suddenly text to me and said wish i would come with him to this holiday.. what does he want exactly from me？of course and obviously its not sex not love.." I rang her straight way, talked about this, then just chatted for nearly an hour. I'm sure she doesn't want to get back with him, but his interest is weird She said she told him she couldn't take leave, but no way would she go with him. Seems odd to me her ex would even ask her.
Sunkissedpatio Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 So let me get this straight this chick barely says "boo" to you in between your sex dates but initiates contact to tell you her ex is wanting to away with her? Gees the sex must be really good because there is being eccentric or quirky and then there are people that are socially inept, and then there are grown women who play games. You decide which of the last two she is. You are going to fall for her and get hurt. She plays games. That's what I've decided, sorry. 2
Author Smoothman Posted October 3, 2016 Author Posted October 3, 2016 So let me get this straight this chick barely says "boo" to you in between your sex dates but initiates contact to tell you her ex is wanting to away with her? Gees the sex must be really good because there is being eccentric or quirky and then there are people that are socially inept, and then there are grown women who play games. You decide which of the last two she is. You are going to fall for her and get hurt. She plays games. That's what I've decided, sorry. No need to say "Sorry" To clarify...she does initiate chats, and is super talkative these days, the quoted message followed right on from a lot of texting and finalising our night away. She was actually texting him to ask about collecting the keys to his house (the week before he goes) as that was the same time as we are going away..so his comment follows on from that conversation he had with her. The entire reason I'm posting here is to get opinions. The sex IS really good, probably the best I've had!! I don't think she is playing games...I just think she is holding back on fully committing yet. I'll take the chance of getting hurt...
Sunkissedpatio Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 Whenever I ask her out, it's a "maybe' "Probably" When I asked her to stay a night at a nice hotel, it was another "I'll have to think about it" She rarely Yet, she has always agreed to come over, seems very very happy to see me, to talk to me. When she's actually with me, it's all good, but as soon as I depart, she goes into this low-contact mode. I guess that's just her personality. She said she told him she couldn't take leave, but no way would she go with him. Seems odd to me her ex would even ask her. To clarify...she does initiate chats, and is super talkative these days, the quoted message followed right on from a lot of texting and finalising our night away. Oh ok so since you posted this earlier there have been huge changes in how she communicates. Ok fair enough. I was responding to what you said earlier. It felt weird that her ex asked her on a vacation because IT IS weird. If I need to reach out to my ex to sort something out he will NOT be asking me to go away with him anywhere. Why? Because we are broken up and in no contact whatsoever. You know what kind of exs ask a 42 year old woman to go away with them? The kind that are still in contact with them and stringing them along. I suspect he dumped her and she is holding on taking his crumbs. I get that you will justify things because you are infatuated with her but for a 42 year old woman she sounds completely inept or a master manipulator. She is acting like she is 15. I'm annoyed by the things you are telling about her. 1
Author Smoothman Posted October 3, 2016 Author Posted October 3, 2016 Oh ok so since you posted this earlier there have been huge changes in how she communicates. Ok fair enough. I was responding to what you said earlier. It felt weird that her ex asked her on a vacation because IT IS weird. If I need to reach out to my ex to sort something out he will NOT be asking me to go away with him anywhere. Why? Because we are broken up and in no contact whatsoever. You know what kind of exs ask a 42 year old woman to go away with them? The kind that are still in contact with them and stringing them along. I suspect he dumped her and she is holding on taking his crumbs. I get that you will justify things because you are infatuated with her but for a 42 year old woman she sounds completely inept or a master manipulator. She is acting like she is 15. I'm annoyed by the things you are telling about her. She left him. He was a playboy, she found out, left him... But, she has two cats she adores, but can't get a place to keep them. So she stays in contact for them...she has no children. She seems super chill, so while most woman would grab the cats and go nc, she continues to see him. He gives her driving lessons, she'll mind his house on this holiday. She also thought it was strange he asked her to go...and she told me the minute he texted her. I think he's a pretty sad guy, From what she's told me, he has to have a woman in his life, he was seeing someone, our guess is that she dumped him, now he has no one to go on holiday with.
Sunkissedpatio Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 He was a playboy meaning he cheated on her?
