tacoman Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 Will be brief, just want to get opinions on what the hell to do. GF of 5 years broke up with me out of no where (literally telling me how much she loved me two days before, blah , blah) low and behold 2 weeks later she has hooked up with the loser (and i mean it...5'6..stalky, balding, crap job working loser, but i wont get anymore into that) To make a TON of info short. She really hasnt looked back until i told i was growing to hate her for pretty much abandoning me with no real explanation. Then she came right across town as soon as i finally told her what i thought. Anyway, i have more than respected her wishes and have only sent maybe 5 or 6 emails in three months, and met her once 2 months after we broke. Then i didnt see her until july 1st (1 month after i met) Basically when i asked around and found out about this goof, he calls the cops on me for finding out, etc.. The cop litarally was laughing at the moron and told me what to say to get off. He also said that he was really angry, but she didnt seem to care (we already worked through this when we met). Then when i just went to see her for the first time in a month. She was performing at the park for canada day and her music was always something that we do together and i wanted to still show her that i support her. I have not medelled in their relationship at all. I showed up with my mom and a mutual friend, watched the show, spoke to her for 5 minutes about graduating college and left. Well like 2 days later i get a phone call from her house for the first time in 3 months. No message, missed the cal. I email and ask her, she says it wasnt her, she doesnt know, but anyway..... She keeps saying we are good and she wants to get to the point of atleast friends again. I also realise she wants space and i am trying to move on, but how can we both do that when i leave her alone for a month straight and i get a call from the cops and this guy phoning my house for no reason (even though she wont say it was him) She is completely torn, she is trying to protect me and appease him at the same time. But what the hell is she doing. She would brag weeks before she broke with me that she was going to marry me. I am still optomistic about us, and would love to marry her as well. I have emailed her to ask if she will meet because i want to sort this out and not play these games with this loser. I hope this loser shoots himself in the fot soon. They are an hour away on top of that. I dont get what she is doing at all. What the hell do i do?
markraine Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 Move on man. Its hard a truth of life, if she wants to call you know, she has your number. If she wants to write, she has your email. If she wants to visit, she knows where you live. You have your own life to worry about, do your own thing, its painful, but let her do her thing too, it seems like she is just out playing games, she seems really confused but you are only adding to that confusion. She seems to be holding on to you as some sort of "safety" in case she falls flat out on her face. F%^k that! No man or woman are deserving of being a "backup option." Show her you've got pride and moveon. Especially the thing with the bald, tubby fellow. His actions are one of somebody who is extremely insecure. He probably realizes his hold on her is tenuous at best, so he's frightened of the competition. Just play it cool, let her go, don't call her, don't write her, don't visit her, only respond if she contacts you, and not right away or immediately. Find some new hobbies, go meet some new people, its the hardest thing in the world but if you move on, then if she does or doesn't come back, you'll still be a few steps ahead, more improved and ready to pounce on the next lady in your life. If she does come back, she has to come back TO YOU, she left you for some bald idiot after all, she walked away, so its also her role to come crawling back to you. Let her make that decision, my guess is once she sees that you aren't in her pocket anymore, that you're really getting on with your life and doing well, she'll want you back, however by then, maybe, you just won't give a damn. Bottom line, it seems like a real messed up situation that cries out DANGER. Just stay away, wash your hands of it, her, him, and get on with your life. Do what you know you need to do for yourself and nobody else, but for now, my best advice is just to keep your distance from all of the crap, just don't go near it, period!
orta Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 I think it would be best to ignore this woman, and her new love interests. If she calls you again, and you notice that she called, don't e-mail or phone her back. If she leaves a message, it would be best not to answer her. It would be a good idea to stay away from her, and to have no further contact with her.
Craig Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Originally posted by betnow your a stalker, seek help. leave her alone. Your not a stalker but I agree with the other posters to move on and forget her. Regarding the guy she's with right now, forget about him too.
Author tacoman Posted July 7, 2005 Author Posted July 7, 2005 how am i a stalker? I was the one trying to walk away and move on and i keep getting these calls to my house for no reason. I have not contacted her once in over a month. I was at the park downtown with my mom and friend and watched her play with about a hundred other people. I was 100 feet away sitting on a lawn watching. I have know her for 6 years, dated for 5. She walks up to me with a big smile on her face and we talk for 5 mins about graduating college and then i leave. It is not about me or her, it is about this goof calling my house for no reason. I am on edge because of all this, so take this with a big grain of salt, read the post moron.
markraine Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 don't mind him............bottom line though, stay clear away from her and him. No contact period, maybe she'll realize what she is missing, but chasing after her and contacting her can only bring about negative results, especially with this bozo involved.
