Very complicated situation - called off pretty much out the blue.

[fructosesyrupandstuf]

So Im very inexperienced at this stuff, and without sounding too down about myself I have a couple issues, so anyway here goes since this has been playing on my mind.

 

I joined match.com as my friend said it could be good to just talk to people on there, you know, I wasnt really eagerly seeking anything, the reason for this is that as hard as this may be to believe I contracted an std at 17, you can guess, (not HIV) and I done this via spreading it through my lips, it was NOT through sexual contact with anyone else, since this I have been a virgin, I am 25 now, and have always pushed people away. Ive had sexual experiences but not the full thing and no proper relationships.

 

Anyway, I also at the time was struggling with a heart rate issue its not life threatening but was slightly restrictive. But I was in a transitional period of eating vegan which was helping and becoming more active.

 

I was not actively treating the "std" as I just couldnt bring myself to tell anyone, about it. And I didnt think anything would come of match I just hoped to maybe talk to someone on there, Im not sure. It was whimsical. Anyway.

 

I hear nothing on match until all of a sudden this girl pops up from London 20 years old, and we hit it off straight away we began to message everyday she was on my wavelength, intelligent and seemed very interested when I brought up the issue of, not being able to work due to the distance and my Heart condition, she said we can facetime, and that I could text her, also that if it wasnt too much pressure we could meet in a middle ground.

 

So anyway, things are like text everyday, start to express ourselves and I jump the gun and tell her shes mine. Ive never had this before, my mistake.

 

Anyway, I begin to try to push her away before, I have to tell her, during this stage she seems guarded, but still more forthcoming than she became when I told her about the "std".

 

Anyway this night I begin to push away and say are u sure u are ready for long distance, and im 25 and she says she knows it will be hard but wants to give it best shot, and then tells me that she thought i was okay with her age - when I push her away she tells me she understands when I say I cant tell you something and I dont want to hurt you so not sure we should continue and she seems ready to accept it without knowing what it is she tells me, shes also very guarded at times, like she will say, i want to spend time with u.... and then quickly say and learn more about your character, so im way more attached at this point and shes way smarter, anyway...

 

I end up telling her, and she tells me she cant do it. That I should have had it under control, I get abit mad and tell hre I thought she was different but I say bye, and end up texting her the next day saying Id be happy to be friends or if you can wait I can get it under control, (the case is weird its out alot mildly)

 

She says she can, she told her mom about it and that there was hope, its managable and even remissionable with minimal risk, and she can do it, I become insecure about her being able to, it affects the relationship but she also changes, she becomes less expressive, but we meet in sheffield problem is I start on all these detox alternative treatments and it comes out only slightly on my lip, cleared up but wasnt fully cleared barely visible though, and I tell her she doesnt like the way I tell her we dont kiss on the date at sheffield, she comes back, she complains that i was worried about money and panicked a little about a taxi back, as Im on disability right now, she says when am I gonna be financially stable, I bought her a choker necklace and spray, she tells me she only wears silver, upon arrival and she buys me some hair stuff.

 

Anyway....

 

The first date went really well we were really touchy feely, and would come home and discuss what happened, she nearly kisses me many times.

 

First time Ive been anywhere in a long time went on the bus myself I pay for the whole date as expected?

 

A while before the date she also tells me she's a demisexual meaning she needs a connection with someone before she can be, we talk for 3 months but at the time she critiques asks me to be exclusive and tells me shes waiting for me we arrange for her to come up and see me, 2 weeks later, but my mouth gets little spots, which I feel compelled to tell her, she comes up, but her family know and disagree with whats going on.

 

She comes up and is really distant, not like the first date, tells me previously on text she feels like this is a relationship but she wants to say dating to keep it cool, Im pretty attached telling her i miss her, i find her inexpressiveness strange, she gets drunk a couple times tells me lately she was never texts, anyway she comes up, and is distant, we plan like 3 things that i had to struggle to get the cash together for, i tell her previously that i struggle with money and that she could offer to pay at times, she tells me she doesnt like my ginger beard we were very critically open with each other, it was a dynamic she created she said she want to go back to mine coz shes tired, she was working hard all the time, anyway, we go back she doesnt sleep, i book a table for meal infront of her, she tells me later shes not hungry. previously wed talked about what we were going to do and she said it depends how u romance me, we dont kiss, coz shes worried about my lips due to detoxing and me telling her about the pimples.

