32 and Still Single

[Marek]

My last GF was 6 years ago. And it only last one month. My former friends are now either engaged, married or married WITH kids. Yet I can't get a girl to have a coffee with me. I'm not good-looking. But I'm not looking for a model-looking girl. As long as they are somewhat attractive. No matches on Tinder, no luck on OKC or POF ... nothing. Time is passing me by and I feel like I've been left behind everyone else.

 

No girls look at me. I'm studying my Masters of Economics at the moment and I see girls will turn their heads sideways when I come close, to deter any attempt they think I might have of talking to them. What can I do? What happens to all of us 32-year-old, 6'2", 220lbs ugly people do? Settle? I can't imagine doing that. I'd be miserable.

[Sunnymae]

Maybe you're not selling your attributes correctly on the OLD.If you are 6'2" 220, I would describe you as physically fit, intelligent (assuming this since you're going for your Masters) 32 year old looking for love. I wasn't getting any matches either and by just changing the wording, and changing some pictures I got more matches. Find a pose that accentuates your fit body. I know your fit b/c my son is also 6'3" 220 going to medical school, and he is definitely fit. And as for the girls at school looking the other way, that has nothing to do with them being repulsed. It's more along the lines that they were checking you out, and then dogged your glance so they wouldn't be caught checking you out. When you're that tall and fit chicks will check you out.

[Bialy]

I had a friend who complained about being single. He was very tall - 33, 6'2'', and overweight. BIG beer and whiskey drinker - big beer gut - and it made him look so much more older than 33.

 

He also had a massively long beard. Not every woman is going to find that appealing. He would eat and crumbs would be all over his beard.

 

A little self-improvement would have went a LONG way. He's actually a handsome guy who just seems to be hiding under poor eating/drinking habits and a massive beard. I had always hoped he would get rid of the beard and get a decent haircut. Never did.

 

His dental health was also awful for a man that is only 33. These little things SOMETIMES matter.

 

Beyond physical appearance, you have been single for almost all of your life - is there something about your personality? Are you difficult to get along with? Are you shy or extremely introverted? If women are averting their eyes when you walk by them, are you ogling and staring without really realizing it?

Edited September 15, 2016 by Bialy

[Silver_star]

Nothing is more unattractive than a lack of confidence. Even average or not great looking guys are made WAY more attractive by holding themselves up high. Whenever I hear guys complaining about being single, but not wanting to "settle" I roll my eyes, because that should go without saying, what you are really doing is just projecting your insecurities..."I'm not worthy of someone attractive"...and quite frankly when you say those things it makes people believe you.

 

 

You know how people say "Love happens when you least expect it, or when you are not looking for it?" that's because it usually happens when you are the most in your element and therefore not so aware of the potential partners around you. You need to take care of you first. Whatever makes you feel happy, go do that so you feel better about yourself around women. Whether that is being a kind/funny person that people adore, working really hard on your work/hobby or on your body...Attraction comes first by the way you look, but it stays when a woman feels good being around you.

[Blue31]

Your not the only one. After being rejected once again tonight I cried myself to sleep. 33 years old....few dates in my lifetime and nothing long-term and I just continue to get crapped on. I'm destined to be alone. I give up.

 

And honestly I don't know why. I'm not a model by any means but I'm not ugly. I'm not overweight. I have a sense of humor. I'm responsible and have a job and own a small business. I take care of my personal possessions. I'm pretty happy go lucky. And yet, through it all I don't know where to turn. Where do I meet single women my age, at least those without significant baggage or personal flaws.

 

I don't know, I just don't know. I hate my life right now. And I lost my dream girl again, once many years ago cause I was too cautious and didn't want to risk or friendship and now again cause I was too open. I can't do anything right.

 

And don't give me that Maloney that love falls out of the sky, cause it doesn't.

[Stercrazy]

Dude!!! You must chill!! It's all on your presentation. If you present as a loser well chicks are going to see you as a loser. Throw some confidence in who you are and BE. Chicks dig that. You can be Carrot Top and get a girl. ****........Manson almost got married last year. Be confident in who you are as a person and women will gravitate towards you. Be a man!!

[ashy555]

So one of the biggest turn ons for me is a man with confidence. I have been known to go for tall lanky and slightly weird looking men because they have shown confidence (which usually ended up as arrogance hence they never worked.. Don't do that lol)

 

You are tall which is also another great factor many men would love(and many women love). You need to work on your self worth first. You didn't say whether you are very active or not.

