brightdays Posted September 18, 2016 Posted September 18, 2016 Hi guys He[Fake name: Alex] and I[Jane] have been in a LDR of several years. Before he had some serious issue at work, everything between us was great. We saw the future together talking about the marriage and tried so hard to make the LDR work for years. He said he was too stressed and busy to talk with me eve for 5 mins. Our relationship became so bad quickly over the last month. It was still difficult to reach out to him a week after his problem was kinda sorted out. He was like "I'll call you soon. I have something to tell you as well so I'll call you when I can." But he didn't call me for 2 weeks even if I said I had something to tell him and we needed a talk. I was getting tired of no contact, no explanation. I wanted to have a break up conversation in person, but he didn't give me a chance, so I texted him saying we are done blah blah. He ignored my text. After a little while, I started to regret breaking up with him because he was very commited and nice for years until his personal issue took place lately. I texted and called him several times over 2 weeks asking like "we are done like this? You don't love me anymore? Are you OK? Please say something. I'm worried. Tell me if I'm bothering you now." What he said was "Jane, I'll call you soon." "Jane, I'll try to call you later." "Jane, there's nothing to say. I'll chat you soon." "Jane, I'm just chatting James" "Jane, I'll call you next weekend." He doesn't say we are done. I asked him about our relationship status and he answered everything other than the status. Kinda very confusing if he's torn/hesitant or he feels just too sorry to break up with me. Or does he need some time to think? He used to call me a pet name but now adresses me Jane. Last night, I offered him to move together to a country where we always dreamed of living. I said "Alex, hon, I really love you and regret the break up. I won't rush you so please think about starting a new life together." He read the message right away but didn't answer. Anyway, whatever he decides, I'm going to leave the country. What should I do now? Do you think he is not into me anymore? Or do I have a second chance? It's so heart-breaking and I can't imagine my life without him.. I feel stupid a little bit now. Maybe he just doesn't want to hurt me but wanna break up. Any advice will be appreciated. Thank you for reading. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Summary: My ex of years still answers me saying he will call me soon, but never clarifies our relationship status even if I ask him if we are done. Last night, I offered him to move and study in a country where we always dreamed of living. He's seen the msg right away but no answer. What do you think he is thinking? Are we done? Or he just needs time to think? What should I do?
sooshi Posted September 18, 2016 Posted September 18, 2016 Why are you asking someone who isn't communicative... to pick himself up, leave everything behind, and move to another country with you? Why are you asking someone to move to another country with you when your relationship with them became so bad, and quickly, over the last month? Sorry, OP, he doesn't want to be with you anymore. You broke up with him and you later realized you didn't like your choice. I think you made the right choice. Things were becoming steadily worse, and nothing was getting resolved. Time to move on and leave the drama in the past. Take care. 2
smudge21 Posted September 18, 2016 Posted September 18, 2016 You're focusing your entire life on someone who is unable to find a few minutes out of his for you? Seriously? LDR's are tough and to work they need to be about two people who love each other unconditionally. His actions clearly show otherwise and I never believe anyone who says that they can't find the time to contact someone.. not in this day and age. The only reason people don't get in touch is because they choose not to, end of. You need to decide whether this guy is worth all your hard work. Do you feel that relationship is 50/50? Do you feel respected and loved? Do you honestly think this will work out? It's your life and only you can decide what to do, but I reckon you know what everyone here will tell you you should do. 2
hippychick3 Posted September 18, 2016 Posted September 18, 2016 It sounds like it was over long before you broke up with him. You did the right thing when you broke up with him. You just should not have changed your mind and lost all dignity with the calls and texts. He doesn't want to deal with confrontation so is just giving you the barest amount of communication. He is no longer in this relationship with you and likely is seeing someone else. Please stop chasing him. Keep your dignity and move on to someone who is local and interested. This guy no longer is. 1
Author brightdays Posted September 18, 2016 Author Posted September 18, 2016 Thanks all I shouldn't have changed my mind as you said. It was the right decision and don't know why I started to miss him despite he doesn't confront. I shouldn't have trusted his word that he would love me unconditionally. I probably wanted to believe that he was just too busy and I thought I did something wrong in the relationship as well and wanted to fix my mistake. I just really loved him. It's hard to admit that he is no longer in this relationship and I am the only one who wants to make things work. I was willing to do anything for him all the time.. I wish he was more confrontational in the end of our long term relationship. I will try to stay focused on making my dream come true. I appreciate all your comments. Thanks. 1
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