Why would she seem interested, then stop responding?

September 15, 2016

Ok, so I met a girl this past Monday and we're both seniors at the same University. I had walked downtown after my evening workout because I was looking for a specific store, but I was unsure which street it was on. I had originally walked past her and a friend of hers when I first got down town, and in my fleeting view of her, I realized how pretty she was. I see plenty of pretty girls on a daily basis, though, so I wasn't initially planning on saying anything to her.

Well, eventually I came back down the same street and noticed her and a friend sitting Indian style next to a homeless guy. I thought she must be down to Earth and open to approach since her and her friend were so personable with this homeless man. I asked her if she knew where the store was I was looking for, and she pointed me in the right direction. While asking her this, we had a pretty pleasant conversation. I got a little bit of information from her, and she seemed extremely engaged with me. Her eyes seemed wider once I approached and began talking to her, and she was subtly leaning in towards me while I was talking to her. All of the physical ques were seemingly there. I casually asked for her number before I headed off, and she seemed more than willing to give me it. And when I left, I shook her hand and she held on to it a little longer than what's typical.

So later that night, I asked what she was up to, and she said her and her friend were at a music venue bidding farewell to a friend that was moving away. We exchanged several messages, and while my messages are sometimes admittedly long, she was responding with about the same length of messages. We talked about some music, and she said how she liked to dance. I made a joke about how I admit I couldn't dance well, but I did the best lawnmower and occasionally the dice roll on special occasions. I tried to keep the convo pretty light and amusing, while also displaying thoughtfulness, as well as trying to lead up to asking her to do something. I asked if she was available and what she typically did on weekends, and she seemed really interested in hanging out when I got her number. Well she ended up not replying to my last message, but I didn't feel slighted whatsoever. We had just met, and she seems really active around the area.

Anyways, the next night I just messaged her and asked if she'd like to get a casual lunch or dinner the next day. I said I realize we just met the day before, but texting can be really impersonal and that I prefer face to face interaction. She said she was sorry about not texting back the previous night, and that she would definitely be interested but she had to check her schedule. I said it was completely fine about not texting back the night before, and that I've done the same before. I mentioned how I usually don't mesh well with clingy people myself... So then she said I didn't have to worry about that because she's a loner, and that she would see what time we could meet and she asked where I wanted to go.. I said me too (referring to the loner part), and then I asked how Panera Bread sounded? But then she again didn't say anything.

I haven't said anything since (this was 2 days ago), but I'm just wondering why she would seem so interested before and ask me several questions about myself, but then keep dropping our conversations? I feel like I didn't say anything polarizing or emotionally charged. I tried to be laid back and sincere and lightly humorous. I have a feeling she found me to be physically attractive as well. So why do you suspect she would stop saying anything? She mentioned how she works a lot and she's in a pretty sophisticated field of study, but I feel like when it comes to someone you're interested in, you would eventually say something back.

Furthermore, I realize it's just one girl, and typically I wouldn't really be concerned whatsoever, but this girl really seemed to display a lot of things I want in a girl. At 24, I've already been with a lot of girls and have had a couple of serious relationships. I've had issues with girls being immature, and I've been prone to found my relationships on lust. I've put more of a premium on personality, and while I still want a girl I adore physically, I've been more attentive to personality traits. This girl just seemed so laid back, intelligent, and open minded. Not to mention she is absolutely gorgeous, but she doesn't have the entitled attitude that can sometimes accompany great looks. She really made an impression on me. And while I realize I can just forget about her and keep moving, it just sucks because I try to talk to a fair number of girls but ones that I'm truly intrigued by are so far and few between. I've been with so many pretty girls, but she displayed far more than that.

Lastly, I try not to romanticize a girl without knowing her either, but I really would like to get to know her more. Should I eventually say something else?

September 15, 2016

If she's not replying and making plans, she's not into you!

September 15, 2016

As I mentioned, she was replying previously and had said she wanted to do something, but then subsequently said nothing. But I haven't badgered her or said anything afterwards.

I'm wondering--based off of the context I provided--why this may be the case, and if it's possible that she'll eventually say something soon. I'm just not used to a girl acting super interested, and then randomly falling off (especially when I was very sincere and down to earth in my communication). I'm wondering if it's out of the ordinary for a girl to just be busy for a couple days, and then eventually get back to me. But what are the odds she's interested if she's willing to wait days to reply? I'm wanting to know how to proceed from here and if I should just not even pursue her at all after this.

