The guy whom I'm see is still on Tinder?

[jiglypuff]

I've been seeing a guy for about 2 months, we're having quiet a good time together. At first we only met once a week and didn't text much. I already slept with him but after that he's still around me, we spend nights together a lot but sex is just only 20-30%.

 

Then about recently a month, we started seeing each other more (a few time a week, day and night), stay over each other's place more, went on weekend trip, always spend sometime on weekend to be lazy together. He told his friends about me when we went out on a date, made plan to spend time with me on my b-day. He took me to some restaurants which he usually goes to, went to the movies/ bar clubs together - and he's not afraid of being seen with me. Also he shows me his jealousy sometime when I talk about guy friends and I say something like he's nice. And I was kinda sure, he's only seeing me atm and things are going well. And he's still bf material until a couple of days ago, my friends told me she matched with him on Tinder. Yayyy.

 

So when he let me to use his phone while he was playing games ('cos my phone battery was dead) I did sneakily opened Tinder app on his phone (It's weird.) and saw that he's still using Tinder ~ not only swiping but also talk to other girls. Last convo was more than 1 week ago. They talked about meeting up but he didn't meet any of them since then or he burried all the evidences idk. But why he's still using Tinder and talking to other girls ??? And I'm probably sure that the same thing is happening on his badoo account. Should it be a red flag?

 

I also found out 3 weeks after our first meet, he still saw another girls and also stayed over her place and met me the next day. (but i don't mind abt it because we were in a very early stage at that time.) They'd been seeing each other before we meet and recently I caught her message to ask him something like Did he get mad with her or kind of stuffs that they stopped seeing each other. I digged in and I know that he hasn't seen her since then.

 

Now I'm kinda confusing how should I act when I see him next time.

 

Today when he showed me a .gif of the cute cat, I accidentally said that cats act cute but they're *******s. He didn't laugh with my joke but went quiet... Could he feel something then?

 

And what should I expected after 2-3 months of dating? Could it be a waste of time if it wouldn't go exclusive later? Because I don't wanna bring the talk up too early.

Edited September 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs ~6

[Shanex]

After two months it's way past the time for him to close all his OLD site accounts.

 

He is shamelessly BSing you, and it's a red flag.

[ThisOverThat]

You're still feeling each other out and haven't put any stamps/titles on the relationship. It's been 'about 2 months' not six or eight and you've only recently started hanging out on a regular basis. What do you expect? Both of you should be keeping your options open until it's specifically said out of each person's mouth that they don't want the other to see or entertain seeing anyone else.

 

When something bothers you, you need to speak up. You are always going to be either confused and/or disappointed if you expect everyone to operate with the same thought process as you. If you two haven't said anything about being exclusive, get off the 'He Should Know' and 'I Shouldn't Have To Say It' train.

 

And stop perusing through people's cellphones.

[joyful]

After two months it's way past the time for him to close all his OLD site accounts.

 

He is shamelessly BSing you, and it's a red flag.

 

Ding, ding, ding! ^^^^ this!!!

[Shining One]

OP, I see no mention of an exclusivity or boyfriend/girlfriend agreement in your post. You shouldn't assume people will act as you would act or how you would want them to act. If you want exclusivity, bring it up.

[smackie9]

After two months, and it's like hanging out with each other? He is keeping his options open....and why should he stop seeing you when he is getting sex?

[katiegrl]

After two months, and it's like hanging out with each other? He is keeping his options open....and why should he stop seeing you when he is getting sex?

 

I would presume she is enjoying the sex too?

 

If she wants to be exclusive, it's time to discuss it with him.

 

Either he is on board or not. If not, next.

 

And from reading this board, many men wait for the woman to bring it up.

 

So there's that.

[smackie9]

I would presume she is enjoying the sex too?

 

If she wants to be exclusive, it's time to discuss it with him.

 

Either he is on board or not. If not, next.

 

And from reading this board, many men wait for the woman to bring it up.

 

So there's that.

The OP was obviously under the assumption they were "exclusively" dating because she goes into detail how he is acting around her. Now she is realizing she assumed wrong. Why would he wait for her to say something?....why not him?....because he has no interest in doing so for he is keeping his options open. I agree she needs to take that next step.

 

Just me: I never had to "ask". I guess everyone's experience will be different. It's a learning process.

[smackie9]

If I was single today I would take a lot of what is posted here to heart for sure.

[katiegrl]

The OP was obviously under the assumption they were "exclusively" dating because she goes into detail how he is acting around her. Now she is realizing she assumed wrong. Why would he wait for her to say something?....why not him?....because he has no interest in doing so for he is keeping his options open. I agree she needs to take that next step.

 

Just me: I never had to "ask". I guess everyone's experience will be different. It's a learning process.

 

I don't know why not him smackie, I am just the messenger. Going on what guys on this and other boards have posted.

 

Personally, like you, I have never had to ask either ...although not adverse to it... imo it does not matter who brings it up first, if it's bothering him or her, then that person should bring it up.

 

This crap about the man should *always* bring it up first is BS imo. It is 2016, not 1956 for crying out loud.

 

He may very well want it but as I said is waiting for her to bring it up. It's possible!

 

That is what many male advice articles are telling them..... the man waits for the woman to bring it up. I have read it myself.

 

You are always advocating strong communication smackie .... so not sure why you are advising the woman to NOT communicate in this case.

 

Again, either he is on board or not!

 

If not next.

