purplesoccer34 Posted September 16, 2016 Posted September 16, 2016 I've gone on a few dates with a guy. I did post a question about him before, but now I'm still sort of driving myself crazy over whether he is actually interested or not. I'm just looking for opinions. For our first date, we went out to get coffee, and it went well. He asked me a lot of questions about myself, held my hand, etc. For the second date, he asked me to go over to his place, but I said no. So we met up at a restaurant close to him, and I paid. For the third date, we met up for drinks again at a place close to him, and that went well. He paid that time. For the fourth date, I went over to his place and he was very nice. He didn't try to have sex or anything--we just cuddled. After every date, he has texted me asking if I am home safe. When I replied, he would say that he had a great time, and then send me more texts to keep the conversation going. We'd text until one of us fell asleep. But then he wouldn't text or call me again until the next time we saw each other. I'd initiate some texting conversations, and he would send friendly replies, but he wouldn't really try to keep the conversation going. Usually, he is the one that makes plans for our next date, and he would do that usually within two days of the previous date. Since our last date, I hadn't heard from him in a week, so I asked if he was willing to meet up again. He apologized, saying that things had gotten very busy, and asked if I was willing to meet that next day. I agreed, but then he canceled on that day, saying he had a family emergency. He sent a vague, "Let's plan this again in a few days," but I haven't heard from him--it's been 4 days. I'm starting to think that he's losing interest, but am I just being too impatient? At one point, I was certain that he no longer had any interest, but there was something else that would make me think otherwise. He and I work in the same field. He has his own company, and told me many times that he would love to collaborate with me on a project. He'd bring it up every time we saw each other. Since I have less experience than he does, he'd have to train me, and so he doesn't have much to gain by hiring me. He could easily hire someone with far more experience. This really makes me wonder. He also often asks me for my opinions--what I think about a particular hairstyle on him, etc. It has been a few days since we've spoken, but am I just driving myself crazy for no real reason?
Asterix Posted September 16, 2016 Posted September 16, 2016 Many guys (I am one of them) are horrible in app conversations. I think you are reading to much between the lines. Just call him. Works better with guys
katiegrl Posted September 16, 2016 Posted September 16, 2016 (edited) . Since our last date, I hadn't heard from him in a week, so I asked if he was willing to meet up again. He apologized, saying that things had gotten very busy, and asked if I was willing to meet that next day. I agreed, but then he canceled on that day, saying he had a family emergency. He sent a vague, "Let's plan this again in a few days," but I haven't heard from him--it's been 4 days. I'm starting to think that he's losing interest..... I agree, and if it were me I would interpret this as meaning yes he has lost interest (or lukewarm at best) and fading, and would move on. If he were still interested, at the very least, when he cancelled because of "family emergency" (which was most likely a load of crock - oldest excuse in the book).... he would have immediately scheduled another day and time. Not "let's plan this again in a few days" and then no contact for four days. If he's on line dating, he probably met someone else. Don't contact him again... for me it would just be next. I have no desire to date men who have little to no interest in me. Edited September 16, 2016 by katiegrl
Author purplesoccer34 Posted September 16, 2016 Author Posted September 16, 2016 I agree, and if it were me I would interpret this as meaning yes he has lost interest (or lukewarm at best) and fading, and would move on. If he were still interested, at the very least, when he cancelled because of "family emergency" (which was most likely a load of crock - oldest excuse in the book).... he would have immediately scheduled another day and time. Not "let's plan this again in a few days" and then no contact for four days. If he's on line dating, he probably met someone else. Don't contact him again... for me it would just be next. I have no desire to date men who have little to no interest in me. Yeah, this is what I thought--I'm just going to move on. It amazes me that someone could show so much interest at first, and then suddenly lose it all. I mean, this guy would even leave work early to come see me once upon a time, and cancel plans with his friends. It makes me wonder what I did to make him lose interest so suddenly.
