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Why do men make these jokes, are they implying something?

Hopeful30

By Hopeful30
in General Relationship Discussion

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Lovestinks12 Member

Lovestinks12

Posted
Posted

so women don't want a guy thats in shape? would you date a 300 lb guy before getting to know him? If you're in a relationship and your man gains weight. You arent going to say anything to him? I think you will make an observation towards his weight gain.. I was in a relationship with a girl and I got comfortable and gained a little weight and she made an observation. I didnt take it as negative, but took it as a fact that she was worried about my health and was being considerate. If you think about it.. if you;re taking care of your health and your spouse isnt, then you have to deal with a 300 lb man mounting you. does that sound sexy? Of course personality outshines all in the end and beauty fades.

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted
Not necessarily. A guy might be concerned for his partners health if she gained, or was gaining a significant amount of weight. Judging by some of the comments, people forget that.

 

I'm sorry, but what does this have to do with confidence?

 

I am fit and want a fit woman. Believe me that I let everyone know that on my profile and will let my woman know if she is becoming unhealthy b/c of weight gain or if it is not attractive.

 

I am very confident in who I am....

 

A lack of confidence in one's partner and her commitment to fitness leads to this sort of concern and weak, joking commentary.

 

A confident man doesn't do that.

Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted (edited)

When I read threads like this, I am glad I'm not a man.

 

I wish that weight was not such an offensive topic for some people and that people, like grown adults can honestly and candidly discuss the matter of weight without taking it personal and/or getting offended.

 

When I was in the military, we were in training and on restriction. In other words, we women couldn't shave our legs and/or get beauty products. At one training location, those jerks even outlawed Chapstick because they said it looked like lipgloss :rolleyes:.

 

Anywho, a roommate, upon restriction being lifted, said that she was happy to get bleach for her mustache. I never noticed the freakin' thing. All I did was say "yeah, you gotta do something about that". I, IN NO WAY, intended to hurt her, be sarcastic, hated mustaches on women. I simply said she oughta take care of that in the same way I felt I needed to do my hair and feel like a "woman" again - after being on restriction. But no, she started crying and copped an attitude with me (mind you, fast forward in years...she's divorced...marriage didn't even last a year or two despite them having a child).

 

So, IMO, "she" was not confident. "She" was self-conscious about her mustache, but projected her issues onto me and whomever may have said something about it and that's not fair.

 

IMO, same goes for weight. Instead of the person taking a honest look at themselves, their activity level/dietary habits and make positive changes - they don't want to and prefer to project their issues upon someone who says or does something that offends them.

 

That mom who posted Instagrams of her rockin' bod after having three kids got a lot of flack. They accused her of "shaming" others. Gimmie a break. The woman was showing off "her" body. She was proud to have had such a body after having three kids.

 

So, how can one get offended if a guy says something like if you gain weight, I'm outta here? Well, I got some bad news for men. I look at men and try to judge what they will look like in a few years. If on OLD they say that they're working on themselves, I'm like "next". If they are slim, but have no physical activities, I'm like "next" cuz I am afraid that with age they will get heavier and lazy. I'm not perfect, but I work out. I like staying active. I want someone who shares the same physical characteristics and activity level as I do. Actually, I'm not a fan of gym rats and/or guys on restricted diets (like weight lifters).

 

And, IMO, a guy who sticks around after his woman lets herself go lacks confidence - because a confident man would have enough self esteem to realize that he deserves better than that. He deserves a woman who takes care of herself. A guy with no self esteem and/or confidence is just happy for whatever scraps he can get. So, if he gets a woman who says "take it or leave it", he's gonna be like "Thank God, at least I got something".

 

I would love for there to be a poll where women could say whether or not they prefer a man to have a beer belly and lounge around on the couch all day vs. a guy who is active, fit and is out playing with their kids shooting hoops, taking them on bike rides, etc. I'm sure if women had a choice they'd opt for the active guy.

 

So, in sum, a guy has a right to want a fit woman. He has a right to desire a woman who takes care of her body and looks. It's not offensive and/or insulting. Lastly, not everyone is out there to offend people. Some people have thin skin and/or their own issues and project them on other people and that's not fair.

Edited by Gloria25
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h0000 Established Member

h0000

Posted
Posted

I think it can be a joke because sometimes I say that to my BF and it's totally just a joke

Besides why does it matter ? Just stay fit so it will never happen right? If my BF said that to me I wouldn't mind

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Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

Posted
Posted
I think it can be a joke because sometimes I say that to my BF and it's totally just a joke

Besides why does it matter ? Just stay fit so it will never happen right? If my BF said that to me I wouldn't mind

 

Exactly,

 

You know what I say to some of my friends when I don't hear from them for a while?

 

I say "I'm filing for divorce!!!"...

 

And, I'm literally joking. I have no intention of dumping them as a friend. I'm not insulting them, I'm not trying to offend them.

 

My "I'm filing for divorce!!!" is akin to saying "Hey stranger!!!". I like saying cheeky things like that. Yes, I can be sarcastic and have a twisted sense of humor, but I have no intention of offending the person and/or I'm not subliminally implying that they are something.

 

Geesh...

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted

My ex-BF told me "Don't get fat" a few times. Didn't bother me, but I also told him that I'd dump him if he ever got fat (he asked). It goes both ways.

