What a difference a year makes...

[tinytiger87]

Just wanted to share a recovery story with you all on here, or at least an in-progress recovery story.

9 days from now would have been my girlfriend and I's one-year anniversary. September 25th. It's hard to believe, but its true. We dated happily from September through Halloween and Thanksgiving. I pulled the normal sappy Sweetest Day stuff and we spent Thanksgiving and Christmas separate because we both felt we weren't quite ready for the other to meet their parents. At New Years Eve, I drove to Michigan with her and met her family, she met my family on New Years Day (I live in Ohio). Through a series of events, we decided to move in together in January. Our leases weren't up until March 31, so we figured 6 months was decent (plus we have known each other for a couple of years).

Fast Forward 6 months to this evening, September 16, and she is living in Michigan with her family, and the father of her child, which obviously is not me. She cheated on me less than two weeks after I moved into her apartment, with the guy that she kicked out a month earlier so that I could move in. She got pregnant with him about 3 weeks before I moved out. By the way, he is her on and off ex from the last 5-6 years. Then she lied to me about when she conceived, lied to me about everything including the cheating. I know this because we work together and everyone else at work told me about it after she moved away.

I have spent a lot of time searching for the truth from her and trying to press her into telling me. She knows that I know, and refuses to talk about it. The situation has gotten to the point where she doesn't want to speak to me anymore at all. When I received that news earlier in this week, I was devastated. I never understood what I did wrong and why she couldn't just admit what she had done. I had spent the last two months since she told me she was pregnant being angry, sad, and obsessive over her. I had driven her away, and couldn't believe what I had done.

Then it hit me, I didn't care that I wasn't ever going to talk to her again. She may have this new life that she is starting with this other guy, but I don't need her bull**** in my life anymore. This week I have started a journal, and written down every time that I have been sad or upset about her, every obsessive thought that I have had about her has been recorded, and I continue to tell myself in the journal that "IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM", and that "SHE IS NO LONGER A PART OF YOUR LIFE". It has really helped.

I guess what I am saying is, a year ago I had pictured this life with this woman. Now, I am coming to terms with being alone again. We broke up on Memorial Day (or at least that was when I moved the last of my stuff out), and for the first time since that day, I feel like I am going to be ok. I feel like I am finding myself again, and every day I get a little bit stronger.

 

Keep fighting through it guys. It gets better eventually. I promise.

 

What a difference a year makes indeed...

[Lovestinks12]

Congrats man! I am glad to hear someones recovery story.

 

Funny thing is, I was going to make the same exact post haha. It has been about year and a few months and things have gotten alot better compared to the me a year ago. The stress and depression I went through last year wore me out. I was definitely unhealthy even though I was exercising. Its crazy what stress and depression can do to ones health. that being said, I have mentally made a huge change, which is amazing. I have made a career shift and if I make it through this year, come next year I'll be in another country . I'll get to travel and experience what life really has to offer. I am swamped with school and work right now , but minus being very busy, I feel great. Don't get me wrong though, I still occasionally think of my ex, but that pain and obsession is no longer there...Thank god haha.. the old psycho and obsessive person I was a year ago has made a transformation into a rational and normal person again.

 

The reason I was thinking of posting somewhat of a recovery story was because I was feeling a little down in the dumps today, but not in a bad way. I just reopened that wound again by coming across old messages on my computer that I never deleted and forgot about. I saw her messages and for some reason I thought it was good idea to read them. Reading for just about 5 minute , I saw message after message of us constantly fighting and it reminded me how I was just a complete ******* in so many situations. The immaturity i saw and just being so self absorbed really got to me again. I have accepted alot of things, but I still cringe at how I acted in the relationship. I just can't believe I behaved so negatively throughout the relationship. I know this doesn't sound positive haha and I guess I am putting her on a pedestal, but It has nothing to do with her anymore. I am just upset by my actions in the relationship. I feel like am not that person and its hard to believe ,but yet I was when I was in the relationship. Sorry for the long rant haha. it was supposed to be a positive post haha.

 

Anyway, Are you dating again and meeting people? I am just curious cause I am starting to regain my confidence again.. slow process, but things are looking better haha.

[tinytiger87]

I am slowly starting to get back into the swing of things. I have never had a lot of confidence anyway though. Every relationship I have ever had just kind of fell into my lap without me even trying. I don't have much of the "go get her" attitude. lol. I need to change that though.

What I HAVE been doing, is trying to channel all of the thoughts into something positive, which is why I have gone to the gym 5 days a week for the last month and have dropped 25 lbs since she told me about her pregnancy on July 3. Ive also focused more on existing hobbies, like golf and softball, and I have been thinking about getting a guitar as I have always wanted to teach myself to play and I am currently borrowing a friends'.

I wont lie and say she isn't still crossing my mind every day, especially since we are no longer speaking obviously. But its not obsessive like it was early on after the announcement. Therapist says I am makin good progress.