Why do men make these jokes, are they implying something?

[Hopeful30]

I'm a believer that there is a bit of truth behind every joke. I hear men sometimes makes jokes along the lines "If you gain weight, we will have to go our separate ways".

 

I wonder if they make these jokes to indirectly indicate how important physical form is to them? The only man I've ever dated who made these jokes was extremely into being physically in shape (even though he's lost all his form now, ha!) and he didn't understand deeper romantic connections, focused a lot on the physical aspects (sex, being physically near each other, dressing well etc).

 

Could these jokes be an indicator of the same? That a man is much more focused on physical appearances than understanding the woman beyond what she physically brings to a relationship?

 

Again, this stems from the fact that I don't think people make jokes for no reason. They are Freudian slips, perhaps!

[leogirl876]

These "jokes" are not jokes, they do mean something. When someone makes a sarcastic joke, there's truth behind it. Next time a jerk says something like that to you, say "Ok, and if "it" stops working (meaning can't get it up anymore) then I'm finding someone else to have sex with".

[Buddhist]

I had a boyfriend whom I met online before the days of Skype and he joked just prior to meeting that I could be ugly and fat. That was a little window of opportunity to see directly into his personality which I unfortunately looked over. These aren't jokes they are statements about that person's true intent disguised as a joke. I listen now, if a guy makes this kind of statement I am out of there. Not because I am fat or intend to be but because it shows me exactly what his priority is. Typically himself and his personal ego needs.

 

The irony of that story was that particular boyfriend just so happened to be the least attractive person I've dated. Strange that he should be so concerned about looks when his weren't up to much. :roll eyes: He turned out to be one of the most shallow and manipulative individuals I've had the misfortune to be involved with. Sadly far too many men have the depth of a puddle.

Edited September 16, 2016 by Buddhist

[Haydn]

That`s not a joke. It`s a stupid attempt to use humour to mask a subtle threat.

 

If i said that to a girl, i would expect a swift knee to the love spuds.

[PrettyEmily77]

That`s not a joke. It`s a stupid attempt to use humour to mask a subtle threat.

 

If i said that to a girl, i would expect a swift knee to the love spuds.

 

If a guy ever dared say something like that to me, I'd 'jokingly' tell him he won't have to wait until then, and would 'jokingly' send him on his way.

 

They're not implying as much as showing you straight up they are controlling [insert not very nice word here].

[GemmaUK]

That type of comment isn't a joke at all.

 

Guy I dated - he told me that if I had been a stone or two heavier he wouldn't have dated me.

I'm 5ft, 8st and a UK size 6-8.

He was 5ft 9in and more than double my weight - he was around 6 or 8st overweight.

 

His comment came at a point where I was already attempting to get away from him as he first off swept me off my feet but pretty soon after he showed his true colours being demanding, possessive, controlling, emotionally abusive and physically abusive one time through rape, the next time he rose a hand to strike me but I ran and locked myself in the toilet.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I'm a believer that there is a bit of truth behind every joke. I hear men sometimes makes jokes along the lines "If you gain weight, we will have to go our separate ways".

 

I wonder if they make these jokes to indirectly indicate how important physical form is to them? The only man I've ever dated who made these jokes was extremely into being physically in shape (even though he's lost all his form now, ha!) and he didn't understand deeper romantic connections, focused a lot on the physical aspects (sex, being physically near each other, dressing well etc).

 

Could these jokes be an indicator of the same? That a man is much more focused on physical appearances than understanding the woman beyond what she physically brings to a relationship?

 

Again, this stems from the fact that I don't think people make jokes for no reason. They are Freudian slips, perhaps!

 

Sometimes I wonder if these are the same guys that are associated with "guys with confidence" that women are attracted to?

[Arieswoman]

^^^^^

 

That's nasty, Gemma UK did you get the police involved?

[GemmaUK]

^^^^^

 

That's nasty, Gemma UK did you get the police involved?

 

No, the rape was over Christmas time and I was hundreds of miles from home with no transport at his sister's house with 6 members of his family there - his parents in the next room.

Plus, even though I had said no I didn't quite realise what had happened until much later when all the pieces of why he did it fell into place - if that makes sense.

When he went to strike me, again I was hundreds of miles from home at his parents house where he lived.

 

Both times it was easier and safer for me to actually not do anything.

[basil67]

Sometimes I wonder if these are the same guys that are associated with "guys with confidence" that women are attracted to?

 

None of the women here have expressed any kind of liking for this behaviour. So how do you fathom this may be the kind of man women are attracted to?

[GemmaUK]

None of the women here have expressed any kind of liking for this behaviour. So how do you fathom this may be the kind of man women are attracted to?

 

 

FWIW the guy I mentioned above was insecure.

In fact the only men I have found these kind of traits in have been insecure.

 

Confident men whom I have dated or had relationships with don't behave this way. They have no need to.

[LookAtThisPOst]

So how do you fathom this may be the kind of man women are attracted to?

 

I know, crazy right? But for those women currently dating these guys...and I knew some that had...that had obnoxious boyfriends, but "loved" and were attracted them anyways.

 

For the men who tend to struggle to even get dates, these guys apparently have no problem pulling them in.

[BaileyB]

Men who have confidence don't make these kind of jokes or statements.

 

Women who have confidence don't date men who say and do these kind of things.

[elaine567]

Women who have confidence don't date men who say and do these kind of things.

That is the bottom line.

Trouble is there are lots of vulnerable, damaged, abused, unconfident... etc. women out there who NEED a man and who will put up with garbage talk like this as they do not want to be alone or they think that this is the "norm" - men are just like that and women just need to put up with it...

[GorillaTheater]

These "jokes" are not jokes, they do mean something. When someone makes a sarcastic joke, there's truth behind it. Next time a jerk says something like that to you, say "Ok, and if "it" stops working (meaning can't get it up anymore) then I'm finding someone else to have sex with".

