Does he ever care?

[JewelD]

Well this is a convo you should have had on the phone, not via texting.

 

But yes, it would appear that he's checked out of the relationship. "I don't want this to end"= "maybe we can hookup sometime". Obviously he doesn't care about it ending or he would have tried to stop it and get you back.

 

Regardless, you told him it was over, so let it be over. You probably won't learn the real reason why, but that's okay. You don't have to deal with his drama and 'stress' anymore.

[katiegrl]

 

But after that I felt like I am not a priority, just a girl he will see when he is done with all his projects and work.

 

First off, have you ever met each other in person?

 

And what do you mean by the bolded?

 

You are long distance, how can he just "see" you when he is done with projects and work? This makes no sense.

 

Can you clarify?

[Nicole10]

Advice - don't conduct relationships over text, nor see texting as some kind of indicator of how the relationship is going.

 

Well, we started the relationship via texts. We met on vacation but kept in touch via texts. We did not have much to talk about in the beginning and I was ok with that. Then, we met few times and these were great times. We talked about moving in together eventually. And after that, I started wondering why he never feels the need to hear my voice, why he never texts me first thing in the morning. (He does text throughout the day though). And finally he got too busy with work.

[Nicole10]

First off, have you ever met each other in person?

 

And what do you mean by the bolded?

 

You are long distance, how can he just "see" you when he is done with projects and work? This makes no sense.

 

Can you clarify?

Sure. We met on vacation. Kept in touch for 8 months. Then met 4 times. He visited me, I visited him and went to two vacations together.

But we live 2000 miles apart and we see each other every 2-3 months.

He was pretty good at keeping in touch (via texts only and amazing when we were together). He started his projects and I felt like tossed in the corner to wait for him to finish his work (we were supposed to meet again once he is done with the project, in 2 months)

[LaurenP15]

I agree with PP that this conversation should have happened via phone call. By the looks of the texts, tt sounds like he's not as invested in this relationship as you are. If he was, he would be fighting harder to keep you. I'm sorry you are going through this, but at least you found out now rather than a few months or years down the road.

[Nicole10]

I dont think "i dont want to be an end" means he wants to hook up because as I said we are 2000 miles apart.

And I didnt call him on purpose because our relationship never progressed to that "level" of calling each other.

[Gaeta]

I dont think "i dont want to be an end" means he wants to hook up because as I said we are 2000 miles apart.

And I didnt call him on purpose because our relationship never progressed to that "level" of calling each other.

 

You had conversation about moving in together meaning one of you uprooting themselves to move 2000 miles away BUT your relationship has not reached to 'phone calls'. See anything wrong here?

 

Nicole: he is not busy with a project. He is busy at life and probably at dating local too. He was not too busy with work, he was fading away.

[Nicole10]

You had conversation about moving in together meaning one of you uprooting themselves to move 2000 miles away BUT your relationship has not reached to 'phone calls'. See anything wrong here?

 

Nicole: he is not busy with a project. He is busy at life and probably at dating local too. He was not too busy with work, he was fading away.[/quote

 

Well yeah. I asked him after we met 3 times where the things were going and he said he would like to keep seeing me at least every two months and then once I am done with school I could move over to his state.

And everything seemed fine, except that he would rather text than call and I never brought up that it was bothering me

[Satu]

Would it not be better to have a relationship with someone who is actually physically present in your life?

 

Then you could:

 

Touch each other

 

Eat together

 

Have a shower together

 

See a movie together

 

Walk in the park

 

Etc, etc.

 

 

Take care

[leogirl876]

If you're not getting your emotional needs met and always feel empty and alone in the relationship, then it's time to move on. It's taken me a long time to learn this but when there's problems in a relationship, especially in the earlier days, it doesn't get better, it gets worse. You two may not be compatible and you're expecting him to change so you feel better and he's expecting you to change so he'll feel better, but neither of you are going to change. It's better to move on and find someone who can make you happy.

[Nicole10]

If you're not getting your emotional needs met and always feel empty and alone in the relationship, then it's time to move on. It's taken me a long time to learn this but when there's problems in a relationship, especially in the earlier days, it doesn't get better, it gets worse. You two may not be compatible and you're expecting him to change so you feel better and he's expecting you to change so he'll feel better, but neither of you are going to change. It's better to move on and find someone who can make you happy.

 

I dont understand what has changed. He was so enthusiastic about seeing meevery single time.

Not sure if I am beig clear. This is going on for the last month (him being distant) and I have tried to break up with him three times. First time I called him but he explained how busy he was blah blah. Two weeks ago I texted him. He apologized and again explained how busy he was. And finally this...

[JewelD]

I dont understand what has changed. He was so enthusiastic about seeing meevery single time.

Not sure if I am beig clear. This is going on for the last month (him being distant) and I have tried to break up with him three times. First time I called him but he explained how busy he was blah blah. Two weeks ago I texted him. He apologized and again explained how busy he was. And finally this...

 

If you have to threaten this guy with a breakup just to get him to give you some attention, clearly he's just not into it. If he liked you, he would make time for you. End of story.

[Gaeta]

I dont understand what has changed. He was so enthusiastic about seeing meevery single time.

Not sure if I am beig clear. This is going on for the last month (him being distant) and I have tried to break up with him three times. First time I called him but he explained how busy he was blah blah. Two weeks ago I texted him. He apologized and again explained how busy he was. And finally this...

 

If I did something that made my BF want to break up with me. Something as silly as texting him in the morning, something SO EASY to integrate in my schedule you bet I would do it !!

