MissBee Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 If someone is to go out to a bar or club with the intention of finding someone to hook up with, how do they do that and make it known that sex is the objective? I want to find a random guy to hook up with, no strings attached. Never having done that, I don't know the protocol. I'm not the most attractive woman out there, average looking but not fat. My apartment is downtown and right in the middle of nightlife. I haven't done this before and haven't had sex or been kissed so I don't want to come off as awkward. I'm 27 time to get it over with. There are a couple bars/clubs nearby that are mostly 26+ so that's maybe be a better bet. Even for the experienced, this can be a tricky situation. I definitely would not advise someone who has never kissed or had sex to initiate taking a complete stranger to your place. You don't need to be in love to have sex, but I definitely think you should try for sex within the context of a date at least and with someone you know or aim for a friends with benefits type of scenario. Try online dating. MANY people are there looking to hook up. At least you can talk to this person, go out maybe, have a few drinks, feel them out and have a mutual attraction and then it's really easy for it to lead to sex from there if you want. But trolling bars for sex from a random as your first time, this seems like an awful idea.
Springsummer Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 After getting it over, then what is next? continue hooking up? or you think that it will help you to be more attractive or finding a relationship?
jen1447 Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 Pardon my ignorance, but I'm genuinely curious. I know the role a wingman/woman plays in helping a guy get laid. What role does a wingwoman play in helping a woman get laid? My wingwoman said her role when going out with girlfriends was to stop them from getting laid. In OP's case, since she's a noob to what she's getting into, the wingwoman role is just someone to look out for her. It's diff for women in the on-the-prowl environment than men in that it can be literally dangerous if things go wrong, so someone who's been around the block is ideal, or at least just another set of eyes. If it were me I'd create the ideal environment (right level of availability/receptiveness broadcast), screen prospective guys for her (for creep factor etc.) and if need be even just get her one.
preraph Posted September 24, 2016 Posted September 24, 2016 Don't you have a circle of friends you can draw from for a man to deflower you? That's what I did. I just "got it over with," but did it with a guy everyone knew was just okay but with the unspoken understanding it was never going to happen again. I did it with him mostly to avoid an older guy in our group who kept saying he wanted to be the one. We all have our reasons. Almost any guy on the street would be willing to have no-strings sex with you, although some might balk at you being a virgin. What that means is there is NO reason to just go pick a stranger. Instead just pick someone you at least have references on that he's not dangerous, and then if you truly have no other expectation from him than first-time sex, ask him straight up. Tell him, Look, I know I can trust you and I just don't want to be a virgin anymore, and I'm not looking for any continuation of relationship from you. Do NOT adverstise on OLD for a guy to do this! All kinds of creeps will come out who might be dangerous thinking you are naive and easy prey. So YOU pick. But if you just want to lose your cherry, just go to a doctor and break it. No need to take chances if that's your motivation. Of course, the better way is learn to be get to know people so finding someone just happens organically and you might find an actual boyfriend. Don't worry about being awkward. But you'd be less awkward if you did this with a boyfriend and dated and kissed and led up to it instead of diving right in.
palmsand Posted September 26, 2016 Posted September 26, 2016 I just went through something like this, just want to give my honest opinion. I totally get where you're coming from. I was in the same position until recently(23 years old), practically no contact with the opposite sex, always felt left behind and like I was missing out. Suddenly an opportunity arose to 'hook up' and I didn't hesitate. It was like a dream come true - until the next day. Honestly it wasn't as great as I expected and I would have done some things differently if I could go back in time. I know our situations are different for a number of reasons, but I would say that I am not regretful about it. It was absolutely meaningless, uncoordinated, and awkward, but I feel like it was a step along the path that I needed to take. It was strange afterward feeling this intimate attachment to this person that was completely baseless. I think other advice here is sound, hooking up with someone you have just met and have no connection to is ill-advised. Try to go through your friends, then your friend's friends to find someone you at least know something about. One other thing to think about is that he may come away from this with feelings for you, or just want to do it again. If you end up with someone you feel comfortable with and have made the decision to go for it, try suggesting you guys watch a movie in your/his bedroom, then just slowly get comfy in bed and go from there.
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