  • Like 3
Osmium13 Established Member

Osmium13

Posted
Posted

I think it's reasonable to have a degree of expectation that your partner looks after him/herself physically - and that they would have that expectation of you as well.

  • Like 1
LookAtThisPOst Established Member

LookAtThisPOst

Posted
Posted
Basil's question to you was this:

 

 

You cut it down to this:

 

 

Giving this response:

 

 

Cutting Basil's question down has lost it's meaning. Was that deliberate?

 

It's quite apt/funny actually in the context of this thread!

 

Peraph, you dodged a bullet - and in no other lifetime - just never!

 

The opening post had a pretty big comment right from the start but I gotta say that little daft comments which are too bizarre to even believe are those which can knock a woman or a man down.

They chip away.

A confident man doesn't need to chip away at his partners confidence as he sees no threat and they're equal.

An insecure man/woman will gaslight/change what she has said/ put her down in incredibly subtle ways until the partner has no real clue what the hell is happening and it's all just too ridiculous!

 

The point where you laugh due to thinking they are joking is the time to stop any and all contact.

 

No, wasn't deliberately cutting Basil down at all. It was kind of an after thought of some women I've met that had sometimes obnoxious/rude boyfriends in mixed company that would say obnoxious things. I've always noticed in some marriages that how on EARTH that HE or SHE..such a nice person, get caught up with that?

 

Polar opposites, I would see the anti-social, crass husband..but the wife the complete opposite. They would make these little passive aggressive remarks to their sig others and their friends would be just disgusted...it was obvious to everyone but the couple.

 

I think I would recall a Dr. Phil episode where the spouses had issues with their own spouses at making fun of their appearances, then saying, "I was just joookiiin" LOL!"

LookAtThisPOst Established Member

LookAtThisPOst

Posted
Posted (edited)
I'm sorry, but what does this have to do with confidence?

 

I am fit and want a fit woman. Believe me that I let everyone know that on my profile and will let my woman know if she is becoming unhealthy b/c of weight gain or if it is not attractive.

 

I am very confident in who I am....

 

Funny you mention this, I know this woman on POF. She's cute, but she says, "My body isn't perfect, but if you're into super models, then I'm not the one for you."

 

To be honest, I think she's very pretty, tall, but she's got some pudge in her mid-section...but that's about it.

 

But I've seen profiles where women talk about the specifics of their body and how they aren't perfect, and then say, "I'f youre looking for a Barbie, then I'm not the one for you!"

 

I knew of a stout woman that had a similar write-up. She said she's been "blessed" with Triple D's (probably because of her weight). Says something similar. I wouldn't call them fit nor athletic, but just average to chunky builds.

 

"I'm not perfect in appearance" but an implied, "But I expect you to be!"

 

But yet, the men who aren't "Kens"...they won't have an interest in.

Edited by LookAtThisPOst
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Hopeful30 Established Member

Hopeful30

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Maybe these jokes are an indirect way of expressing standards, instead of saying outright "I hope your body doesn't change."

 

Then again, if you're more invested in your partner than they are in you, these jokes can hit a sore spot because you wouldn't leave them for something so trivial.

 

I agree with an above poster who said these are projections. What a person says tells you more about them then it doesn't about who these words are directed to. Oftentimes such comments or jokes are a direct manifestation of the speakers own insecurity about said topic of joke.

  • Like 1
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
These "jokes" are not jokes, they do mean something. When someone makes a sarcastic joke, there's truth behind it. Next time a jerk says something like that to you, say "Ok, and if "it" stops working (meaning can't get it up anymore) then I'm finding someone else to have sex with".

 

Also tell him if his hair starts falling out or he develops man breasts; you're gone!;)

  • Like 1
thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

Posted
Posted (edited)

Its a touchy subject that many men have concern for, yet sometimes don't quite know how to make their feelings known....

 

Because really, its a no win situation...You say something and you're a d-bag...You don't and they(women) think you don't mind(or may even enjoy it) of she packs on a bunch of pounds...

 

No matter what people think, most relationships begin with a physical attraction to what that person is at the point of first sight...If the other person morphs into something that is pretty drastically different from the first meeting, well....what does that say...??

 

This holds true for both men and women, but it definitely seems like more of an issue for men...IME, Women seem more tolerant of physical appearance if their other needs are met..>Conversely I have known guys in my own circle that have put up with mentally unstable, mean, lazy, etc, women and gladly kiss their behinds because they are smokin' hot...

 

Certain concessions need to be made for age, etc...I take very good care of myself and Ive been told I look great for my age, but I am not the same person I was at 25...But I control the things I can...Men cant control losing hair and most women's bodies do take a hit from childbirth, but just about all of can control what we put in our mouths and how much activity we engage in...

 

I like what Gloria said....In an ideal world, people should be able to make their desires and opinions known to their partner without the fear of being insulted or butt hurt...It just usually doesn't work out that way...

 

TFY

Edited by thefooloftheyear
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted

I don't understand why it is difficult to express a positive preference for a certain shape or size, rather than disparaging another size, jokingly or otherwise.

 

You like what you like, you pick someone who is what you like. And if their body shape is an important part of why you like them, by all means tell them that.

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