Author tacoman Posted July 7, 2005 Author Posted July 7, 2005 i was going to send her this: Now i am a little confused. I was just shown on the phone display that on sunday at 6:44 pm, someone from your house called. The confusion lies in the fact that in 3 months i have not recieved one phone call from your house and you are saying you didnt call? Things like that kind of mess with your head, know what i mean. Hearing "it wasn't me, i dont know" doesnt really explain anything and isn’t fair. One month ago you drove over here and to my moms office and said you just had to sort things out with me. I work thursday and friday, but am off on thursday night. Is there a time that would work for you to talk? Even a phone call. This kind of stuff is really confusing for me, I hope you can understand that. This needs to get sorted out. We are on great terms as far as i am concerned, so rest easy, it isnt about making a scene. I have done my best to respect your needs, i hope you will consider respecting mine. We are both trying to move forward and let life sort its self out, this kind of stuff keeps going backwards. I refuse to put pressure on you, but I am sure you can see why it is confusing for me. I know where i stand, there is obviously a major conflict of interest going on right now. But i am doing my best to respect you and have kept a lot of distance and have respected your request for space as best i can, it is becoming clear that other parties involved are not respecting you or your wants and requests in the same fashion. Unless you tell me and my family one thing and really feel another, I don’t know? We both have a lot more class than this. I have done nothing wrong. I am not getting caught up in these casino games. Lets keep the positive communication we have created going.
morrigan Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 The original post was unclear as to why your ex's new bf called the police on you. Was it a domestic violence complaint or a harassment claim? The best thing to do is to have absolutely no contact with your ex or this man, either private or social. That way, it will be show the falsity of any further claims to police by either of them. It is a stretch of the imagination to believe your ex is unknowing about all the strange occurrences that have been happening. Leave them both alone totally. Change your phone number to stop the calls. It's up to her to deal with her problems--which includes the guy she is currently dating.
markraine Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Its your choice, but I would honestly resist the urge to send her anything. Nothing you will say will change her mind about you at this time, however, you not being around, not calling, not contacting her will get her mind on you, wondering whats up, why you aren't calling..............like I've said before, just leave it alone, no more contact, if you need to, post all the stuff here, but go cold turkey, it will be hard, but pushing her will only make her push that much harder away from you, for now just let it go, give it a couple weeks without contacting her and see how things are..............
Author tacoman Posted July 7, 2005 Author Posted July 7, 2005 He called the police because i simply found out about them and it really ticked him off for some reason. The cop was actually laughing at him over the phone, but had to call out of formality. There was no real charge. I dont know what you would call it really. The cop said point blank, "he seemed really angry, but she didnt really seem to care". My problem lies in the fact that i have given her the benefit of the doubt every time and quite frankly by butt is getting sore from taking it from the both of them. I feel like i am letting her off easy every time because i love her. The problems keep floating away for her without any conflict. So you guys dont think i should question her at all about why someone from her house called? Some friends say confront her, some say move on. I know moving on is best, but at the same time how much do i have to take from them? She still has no idea if the cops contacted me, i went silent and i can tell it was driving her nuts not knowing.
Author tacoman Posted July 7, 2005 Author Posted July 7, 2005 but 5 years and she is walking around like it meant nothing. She would brag about how we were going to get married, etc.......how can she have it as together as she is letting on. She hasnt really looked back at all and really doesnt seem to be missing me at all. We were best friends for over 5 years, that sounds a little messed to me, unless she doesnt have a heart.
markraine Posted July 7, 2005 Posted July 7, 2005 dude, you won't change her mind, she has to change it herself, if she wants you, she knows where to find you. Otherwise, leave this alone, who knows what type of crap that jackass might try to pull next, just bow out gracefully, it seems like she still has feelings for you, so if you give her time, maybe she will realize what she is missing, but it WON'T happen if you keep writing and calling her and asking inane questions, give the girl space, it seems it is what you both need at this point.
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