MrAskAQuestion Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 (edited) My gf and I of 13 months have been ok the past year. However, I sometimes feel skeptical about her. And by that, I mean I feel like she hides stuff from. And it's the small things that matter, too right? Several reasons why I am uncomfortable around her sometimes: 1) Being Passive about something that bothered me involving a former admirer I once argued with her about a male best friend that once liked her. He once made a sexual comment about her, and I brought it up to her a LOONG time after it happened b/c I brushed it off. But eventually I felt compelled to speak up b/c they would socialize often, sometimes just them two alone. Anyway, she was hesitant to speak up because she doesn't like confrontation and said she didn't think it was a big deal. We argued several times over it, and I eventually spoke to him myself: it was a misunderstanding, and he didn't mean harm. We almost broke up over the issue, and although we reconciled and she apologized for hesitating , I was bothered that she was hesitant to say anything because this REALLY bothered me. 2) Admitting to a friend that was interested in someone else because of an argument relating to the above statement^^^ After an argument regarding her passiveness about her male best friend, I once found out on her phone (Yes, I peaked) that was telling a friend that she was interested in another guy. Word for word, "I'm tired of [insert my name here]. I feel bad, but I'm gonna think about this other guy that I have a crush on in my group at school." I confronted her, and according to her, she said it out of anger, and didn't mean it. We almost broke up. I blamed myself a little because we were arguing a lot, not just about her male best friend, but various unrelated things too. We made up again, although I honestly haven't felt as...assured about her when she gets angry at me now. 3) She didn't tell me her ex bf added her on a social media Now this may seem irrelevant, but I felt like she hid this from me on purpose. She claims that she thought it wasn't a big deal and that I'd not think anything of it. But I know for a fact, that she believes I'm jealous. Now, although I'd probably get territorial about her ex adding her, I'd appreciate it and not feel uncomfortable about it if she had told me about it when it first happened. But she didn't. She told me after the fact, maybe a week or so later. And, I'm positive that she would have wanted me to inform her if my ex added me, you know? Because she gets super jealous easily too. So I thought... "wth?" 4) She gets bothered about me socializing with other women and teases me for it She jokingly teases me about talking to other women anywhere, and sends me stuff like ":mad::mad::( and I'm starting to get irritated about it. I don't talk to other women really, sometimes I'm hesitant because I feel like she'll get mad about it, or like if I gain female best friend, she will get jealous and bothered if I do something with that person and it will take time away from her. ----------------------------------- Now, I care for my gf. She's loving, attentive and many other things. She is the first to reconcile after a fight. So, sometimes I wonder if I am overlooking these really good qualities, and that I should forget about these other things that have bothered (as mentioned above) because some of them happened a loong time ago. But then again...It's been THAT long. And sometimes, I felt held to a double standard. She will say "You think too much about yourself and not about how I feel" when we argue...Maybe so? But I think sometime my anger comes from resentment towards because these things discomfort me. What do you think? Overlook that stuff because I'm not able to let go, or consider more how I personally feel? Edited September 19, 2016 by MrAskAQuestion
smackie9 Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 the reality is you can't forbid someone from interacting with the opposite sex, nor can you prevent guys from admiring her or hitting on her....it just happens, UNLESS she encourages it for real, not by just simple nonsexual conversation or liking a damn photo on FB. If she gets on your case about a girl talking to you or whatever just joke back at her for it. Now if you guys can't relax and stop bickering about it, it would be best to breakup and move on. it's unhealthy if you both can't trust each other around the opposite sex.
Author MrAskAQuestion Posted September 19, 2016 Author Posted September 19, 2016 What about the incident regarding her being interested in someone else? Is that REALLY just something that someone says out of anger?
ThisisIt606 Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 I've said things like that to friends in the past " sick of him" but didn't actually have anyone else specific in mind. It was coming from a place of anger and hurt. Hurt in the sense of the relationship not progressing how I personally wanted or the guy not behaiving/ treating me how I wanted. Usually those things are said out of anger but due to some underlying lying consistent unhappiness. Maybe ask yourself how she is in person with you? Is there anything that upsets her about the relationship what would cause her to tell her friend that?
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