Dating an Inexperienced Guy

[Pete2304]

Relax. I was brainstorming reasons why it has been years since he has not been in a relationship. You conveniently left out when I mentioned that he was in the Navy and mostly hung out with guys.

 

I have not had these discussions that I've had on this thread with him. That's just crazy. People use forums like this to brainstorm and discuss things and gain some clarity while they're dating someone.

 

After four dates and and getting to know him more, I realize he is just very introverted and just hasn't had luck in dating.

 

You conveniently didn't answer how appropriate you would find it if a thread was started about a potential partners chest size. Sounds like your man has had a bit of bad luck dating, probably best he meet someone who makes decisions on personality rather than with a ruler.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

]Relax. I was brainstorming reasons why it has been years since he has not been in a relationship[/b]. You conveniently left out when I mentioned that he was in the Navy and mostly hung out with guys.

 

I have not had these discussions that I've had on this thread with him. That's just crazy. People use forums like this to brainstorm and discuss things and gain some clarity while they're dating someone.

 

After four dates and-and getting to know him more, I realize he is just very introverted and just hasn't had luck in dating.

 

maybe he doesn't need a reason or has an idea. Maybe he's just waiting for the right person.

[Bialy]

You conveniently didn't answer how appropriate you would find it if a thread was started about a potential partners chest size. Sounds like your man has had a bit of bad luck dating, probably best he meet someone who makes decisions on personality rather than with a ruler.

I left that out because there are tons of threads in this forum about any number of topics. If you want me to go ahead and find some on chest size, I'm sure I'll find several. I don't see the concern.

 

There is absolutely nothing malicious about him said in my posts on this thread.

[Bialy]

maybe he doesn't need a reason or has an idea. Maybe he's just waiting for the right person.

That's a reason unto itself.

 

He said he's had difficulties because he's a natural introvert. He hates bars and women who hang out in them -- and he's a pretty low key guy. I never even asked him about why he has been single for so long - he mentioned all of this on his own.

 

We've been out four times so far. We're going out on Saturday for a 5th date.

Edited September 23, 2016 by Bialy

[insert_name]

Wow....If there was a post on here that started along the lines of...."I've been dating this girl but she's really shy and only small. I haven't seen her naked but I'm guessing she might be shy because she's probably got small boobs and being so short her self confidence is probably pretty low", how many people would have (quite rightly) taken offence to that?

 

Is it any wonder if the guy is nervous as hell when the size of things and his height are something you are instantly wondering about? Maybe he's shy, maybe he's just wondering if this is a good idea?

 

Things don't always match up in proportion but sounds like that's a deal

Breaker for you. If it is, maybe you should give someone who sounds like a nice enough bloke a wide berth before you start a relationship because it doesn't sound like your priorities are in the right place of I'm honest.

 

Interesting point however I think a more apt corollary would be to say "I've just started dating this girl but she is a bit unstable and crazy so I think it might be an indicator that she has had sex with a lot of men."

 

This place would blow up

[insert_name]

Relax. I was brainstorming reasons why it has been years since he has not been in a relationship. You conveniently left out when I mentioned that he was in the Navy and mostly hung out with guys.

 

I have not had these discussions that I've had on this thread with him. That's just crazy. People use forums like this to brainstorm and discuss things and gain some clarity while they're dating someone.

 

After four dates and and getting to know him more, I realize he is just very introverted and just hasn't had luck in dating.

 

Yes obviously you wouldn't tell him that you are perhaps bothered by his history enough to try and get some sort of reasoning for it that might be acceptable for you to hear...

 

That does make me wonder how you would feel if you discovered that he had a thread about you trying to brainstorm ideas about how some of your behaviour relates to your relationship history and made him unsure of you? Would you be bothered by that?

[Bialy]

Yes obviously you wouldn't tell him that you are perhaps bothered by his history enough to try and get some sort of reasoning for it that might be acceptable for you to hear...