katiegrl Posted September 16, 2016 Posted September 16, 2016 (edited) Yeah, this is what I thought--I'm just going to move on. It amazes me that someone could show so much interest at first, and then suddenly lose it all. I mean, this guy would even leave work early to come see me once upon a time, and cancel plans with his friends. It makes me wonder what I did to make him lose interest so suddenly. I doubt you did anything. People have a few dates, and realize they're not really feeling it... or they met someone else they click with better, it could be anything. I am going through this myself actually; I have had three dates with a man (we have another scheduled Saturday) but realize I am not really feeling it, so am going to end it with him. He hasn't done anything wrong.... it's just not "there" for me, although I did have a good time when I first met him. Not sure what I am going to say probably the ole "let's just be friends." Although I realize that's pretty lame. Unlike your guy, I just don't fade on people or ghost.... I wouldn't want that done to me so I won't do it to someone else. But people can be wishy-washy and/or like to keep others on hold or on backburner.... I guess in case they change their minds or whatevs, which personally I don't think is right, but it is what it is I guess. Try to not take it personally (I know that's hard). If you leave him alone, he will probably contact you again at some point.... up to you what you want to do with that. For me, if he contacted me again, I would just tell him I have moved on and that's that. Your call though. Edited September 16, 2016 by katiegrl
Author purplesoccer34 Posted September 16, 2016 Author Posted September 16, 2016 I doubt you did anything. People have a few dates, and realize they're not really feeling it... or they met someone else they click with better, it could be anything. I am going through this myself actually; I have had three dates with a man (we have another scheduled Saturday) but realize I am not really feeling it, so am going to end it with him. He hasn't done anything wrong.... it's just not "there" for me, although I did have a good time when I first met him. Not sure what I am going to say probably the ole "let's just be friends." Although I realize that's pretty lame. Unlike your guy, I just don't fade on people or ghost.... I wouldn't want that done to me so I won't do it to someone else. But people can be wishy-washy and/or like to keep others on hold or on backburner.... I guess in case they change their minds or whatevs, which personally I don't think is right, but it is what it is I guess. Try to not take it personally (I know that's hard). If you leave him alone, he will probably contact you again at some point.... up to you what you want to do with that. For me, if he contacted me again, I would just tell him I have moved on and that's that. Your call though. Yeah I guess you're right. I wouldn't fade on anyone either. In the past, I've always been up front whenever I didn't feel it with someone. It's so much better that way for the other person, I think. And I'm sure I have used the "let's just be friends" line lol. If he contacted me again, right now I'd say that I'll go running back to him lol. But hopefully if he does contact me, a significant amount of time has passed and I'd have definitely moved on by then.
Ami1uwant Posted September 16, 2016 Posted September 16, 2016 Yeah, this is what I thought--I'm just going to move on. It amazes me that someone could show so much interest at first, and then suddenly lose it all. I mean, this guy would even leave work early to come see me once upon a time, and cancel plans with his friends. It makes me wonder what I did to make him lose interest so suddenly. He likely is looking for some interest from you. He asked you yo go to his place to have sex and you didnt. He is always initiating contact with you and Planning dates so he wants to see your interest level by you contacting him and you planning the dat.
leogirl876 Posted September 16, 2016 Posted September 16, 2016 Sounds like he's looking to get sex by the 3rd or 4th date and since it hasn't happened, he's looking elsewhere. And let me tell you something about cuddling, men cuddle in the hopes of getting sex, period!
Osmium13 Posted September 16, 2016 Posted September 16, 2016 If you're asking the question, then I think you know the answer already... Chemistry doesn't need much effort when it's there. 1
katiegrl Posted September 16, 2016 Posted September 16, 2016 He likely is looking for some interest from you. He asked you yo go to his place to have sex and you didnt. He is always initiating contact with you and Planning dates so he wants to see your interest level by you contacting him and you planning the dat. Read her original post again, she DID initiate and made a date, after not hearing from him for a week. HE broke that date and has not rescheduled... and now she hasn't heard from him in four days.
katiegrl Posted September 16, 2016 Posted September 16, 2016 Sounds like he's looking to get sex by the 3rd or 4th date and since it hasn't happened, he's looking elsewhere. And let me tell you something about cuddling, men cuddle in the hopes of getting sex, period! I think if I hear "we cuddled" one more time... I may vomit. Seriously, that word is so highly over-used it's ridiculous. Do people really invite others over to "cuddle"? I recall reading about a woman who had a guy she had NEVER even met before invite her over to "cuddle." lol Come on now. 3
stillafool Posted September 16, 2016 Posted September 16, 2016 I agree and a cuddle is not an indication of extreme attraction so why does everyone keep mentioning it?
katiegrl Posted September 16, 2016 Posted September 16, 2016 (edited) I agree and a cuddle is not an indication of extreme attraction so why does everyone keep mentioning it? Heck, why does everyone keep doing it? After sex, okay cool, but nowadays as I said people are just inviting each other over to cuddle! I don't get it. I think guys say it cause they think it might endear them to whatever woman they're trying to **** that night. It just sounds so juvenile though, I can't image why a grown man would wish to say this. In the winter, my little friends and I used to cuddle by the campfire when we were like ten years old. lol Which is probably the age I stopped using the word. Edited September 16, 2016 by katiegrl 1
stillafool Posted September 17, 2016 Posted September 17, 2016 It just sounds so juvenile though, I can't image why a grown man would wish to say this. In the winter, my little friends and I used to cuddle by the campfire when we were like ten years old. lol Which is probably the age I stopped using the word. When I hear cuddle I think about being a child and cuddling with my teddy bear. It seems to be the new thing. I'm tired of hearing the word too.
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