Sunkissedpatio Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 She seems super chill, so while most woman would grab the cats and go nc, she continues to see him. He gives her driving lessons, she'll mind his house on this holiday. Yes most women would take the cats and go no contact, especially if he is as sad as she claims he is. Just because you find out the man you are with is a player and you feel forced to dump them doesn't mean you stop having feelings for them. If she stays in contact with him and accepts driving lessons etc. and he feels confident enough to ask her to go away with him there is a "certain" kind of relationship still there. and she told him she couldn't get the time off work but "wouldn't go anyway" so what she was considering it?!? How about no we are broken up, whether I have time or not at work is entirely irrelevant. Again, these last few posts she a lot of light on her behaviour.
Author Smoothman Posted October 3, 2016 Author Posted October 3, 2016 and she told him she couldn't get the time off work but "wouldn't go anyway" so what she was considering it?!? How about no we are broken up, whether I have time or not at work is entirely irrelevant. Again, these last few posts she a lot of light on her behaviour. Sorry, I tend to abbreviate when I type replies. She told me in no uncertain terms that in no way, shape or form would she ever consider going with him. "He must think I'm an idiot." "I would never go away with him, never get back with him, I know for sure he would do the same thing again" (Cheat) I only keep in contact because he helps me. I don't have a car, he drives me to my interviews" (She's looking for work in her professional field). We are still "new" but she has already started to firm up our relationship, she has spent EVERY free night with me, until very late. She has never actually said "no" to any offer to see me. She's super chill, calm, relaxed. She has not made one even slightly negative comment about me or any aspect of my personality, life or profession, wish is a refreshing change for an Asian woman, I've dated enough to know. I'm getting more confident and calmer every time I speak or spend time with her. Just rang her now at lunch, spoke about xmas plans. We got to the point of deciding to go somewhere together...
NuevoYorko Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 Does it bother you at all that she is so deeply involved with her ex? I'm sure that explains a lot about why she won't stay over, why you are not allowed inside her apartment, why her only response to you when you ask her on dates is "maybe." She's obviously still wrapped up with him. The boundaries are pretty blurry if he feels like it's appropriate to ask her on vacation, gives her driving lessons, takes her to her job interviews, etc. I have trouble even imagining a 42 year old person acting this way. I don't think it's acceptable even for a 22 year old. 1
Author Smoothman Posted October 3, 2016 Author Posted October 3, 2016 Does it bother you at all that she is so deeply involved with her ex? I'm sure that explains a lot about why she won't stay over, why you are not allowed inside her apartment, why her only response to you when you ask her on dates is "maybe." She's obviously still wrapped up with him. The boundaries are pretty blurry if he feels like it's appropriate to ask her on vacation, gives her driving lessons, takes her to her job interviews, etc. I have trouble even imagining a 42 year old person acting this way. I don't think it's acceptable even for a 22 year old. Yes, it does bother me a little. But...it's all about trust. I trust her reasons for still seeing him...until I'm proved wrong, I'll proceed with a tad I'd caution.
NuevoYorko Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 Yes, it does bother me a little. But...it's all about trust. I trust her reasons for still seeing him...until I'm proved wrong, I'll proceed with a tad I'd caution. I'm not saying she's lying about her reasons. I find remaining wrapped up with an ex for those types of reasons to be ridiculous. I could not bother to take a person seriously who felt like it was, especially a middle aged one. Heck, I wouldn't have in high school. 1
elaine567 Posted October 3, 2016 Posted October 3, 2016 Yes, it does bother me a little. But...it's all about trust. I trust her reasons for still seeing him...until I'm proved wrong, I'll proceed with a tad I'd caution. Ok we get it, you will put up with just about anything to get the best sex you have ever had... 2
Author Smoothman Posted October 6, 2016 Author Posted October 6, 2016 UPDATE: Things have progressed massively. She has completely turned around her attitude, is now chatty and communicative, dates are now not a "maybe" but just assumed to be on. "I'll pick you up Wednesday and make you dinner" "Cool, what are you cooking" The she would say: "So on the weekend can we do [something in particular]" She's staying over Friday night. And on her ex... You know, sometimes people separate, and still live together because of children, or financial reasons. Some people separate and remain OK with each other... I am assured she is NOT interested in ever getting back with him.
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