Puusheen Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 I just need some outside opinions. I was good friends with a woman who after 3 years, I decided was too much for me to emotionally handle anymore. She's an alcoholic who loves to cause drama in her wake. She will ruin people for her own amusement, and flirt with anything that moves. I ended our friendship, and a year later, she still isn't over it, and is playing the victim. The problem is, my husband is best friends with her husband. He stood by his wife during our friend breakup and said very nasty things about me. My husband ignores drama at all costs, and didn't seem to want to deal with my emotional anguish over being called terrible things by the other party. A year later, I've come to terms with him deciding to stay friends with them, even though I don't like it....but he insists on inviting them over to our house for parties. It causes me great stress and anxiety when they're in my home, and they ignore me. My husband tells me I'm not thinking of his feelings in the matter.....but I'm the one they hate. How do I deal with this????
bathtub-row Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 Your husband needs to let that friendship fade away. If nothing else, they should never be invited to your home. Your husband is the one who isn't taking your feelings into consideration. Why would he think that you'd want those backstabbers in your home? And more importantly, why hasn't your husband defended you? I think he needs to get his priorities straight. If he invites them to your house again, then go somewhere else until they're gone. Your husband will eventually get tired of the hassle and probably detach from them. 3
Phoenician Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 be diplomatic in convincing your hubby that he can be friend with them , but he should respect that you don't want to be . he can invite them out . 4
Taramere Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 I just need some outside opinions. I was good friends with a woman who after 3 years, I decided was too much for me to emotionally handle anymore. She's an alcoholic who loves to cause drama in her wake. She will ruin people for her own amusement, and flirt with anything that moves. I ended our friendship, and a year later, she still isn't over it, and is playing the victim. The problem is, my husband is best friends with her husband. He stood by his wife during our friend breakup and said very nasty things about me. My husband ignores drama at all costs, and didn't seem to want to deal with my emotional anguish over being called terrible things by the other party. A year later, I've come to terms with him deciding to stay friends with them, even though I don't like it....but he insists on inviting them over to our house for parties. It causes me great stress and anxiety when they're in my home, and they ignore me. My husband tells me I'm not thinking of his feelings in the matter.....but I'm the one they hate. How do I deal with this???? It's hard to know without knowing what your personality/temperament is like. I consider myself a fairly laid back and usually drama avoidant person. However, if somebody's behaved disrespectfully to me enough times I'll tend to break my "no drama" rule. Unfortunately sometimes it takes me losing my temper to actually do that - and ideally, it's better to deal with these situations before you get to that snapping point. Have these people ever apologised to you for the way they behaved? For me, though I'd not be at all keen to have them in my home I would tolerate it for my H's sake if the couple made a concerted effort to apologise for their past behaviour and make things right with me. If my H was not prepared to extract any of that from them, or they weren't prepared to offer up any sort of meaningful apology, then I think my attitude would be "As far as I'm concerned they should not be welcome in our home after the way they've treated me. If you're not prepared to be start acting like my partner in this matter then I don't think I need to spell out to you what my next step will be." But that's easy to say. I'm not in your situation. Do you have kids?
mikeylo Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 Your husband is not making the right decision. He has proved to the other people that you don't matter and now of course they are going to throw it in your face. If he is disrespecting you, why would they respect you?He is not keeping a united front that is very important once in a relationship. Put your foot down to it. 1
NTV Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 Next time you're at their house.... poop on the floor. It is really the clearest form of communication. Artistic. Beautiful in its clarity.
T-16bullseyeWompRat Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 It is an unwritten law not to badmouth your buddies significant other. Dudes just aren't supposed to do that crap. Bro code, if you will. I have friends that are married to women I don't like, but I would never say anything negative about those women to my buddies. It's disrespectful. Your husband should not allow his friend to talk smack about you, and his friend shouldn't do it to begin with. You have a legitimate grievance here. This right here. Indeed bro code! But if one of my buddy's got uppity and talked ish about my wife to me? I would punch him in the throat... repeatedly! I mean wtf? He just sits there and listens to that crap? Does he care more about this friend then you? I can't imagine anyone talking bad about my wife to my face and still being friends with them. I can't imagine that happening without a fist fight taking place! 1
Toodaloo Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 Next time he invites them round go out with other friends or visit relatives. Your husband by the way is a complete jerk. Good luck with that.
kgcolonel Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 Next time he invites them round go out with other friends or visit relatives. Your husband by the way is a complete jerk. Good luck with that. This exactly, your husband needs to go back and read the marriage vows "to forsake all others" "Honor". He is doing none of these things....he needs to grow a pair and side with his wife.... 1
kvolm2016 Posted September 20, 2016 Posted September 20, 2016 If this situation is still causing you distress then it seems like it would be necessary to bring up the conversation again with your husband. I can't tell from your post if you feel like this is a closed discussion or if he will be open to recognizing that this is not a settled matter. Can you talk with him again about this?
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