Dating an Inexperienced Guy

[preraph]

The worst is when all they do is use their penis because they are happy with their size.

 

Makes for totally awful sexual encounters.

 

Yes, at the risk of sounding like the '70s gladfly I was, I have met more men who thought they were fantastic in bed, probably two-thirds of them, when only 2 percent actually were. A lot of guys place too much value on size and/or how long they can just go at it. The good ones feel like they have three hands and are ambidextrous and not just doing one thing at a time.

[Bialy]

Date 3 - Today

 

We met up for a book festival - more of an interest of mine, but he invited himself and I told him he should definitely come with me if he's curious. And he did!

 

I was more touchy-feely. After our hello hug, we were walking down the hallway, I placed my arm around his shoulders as we walked and said, "I'm glad you're here to join me in this."

 

Gosh, he is hard to read. He didn't reach for my hand.

 

So our time together was roughly just over 2 hours - we grabbed some lunch. I preferred to do this over seeing a movie because we were talking throughout.

 

Our goodbye was still a hug -- but I did go in and kiss his neck. (I'm a physically affectionate person - but not necessarily full on PDA. I really prefer long hugs or kissing someone's neck or rubbing a guy's shoulders.)

 

I... just don't know. This is still only Date 3 and for a guy like him who hasn't dated anyone in years at age 29, it's just hard to read his body language. He's very reserved and gentlemanly. I really appreciate that and if he wants to take things slow - I'm fine with that. If it's been a looooooong time since has had a girlfriend, I can imagine he's just gunshy.

[Bialy]

By Date 4, is it okay to ask what he's looking for -- friendship, relationship, or just seeing where things go naturally? We're probably going to see a movie on our 4th date, so maybe before or after it, I'd like to ask.

[chphan]

By Date 4, is it okay to ask what he's looking for -- friendship, relationship, or just seeing where things go naturally? We're probably going to see a movie on our 4th date, so maybe before or after it, I'd like to ask.

 

Yes nothing wrong with that in having a mature discussion. This way you know where he stands and where you stand so you aren't wasting his time and yours.

[GemmaUK]

By Date 4, is it okay to ask what he's looking for -- friendship, relationship, or just seeing where things go naturally? We're probably going to see a movie on our 4th date, so maybe before or after it, I'd like to ask.

 

 

Nothing wrong with that at all.

 

I do suspect he won't give a totally clear answer though - better off kissing him - see his reaction - I think you'll tell more from that.

 

PS. I love your Snoopy!

[Wade Lamare]

Yes, obviously we don't know his story. He could be a bit like I was. I'd been turned down so many times, messed around, friend zoned etc.

 

And (I know it makes me sound a wuss *shrugs*) my confidence was completely shot. My wife to be had to almost stick my hand up her sweater before I got the hint.

 

For all we know he may have been emotionally hurt by a previous GF, hence the longish time being unattached.

 

Why not make the first move, this is the 21st century after all, just don't go all rampant vamp on him. Not that I think you will, but it could cause him to pull back.

 

I honestly think that if you do manage to unlock his lonely heart you'll find a wellspring of love and affection for you.

 

Just a warning, if he is that type you may find him a little clingy and needy at the start of the relationship, just take it gently and he'll soon improve.

[Bialy]

Wow. So we just had this little exchange right now via text.

 

Me: "I'm really digging the books I picked up at the festival! Can't wait to start reading them."

 

Him: "Made it home! Is that what you're gonna do tonight?"

 

Me: "Maybe! At least before I go to bed."

 

Him: "By the way, I think things are going really well as far as we're concerned. :)"

 

Yay!! So glad he sent this. Date 4 - this Monday.

[sooshi]

Aww, Bialy, he likes you! He really likes you. Aww.

[jen1447]

Yeah, I think he's just really gun shy for w/e reason. Just be patient w him and try to draw him out slowly.

[Dis]

Wow. So we just had this little exchange right now via text.

 

Me: "I'm really digging the books I picked up at the festival! Can't wait to start reading them."

 

Him: "Made it home! Is that what you're gonna do tonight?"

 

Me: "Maybe! At least before I go to bed."

 

Him: "By the way, I think things are going really well as far as we're concerned. :)"

Yay!! So glad he sent this. Date 4 - this Monday.