 

That does make me wonder how you would feel if you discovered that he had a thread about you trying to brainstorm ideas about how some of your behaviour relates to your relationship history and made him unsure of you? Would you be bothered by that?

I wouldn't be bothered by that at all. That's what forums like these are for.

[jen1447]

I left that out because there are tons of threads in this forum about any number of topics. If you want me to go ahead and find some on chest size, I'm sure I'll find several. I don't see the concern.

 

There is absolutely nothing malicious about him said in my posts on this thread.

 

Yes obvs you're an appalling human being B and this thread should be co-opted to cross examine you and explore that angle rather than give you the feedback you asked for.

 

As for dates 5-6 - have fun! Just remember in all likelihood you'll have to get the festivities rolling yourself. Do you have a plan for that or are you just gonna wing it?

[Bialy]

Yes obvs you're an appalling human being B and this thread should be co-opted to cross examine you and explore that angle rather than give you the feedback you asked for.

 

As for dates 5-6 - have fun! Just remember in all likelihood you'll have to get the festivities rolling yourself. Do you have a plan for that or are you just gonna wing it?

Next weekend, my plan is to have him come over after work on Friday. To get him into a relaxed mood, I'll have a nice bite to eat at my apartment and then maybe we can go to a local spot to have a snack and maybe one beer for liquid encouragement. Take a walk around the park after that is another idea to just relax and chill.

 

I'm thinking we can come back to the apartment then and relax on the couch and see how things go...

 

And if things turn out to be fun, it'll make for a nice Saturday. I really think it'll help on so many different levels... And it'll be Date 7 on Saturday, so yay.

 

I'm fine with some first-time awkwardness - as long as we're having fun and he comes out of his shell.

[Bialy]

One of my guy friends thinks is a really good idea because it'll give the guy I'm dating an opportunity to mentally prepare and to come prepared with clothes for the next day and anything else needed...

 

My buddy says that when a guy hasn't been physically intimate in a long while, a little mental preparation goes a long way in his IMO.

 

We'll see. T Minus One More Week...

[preraph]

One of my guy friends thinks is a really good idea because it'll give the guy I'm dating an opportunity to mentally prepare and to come prepared with clothes for the next day and anything else needed...

 

My buddy says that when a guy hasn't been physically intimate in a long while, a little mental preparation goes a long way in his IMO.

 

We'll see. T Minus One More Week...:)

 

Oh, my God, you sound like Kiim Jong-Il about to launch a nuclear warhead. That man hasn't got a chance.

[Bialy]

Oh, my God, you sound like Kiim Jong-Il about to launch a nuclear warhead. That man hasn't got a chance.

Relax. That was just a joke. I even did a little smiley at the end of the sentence.

[Bialy]

I'm kind of bothered you'd say this guy doesn't have a chance. Why do you say that?

 

I'm opening my doors for a comfortable, chill evening because I like him.

[preraph]

Just making a joke. I just meant you're going full-bore after him and he will surely succumb to your weapons of mass destruction.

 

Not sure that made you feel any better.

[Pete2304]

I'm sorry if I've taken this whole thread the wrong way and whilst I haven't been here long, I've posted a fair bit and other than some rows about Trump, I haven't made any snap judgements but.....as I said in my original reply a couple of days/pages ago I don't think you've got your priorities right and honestly, you seem shallow.

 

Depending on how well this bloke knows you, it's hardly a shock if he's nervous, I'd be bloody terrified at the idea of coming round to yours for the night and that's not because I'm some pathetic weasel of a man, it's because in actual fact, of the two of you....you're the one who's the more nervous but you're overcompensating by coming on here asking irrelevant questions about his height etc etc. You know what I think, and maybe I'm wrong but.....all this on here about the dates is because you are nervous and excited. You've gotten to the point where you're actually giddy because things seem to be going well and completely understandably you want to tell the world about it and talk about him all night long here because you are loving every minute of this and feel like a teenager again. Now to create an ongoing chat you threw in his height and what not (I won't go there) but in reality I think

You are nervous, giddy, worried you are going to make a mess of this new relationship before it's truly begun and also enjoying the heart beating feeling of knowing someone likes you when it's all new.