Edited September 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude~T

September 15, 2016

As I mentioned, she was replying previously and had said she wanted to do something, but then subsequently said nothing. But I haven't badgered her or said anything afterwards.

I'm wondering--based off of the context I provided--why this may be the case, and if it's possible that she'll eventually say something soon. I'm just not used to a girl acting super interested, and then randomly falling off (especially when I was very sincere and down to earth in my communication). I'm wondering if it's out of the ordinary for a girl to just be busy for a couple days, and then eventually get back to me. But what are the odds she's interested if she's willing to wait days to reply? I'm wanting to know how to proceed from here and if I should just not even pursue her at all after this.

But her response was the truth. Nobody knows why she stopped talking to you but her. Maybe she's busy, maybe she has a bf, maybe you didn't come off as charming in your texts as you thought you did.

There's not much you can do but wait and see. Although in most cases, if someone makes you wait two days, they're just not into you. Maybe they like you a little bit, but obviously not enough to be concerned about responding to you. She did say she was a loner.

Edited September 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

September 15, 2016

Ok, so I met a girl this past Monday and we're both seniors at the same University. I had walked downtown after my evening workout because I was looking for a specific store, but I was unsure which street it was on. I had originally walked past her and a friend of hers when I first got down town, and in my fleeting view of her, I realized how pretty she was. I see plenty of pretty girls on a daily basis, though, so I wasn't initially planning on saying anything to her.

Well, eventually I came back down the same street and noticed her and a friend sitting Indian style next to a homeless guy. I thought she must be down to Earth and open to approach since her and her friend were so personable with this homeless man. I asked her if she knew where the store was I was looking for, and she pointed me in the right direction. While asking her this, we had a pretty pleasant conversation. I got a little bit of information from her, and she seemed extremely engaged with me. Her eyes seemed wider once I approached and began talking to her, and she was subtly leaning in towards me while I was talking to her. All of the physical ques were seemingly there. I casually asked for her number before I headed off, and she seemed more than willing to give me it. And when I left, I shook her hand and she held on to it a little longer than what's typical.

So later that night, I asked what she was up to, and she said her and her friend were at a music venue bidding farewell to a friend that was moving away. We exchanged several messages, and while my messages are sometimes admittedly long, she was responding with about the same length of messages. We talked about some music, and she said how she liked to dance. I made a joke about how I admit I couldn't dance well, but I did the best lawnmower and occasionally the dice roll on special occasions. I tried to keep the convo pretty light and amusing, while also displaying thoughtfulness, as well as trying to lead up to asking her to do something. I asked if she was available and what she typically did on weekends, and she seemed really interested in hanging out when I got her number. Well she ended up not replying to my last message, but I didn't feel slighted whatsoever. We had just met, and she seems really active around the area.

Anyways, the next night I just messaged her and asked if she'd like to get a casual lunch or dinner the next day. I said I realize we just met the day before, but texting can be really impersonal and that I prefer face to face interaction. She said she was sorry about not texting back the previous night, and that she would definitely be interested but she had to check her schedule. I said it was completely fine about not texting back the night before, and that I've done the same before. I mentioned how I usually don't mesh well with clingy people myself... So then she said I didn't have to worry about that because she's a loner, and that she would see what time we could meet and she asked where I wanted to go.. I said me too (referring to the loner part), and then I asked how Panera Bread sounded? But then she again didn't say anything.

I haven't said anything since (this was 2 days ago), but I'm just wondering why she would seem so interested before and ask me several questions about myself, but then keep dropping our conversations? I feel like I didn't say anything polarizing or emotionally charged. I tried to be laid back and sincere and lightly humorous. I have a feeling she found me to be physically attractive as well. So why do you suspect she would stop saying anything? She mentioned how she works a lot and she's in a pretty sophisticated field of study, but I feel like when it comes to someone you're interested in, you would eventually say something back.