 

Bialy I'm so happy you're getting out there, you seem like a sweetheart

 

Now the is JMO, I'm alittle concerned about this guy not being able to make even the smallest move like holding your hand...we all need confidence in relationships..if thats a lacking component that can be a problem

 

If you're the type of girl that likes to take charge and lead then I think this guy could be a great fit for you but if you're like me (and many other women on LS) dating a guy who doesnt know how to make a move isnt ideal. I personally need a guy that takes charge

 

This guy seems to possess alot of passive/female energy...it might be cute now but after the 7th date...when he's still afraid to make a move or reciprocate one...it might not be so cute then

 

This is JMO, I could be wrong... I really hope this works out the way you want it to girly

[Wade Lamare]

How did you meet, Bialy?

 

Did he ask you out?

 

If so, and if he is shy then let me tell you that probably took a lot of courage from him.

 

I used to be tied up in knots for days before I would ask a girl out and then I'd be so cross because my nervousness made me sound like a complete dork and I hadn't asked in the way I'd rehearsed and instead made a blushing, stammering mess of it.

 

Just my POV but I think to be asked out by a shyer person is way more of a compliment than to be asked out by some guy who is used to women falling for his charms.

[Bialy]

Thanks everyone! I really appreciate the positive feedback. I have to say, this is the healthiest start to dating anyone ever for me. No red flags.

 

We met OLD. I'm actually the first person he's ever met on the site. He opened it up a couple weeks before we met.

 

He asked me out on all of our dates.

 

Since we are only on Date 3 -- I'll see how things shape up over the next four weeks. Date 4 is on Monday and Date 5 is on Thursday.

[preraph]

He better kiss you on Date 4. Wishing for the best.

[Shanex]

He better kiss you on Date 4. Wishing for the best.

 

Yep. Pretty sure he will make his move.

 

Enjoy the date Bialy. And we demand feedbacks!

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

Yes, obviously we don't know his story. He could be a bit like I was. I'd been turned down so many times, messed around, friend zoned etc.

 

And (I know it makes me sound a wuss *shrugs*) my confidence was completely shot. My wife to be had to almost stick my hand up her sweater before I got the hint.

 

For all we know he may have been emotionally hurt by a previous GF, hence the longish time being unattached.

 

Why not make the first move, this is the 21st century after all, just don't go all rampant vamp on him. Not that I think you will, but it could cause him to pull back.

 

I honestly think that if you do manage to unlock his lonely heart you'll find a wellspring of love and affection for you.

Just a warning, if he is that type you may find him a little clingy and needy at the start of the relationship, just take it gently and he'll soon improve.

 

 

I would much rather a clingy guy than a guy who blows hot and cold. You've got a great guy here. If he's been single for a long time, and that's his only issue, than really he barely has any issues at all. It takes a while for a long term single to adjust into a relationship, but then I've experienced men who want a relationship immediately and it all falls a part as quickly as it begun. A slow burn is sometimes better than explosive chemistry.

[Els]

You said you were going out on dates, does that mean 'dates' like he asked you out and you accepted, or was it phrased more as a 'hangout'? If the former, I think he already knows you're attracted to him.

 

I mean, you can push things along by initiating physical contact (not necessarily sexual, just taking his hand or stuff like that) and reciprocating enthusiastically in your conversations with him. But I feel that all of that should come naturally if you DO like him, y'know? Don't push yourself to do anything 'extra' just because he's inexperienced or shy.

 

I've dated 'shy and inexperienced' guys and really, they're not all that much different from other guys. They don't need special treatment or to be coddled or pushed along. Probably the only thing 'extra' that they need is some patience, because they typically need to really get to know you before they get close to you. But I prefer that sort of attachment style anyway (and very much do NOT prefer the sort of guy who makes sexual moves on the 2nd date) so it has never been an issue for me.

 

 

 

But I'm also worried that he might be (small) too.

 

This is all anecdotal, but the tallest guy I've been with was the smallest. I really doubt there is a correlation between height and penis size.

[Chris2016]

OP, when you get the chance, let it be natural, take the initiative to hold his hand. He'll secretly thank you for it.