 

If your boyfriend can't even schedule a good morning for you, to make you happy, what does it say about him?

[Gaeta]

I

Not sure if I am beig clear. This is going on for the last month (him being distant) and I have tried to break up with him three times. First time I called him but he explained how busy he was blah blah. Two weeks ago I texted him. He apologized and again explained how busy he was. And finally this...

 

He just can't break up with you because he's too weak. He prefers dragging you along till this relationship fades away. He is not too busy, there is no such a thing as 'too busy' to talk to the woman or man we love. Texting takes 2 seconds. If he has no time then he can text you while sitting on the toilet. Texting takes less time than taking a piss.

[Shanex]

Sure. We met on vacation. Kept in touch for 8 months. Then met 4 times. He visited me, I visited him and went to two vacations together.

But we live 2000 miles apart and we see each other every 2-3 months.

He was pretty good at keeping in touch (via texts only and amazing when we were together). He started his projects and I felt like tossed in the corner to wait for him to finish his work (we were supposed to meet again once he is done with the project, in 2 months)

 

Living 2000 miles apart, and seeing each other 4 times over the course of 8+ months is nothing. You need a boyfriend, not a ghost. LDR rarely ever work, it's widely discussed here.

 

Ultimately, I agree that he's fading and he's hoping you'll understand this can't work in the long run.

[katiegrl]

 

If he has no time then he can text you while sitting on the toilet. Texting takes less time than taking a piss.

 

This sums it up perfectly.... nuff said!

 

NEXT!

[Nicole10]

This sums it up perfectly.... nuff said!

 

NEXT!

Well, he wakes up in the morning (I see when he comes online). Sometimes right away, but more often like two hours later he texts good morning. Then he would text me one or two more times (and I usually text him once first). And then he will always text good night. But that is much less comparing to how we texted before.

And I never mentioned what bothers me.

[JewelD]

Well, he wakes up in the morning (I see when he comes online). Sometimes right away, but more often like two hours later he texts good morning. Then he would text me one or two more times (and I usually text him once first). And then he will always text good night. But that is much less comparing to how we texted before.

And I never mentioned what bothers me.

 

The fact that you are keeping a pattern of when he's online and how long it takes him to text you shows that this is NOT a match. Happy couples don't have to do things like that because they stay in touch at a level that is satisfying for the both of them.

[Gaeta]

And I never mentioned what bothers me.

 

Not true.

 

You tried to break up with him 3 times, I think he knows what he is doing wrong.

[Nicole10]

The fact that you are keeping a pattern of when he's online and how long it takes him to text you shows that this is NOT a match. Happy couples don't have to do things like that because they stay in touch at a level that is satisfying for the both of them.

I usually check if he was online in the morning just to make sure if he woke up. If I want to text him first, I want to make sure he woke up. But I rarely text him firs and I guess, I was checking if he woke up or not.

Anyway, it feels awful. And his responses are making all of this clear.

[Nicole10]

Not true.

 

You tried to break up with him 3 times, I think he knows what he is doing wrong.

I meant I never mentioned that the fact he doesnt text me as soon as he wakes up, bothers me. And this has been going on from the very beginning.

For the last month, he started texting less often and became distant. Theb, I let him know I wasbt happy about it.

[Gaeta]

I meant I never mentioned that the fact he doesnt text me as soon as he wakes up, bothers me. And this has been going on from the very beginning.

For the last month, he started texting less often and became distant. Theb, I let him know I wasbt happy about it.

 

It's all the same thing...he text less means he doesn't text in morning anymore.

 

You told him he texts less and he did nothing about it. You think telling him he doesn't text in the morning will make a difference?

[Nicole10]

It's all the same thing...he text less means he doesn't text in morning anymore.

 

You told him he texts less and he did nothing about it. You think telling him he doesn't text in the morning will make a difference?

I am sorry, I am hurt and I am not making sense.

These are two separate things. I wish he texted me in the morning as soon as he opens his eyes (but I never mentioned it to him). I wish he wanted to do that on his own. That never happened. Even when he was very eager to see me, even after when we spent 10 days together and couldnt keep our hand off each other.

 

For the last month (on top of the first problem), his texts are different and less often and he blames stress and work.

[JewelD]

I usually check if he was online in the morning just to make sure if he woke up. If I want to text him first, I want to make sure he woke up. But I rarely text him firs and I guess, I was checking if he woke up or not.

Anyway, it feels awful. And his responses are making all of this clear.

 

That's the point, in a healthy relationship, you don't have to do all that extra work. You could text him in the morning and he would text you as soon as he saw it or whenever he had time.

 

In any case, you're doing too much for someone who is doing too little.

[Gaeta]

I am sorry, I am hurt and I am not making sense.

These are two separate things. I wish he texted me in the morning as soon as he opens his eyes (but I never mentioned it to him). I wish he wanted to do that on his own. That never happened. Even when he was very eager to see me, even after when we spent 10 days together and couldnt keep our hand off each other.

 

For the last month (on top of the first problem), his texts are different and less often and he blames stress and work.

 

As soon as he opens his eyes? I think you are being a little unrealistic here. Let the man get up and do his routine. I don't know about you but I don't have time to text in the early morning it's just rush rush rush! If you want a text first thing in the morning why don't you do it yourself? We teach by example.

 

As for the rest there is nothing you can do. You tried to have a conversation about it 3 times and it did nothing. I suggest you simply stop contacting him. Get busy with something and let him show you what he is made of.