Drunk texts/calls from an ex

[Heartsalone]

Hi all i wanted to share my story and see what peoples views are so thank you in advance for reading.

 

I was recently dumped by my gf 29 me 30. She has 2 children to 2 different men one which she was married to but divorced. Her first borns father it never worked out with when she was pregnant they hadnt been together long and she freaked when he wanted to buy a house to settle in.

 

I was living with this girl and treated both her children like my own but always advised contact between the boys fathers. I helped her get back in touch with her first borns father and start contact and the child has clearly benefitted from their relationship and i was happy because both her and her child was happy.win win

 

Anyway we lived together for 3 years and she had been pressing me to have children with her and i was happy to have one and accepted the fact that we would be one big family together. She had booked the appointment to take the coil out and we could start trying once we went on holidays for her 30th birthday. But as the appointment drew near and her 30th birthday drew close and a few stupid arguments inbetween she has now dumped me saying that she doesnt know if she wants 3 children to 3 different fathers...that she never gave her first borns dad a proper chance and yes you guessed it...she has decided to give him a go?

 

Im so confused as she was claiming her undying love for me weeks ago and wanting children with me but now its all blew up in my face being so accepting of the circumstances and all because i loved her dearly. I brought this guy into our life as she wasnt willing at the start to start contact as he had given up in the past but knowing him personally i said that he was a decent guy and everyone deserves a chance. Invited him to our home a few weeks ago for his childs 5th birthday and now i have to accept that he has got my lover and my life?!?!

 

I have no idea where to go from here as i just feel so void..she said she was depressed and worried that she couldnt give me what i wanted as having children was always a deal breaker for me.

 

Anyones thoughts or experiences would be gladly appreciated.

[aloneinaz]

Sorry this happened to you. Have you moved out to your own place or? Advice? I'm not sure there's anything to do here but move forward w/your life. I know your world has been turned upside down but.. you have to accept this happened and she chose someone else.

 

What I've learned though 4 decades of life and relationships is once someone tells me that they don't want me in their life, I give exactly that to them. I won't accept EVER being someones fall back plan or second choice. You shouldn't either.

 

The good news is your still young and there's millions of other gals looking for what your are. Maybe your next choice should be one who hasn't been married nor has any children. Selfishly, you could seek out that type of single woman. You both get to enjoy your first marriage and first child together.

 

What to do now? If you can, you need to settle up, move out and once there's no other reason to have contact, go strict NC to heal from this failed R/S. Spend some alone time to learn from that R/S what you can while recognizing that most folks have several failed R/S's in their life times. Its normal. When you're ready, start dating again.

[Heartsalone]

Thanks for your reply

 

I just dont understand how someone can be so in love with you one minute and glad they are part of your life and then the next be so cruel to move on like you meant othing to them at all? Like how could she have wanted all that a few weeks ago but now she is so happy trying again with her first borns dad??i dont get it although the first born is her favourite child.

 

I pleaded my case and NC comes easy once i have said all i can and done all i could. I just dont know if i could ever trust a woman fully on the future from now on as i feel so bottomed out by it all..heartbroken and confused.

 

I have moved out but i have never felt this way about other break ups as i wanted it all with her and thought that she did too. I think she freaked out about turning 30 and maybe i wasnt what she wanted.

[preraph]

Sounds like she didn't really know what she wanted. I mean, she tells you she wants another kid -- but she's got a coil to keep from it. Then she balks when it comes down to it, making excuses. Truth is, she just still has a thing for this guy for whatever reason.

 

You deserve better than this treatment. Don't wait around hoping. I'm sorry for the kids and you because I know you care. But you need to walk away and find another, and you will because you're a good guy. I'm so sorry you're hurting and your head is spinning. She wasn't who you hoped she was, that's all. Now you know. Better now than after you had a kid with her.

[Heartsalone]

Thats the thing that is killing me most as it was such an issue for me from the start as i always was brought up to be married..house..before children.

 

The little one iv been in his life since 7 months old and i love him with all my heart as i do them all..she always said that i could see them when i wanted if we broke up but i knew all along that that was just in a perfect world.

 

I guess she was just worried about the commitment to me and then to have a child and with past relationships always ending that its better to try with the firsts father and that way if they were to break up she would have 3 kids to 2 different fathers. Seems vrazy that i even wanted to be in this relationship when i write it all down but you cant help who you fall for...now i have lost out in the 2 boys..my best friend..lover and the house that i had decorated to a high standard...love sucks sometimes it really does

[Heartsalone]

So my ex broke down to my brothers gf today saying that she has made an awful mistake in letting me go and trying to rekindle with her first sons father?!!

 

She says that i am constantly on her mind and that she crys over me daily and misses me like mad.

 

She says that her and the ex have talked about rekindling and kissed eachother and all this but that she knows she loves me and it is wrong.

 

Even though she has said this she hasnt reached out or banged my door down to say it to my face.i am NC for about 2 weeks and she said to the brothers gf that i seem happy being the single pringle and that i seem happy...that my mother hasnt phoned or been round like she has been in past short break-ups and that i said i would never leave her...SHE BROKE UP WITH ME and when i went round to say to take time over her decision and not take it lightly...i asked her was she sure she wanted to break up she nodded yes!

 

So mow all of a sudden when shes seen what the ex was like and played happy families with her ex for a weekend shes broke down and realised what shes lost...made a complete mug out of me on fb with this guy by flirting openly with him on his page and now expects me to do the running and my mother to do the running back to her???