 

I tell her u havent let me romance u by taking u out etc, she tells me oh gosh im having a demisexual day and explains how her gran is very ill and her mother is looking after her and that im not in her list of priorites right now that she does this with people cuts them off and that her sister told her something that happened to her ands he cant repeat it and its made her not in the mood for anything sexual, i talk to her tell her we can just cuddle and i stroke her hand, she tells me that i made it go away and starts warming up to me, she looks at me a couple of times nearly kissing, doesnt happen go to bed, spoon, i grab her butt and stuff, kiss her neck i ask for kiss she says on cheek, or neck i say neck she kisses me. on the sofa she strokes my beard and arms etc, plays with my hair, i stare etc she tells me stop it when i look at her lips to kiss, very attached she leaves next day we dont go to the third place i was too tired, anyway she tells me she wanted to spend more time with me, i tell her i really appreciate her coming up a few times, and she says uve said it enough.

 

we face time the next week and start to talk about our third date, she tells me how she wants to do stuff now, send some provocative snaps talk about how she watches porn and we talk about what we are going to do where we are going, in my mind im thinking i hope this one goes well, all of a sudden couple weeks later talking everyday, she says how shes working really hard, to pay for uni accommodation, then she blanks my text, i know im needy on the night, ignores me alot, says she cant take more info and more worries and thoughts she starts picking on things ive said, and i say dont think that means that coz it doesnt she says aw, im not a delight to be around right now but, im just moody and anxious, then ignores more texts abit further down after we talk about her getting support from her family emotionally, and she say no one has time, then the next day turns phone off, i text her asking if ive done something wrong, then ring her, she tells me , evreyone wants my attention and i needed a break, says that, shes really stressed because work is getting her down, and that she needs to pay her uni she goes back ina f ew days when i ask her about our third day she abruptly says its not in the budget, i say so its all at ur convenience?

 

she tells me if she cant pay her uni bills her mom would have to pay and it put financial stresses then she could lose her house then i say we can work around it, and tell her shes selfless thinking liek that but she says she wants to work around it, but doesnt know how and that we are both in transitional period, adn maybe she shouldnt be in relationship now,

 

she says she wants to build with someone, i say with some one, i say well if u want sex and money go and get some dickhead, and she starts laughing (to me it was like i hit the nail on the head) says ur acting like i cant get that without dickhead, and that shes had it before.

 

i say i want to see u again she says i do too, i sayi care, she says i do too says she wouldnt have called me if she didnt, i mention about gifts i had in mind she says her friend maybe able to pay for her travel, i ask her if shes bothered about us she says not right no, but in the same convo i say were does that leave us she says we're alright, i say i dont think ur entirely fair on me, uve completely swithced on our plans, with no warning kinda thing, should this all really be effecting her this way? like why did she not give me a heads up and want to work it out lie i cant wait, i say can i come see u at uni she says hmm yeh, i say when she says ill get back to u, i say give me time frame she says maybe mid oct i say maybe w ejust need a break she says maybe, probs. i say u saying ud rather be in relationship with me if i had a job she says i think thats more stable then says, everyone she looks at are building things. i say yeh but at the cost of seeing each other, shes like i dont want u to spend ur money on me its against my morals when u dont have a lot. and im like i have enough to see u at uni.

 

i say we have alot to think about and that i care its about her, next couple of day barely talk she says she an introvert and posts a diagram to help me understand she need restoration with her thoughts i tell her i understand and that its about being her ok dont wanna put pressure just hope she ok,

 

she say thanks she just tired and stressed and feels abit better previously she siad that, anyway the next day i say well i know u want space but wont talk at weekend so good luck at uni so thought id say it now, on monday, and working weekend. i put kisses she puts nothing.

 

the next day i get a text saying shes underestimated her life and isnt in the right place for a relationship.

 

really formal says that she wishes me best enjoyed our time together.

 

i say so formal, i dont understand where this is coming from we were fine monday. and then she says shes being formal to be clear, and that she has to prioritse and she says she blocked me on social media not to be cold but for the best, and then i say ok well just tell me ur sure, and ill delete eerything and i say that i was just a stop gap for uni she says dont talk about myself like that, she says a little paragraph about prioritise and she apologize and says shes sure.

