I am really heartbroken? Depression is killing me

[pisces_gurl]

I need guidance and some insight. I am completely confused. I met a guy in May, we instantly hit and it was extreme rush of infatuation and feelings. He asked me out within 3 days and we started dating. Things were going great, except for I wasn't too emotionally invested in the relationship( which was also good since i have been hurt and heavily involved in my past). I was happy and hopeful that this relationship was different from others.

 

The guy seemed head over heels for me, he was always the first one to text me, to initiate conversation, to say sweet things, to bring gifts and pay for dinners etc. However, within a month, we started to have fights, mainly because i felt that he was more involved in his work than me. Maybe the 'honeymoon phase' was over and I couldn't accept it.

 

After contact of one month, i decided to break up with him, in June. He was alright with that and said that he is willing to accept the break up if it is my decision. I blocked him from every possible platform so that he won't contact me again.

 

But I couldn't stop thinking about him. There was a sense of regret that i might have lost a potential lover. I kept thinking about him entire June and half of July.

 

I finally readded and recontacted him in July, asking him if he would like to continue the relationship. To my shock, the guy didn't respond. This increased my anxiety and I sent him many messages and called him multiple times, the guy never responded back.

 

I tried to contact him for a few days, before accepting that the relationship is over and he is no longer interested. I moved on and forgot about him. Within a week, he contacted me. He began from casual conversation and then asked for a date. I agreed.

 

We met each other and he seemed completely involved once again. I checked(investigated) his phone, and found some messages from a girl on his whatsapp... inappropriate messages.

 

As per the conversation, the girl seemed crazy for his guy, by constantly sending messages such as " i love u ", " i miss u" etc. He had replied to a few messages, no "love u or miss u" as he used to say to me, but little bit of flirting. He had said things to her like, "i need ur companionship." when she asked him what do u need as a gift, he said "you." Apart from this, he hadn't replied to most of her messages, which were too romantic. I found a few of his messages, that were flirtatious and most of them were business related.

 

Anyway, i lost my temper. I started fighting with him at the restaurant, he told me to calm down and said that he will explain everything. He said that all this is true, and this girl showed interest in him, after i had blocked him and he also began to get attached to her, only to realize that these feelings were not intense and so he stopped responding to her.

 

I told him that i cannot tolerate this and i want to leave him. He had tears in his eyes and started to convince me to stay etc. Anyway, cutting it short.

 

I feel like he cheated on me. Even when I was not in contact, if he really loved me or anything he said to me was true, how can someone move on so quickly with someone else? This is not true love. I mean, I never expressed my feelings as much as he did, but still he was on my mind for the next two months. I was more committed, isn't it?

 

I am really hurt because of this and it will become hard for me to trust anyone again. Are all men cheaters? I had a faith that he won't ever cheat on me. He agreed that he was developing feelings of liking for that girl( who seemed head over heels for him), but it was in no way love or infatuation.

 

I feel betrayed. I am thinking to breakup with him for good now. I just want to know how to. I am really hurt and even thinking about him is painful for me. Please help me, what should I do?

PLEASE HELP

[bighearted]

You broke up with him and blocked him from everything and now you want to contort, in your mind, his actions as somehow he cheated on you by talking to another girl? Wow.

[Thistooshallpass21]

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you guys?

[darkmoon]

you sound like your own worst enemy, your drama will end it, try to appreciate what you have, he had tears in his eyes, real feelings, so do not berate him or dramatise over sht

[sooshi]

You broke up with him.

 

Which means he was free to date anyone he wants.

 

Even if he was dating someone else(s) while you went on that date, it hadn't been decided that you two were dating exclusively.

 

Again, that means he was free to date whoever he wants.

 

Your ego has taken a big hit because you think he should've been pining over you and only you the entire time. You wanted him to be the one to initiate all the sweet actions, and he fed your ego. You think that even though YOU broke up with him, he should've come back to you whenever you wanted to, and dated you and only you. Now that you saw he was dating someone, you realized you don't have your lap dog anymore.