 

I've read the whole thread and whilst I get that he's come across as shy I'm thinking you have maybe been a little intense when you see him and I don't mean that negatively but maybe a lot of talking and

nervous laughing and all of a sudden he hasn't said a word for ten minutes and you think he's being quiet.

 

If you want to relax a man and get him to open up: slow down, don't babble, put your hand on his knee while you are sat there talking and just smile gently. Be interested, yeah you probably don't want to know about half the stuff he's on about but bear in mind he's sat there with his heart beating ten to the dozen cursing himself for bringing up football or whatever but let him talk his way out of it.

 

Just chill.....good luck to you, genuinely hope it works out.

[sooshi]

Bialy. <3

 

Like this guy, I am very introverted and reserved. The only dating experience I have is with my ex-fiancé.

 

I'm really glad you're giving this guy a chance. He's coming out of his shell more every time. That's a really good sign. It sounds like he's adapting to the newness of dating (after so long) pretty well. You might have to be the one who makes the first few moves, and I think that will make him feel more confident about how things are progressing, and that it'll boost his confidence in general.

 

I hope all goes well.

[LD1990]

Depending on how well this bloke knows you, it's hardly a shock if he's nervous, I'd be bloody terrified at the idea of coming round to yours for the night and that's not because I'm some pathetic weasel of a man, it's because in actual fact, of the two of you....you're the one who's the more nervous but you're overcompensating by coming on here asking irrelevant questions about his height etc etc.

 

Terrified? Bialy is inviting this guy over to her place. He should be doing back flips.

 

Glad you've moved on Bialy, you seem like a sweet girl, don't know why people are giving you attitude. Good luck with your game plan.

[Pete2304]

She's nervous, or she wouldn't have spent the last few nights talking about it on here. Not that it's a bad thing, in fact something wrong if the nerves aren't there.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Hey Bialy that's awesome that you are dating, and I know that your original post may have offended some and the comment thereafter about what could possibly be the reasons why this guy wasn't making a move.

 

Pete2304 I totally get where you are coming from but I also get where Bialy is coming from. Gonna share my story re this topic to help you understand why women make up such crazy stories in their heads.

 

My ex, the one I wrote about here, took a while to make a move on me sexually as well. I had expressed to him early on I wanted to take things slow because that is what I am always like starting relationships and sex blurs your judgment so it was best for us to get to know each other a bit first. He was totally on board with that. So much so that it was going on almost two months and half and we'd see each other sometimes twice a week and have these crazy make-out sessions where the night would end and I was so horny for him I thought I was going to explode.

 

So the irony of this situation was that after weeks of this I started to get all tripped out thinking, what if he has a tiny penis, what if he has erectile issues, what if he has an STD, what if he is just not all that sexual (though judging by our make-out sessions he seemed like he was very sexual) what if he is just not that into me!!!! God knows what kinds of crazy thoughts were crossing through my mind.

 

Bialy just vocalized them here in public. As women our experience is that a man dating us = a man trying to get into our pants, without fail, every single man experience that we have in a romantic scenario we are trained to expect him to make a move as soon as we agree to go out with him. The one moment we don't see that our minds go berserk into "there must be something wrong with him" mode. It's what we are programmed to think based on our experience.

 

As per my ex, I ended up having to make the move to move past just making out and he more than obliged, and his size was phenomenally adequate! his sex drive was twice mine in fact, his body was beautiful he had no issues whatsoever with getting or sustaining an erection. Years later we joked about how I am the one who put the breaks on us initially but then I was the one who practically violated him sexually in the end.

 

Moral of the story is, he was trying to do everything right in terms of playing his cards right because he really really liked me and he wanted to honour my wishes yet when I got that for the first time in my life I didn't know what to do with it due to lack of experience. My experience had always been fighting a guy off.

