Is it ok to ask what a guy's intentions are on the first date?

[makeuploverxo]

Last week, I went on a date with a guy that I met through a mutual friend. He has been texting me almost every day before we went on our date and he made the first move to ask me out on our date. During our date, I asked him what his intentions were and he told me that he didn't want to rush into a relationship right away and he also told me that he wants to be friends. Does that mean that he's interested or not interested in me if he told me that? Was it ok for me to ask me what is intentions were right away what his intentions were or do you think that I could have waited a few more dates what his intentions were? He didn't text me as much after our first date and he didn't ask me out on another date. Did I scare him off by asking him what his intentions were on the first date?

[smackie9]

Wouldn't it be easier to let him know your expectations? what you are looking for?

[hippychick3]

I think it's good to ask what are they looking for in general....not making it about you specifically. Then let them tell you if they want a relationship, something casual, or something else.

 

Regardless of how you asked, I would interpret his response as someone who isn't interested and move on.

[smackie9]

Actions speak louder than words.

 

I never had to ask "what are you looking for?" or "where do we stand?" I usually had a pretty good gist of what was going on by how they treated me.

[hippychick3]

Actions speak louder than words.

 

I never had to ask "what are you looking for?" or "where do we stand?" I usually had a pretty good gist of what was going on by how they treated me.

 

I'm talking about on a first date. Very casual and matter of fact question ("so, what is it you are you looking for?" NOT "where do we stand?"... It shouldn't be about her specifically). It's good to know what a guy is looking for in the dating process early on so you can both be on the same page going forward. If the woman wants a serious relationship and the guy says he's just looking to casually date and not interested in anything serious, then obviously not a good match.

[katiegrl]

I'm talking about on a first date. Very casual and matter of fact question ("so, what is it you are you looking for?" NOT "where do we stand?").... It's good to know what a guy is looking for in the dating process early on so you can both be on the same page going forward. If the woman wants a serious relationship and the guy says he's just looking to casually date and not interested in anything serious, then obviously not a good match.

 

I have never asked that question and never would.

 

Even if someone were looking for a "relationship" (generally speaking)... NO ONE knows what they want until they have spent some time with a particular person for awhile.

 

On the other hand, someone may NOT be looking for a relationship, but meet someone who knocks his/her socks off, and want a relationship with "that' person.

 

My ex wasn't looking for a "relationship" when we met, he had just ended one.

 

But after two dates he locked me down and we were together the next six years!

 

Had I asked him what he was looking for "in general," he probably would have said "to have some fun and good sex!" LOL

 

But that all changed after we spent some together.

 

On those early dates, just relax, enjoy and have fun! No heavy talk about "what do you want, blah blah."

 

Just pay attentions to actions and allow things to develop gradually and naturally.

 

Any type of RL talk (even in general) is just a mood killer.

 

Guys know what you're after... (reassurance that this may "go somewhere") and it's a turn off to many.

[basil67]

I'd be more inclined to ask what he's looking for in a relationship.

 

That said, I wouldn't bother with someone who wanted to take it slow and be friends.

[katiegrl]

I have never asked that question and never would.

 

Even if someone were looking for a "relationship" (generally speaking)... NO ONE knows what they want until they have spent some time with a particular person for awhile.

 

On the other hand, someone may NOT be looking for a relationship, but meet someone who knocks his/her socks off, and want a relationship with "that' person.

 

My ex wasn't looking for a "relationship" when we met, he had just ended one.

 

But after two dates he locked me down and we were together the next six years!

 

Had I asked him what he was looking for "in general," he probably would have said "to have some fun and good sex!" LOL

 

But that all changed after we spent some time together.

 

On those early dates, just relax, enjoy and have fun! No heavy talk about "what do you want, blah blah."

 

Just pay attentions to actions and allow things to develop gradually and naturally.

 

Any type of RL talk (even in general) is just a mood killer.

 

Guys know what you're after... (reassurance that this may "go somewhere") and it's a turn off to many.

 

^ETA -- it's a turn off to many on those very early dates.

 

Later on, okay to discuss. But NOT on a first date!

[leogirl876]

^ETA -- it's a turn off to many on those very early dates.

 

Later on, okay to discuss. But NOT on a first date!

 

Agreed! First dates are supposed to be light and fun like what music do you like, where's the best vacation spot, where do you like to eat, etc. First dates are just to see if there's any chemistry at all, if you can have a conversation without wanting to hurry up and get out of there!

[katiegrl]

Agreed! First dates are supposed to be light and fun like what music do you like, where's the best vacation spot, where do you like to eat, etc. First dates are just to see if there's any chemistry at all, if you can have a conversation without wanting to hurry up and get out of there!

 

Thank you for agreeing with me lg!

 

There are a few female posters on this board who insist that women should be asking, before a first date even, what a man's "dating goals" are, or if he is seeking a "relationship,"... UGH!!

 

I can't even imagine asking a man these questions before a first date OR on those early dates.

 

What a mood killer!

 

Just pay attention to actions and figure it out as you go along.