 

Stay single for a while and work on your self-esteem and self-worth. You're not ready for a healthy relationship.

[Satu]

You broke up with him.

 

Which means he was free to date anyone he wants.

 

Even if he was dating someone else(s) while you went on that date, it hadn't been decided that you two were dating exclusively.

 

Again, that means he was free to date whoever he wants.

 

Your ego has taken a big hit because you think he should've been pining over you and only you the entire time. You wanted him to be the one to initiate all the sweet actions, and he fed your ego. You think that even though YOU broke up with him, he should've come back to you whenever you wanted to, and dated you and only you. Now that you saw he was dating someone, you realized you don't have your lap dog anymore.

 

Stay single for a while and work on your self-esteem and self-worth. You're not ready for a healthy relationship.

 

This is good advice OP.

 

I hope you follow it.

[ExpatInItaly]

Oh, good grief. Get a grip, girl.

 

He didn't cheat on you.

 

You broke up with him. He did the right thing by moving on. You two did not get back together; you were both free agents to see whomever you liked.

 

You had zero business invading his privacy and reading his messages to begin with. Who exactly do you think you are?

 

Please, leave this man alone. He did nothing wrong. In my unfiltered opinion, you're being utterly ridiculous.

[oasis]

He should really head for the hills as you seem emotionally unbalanced.

 

You tossed him to the wind and he had no other choice but to pick himself up and move on. And now you are crying foul?

 

If I were him, I would hightail it out of there as quickly as I can, because you are making everything about your ego and not about the relationship itself.

Edited September 15, 2016 by oasis

[stillafool]

What were you doing checking his phone in the first place? Yes it is very easy to move on and date other people when someone has broke it off with you who you were not that invested in in the first place. This guy has options and will use them no matter how many crocodile tears he sheds.

[Redhead14]

He didn't cheat on you!!!! You two were not in a relationship with him. You ended it. He was moving on as he should have.

 

He doesn't owe you an explanation and you had absolutely no right to "investigate" by breaching his privacy.

 

found some messages from a girl on his whatsapp... inappropriate messages. -- inappropriate???? He was free to talk to, see and be with anyone he chose to during that month.

 

I absolutely do not understand why you feel entitled in any way . . .

 

You want to know how to end it? Just keep doing what you're doing and being OFF THE HOOK and he will end it for you. If he's smart he will do just that.

 

I cannot be sympathetic here because you are being irrational.

[aloneinaz]

Wow..wow.. if a girl I dated for a short time was checking my phone and reading my PRIVATE messages and I found out? Oh hell no..! You don't DO THAT, EVER.. You were not his GF or wife and you did that? If you had told me that over dinner? I would of gotten up and left and you'd of NEVER heard from me again... EVER..

[Thistooshallpass21]

Wow wow wow guys, yes this girl is completely in the wrong, but one can tell she suffers from lack of experience and maturity. No need to attack her, why not rather educate her in a more positive way. Everyone here is correct, OP you should not have been searching through his phone he was single when he speaking to another female, but who did he end up taking out on a date? YOU. Which clearly showed that his feelings were true, he wanted to fix the mess you guys created for each other. While I think this situation is a loss cause at this point, use it as a life lesson for the future.

 

P.S. He did not betray you, he was trying to move on with his life.

[Frozensushi]

When a woman breaks my heart, I'm usually looking for female attention immediately after the breakup to fill the void. I'm not emotionally invested nor am I going to hop in bed with them. It helps with the pain. It builds back my self-esteem to know that I'm wanted, that someone thinks I'm attractive and wants to spend time with me, that I'm still fun to be around. That's all.

 

I agree with the others. Even if he went out on a date the very next day after you broke up with him, that's not cheating. You were not in an exclusive committed relationship. You told him "It's over". That's what breaking-up means.

 

I'm sorry you feel betrayed but try to lighten up a little.

[Asterix]

Reading your story made me wonder if it was made up. I checked your profile and you posted tons of similar drama stories.

 

This one, posted at the end of June is simply hilarious.

 

You are just here to seek attention and get your ego boosted.