roynatasha70 Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 I always knew of my boyfriend's violent temper and his habit of hurting himself. Back when we weren't dating, he showed up twice to our dates with his left hand horribly swollen and bandaged. During one of his emotional outbursts, he was about to punch his hands again but I was able to stop him by hugging him. But yesterday, he went beserk. We are at a party and were returning when a couple of guys started making snide comments about him. He got into a verbal fight with them and slammed the door of the car. When we returned back, he was incredibly upset and went mad cursing his life and how much insults and humiliation huge had to face all these years. He punched his hands really badly and broke down completely. I couldn't see him like that and I immeditely hugged him and tried to calm him down. He did calm down after a while. But his hands were extremely swollen and had to be bandaged. I forced him to sleep after the ordeal. But the whole incident was shocking to me. My boyfriend has a history of punching his hands. He told me he has been doing this since he was 18 years old. Each time he would hurt himself really badly. My boyfriend is a very sensitive and emotional person and there are things he's unable to handle by himself. He was on drug injections as well and would drink and smoke a lot. He toned down his drinking/smoking ways because I never liked to see him drink or smoke so much. How do I help him in this situation? I love my boyfriend to death and cannot see him in such a state. He will end up fracturing his hands or seriously injuring himself if he continues this. What do I do? Why does he abuse himself? 1
jen1447 Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 What do you mean by "punching his hands" - he hits one hand w another? Anyway I'd worry less about helping him and more about getting away from him ....ppl w extreme anger issues are a ticking time bomb in terms of threats to you, never mind themselves. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 He needs professional help. You can support that choice and encourage him to go, but that's about it. He needs to want to help himself. You need to be careful, OP. I know you love him, but if he is volatile, there is a strong possibility it will someday be directed at you. He is also at serious risk of hurting a third party when he flies into a rage, and that could get very ugly very quickly. Has he ever given any indication as to what led to this self-harm? It sounds like he is in immense emotional turmoil, and I imagine there are things about his past he hasn't told you. You said he was "on drug injections" - what do you mean, exactly? Was he being administered some type of treatment, or was he using IV drugs? His erratic behaviour combined with substance abuse is a very dangerous concoction. How old are you both? 3
smackie9 Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 If he doesn't get help contact his family and express your concerns. They need to help with an intervention. If left untreated, the physical violence will eventually be diverted to you or someone else, or getting harmed by someones retaliation. All it will take is him meeting the wrong person, getting himself killed. 3
AMJ Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 Agree with the other responses. Your BF is a dangerous person and you should be more concerned about your own safety- and why you aren't afraid of being with someone who has a violent anger management problem? Don't think he will never hurt you. He doesn't even care about his own safety or well-being, it's only a matter of time before he stops caring about yours. 3
jen1447 Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 Or he'll just get you in trouble by making you complicit in an assault or starting a fight w 10 guys and expecting you to "back him up," etc. One thing for sure w ppl like that is your well-being is not their priority.
gorf Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 Why are you trying to help him? That's not your job. Get him to counseling and run for the wind. This guy is not fit to be in a relationship with a woman. He is fit to be in a relationship with a punching bag haha. But in all seriousness.. step back and look at the big picture here. How long will you try to fix someone who might end up talking it out on you. He clearly is troubled and he should not be in a relationship to take care of a woman when he clearly cant even care for himself!
Author roynatasha70 Posted September 19, 2016 Author Posted September 19, 2016 He needs professional help. You can support that choice and encourage him to go, but that's about it. He needs to want to help himself. You need to be careful, OP. I know you love him, but if he is volatile, there is a strong possibility it will someday be directed at you. He is also at serious risk of hurting a third party when he flies into a rage, and that could get very ugly very quickly. Has he ever given any indication as to what led to this self-harm? It sounds like he is in immense emotional turmoil, and I imagine there are things about his past he hasn't told you. You said he was "on drug injections" - what do you mean, exactly? Was he being administered some type of treatment, or was he using IV drugs? His erratic behaviour combined with substance abuse is a very dangerous concoction. How old are you both? Basically he was on meth. Heroin and possibly cocaine. He never admitted he took cocaine but he confessed he was on heroin. Whenever we met during our dates, he had red injection marks on his wrists and on probing he told me about his drug use. We checked into a rehab after that incident. He told me he has lead a very unfulfilled life where he was humiliated and insulted because of his ethnicity and poverty. My boyfriend is from a poor family. He has struggled to support his parents. His living standards improved only after he was able to get a job. He has many friends but he said he always felt lonely. He was also in love with someone but they didn't respond to his love and that hurt him immensely. And on every step, he faced racial abuse since he was a child. He spent most of his childhood indoors because of the bullying and racism. He's 24 and I am 25.