 

If you're paying attention to ACTIONS, you will no soon enough what his intentions are.

[JewelD]

I don't see a problem with asking. If the question alone scares him off, he's probably not serious about dating in general.

 

There's really nothing wrong with asking. If you don't, you might be operating under the impression that you both want the same thing.

 

Some people will go on dates with you because they're looking for a FWB. Some want a relationship. Some just want something to do. Better to find out upfront than be looking silly later on.

[hippychick3]

Thank you for agreeing with me lg!

 

There are a few female posters on this board who insist that women should be asking, before a first date even, what a man's "dating goals" are, or if he is seeking a "relationship,"... UGH!!

 

I can't even imagine asking a man these questions before a first date OR on those early dates.

 

What a mood killer!

 

Just pay attention to actions and figure it out as you go along.

 

If you're paying attention to ACTIONS, you will no soon enough what his intentions are.

 

Nah. I went on tons of dates before I met my bf and nothing I said was ever a mood killer. It was a very common topic of conversation on a first date...lasted all of maybe 3 minutes. Sometimes the guy asked me, sometimes I asked him. It was very light-hearted and casual and usually led to interesting discussions. I was asked out for a second date almost EVERY SINGLE TIME.

 

It's all in how you present it.

[katiegrl]

Nah. I went on tons of dates before I met my bf and nothing I said was ever a mood killer. It was a very common topic of conversation on a first date...lasted all of maybe 3 minutes. Sometimes the guy asked me, sometimes I asked him. It was very light-hearted and casual and usually led to interesting discussions. I was asked out for a second date almost EVERY SINGLE TIME.

 

It's all in how you present it.

 

OK fair enough. As long as it's a short light-hearted convo, it's all good.

 

And if it works well for you that is all that matters really.

 

As I said, I couldn't imagine asking myself... which works well for me.

 

But so many women make it this heavy topic of conversation, discussing dating goals, etc..

 

Which is too soon IMO.

 

It's a first date. Light, breezy and fun.

 

Has always worked for me anyway.

[leogirl876]

Thank you for agreeing with me lg!

 

There are a few female posters on this board who insist that women should be asking, before a first date even, what a man's "dating goals" are, or if he is seeking a "relationship,"... UGH!!

 

I can't even imagine asking a man these questions before a first date OR on those early dates.

 

What a mood killer!

 

Just pay attention to actions and figure it out as you go along.

 

If you're paying attention to ACTIONS, you will no soon enough what his intentions are.

 

Yeah, I can tell you guys have done that to me on first dates, I felt like it was an interview instead of a date. Not a good feeling! This one guy asked me when my last relationship was, how long ago, what I was looking for and if I had any major surgeries! :-O Who does that? I'll tell you, when it happens to you, it makes you see things from another angle and first couple of dates should be light and easy, nothing too deep. I also don't think people should be asking too many questions about past relationships until no sooner than 3rd date.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I can certainly see it as a turn off for some, but like some others have said, actions are better than words. I mean, if you asked me on the first date, i'd tell you that I'd like to get to know you better and see where it goes from there. Lying or not....I mean, if my intention was to sleep with you and run, I wouldn't let you know, right?

[leogirl876]

I can certainly see it as a turn off for some, but like some others have said, actions are better than words. I mean, if you asked me on the first date, i'd tell you that I'd like to get to know you better and see where it goes from there. Lying or not....I mean, if my intention was to sleep with you and run, I wouldn't let you know, right?

 

Definitely not, that's why asking intentions doesn't work anyway!

[Shanex]

Did you scare him off asking his intentions on date #1, let's see.. you'd like to know where you're headed. If you ask me, I'd enjoy the date and smile, joke around, chat and enjoy the drinks, not trying to set up a relationship right at the moment..

 

Even just talking on dating site, people often ask 'what are you looking for'? Within the first messages. It's fairly common.

 

Relationship?

FWB?

F-buddies?

Marriage?

and so on.

 

Personally, I'm always excited to meet someone new I like and get along with rapidly. But it takes more than a couple date to figure out, nevermind the first date.

 

Take it easy.. he says he wanted to be 'friends' by the way? Sorry, doesn't seem interested. But at least for once a woman is friend zoned. It's usually us guys..

[smackie9]

"Not looking for something serious, only casual" or "be friends first/take it slow" to me it translates into "you are not relationship material to me but are attractive enough to sleep with...." lol If the right person comes along, they are going to change their tune for sure. It's all a words game. Some people have their own way passively of putting the message out there, that you are not the one they are really interested in.

 

I say if it works for you, don't change a thing. There is no right or wrong way.

[katiegrl]

"Not looking for something serious, only casual" or "be friends first/take it slow" to me it translates into "you are not relationship material to me but are attractive enough to sleep with...." lol

 

---

 

**If the right person comes along, they are going to change their tune for sure.

 

 

I agree with this but don't you think it takes more than ONE date to determine if someone is "the right person"?

 

OP was asking if okay to ask intentions on first date!

 

Way too soon imo.