 

Is she looking a blooming ego boost much?? Does she think that i could take her back now..move back in and let her ex pick up the child twice a week without me being paranoid and that everything will be ok? What WORLD or FANTASY does this girl live in?

 

Im completely beside myself here what do women actually think real men..men who have your best interests at heart..who love you unconditionally, who want to give you the world and all thats in it...what do they actually think we are made of...that our kindness and caring nature is treated like a weakness that we will come running to their aid??? Where do these particular women actually get off or what the hell goes through their heads because right now i question real love..that part of you who believes you should treat others like you would like to be treated and i question the good in people..good people get screwed and messed around with absolutely no second thought.

[scarnface]

Grass is greener on the other side syndrome.

 

Sounds like things with the ex wasn't all she thought it would be and now you're back on her mind.

[Heartsalone]

I was just wondering my ex texted and phoned me on saturday night just passed been NC for about 3/4 weeks

 

Got the usual

 

I miss you

 

I am so sorry

 

Are you ignoring me?

 

You could at least tell me to f off as thats what i expected or deserve

 

I wish you all the best xo

 

Thank you for everything x

 

Then 3 calls but never answered the texts or calls

 

I was out and bumped into her brothers gf and just passed myself didnt mention the ex and about an hour later this all started...i just went home and didnt respond but this went on from 2345 to 3 am.

 

Next morning i got...sorry i was drunk last night it wont happen again.

 

I still didnt respond as she broke up with me after 3 years and fell in with an ex who she now says it was just hindsight and what ifs because they have a kid together...im sitting here thinking if she wanted my forgiveness she would surely come face to face with me and have it out like adults as she is 29 and i am 30.

 

So i still have not responded but im thinking what it all means and if shes now realised what she has lost or whats going through her mind?

[JewelD]

No she was just drunk and probably wanted some attention.

[Heartsalone]

I thought as much...hence why i didnt respond at all even though i know she just wanted me to run to her...i somehow found the strength to say no and not reply.

 

I still have been questioning it all week and wondered what i should reply...but then if i did i would only be feeding into her ego and into something she can cast off as being a drunken thing...so i left it open for her all week to see if she would do the same sober but she hasnt!

 

Heads completely pickled because if she actually came to my door sober and asked for forgiveness and laid all her thoughts and feelings on the table we could talk business..but texting and phoning doesnt mean **** to me to be honest as im old school and dont feed into social media or msgs...too much is left to the imagination as when you talk face to face you can gauge each others reaction and body language!

[Blanco]

Block her number or gear up to have your head consumed for days or weeks at a time any time she texts/calls.

[aloneinaz]

Good discipline to not bite on her throwing the hook out for some attention/ego stroke.

 

Personally, you should block her or change your number. She already kicked you to the curb once. She chose an ex over you after 3 years and told you to "beat it kid"..

 

Most wouldn't even consider a reconciliation with someone like that. I don't think you should either.

[Heartsalone]

You are all completely right...i feel better for avoiding it and not responding and now i got a lovely text to say that they slept together

 

Like holy good fck how anyone goes from loving you one week and wanting your children to dropping you like a brick and sleeping with their ex...to then beg you back like your under some sort of i hate myself enough to love you spell is beyond belief.

 

These kind of women (not all women as i believe there are great women out there) are toxic teenage girls trapped in a womans/mothers body...stay clear my friends..stay clear

 

Note to self and anyone that wants to listen once the first red flag is waved in your face...think of yourselves and your own happiness in life and run a mile because these types of women will bring you down to their level...and ultimately you will spend too much time on them loving and nurturing them...they will be the ones who grow old alone and die alone because they cause pain to those they love and hold close!

 

Lifes a learning curve but dont let others change who you truely are or what you truely believe...beacuse the people that are worth it will realise the goodness in you!

 

Peace out im away to venture with my heart again

[aloneinaz]

You are all completely right...i feel better for avoiding it and not responding and now i got a lovely text to say that they slept together

 

Like holy good fck how anyone goes from loving you one week and wanting your children to dropping you like a brick and sleeping with their ex...to then beg you back like your under some sort of i hate myself enough to love you spell is beyond belief.

 

These kind of women (not all women as i believe there are great women out there) are toxic teenage girls trapped in a womans/mothers body...stay clear my friends..stay clear

 

Note to self and anyone that wants to listen once the first red flag is waved in your face...think of yourselves and your own happiness in life and run a mile because these types of women will bring you down to their level...and ultimately you will spend too much time on them loving and nurturing them...they will be the ones who grow old alone and die alone because they cause pain to those they love and hold close!

 

Lifes a learning curve but dont let others change who you truely are or what you truely believe...beacuse the people that are worth it will realise the goodness in you!

 

Peace out im away to venture with my heart again

 

Told ya to block her phone number or change yours! Steal her thunder and block her immature ways to contact you. That will burn her booty and you'll be immune from anymore of her BS..

[Blanco]

My ex could have been texting me to have my way with her on a pile of money for the last several months and I wouldn't know, because I've had her number blocked. Just try it. It's quite liberating and surprisingly easy to maintain once you make it through the first couple of days.

[smudge21]

Good on you for ignoring all that. Many of us would've back down and responded. Fed that hope only to be let down again once we realised it was all just breadcrumbs. Keep on moving forward...