Furthermore, I realize it's just one girl, and typically I wouldn't really be concerned whatsoever, but this girl really seemed to display a lot of things I want in a girl. At 24, I've already been with a lot of girls and have had a couple of serious relationships. I've had issues with girls being immature, and I've been prone to found my relationships on lust. I've put more of a premium on personality, and while I still want a girl I adore physically, I've been more attentive to personality traits. This girl just seemed so laid back, intelligent, and open minded. Not to mention she is absolutely gorgeous, but she doesn't have the entitled attitude that can sometimes accompany great looks. She really made an impression on me. And while I realize I can just forget about her and keep moving, it just sucks because I try to talk to a fair number of girls but ones that I'm truly intrigued by are so far and few between. I've been with so many pretty girls, but she displayed far more than that.

Lastly, I try not to romanticize a girl without knowing her either, but I really would like to get to know her more. Should I eventually say something else?

Why would she seem so interested and then not respond? -- You straight up told her it was OK that she didn't respond previously, why would she change anything? You teach people how to treat you . . .

I don't think the reference to being a loner paints her in a great light . . . loners are typically difficult to get close to . . . this one also seem flaky as well.

September 15, 2016

Decided she's not into you

Met somebody she finds more interesting

Who knows?

September 15, 2016

Based off of the physical interaction, I could conclude with almost absolute certainty that she was interested because of all of the physical ques, as well as her voice inflection when I asked for her number. I'm a pretty analytical person (as you may have been able to tell), so I have no doubt she was initially really interested. And within the texts, she was sending long texts back and seemingly mirroring a lot of things I had said. She was even using heart face emojis a couple of times and using a lot of laughing abbreviations. And then she just abruptly stopped.

And I had told her it was OK about not responding because I didn't want to seem pushy or make it seem like I was upset about her not replying--which I wasn't. She did mention she was a loner, but that added some allure to me. From what I gathered during our original contact and texts, she seemed to have a deeper layer than most girls. Not deeper layer as in emotional instability, but she seemed more enlightened.

Moreover, I just don't get why females have to be such a jig saw puzzle. I've been told all of my life by girls how much they're attracted to me physically, so I don't see an issue arising from there. But even when I try to articulate and craft my words perfectly, females just seem so finicky. No matter how I vary my approach or how genuine I am, it seemingly has no barring on the results. I just don't get it

September 15, 2016

My friend. I've learned something about dating. It's un fair and it can suck. It can hurt too. But another thing I learned is that the proof is in the pudding. I go by what the other person gives me. If they are not giving me attention, or they were but now they stopped, then they just lost interest, for whatever reason.

I knew a guy who went on 5 dates with a woman. After the 5th date he never heard from her again.

I know a guy who had sex on the 2nd date with a girl. About a week later she got cold and it was over. He questioned and questioned it.

I go by what they give me. I don't care what their reason is. If they don't make the time, or start to ignore me, I may be disappointed, but I make sure I feel good about myself and move forward. Make sure you feel good about yourself.

September 15, 2016

As I mentioned, she was replying previously and had said she wanted to do something, but then subsequently said nothing. But I haven't badgered her or said anything afterwards.

I'm wondering--based off of the context I provided--why this may be the case, and if it's possible that she'll eventually say something soon. I'm just not used to a girl acting super interested, and then randomly falling off (especially when I was very sincere and down to earth in my communication). I'm wondering if it's out of the ordinary for a girl to just be busy for a couple days, and then eventually get back to me. But what are the odds she's interested if she's willing to wait days to reply? I'm wanting to know how to proceed from here and if I should just not even pursue her at all after this.

Women change their mind all the time.

i slept with a female friend twice then she decided she changed her mind about us and stopped talking to me for two months.

Later found out she was spending time with another guy.

Edited September 16, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

September 15, 2016

Great response, Ryu. It can just seem so absolutely void of logic, though. I'm someone who likes to make sense of things, so when something like this arises, I like to know what the defining reason is for it. I wonder if there's something I need to amend about my communication, or what.

It seems like there's really no rhyme or reason sometimes in regards to a female's attraction towards someone. I don't understand how it can be hot one second, then cold another. And as I mentioned, I usually don't dwell on these things, but I was really excited to get to know this girl. She displayed so much that I'm looking for, so it's just tough having to pass that up.

September 15, 2016

If I understood women I'd somehow be a millionaire.

There is no rhyme or reason, believe me. You will go nuts if you tried to figure woman out. I just go by the proof is in the pudding rule. If she still likes me, she will respond. If she doesn't, ouch, but it's ok, just as long as I continue to feel good about myself, I know I will be OK.