 

Just food for thought.

[Pete2304]

Sunkissed firstly, please take this in the spirit it's intended which is certainly not to have a go or offend but as a man, it seems hard to win given your approach.

 

If a man tried to get in your pants early on while you were dating he's a "typical man" and that's unacceptable behaviour but you expect us all to behave like that and are trained, as you say, to then tell him no.

 

The flip side is that if like I have always and will always do, a man behaves like a gentleman, you then start to worry that he might be small in that department or have some other performance or anxiety issues.

 

So what is it you look for, a bloke who tries to sleep with you early on or one who actually treats you well? Size keeps being mentioned and that's just shallow. Now you are going to probably assume that because I keep defending this point that I am small in that department and so have had this problem with women I've met. Assume that if you wish but maybe just realise that some of us actually just respect and like someone we've met enough to not try and rush things because actually we see a potential future in the relationship. Everyone enjoys sex, men and women but by a man putting it off in the beginning doesn't mean there's an issue but probably that in fact he really does like you in more ways than just thinking you're gorgeous.

[Bialy]

I'm sorry if I've taken this whole thread the wrong way and whilst I haven't been here long, I've posted a fair bit and other than some rows about Trump, I haven't made any snap judgements but.....as I said in my original reply a couple of days/pages ago I don't think you've got your priorities right and honestly, you seem shallow.

 

Depending on how well this bloke knows you, it's hardly a shock if he's nervous, I'd be bloody terrified at the idea of coming round to yours for the night and that's not because I'm some pathetic weasel of a man, it's because in actual fact, of the two of you....you're the one who's the more nervous but you're overcompensating by coming on here asking irrelevant questions about his height etc etc. You know what I think, and maybe I'm wrong but.....all this on here about the dates is because you are nervous and excited. You've gotten to the point where you're actually giddy because things seem to be going well and completely understandably you want to tell the world about it and talk about him all night long here because you are loving every minute of this and feel like a teenager again. Now to create an ongoing chat you threw in his height and what not (I won't go there) but in reality I think

You are nervous, giddy, worried you are going to make a mess of this new relationship before it's truly begun and also enjoying the heart beating feeling of knowing someone likes you when it's all new.

 

I've read the whole thread and whilst I get that he's come across as shy I'm thinking you have maybe been a little intense when you see him and I don't mean that negatively but maybe a lot of talking and

nervous laughing and all of a sudden he hasn't said a word for ten minutes and you think he's being quiet.

 

If you want to relax a man and get him to open up: slow down, don't babble, put your hand on his knee while you are sat there talking and just smile gently. Be interested, yeah you probably don't want to know about half the stuff he's on about but bear in mind he's sat there with his heart beating ten to the dozen cursing himself for bringing up football or whatever but let him talk his way out of it.

 

Just chill.....good luck to you, genuinely hope it works out.

Wow. Where are you getting all of this from?

 

You say he's quiet, but I've never said that at all. He's very talkative and a great conversationalist.

 

He's the one that brought up his height - not me. He made mention that he hesitated with online dating because he knows women eliminate based on height. I have not.

 

I don't babble. That doesn't even make any sense. I've no idea why you are making these accusations.

 

Of course, I'm excited - I like this guy.

[Pete2304]

I've only ever once slept with a woman on a first date. She turned out to be the woman I married and deep down I had reservations about her from the minute she did that and it turned out to be the biggest mistake I've ever made. I have never nor will ever sleep with someone straight away again. Doesn't mean I'm worried about my size or my performance, more that I'd rather see if there's really something between us. Maybe that makes me a rubbish bloke and I should jump at the chance if it's ever offered but that's just not me.

[Pete2304]

Wow. Where are you getting all of this from?

 

You say he's quiet, but I've never said that at all. He's very talkative and a great conversationalist.

 

He's the one that brought up his height - not me. He made mention that he hesitated with online dating because he knows women eliminate based on height. I have not.

 

I don't babble. That doesn't even make any sense. I've no idea why you are making these accusations.