 

 

This will shock many of you, but I have a tendency to be pretty sarcastic.

 

 

But I'd dive into a pool of razor blades before I ever said a negative word to my wife about her weight.

[xxoo]

Sometimes I wonder if these are the same guys that are associated with "guys with confidence" that women are attracted to?

 

No, confident men aren't worried about their woman gaining weight. It's sort of the opposite of confidence to worry about such a thing, isn't it?

[preraph]

This wouldn't come out of a person's mouth if it wasn't on their mind. So just know he's going to feel you have been forewarned if you gain some weight, as we all do as we have kids and/or get older.

 

I had this guy I was interested in that used to live in my town and then became a minor celeb and moved to the entertainment centers. We are both getting old and were trying to get it together to be together and not just emailing and this went on for about 3 years. I was on a diet and needed to lose a lot of weight because I knew from his prior works that he would not be the least bit tolerant about fat, although he'd argue about that. So between my diet and his work/no work/looking for work/etc. we never got ready at the same time, and me being in a family crisis, it got to be too much pressure and I just called it off. But anyway, recently he tweeted out a photo making fun of a fat lady in a bikini, and I knew I'd done the right thing, even though I do like the guy. At my age, you just can't keep it off. We should have been together decades before when we were both tall and thin and wearing cowboy boots. But he was married then. Oh, well. Maybe in another life.

[GemmaUK]

Basil's question to you was this:

None of the women here have expressed any kind of liking for this behaviour. So how do you fathom this may be the kind of man women are attracted to?

 

You cut it down to this:

So how do you fathom this may be the kind of man women are attracted to?

 

Giving this response:

I know, crazy right? But for those women currently dating these guys...and I knew some that had...that had obnoxious boyfriends, but "loved" and were attracted them anyways.

 

For the men who tend to struggle to even get dates, these guys apparently have no problem pulling them in.

 

Cutting Basil's question down has lost it's meaning. Was that deliberate?

 

It's quite apt/funny actually in the context of this thread!

 

Peraph, you dodged a bullet - and in no other lifetime - just never!

 

The opening post had a pretty big comment right from the start but I gotta say that little daft comments which are too bizarre to even believe are those which can knock a woman or a man down.

They chip away.

A confident man doesn't need to chip away at his partners confidence as he sees no threat and they're equal.

An insecure man/woman will gaslight/change what she has said/ put her down in incredibly subtle ways until the partner has no real clue what the hell is happening and it's all just too ridiculous!

 

The point where you laugh due to thinking they are joking is the time to stop any and all contact.

[central]

Good partners build each other up, encourage and support each other, and never cut/put each other down. Realistically, they probably have standards, and violating those standards may have consequences.

[leogirl876]

None of the women here have expressed any kind of liking for this behaviour. So how do you fathom this may be the kind of man women are attracted to?

 

Maybe people are confusing this with negging? Some women respond to that.

[Miss Peach]

He's saying it as a joke because he thinks he can get away with it. IME your're right OP. There is often truth to these types of jokes.

[Imajerk17]

I am going to play Devil's Advocate for a bit. I think what LATP was saying was: Why can't a guy like him, who presumably means no harm, can't even get a second date, while someone who actually may be a jackazz (e.g., the subject of OP's thread) clearly can (otherwise the OP probably wouldn't be interested enough to be writing a thread about him in the first place).

 

That said, it has been discussed a million times in your (LATP's) threads already--on a case-by-case basis no less--so no need to go over it again here.

 

I want to say OP that yes I'd be very wary. At best it was quite a clumsy attempt at making humor, it is most likely a shallow viewpoint or worse. Looks like I agreed w a lot of smart people on this site, so great minds think alike

Edited September 17, 2016 by Imajerk17

[No_Go]

It is a joke. Just a joke with an element of hyperbolizing. They mean they prefer thin women and that is that.

 

I've made a strange observation that (most) North Americans are not understanding hyperbola in a conversation most of the time. Example: In Europe "I'm going to kill myself" was just an expression that young people use to say "I'm getting upset with something/someone". Same expression in the same context (being slightly upset about something) made some people here in the US raising eyebrows

 

So yeah, "If you gain weight, we will have to go our separate ways" means nothing but saying "I like thinner women", nothing to do with imaginary breakup.

 

I'm a believer that there is a bit of truth behind every joke. I hear men sometimes makes jokes along the lines "If you gain weight, we will have to go our separate ways".

 

I wonder if they make these jokes to indirectly indicate how important physical form is to them? The only man I've ever dated who made these jokes was extremely into being physically in shape (even though he's lost all his form now, ha!) and he didn't understand deeper romantic connections, focused a lot on the physical aspects (sex, being physically near each other, dressing well etc).

 

Could these jokes be an indicator of the same? That a man is much more focused on physical appearances than understanding the woman beyond what she physically brings to a relationship?

 

Again, this stems from the fact that I don't think people make jokes for no reason. They are Freudian slips, perhaps!

[OnlyHonesty]

No, confident men aren't worried about their woman gaining weight. It's sort of the opposite of confidence to worry about such a thing, isn't it?

 

 

Not necessarily. A guy might be concerned for his partners health if she gained, or was gaining a significant amount of weight. Judging by some of the comments, people forget that.

[Gr8fuln2020]

No, confident men aren't worried about their woman gaining weight. It's sort of the opposite of confidence to worry about such a thing, isn't it?

 

I'm sorry, but what does this have to do with confidence?

 

I am fit and want a fit woman. Believe me that I let everyone know that on my profile and will let my woman know if she is becoming unhealthy b/c of weight gain or if it is not attractive.

 

I am very confident in who I am....