I once dated a girl where our connection was intense. She even invited me over to her house for xmas. Within a month she said stopped returning my calls. Years later we were in the same class in graduate school, our connection was still there, but she was engaged. She knew what she did was messed up, especially after how much we shared with one another. But I let it go. And I learned that she still kept my number after all those years apart. Why?? Who knows?

Read the Book "he's not that into you." Yeah it's geared towards women, which kinda pisses me off because men go through the same crap. Therefore the book can apply to men as well.

September 15, 2016

It sounds like you got a bit overenthusiastic and eager to please with the texting. It's usually best to err on the side of caution in the early stages. Resist the temptation to have long conversations via text and instead use it solely as a tool to set up an actual date.

When I say you may have been too eager to please, I mean that instead of playing it cool, you acted like the standard nice guy that she encounters all the time. She's a hot girl. Every guy kisses her ass. When she says sorry for not texting back and you make sure to tell her it's "completely fine" and even mention that you've done the same thing before, you're just another guy trying to get on her good side, and that's a turn off. If you say something like "Listen woman, I'll let it go this time, but don't let it happen again," you'll surprise her and show her you're not some chump. Now, some people would say stuff like that sounds cocky, but I use lines like that all the time and almost every girl likes it. It's pretty obviously said in jest, any girl that gets pissy just doesn't have a sense of humor.

September 15, 2016

Your comment was exactly what I needed to hear. You've brought me some solace on this one. It can certainly be maddening trying to understand women, and especially for someone like me who majors in psychology/sociology and is so fascinated by the human psyche. When it comes to attraction and dating, it's just so whimsical.

I really appreciate the book suggestion. I love being introduced to new information that can help me develop a more effective perspective. I identify with your grievance with it being geared towards women. I feel like men are neglected and there's a lack of literature for me in certain regards to dating.

That's too bad about your situation with the former girl. For the most part I've been able to utilize the "there's more fish in the sea" concept, but it can be tough when you see so much potential in a specific person and there's no telling when you will get that feeling about someone again.

Hopefully things are going well for you now. Thank you for the feedback.

September 15, 2016

That's a good suggestion. I should have used that line. I think I probably did get too eager to please... I just wish there wasn't such a delicate balance that had to be achieved. Such a thin line between arrogant douche bag, and humorous jest.

September 16, 2016

I'm going to give another angle. See, I don't think that her body language was necessarily showing romantic interest. I know many people who do all the same mannerisms when they are simply enjoying a conversation with a friend.

As she was a friendly person, it makes sense that her body language showed that she was engaged with talking to you. However, it doesn't necessarily mean that she wants to date you.

I'm also going to go out on a limb (and get subsequently slammed by male posters) following your use of the word 'females' as a noun. The words 'female' and 'male' are adjectives - not nouns. (Female poster, female classmate vs woman, girl). Over time, I've noticed that the guys who mix this up also have trouble reading and relating to women. I don't know the cause and effect, but this point of grammar confusion seems to be linked to a bit of social disconnect.

September 16, 2016

As a 24 year old female, I wish I could offer some insight as to why she would just stop responding. Unfortunately, it happens. It's happened to me with a few guys.

I always question it and end up getting upset and wondering what I did or didn't do right. I literally just started a thread along the same lines, but he hasn't stopped talking to me cold turkey yet.

I know for me, if I get cold feet and I feel like a guy is going for something I don't want yet, I might not respond. I've read texts before and just not responded because I didn't want to. Other times, it's just finding someone more interesting.

There's a number of reasons why she might have stopped talking to you.

But, I will say, if she thought your time was valuable she would have texted back by now. I'm being such a hypocrite in saying don't worry about it and move on because I know I can't do that to save my life, haha.

But don't worry about her, OP.

September 16, 2016

Because she's a flakey 20 something. That is generally the answer to these posts.

September 16, 2016

I've read texts before and just not responded because I didn't want to.

This is the reason I prefer phone calls over texting. Not respond just because "I don't want to?" Now, if your putting off responding until let's say, the end of the work day...then that's forgiving....but to NEVER respond?

Kinda sh**y.

September 16, 2016

To be honest if a guy had seen me, then came back not once but twice I would likely give my number and go along with some texts if he knew where I was located at that time.

Once I knew I was away from that situation and if I then knew I had zero interest I would drop responses.

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Why would she seem interested, then stop responding?

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