 

Of course, I'm excited - I like this guy.

 

Crossed wires with you and someone else who replied and I'd gotten myself confused between the two of you so apologies.

I was posting on here whilst trying to write stuff for work and cook a meal at the same and I made a mess of it (and tea for that matter!) good luck to you,

Hope it all goes well

[Sunkissedpatio]

Sunkissed firstly, please take this in the spirit it's intended which is certainly not to have a go or offend but as a man, it seems hard to win given your approach.

 

If a man tried to get in your pants early on while you were dating he's a "typical man" and that's unacceptable behaviour but you expect us all to behave like that and are trained, as you say, to then tell him no.

 

The flip side is that if like I have always and will always do, a man behaves like a gentleman, you then start to worry that he might be small in that department or have some other performance or anxiety issues.

 

So what is it you look for, a bloke who tries to sleep with you early on or one who actually treats you well? Size keeps being mentioned and that's just shallow. Now you are going to probably assume that because I keep defending this point that I am small in that department and so have had this problem with women I've met. Assume that if you wish but maybe just realise that some of us actually just respect and like someone we've met enough to not try and rush things because actually we see a potential future in the relationship. Everyone enjoys sex, men and women but by a man putting it off in the beginning doesn't mean there's an issue but probably that in fact he really does like you in more ways than just thinking you're gorgeous.

 

I totally get it and I know that it is entirely unfair of me think the way I did. I am not justifying my crazy conclusions at the time. I was just pointing out that because we are so used guys just ploughing over our wishes and trying anyway what they want, when we do meet the rare guy that is willing to also take his time it actually created the opposite effect in me. It was also because I liked him so much and I didn't know enough about him maybe the protective part of my brain was looking for something to go wrong because things were really really good.

 

I also don't think it is "inappropriate" for guys to want sex right away I think it is normal but it is nice to see a guy that wasn't just all about that.

 

So I loved that he was willing to wait and wouldn't make it about sex all too soon yet after a while though it started to play with my head somehow. Not saying it is ideal or as it should be just saying that it can happen that it makes us wonder silly things, when in fact it is just what it is.

Sort of like if the guy isn't sex obsessed right away there must be something wrong with him because that has been our experience all along.

[Pete2304]

I totally get it and I know that it is entirely unfair of me think the way I did. I am not justifying my crazy conclusions at the time. I was just pointing out that because we are so used guys just ploughing over our wishes and trying anyway what they want, when we do meet the rare guy that is willing to also take his time it actually created the opposite effect in me. It was also because I liked him so much and I didn't know enough about him maybe the protective part of my brain was looking for something to go wrong because thing were really really good.

 

I also don't think it is "inappropriate" for guys to want sex right away I think it is normal but it is nice to see a guy that wasn't just all about that.

 

So I loved that he was willing to wait and wouldn't make it about sex all too soon yet after a while though it started to play with my head somehow. Not saying it is ideal or as it should be just saying that it can happen that it makes us wonder silly things, when in fact it is just what it is.

Sort of like if the guy isn't sex obsessed right away there must be something wrong with him because that has been our experience all along.

 

Then you have been dating the wrong type of man. I've heard more times than I care to remember about women being attracted to "bad boys" then there's the inevitable shock and upset when said bad boy behaves like an idiot.

 

I am fully aware that being nice and behaving like a gent has never done me any favours when it comes to meeting someone and in fact, my wife would have probably stayed had I been more like that but I won't. Give the nice ones a chance in the future but and if you're worried he won't be able to perform or that he's nervous because he's not hung like Linford Christie then whatever you do don't tell him lol.

 

Women have more of a part to play than men when it comes to the first time, I think. All a woman has to do is make a man feel wanted and then things will rise to the occasion very easily but the more pressure the less that's going to happen and If the poor sod has had to promise you he's not got little parts, that he can perform and that it won't all be over in the blink of an eye he's got as much chance or performing as meatloaf on a tight rope!!!