Author roynatasha70 Posted September 19, 2016 Author Posted September 19, 2016 Agree with the other responses. Your BF is a dangerous person and you should be more concerned about your own safety- and why you aren't afraid of being with someone who has a violent anger management problem? Don't think he will never hurt you. He doesn't even care about his own safety or well-being, it's only a matter of time before he stops caring about yours. How can I leave him in such a state? I never felt unsafe with him.
Author roynatasha70 Posted September 19, 2016 Author Posted September 19, 2016 What do you mean by "punching his hands" - he hits one hand w another? Anyway I'd worry less about helping him and more about getting away from him ....ppl w extreme anger issues are a ticking time bomb in terms of threats to you, never mind themselves. He hits anything. The wall, the desk, just anything he sees and bangs his hand on it.
Stercrazy Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 He needs to see a psychiatrist and most likely will be diagnosed with depression. Most males act out the depression in an aggressive manner. If he presents emotionally up and emotionally low then he most likely bipolar and should discuss mood stabilizers with a Psychiatrist.
AMJ Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 How can I leave him in such a state? I never felt unsafe with him. How can you stay? It's not a matter of IF, it's a matter of WHEN his behavior will have some serious consequences and impact your life in a bad way. He is not in control of his anger or emotions. And it sounds like he is completely unstable emotionally. Which means you can never predict how he will act. Who he will hurt, for what reasons, and when. How can you even feel safe with a person like that? It's not your responsibility to fix him. Even if it were- which it's not- you cannot fix him. Only he can fix himself. Do you see a future with this guy? You are young. Do you think he will be a good father and husband? Have you any idea how much patience and self control are required to be a good parent? He has neither of those things. 2
greenly24 Posted September 20, 2016 Posted September 20, 2016 I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, but it's really great that you're supporting your boyfriend and trying to help him, especially since, from what you've said, he might not have had that support before. Here's a good article about helping someone who injures oneself: https://goo.gl/UILPuK. The article talks about cutting, but what your boyfriend is doing is similar. You can also try calling Focus on the Family at 855-382-5433. They have licensed counselor who can help you free of charge. I hope things get better for you and your boyfriend soon.
Buddhist Posted September 20, 2016 Posted September 20, 2016 Basically he was on meth. Heroin and possibly cocaine. He never admitted he took cocaine but he confessed he was on heroin. Whenever we met during our dates, he had red injection marks on his wrists and on probing he told me about his drug use. We checked into a rehab after that incident. He was suppressing his emotions with drugs and now he's off drugs he's unable to suppress any longer. This isn't a good situation. He needs to be in a professional treatment plan with regular support, not you, someone with training. Meth is particularly bad as it can permanently affect brain chemical balance and cause damage. Do I even need to ask why you are dating a drug addict?
Tayla Posted September 20, 2016 Posted September 20, 2016 Showing concern and guiding them to proper care is what we decent humans do. I would hope that a better avenue is to direct them to a service that can address this and not play the I can't fix em so Ohh well best just mosey away from them. A dear friend in hs had this pattern of self harm...she is female and her aggression never ( and I stress- NEVER) involved harming others....Her goal was to inflict self pain to feel alive or to maintain "control" of her body. Come College Evaluation- they addressed her behavior. She received both counseling and took up martial arts so she could turn her control into discipline. She became a milder person and learned to respect her body...
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