NiteLite Posted September 17, 2016 Posted September 17, 2016 (edited) Hi everyone, I'm not very good at talking about my feelings when it comes to my bf. The reason being is I don't want to hurt his feelings and/or I don't want to sound like I'm overreacting either. Recently, I haven't been feeling really happy with him. I guess its because I am feeling a little neglected. My bf likes to golf, he goes golfing every Saturday with his friends. He went to the range last Sunday with his friends, went again on Monday and once more on Wednesday. This was all to practice for the really nice course he and his friends were going to today. If he doesn't go to the range, he spends that time going to the gym with his friends on Monday and Wednesday. We usually hang out Saturday nights after he golfs. He and I are both still studying in school. He spends a lot of time studying too. We don't text that much, usually every other night, early afternoon when I text him first and either not at all or pretty late if he texts me. The thing is, I feel like studying is his main priority, then golf, then gym, then me. We can't hang out Friday or Sundays because he goes out with his family and then studies after. How should I phrase it to him in a good way. I understand that golfing is a good hobby (it's good for him to spend time with his friends and family) and I don't want him to get behind in his studies. Im really conflicted. I also want to note that I don't really have a hobby. And I can't go with him because golf courses have a max of 4 people per group and he already has his group. I went with him once a year ago and he basically ignored me and spent most of the time with his cousin while I talked to his friend (it was my first time and his friends first time ever playing golf) Edited September 17, 2016 by NiteLite 1
CarrieT Posted September 17, 2016 Posted September 17, 2016 Personally, I would move on. I know golf addicts. There is *nothing* you can say that will get them to change. You either accept being a golf widow or you find someone else. 1
Author NiteLite Posted September 17, 2016 Author Posted September 17, 2016 I don't think he's really a golf addict though. I know this happened last year as well but once the weather turned pretty cold, he stopped golfing.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 17, 2016 Posted September 17, 2016 He's showing you where his priorities are. You shouldn't need to campaign for his attention. He doesn't sound as though he really has time or motivation to invest in a relationship. 2
gorf Posted September 18, 2016 Posted September 18, 2016 I agree with Italy, he showed you where his priorities are and continues to do so. Lots of time golfing.. max 4 people? Why cant his girlfriend ever be one of them? Especially if it is so time consuming in an already busy schedule? Sounds like he is into you cause you are there to fill in the gaps, sad to say. I would move on and find a guy who has more motivation to have a woman a part of his life, not just in his life. See what I'm saying. You deserve better and more attention, and he clearly does not care enough to give it. There are plenty of good guys who will be, so this guy will miss out and see what he lost. Sounds like he needs that. Let him play with his balls in the field with his guys, lol, and study his heart away. Wish him luck with his life and move on with yours 1
bubbaganoosh Posted September 18, 2016 Posted September 18, 2016 If it's me I move on and when he asks why, then you could tell him what you told us. You don't have to be nasty or mean when you explain it to him. After you tell him then at least listen to what he as to say. If you feel that he knows he's done wrong and wants to make it up to you then you can either let him prove it or move on.
preraph Posted September 18, 2016 Posted September 18, 2016 Look, you can talk all you want to him, and you should, but this is him. If he's doing this before you're even married, imagine how little of him you'll get once you are -- and his kids too. You should have some things you do together. I get that his is what he likes to do, and frankly, I think you're list of priorities sounds about right. There are a lot of men who would rather hang with their friends but want a woman available for sex and sometimes to cook and clean for them. he's probably just not the right guy for you. And before you get another, go get a lot of hobbies and activities and keep a couple of those so you have something you can do together.
katiegrl Posted September 18, 2016 Posted September 18, 2016 (edited) My dad was an avid golfer, aside from work that was his life! After he and my mom divorced... he married a woman who was also an avid golfer. They even traveled around the country playing tournaments! They both lived and breathed it. Playing, watching on tele, talking about with friends who were also golfers. If you are not into it, sorry to say I don't see this working out well for you. You will feel very left out and alone. And don't even try to change him, it won't work and he will only resent you for trying. Either accept it or move on. Edited September 18, 2016 by katiegrl
Author NiteLite Posted September 18, 2016 Author Posted September 18, 2016 I understand what you are all saying. We did talk it out a bit last night. He mentioned that Saturday is his only real day to actually hang out with his friends and they are all doing a hobby that they enjoy together and since he is a dental student, he needs to study most of the time. He's trying to fit everything in, and the only thing he can think of is us hanging out Saturday night. He also mentioned that he needs some time to himself too where he doesn't have to study, or hangout with friends or family.
ThisOverThat Posted September 18, 2016 Posted September 18, 2016 Well you've been putting up with this for at least a year so either it isn't that big of a deal and something else is really what is bothering you or you tend to let things that make you unhappy continue without speaking up. Tsk tsk tsk. It's highly unlikely he is going to change his routine FOR YOU considering he's used to you not saying anything about it for this long and it's probably one of the things he loves about you. If he makes a change it's going to be because of professional reasons or his own choices that have nothing to do with you. Either you have to accept this tendency of his, prepare mentally that this is the beginning of the end because you hate that he does it and you can't get over it, or get some hobbies of your own. If you had stuff to seriously focus on outside of school besides him, you wouldn't notice how much he golfs.
gorf Posted September 19, 2016 Posted September 19, 2016 It's highly unlikely he is going to change his routine FOR YOU considering he's used to you not saying anything about it for this long and it's probably one of the things he loves about you. I totally agree. Added the amount of time you have been seeing him. He is set in his ways and has been with a girl who seems to accept it. I get he is busy; juggling time with friends, school work, work, you, his personal time. But at the end of the day he is just too busy to be in a relationship, and his priorities shine. You know what they are cause you feel the effects. Not to mention are not vocal ENOUGH about how much it bothers you. Don't you deserve more attention then he can apparently provide? I think you do 1
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