Bdp776 Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 I've been married 15 years. My husband and I have 2 kids. The way he treats his mom is bothering me more and more, especially since we have a young son. He can be condescending and just plain mean to her. He's made her cry on many occasions and doesn't seem to care. I've witnessed these outbursts and though I can see how she can be annoying or frustrating at times, i just don't think anyone should ever treat his/her mother that way. It makes me cringe to hear and see how he is with her, and I'm having a hard time watching it anymore. She goes out of her way for him and our family and he takes her for granted or just treats her like crap. I've said this to him many times...how can you treat your mom like that? He just then gets angry at me. It would break my heart if my son spoke to me the way he does with his mom. Just so callous. What do I do? I respect my mother no matter what and this shows me our values are way out of sync. It makes me want to leave.
BaileyB Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 If he treats his mother that way, it makes me wonder how he actually treats you? 3
ShatteredLady Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 What's his history with his mother? Where is his father in the picture? It's either resentment or mimicking I think.... I'd take it as a horrible, very worrying red flag but you're in a bit too deep to be thinking of it as a deal breaker. Are you only just noticing this or is it just bothering you now? Either way the answers will be very telling. 1
Sanman Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 Is it everyone or just his mother? If it is just his mother, I would ask him why he is so angry with her. My wife could never understand why I was not so nice with my father. He recently came to live us and now she wonders how I resist the urge to push him down the stairs everyday. Outside looking in may be different than from the inside. The only person who can answer the question is your husband. 2
BettyDraper Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 I'm wondering why you are just noticing your husband's cruelty to his mother and wanting to leave because of it after 15 years of marriage. Surely this behavior was a red flag before you married him? While I agree that elders should be respected, some parents only have themselves to blame for adult kids who can't stand them. My husband and I can barely tolerate our mothers because they are both rude, narcissistic and attention seeking. They were both cruel to us in our childhoods as well. We are still loving to our mothers but we will tell them when they are out of line. We also keep them at an arm's length by rarely seeing them and refusing to stay in their homes.
MJJean Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 I am curious about his history with his mother, too. I've seen adults treat their parents badly and come to find out later there was abuse, addiction, neglect, and even infidelity. The abusive/addicted/neglectful/cheater parent seems so normal or even wonderful to outsiders who have no idea. 2
mikeylo Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 I am curious about his history with his mother, too. I've seen adults treat their parents badly and come to find out later there was abuse, addiction, neglect, and even infidelity. The abusive/addicted/neglectful/cheater parent seems so normal or even wonderful to outsiders who have no idea. They do so that no one believes if their real self was outed. 1
Dolfin80 Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 It's due to his childhood. His parents have done something that hurt him, so now his mother angers him at the drop of a hat. he hasn't been able to forgive her, the anger is still there
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