If not I would start by working out and keeping active. That will make you feel a whole lot more confident in itself. Eat great nourishing food. Also helps you feel good. Once you start feeling great, your confidence should sky rocket. Work on bettering yourself and you will hopefully start to attract the right women.

[muskalleigh]

If you want to wait - I'd suggest once you start working, start socializing or finding your routine. If you go to a gym, coffee, park, bar, whatever, as you settle in a routine, you will run in to more people and find that it frees up to time to do impromptu things.

 

I'm not sure how you are currently actively pursuing a relationship now, if its via the social apps, I would say if that is what you are looking for, and its mainly physical attractiveness, try to figure out what girls you like and see what they like and change yourself for them. I don't think that is healthy, but if that is what you are looking for, I think that would work.

 

A small tell to me is that you are saying you are "settling" when you have to lower your standards. I would interpret that as you aren't giving others the fair shake you are requesting. You are calling yourself ugly, and looking for a somewhat attractive girl.

 

Without intending to be racist, based on your name and word usage and degree, and comment on your height weight proportion, can ask if you are South Asian? Do you believe that it is something here other than something you can change?

[mortensorchid]

I am 41 and still solo. A few weeks ago I was to have an internet date and I was stood up the day we were to meet. The guy tried contacting me the next day, I never responded to his texts or phone calls and he was livid I wasn't. Soon the phone was lit up into the night with his incessant demands and rants, calling me every filthy name in the book. I blocked his number and through Facebook (which he looked me up on).

 

I think at times that it's me, other times I think "this is what's out there". Do you want to be with someone who treats you like this? The answer is no. It's what it is.

 

Life goes on. I wish I could say that the answer is (blank) and all would be solved for everyone out there, but it's not. And when you hit 40 is when a lot of first marriages are going to fall apart as well. It's what it is.

[Hopeful30]

If looks are not on your side, then understand you will need to focus on other parts of yourself.

 

If a man feels he is not good looking, and efforts like dressing well or taking care of your skin/body do not raise your self esteem, then focus on your strengths. Are you funny? Do you know a lot about history? Work on the parts of you that you are passionate about, that you are confident in. This will overall help raise your level of self esteem.

 

I say self-esteem because it seems you are very focused on the physical aspects. If you focus on the physical, so will others when they interact with you. They will reflect how you see yourself.

 

Laugh more, smile more. Dive into a hobbie and show these sides of you to the world. If you are always wondering why you're so unattractive, these great qualities of yours will be taking a back seat. Let them shine and forget about looks right now. As long as you actually take care of yourself, don't focus on your looks.

 

And by the way, looks aren't as important as attraction. I've had some ugly boyfriends but somehow I was attracted to them. You know what made the difference? How they carried themselves and showed themselves. I've had more fun with these guys than hot studs who don't have much personality.

 

Trust me, stop focusing on the physical so much and just do you. This will also act as a filter and the women you don't need wlil drop away, while the women who notice the real you will be the ones you want to be interacting with. We want a man we can know and love, not only someone who looks good and is average in all other departments.

 

For instance, the man I'm dating right now has issues and is very immature in many respects, but what I love most about him is his love for history. He knows everything about everything. Just walking down the street he will give me 2 or 3 interesting stories about this lake or that building. And what makes me love this is he lights up everytime he talks about these things. That's what drew me to him in the first place. When you show the world how much you love yourself and your passions, people will notice. When you show the world (even subconsciously) that you feel you are ugly and unattractive, they will notice that too.

Edited September 16, 2016 by Hopeful30

[Buddhist]

There's a mismatch here between your expectations and your reality. You call yourself ugly but still want a reasonably attractive girl. Short of having some major mojo your dating pool isn't 'reasonably attractive' unless you are also reasonably attractive. Sorry, thats just the way the world works.

[scooby-philly]

Dude...you got a few great responses here already.

 

 

Im 35 and single. I was a virgin till 30 and in 5 years ive been in 2 relationships including an engagment, have had 3 or 4 shorter relaionships that dodnt work out and whule im back to needing to hit the gym and lise 20 to 30 lbs....im feeling better emtionally than ever. I am no cassanova but ive learned so much.

 

 

As others have said....the first trick is to be yourself. When you are that and when you are open and fluid and dynamic then you are attractive. