Hurting and .

[loveSick145]

Hello,

 

So my ex girlfriend broke up with me about 3 months ago and I'm no closer to being over it than I was 3 months ago, some information on our relationship.

 

When I first met her, she had worked at the same place that I did. I had seen her around but didn't think much of her until one day she added me on facebook and messaged me and we started talking. That quickly lead to her wanting to meet up after work and hang out. We had a lot of similar interests, loved the same music, had similar thoughts about relationships etc.

 

After a few weeks of meeting up almost every night i asked her out, and she said yes! Shortly after than I met her entire family! Her family loved me and i grew quite fond of them as well. Everything seemed great but then she started to become emotionally unavailable when I was going through some things, when I told her how I felt like she wasn't there for me when I needed her. She quickly blew up and told her I was trying to make her feel bad and cut off contact with me for a little over a week. She tried to break up with me over text message but ended up backing out of it, shortly after that she said she missed me and things went back to normal (kinda)

 

Now this relationship was a little over 3 months but we spent so much time together and shared everything with each other, i quickly fell in love.

 

So after the fight, she had to move in with her family so i would come to see her, she wanted me over all the time and was happy to do so, i loved her company she quickly became my best friend. another month goes by shes at a new job and she starts acting differently. All of a sudden she became to busy to talk to me, would read my messages to her and not reply and when she would reply it would be very brief and to the point. She then uninvited me to an event that we had planned to go to with her friend, telling me that her friend is "jealous" of me and that it wouldn't be fair if I came along. I was bummed but didn't make a big deal about it.

 

That following week she became more and more emotionally unavailable and distant, wouldn't ask me how my day was and when I told her I missed her and she would just reply with a "Yeah?" with no reciprocation. I let this go on for a week, believing that she was very busy with her new job until I noticed she would be on facebook and not reading or responding to my messages.

 

It felt like she was talking to someone but it wasn't me, after a week of this i finally confronted her about it. Asking her if she was mad at me and if everything was okay, she became very defensive. I told her it felt like she didn't want to talk to me and seems very disinterested in me. She then replies with "Well what do u expect me to do, just sit on my ass all day just so i can text you?" which is obviously not what i meant. After that it went all down hill. I told her she makes me feel bad when she does things like this, and we end up at each others throat until she says that she isn't going to argue with me about this, "it's stupid and i started all of it" and stops talking.

 

The following day I message her saying that I am rethinking everything because she doesn't seem like she can make time for me and doesn't want me. I asked her what am I to her, and she asked why I was asking. I told her again that i feel like she doesn't want me anymore. She then replied "You just don't get it"

 

That escalated me quite a bit, because instead of just saying "Yes I still want you" she took the vague route and I lost it. We argued for a good while until she said that she was done with my "Immature self" and that she doesn't need me. Then quickly removed me from her relationship status and deleting everything off her timeline that i had posted.

 

A few days later I reached out. She messaged me back saying that i disrespected her again (from the first fight) and she doesn't give out second chances. Then she said that I had believed what someone said about her before our relationship started.

 

Now some background on that statement is when we started talking a co-worker of mine messaged me saying that she had led him on for a long time and was still talking to him prior and was at his house recently where they had sex several times. I didn't believe what he said and thought he was just mad that she wanted me and not him.

 

So obviously I was hurt when she said that I believed him, I wasn't close friends with this person so I didn't have much reason to believe him. And even if it was true, what you do in your past shouldn't matter. When she said that it got bad in the argument and ended with me blocking her for around a week and a half, no contact.

 

After that time had passed i tried to reconcile, reached out and she actually started talking to me! We talked for a little while but everytime I would bring up if she had feelings for me, she would say "I don't know how i feel with the state of mind i'm in" this went on for a week with her eventually telling me she wouldn't be able to be in a relationship with me but did not give me a reason as to why.

 

So I let it go, we stopped talking again, ended things on a good note. Then I had to start to process the loss and try to move on. Now prior to her breaking up with me i had found a concert I wanted to take her to and was going to buy her ticket. After she broke up with me I still wanted to go to it, so invited my buddy to go with me. This was about a month later after the last contact I had with her. Low and behold at this concert she came to with another guy and stood directly behind me. I was furious, my friend talked me down, but I felt like she did that on purpose. After the first few bands played I made a point to stand behind them to show that I wasn't going to be ran off, and then they started to make out in front of me.

 

Never seen this guy in my life, never heard his name, nothing. Not a month later they are now in a relationship.