[Shining One]

Sometimes, it's not about waiting for the woman to bring it up first. Most of the women I date bring up exclusivity first simply because they want it sooner than I do. It's not that I am against the idea, it's just not on my radar yet. In the cases where I wanted exclusivity and the woman had not yet broached the subject, I brought it up myself. I agree with katie's logic: The person who wants it first / more should be the one to bring it up.

[Shanex]

Just me: I never had to "ask". I guess everyone's experience will be different. It's a learning process.

 

Me neither. Some will ask for exclusivity, but for me from the moment you date or are in a steady RS, you're not much supposed to look around, keeping your old profiles open and being active there and hanging out/flirting with other women.

 

Not saying this is a dumb question to ask (exclusivity), just never something I brought up.

 

Keeping your options open is fine in the very early stage of dating, after two months, probably not. Ymmv...

[joyful]

He knows that she expects exclusivity at this level of intense dating: seeing each other frequently during the week, having regular sleepovers, having weekend trips out of town. He is keeping his options because he thinks he can -- and because he thinks she doesn't know that's what he is doing.

[Redhead14]

The OP was obviously under the assumption they were "exclusively" dating because she goes into detail how he is acting around her. Now she is realizing she assumed wrong. Why would he wait for her to say something?....why not him?....because he has no interest in doing so for he is keeping his options open. I agree she needs to take that next step.

 

Just me: I never had to "ask". I guess everyone's experience will be different. It's a learning process.

 

After intimacy occurs, the woman is well within her right/the boundaries to open a conversation regarding the "status" of their dating relationship if the man doesn't do that first. If she starts feeling "stressed" about the situation and thinking about it all the time, she should just do it.

 

A guy doesn't run because she brings it up, he runs because he wasn't on that page anyway. I mean, if he was thinking about making it exclusive, he doesn't change his mind just because she brought it up first. It just means she brought it up first . . .

[katiegrl]

He knows that she expects exclusivity at this level of intense dating: seeing each other frequently during the week, having regular sleepovers, having weekend trips out of town. He is keeping his options because he thinks he can -- and because he thinks she doesn't know that's what he is doing.

 

No disrespect, but how do you know what he is thinking, are you a mind reader?

 

I don't know, you could be right, but instead of assuming he is this or that, why not communicate?

 

I admit sometimes it's clear what a guy is up to, and in that case okay to next without discussing, ... but since she is on here questioning why not just talk to him about it?

 

I don't get that!

[Redhead14]

No disrespect, but how do you know what he is thinking, are you a mind reader?

 

I don't know, you could be right, but instead of assuming he is this or that, why not communicate?

 

I admit sometimes it's clear what a guy is up to, and in that case okay to next without discussing, ... but since she is on here questioning why not just talk to him about it?

 

I don't get that!

 

It's a matter of insecurity. Women and some times, are simply afraid to know the answer. They are more afraid of getting the answer they don't want. In the meantime, they are stressing themselves out with mental gymnastics.

[smackie9]

No disrespect, but how do you know what he is thinking, are you a mind reader?

 

I don't know, you could be right, but instead of assuming he is this or that, why not communicate?

 

I admit sometimes it's clear what a guy is up to, and in that case okay to next without discussing, ... but since she is on here questioning why not just talk to him about it?

 

I don't get that!

Because the OP is afraid of what his response will be.....she isn't making it any easier for herself. IMO she knows where she stands, and no woman wants to be an option.

[katiegrl]

Because the OP is afraid of what his response will be.....she isn't making it any easier for herself. IMO she knows where she stands, and no woman wants to be an option.

 

Of course no woman wants to be an option, but for all she knows, HE may presume HE is an option for her. As SHE hasn't brought it up either! And yes many guys do feel that way. Read this board, it's all over.

 

It goes both ways.

 

She said the relationship has been progressing nicely .... more time spent together etc.

 

She needs to clarify things.

 

What's the alternative?

 

Walking away from a blossoming relationship due to a bunch of assumptions and her being scared to communicate?

 

I cannot even believe what I am reading here.

Edited September 19, 2016 by katiegrl

[joyful]

Because the OP is afraid of what his response will be.....she isn't making it any easier for herself. IMO she knows where she stands, and no woman wants to be an option.

 

It is sad actually. Usually when people have been dating for months, seeing each other regularly, going on trips out of town, planning to meet family and friends, it feels like they are on the way to having something substantial. Who wants to realize that all along they have been an option?

[smackie9]

hah I doubt it. He knows what he is doing. IMO a man that is into you has the confidence to make his intentions known.

[katiegrl]

hah I doubt it. He knows what he is doing. IMO a man that is into you has the confidence to make his intentions known.

 

One would hope all men that are into us have bundles of *confidence* and are fearless warriors too .... but unfortunately many do not and are just as insecure as many women are.

[smackie9]

This guy, has no insecurities....he had np bedding and seeing other women when he was first seeing the OP.

[katiegrl]

One would hope all men that are into us have bundles of *confidence* and are fearless warriors too .... but unfortunately many do not and are just as insecure as many women are.

 

^^ Even though they may project an image to the contrary.

[katiegrl]

This guy, has no insecurities....he had np bedding and seeing other women when he was first seeing the OP.

 

Okay I guess she should just next him then.

 

No discussion... nothing, nada, just CYA!

 

Yeah that makes a lot of sense.

Edited September 19, 2016 by katiegrl

[smackie9]

yes she should because her expectations are not being fulfilled as being "valued". I bet money on it he will give her some bs to pacify her if she makes any attempt to find out where she stands.