 

Im heartbroken, I never expected this to get this with someone like that, she was just beautiful and amazing, but she was hard work and was very complicated but I didnt mind, but i was so insecure and she always reassured me she really liked me and said that she could do it, and now, she just dropped me, like out of the blue...and we both said goodbye, and Im not in a good place, i put alot into her i was so invested in this it was bringing me out of a depression and now im back in it tenfold, my life feels empty and we talked everyday for 3 months this is the most ive had, i know its sad, but its my circumstance, can anyone give there opinions and please try not to be to brutal, i twas my first sort of relationship. thanks.

Edited September 18, 2016 by fructosesyrupandstuf

[smackie9]

This is what having relationships is all about...You can't win them all, even if you have invested so much. It's called experiences, and it's necessary to learn from them.

 

She gave you a shot, tried to work with it, then made the decision it wasn't going to work because of all what is going on in her life. IMO it was a healthy choice to make. She needed to focus on her life because at this time, it's what is important for her future.

 

You need to realize you are using this relationship to find happiness....that is what we call codependency.....Not the right reason to be in a relationship because it puts so much pressure on the other person, causing it to implode on itself.

 

You are going through the stages of grieving....perfectly normal. You will feel better in a few weeks, and able to look forward to life again. You take what you have learned, make adjustments, work on self improvement, focus on you so you will be better prepared for the next experience. It's all good. It's just the cycle of life.

[fructosesyrupandstuf]

This is what having relationships is all about...You can't win them all, even if you have invested so much. It's called experiences, and it's necessary to learn from them.

 

She gave you a shot, tried to work with it, then made the decision it wasn't going to work because of all what is going on in her life. IMO it was a healthy choice to make. She needed to focus on her life because at this time, it's what is important for her future.

 

You need to realize you are using this relationship to find happiness....that is what we call codependency.....Not the right reason to be in a relationship because it puts so much pressure on the other person, causing it to implode on itself.

 

You are going through the stages of grieving....perfectly normal. You will feel better in a few weeks, and able to look forward to life again. You take what you have learned, make adjustments, work on self improvement, focus on you so you will be better prepared for the next experience. It's all good. It's just the cycle of life.

 

ive been going over it and over it in my head, and im trying to think was it me could i have been this way or that way, i just cant see myself finding some one else like this, like i literally said at the start that iw asnt ready for it but i cant walk away, because ive met someone that just gets it, very much.

 

the way it was so final kinda irked me because why didnt she leave some open there she said she was being formal to be clear cut, and it came out the blue will this have been brewing or can u not really say.

 

I wish I could just be hard and forget and just have no feelings, but i do. And its killing me, it never got that far but its like the first cut is the deepest, she said things t me like ur not alone now, u have me, and ur a part of what makes me happy.

[smackie9]

Relationships are unpredictable, just like people are unpredictable...there are never any guarantees, it will always be a risk. Like I said it's a process....we have all gone through it. YOU need the experience, the good and the bad to develop knowledge on how to handle being in a relationship. Sometime it's just out of your control...you cannot control how others will feel.

 

Here is a tip: during the early stages of a relationship is called the honeymoon stage. It's when our brains are blasted with the release of endorphins/dopamine...to make us feel in love. We will say all kinds of things, think they are the one, etc....but that wears off in time and it can quickly be turned off...then we see what we have been over looking and at times we say to ourselves..."what was I thinking? I can't do this".

 

 

So even when they say all these nice things about the future, etc....it's just talk, and should never be taken as promises. It's just the way it is.

[fructosesyrupandstuf]

thats really interesting i guess im not entirely like that if i allow myself to feel i feel it and more of a penguin heart song kinda guy.

 

surely the fact that she needs to block me off all social media without it being a nasty situation says something?

 

anyway im getting over it now, im talking to other girls, and i feel abit better.

 

i keep wondering though is she missing me?

[smackie9]

thats really interesting i guess im not entirely like that if i allow myself to feel i feel it and more of a penguin heart song kinda guy.

 

surely the fact that she needs to block me off all social media without it being a nasty situation says something?

 

anyway im getting over it now, im talking to other girls, and i feel abit better.

 

i keep wondering though is she missing me?

maybe............but does that matter now? no. Glad to hear you are moving on.