[Bialy]

So, we have Date 5 on this Saturday. It'll be a day of miscellaneous stuff. We're probably going to a museum, do a lot of walking, grab a bite, and just enjoy the nice weather basically.

 

We are both still cagey about getting kissy and whatnot. I like men who are more demonstrative with physical attraction in the early stages, so this is new for me... My main takeaway, despite that: we are both having a good time and are still seeing each other, which is pretty cool...

 

So... I think I'm going to suggest that we spend next Friday and Saturday together as our Date 6. We can watch a movie Friday night and just relax... and get more comfortable with each other... And see if we're compatible and have some physical chemistry.

 

I'm comfortable enough with him to invite him to my apartment, which is a good sign.

[Lansing]

Not clear if he kissed you in date 4 or not? Interesting that you will I give him to stay over and expect some intimacy if he hasn't even kissed you yet. Personally I loke to take things slower too so I don't think this is a bad thing but actually refreshing.

[Bialy]

Not clear if he kissed you in date 4 or not? Interesting that you will I give him to stay over and expect some intimacy if he hasn't even kissed you yet. Personally I loke to take things slower too so I don't think this is a bad thing but actually refreshing.

It's still cagey, but I know he likes me and it has been a long time since he has dated or been in a relationship with anyone. This Saturday is our 5th date. Since our first date, we talk every single day.

 

Maybe next weekend is too soon for some. However, I personally don't want to continue dating endlessly without knowing if we're physically compatible.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

It's pretty obvious hun, you're going to have to make the first move. But then, there isn't anything wrong with that. Go for the kiss yourself!

[Pete2304]

Wow....If there was a post on here that started along the lines of...."I've been dating this girl but she's really shy and only small. I haven't seen her naked but I'm guessing she might be shy because she's probably got small boobs and being so short her self confidence is probably pretty low", how many people would have (quite rightly) taken offence to that?

 

Is it any wonder if the guy is nervous as hell when the size of things and his height are something you are instantly wondering about? Maybe he's shy, maybe he's just wondering if this is a good idea?

 

Things don't always match up in proportion but sounds like that's a deal

Breaker for you. If it is, maybe you should give someone who sounds like a nice enough bloke a wide berth before you start a relationship because it doesn't sound like your priorities are in the right place of I'm honest.

[Bialy]

Wow....If there was a post on here that started along the lines of...."I've been dating this girl but she's really shy and only small. I haven't seen her naked but I'm guessing she might be shy because she's probably got small boobs and being so short her self confidence is probably pretty low", how many people would have (quite rightly) taken offence to that?

 

Is it any wonder if the guy is nervous as hell when the size of things and his height are something you are instantly wondering about? Maybe he's shy, maybe he's just wondering if this is a good idea?

 

Things don't always match up in proportion but sounds like that's a deal

Breaker for you. If it is, maybe you should give someone who sounds like a nice enough bloke a wide berth before you start a relationship because it doesn't sound like your priorities are in the right place of I'm honest.

Relax. I was brainstorming reasons why it has been years since he has not been in a relationship. You conveniently left out when I mentioned that he was in the Navy and mostly hung out with guys.

 

I have not had these discussions that I've had on this thread with him. That's just crazy. People use forums like this to brainstorm and discuss things and gain some clarity while they're dating someone.

 

After four dates and and getting to know him more, I realize he is just very introverted and just hasn't had luck in dating.

[Bialy]

Things don't always match up in proportion but sounds like that's a deal Breaker for you. If it is, maybe you should give someone who sounds like a nice enough bloke a wide berth before you start a relationship because it doesn't sound like your priorities are in the right place of I'm honest.

One other thing. The worry I had is that he is not confident. He's not tall. He's 5'7''. He actually mentioned this casually on his own on our second date. He said he was hesitate to do online dating because he knows his height is an issue for many women.

 

I have been going out with him regardless of height.

 

He lacks a lot of confidence. He says he goes to the gym because it really is a confidence booster for him. But, overall, he's very introverted and he has been coming out of his shell with each date.

Edited September 23, 2016 by Bialy

[Curious-One]

Alcohol always helps things...

 

do netflix and chill with some alcohol and he should be making moves after few shots of vodka lol...or if he doesnt you will have a good excuse to do it yourself lol.