 

So my question is, what do I make of this? Did she move on very quickly? Or was this the person that was making her too "busy" to talk to me. I'm so hurt and confused even after 3 months has passed because I was head over heels in love with this girl.

 

And input would be welcome.

[Thistooshallpass21]

It happens man, could be a rebound or she could have been seeing him before you guys broke up. Only she knows the answers to those questions. They're answers you'll never get. Don't think about those questions and answers, they absolutely do not matter anymore. I know it sucks, my ex started seeing a new dude 2 weeks after a decently long term relationship, started dating him a month and half after we broke up. They lasted 3 months, it sucked but at the same time it just doesn't matter. You have to focus on yourself and move on. Focusing on yourself and not focusing on these questions will make you process of moving on a whole lot better and quicker.

[Satu]

It happens man, could be a rebound or she could have been seeing him before you guys broke up. Only she knows the answers to those questions. They're answers you'll never get. Don't think about those questions and answers, they absolutely do not matter anymore. I know it sucks, my ex started seeing a new dude 2 weeks after a decently long term relationship, started dating him a month and half after we broke up. They lasted 3 months, it sucked but at the same time it just doesn't matter. You have to focus on yourself and move on. Focusing on yourself and not focusing on these questions will make you process of moving on a whole lot better and quicker.

 

^ This ^

 

All of it.

[loveSick145]

yeah i guess you guys are right, it just sucks because she was my first real love and my first intimate partner. I guess at the end of the day it doesn't matter what she did. she made her choice to leave

[loveSick145]

and it also just makes me feel bad because she treated me like a horrible person, like i cheated on her or done something unforgivable when i was just expressing how she made me feel

[Satu]

You'll get over it.

 

It takes a while, but you will, and you'll move on to better things.

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

[loveSick145]

You'll get over it.

 

It takes a while, but you will, and you'll move on to better things.

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

 

 

great advice ty this is stuff people around me have told me, but hearing it from people i don't know helps a lot. thank you

[LostOnes05]

Sorry about that man. I know it hurts. A lot of people say their partner's past doesn't matter, etc., etc. I'm of the thought that indeed it does matter. What if a woman you were interested in was a sex offender, past drug abuser, or cheated in every relationship? Still doesn't matter?? I think that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior...something I learned the hard way.

 

Now on to her...She seems like an emotionally cold person. As long as things are going well, she remains unquestioned, and you don't show ANY vulnerabilities she remains close. When you need her she gets distant and jumps on to the next one. Wouldn't it have been nice to know this was her M.O. from day one? I think so. Not saying knowing would have changed circumstances, but you would've known as soon as she started to distance herself. She called you immature, but it sounds like she is the immature one and a terrible communicator.

 

I know it's hard but try not to lose too much sleep over her. She will likely do this to the guy she is with now...wash...rinse...repeat. Why?? Because as soon as he shows a vulnerability, she will back off. Also sounds like she is unable to provide emotional support, so she just distances herself and finds a reason to leave. Plenty of women out there like that. She isn't special.

[loveSick145]

Sorry about that man. I know it hurts. A lot of people say their partner's past doesn't matter, etc., etc. I'm of the thought that indeed it does matter. What if a woman you were interested in was a sex offender, past drug abuser, or cheated in every relationship? Still doesn't matter?? I think that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior...something I learned the hard way.

 

Now on to her...She seems like an emotionally cold person. As long as things are going well, she remains unquestioned, and you don't show ANY vulnerabilities she remains close. When you need her she gets distant and jumps on to the next one. Wouldn't it have been nice to know this was her M.O. from day one? I think so. Not saying knowing would have changed circumstances, but you would've known as soon as she started to distance herself. She called you immature, but it sounds like she is the immature one and a terrible communicator.

 

I know it's hard but try not to lose too much sleep over her. She will likely do this to the guy she is with now...wash...rinse...repeat. Why?? Because as soon as he shows a vulnerability, she will back off. Also sounds like she is unable to provide emotional support, so she just distances herself and finds a reason to leave. Plenty of women out there like that. She isn't special.

 

 

thank you man, that's what i have felt about her after this but kept denying it and punishing myself for telling her how i felt. i think you're right, this is definitely a pattern of behavior for her, and soon as her partner needs her she just drops you and moves on. it's devastating but at least now that i have 3rd parties saying similar things that i have felt, it gives me closure. i really appreciate you. means a lot.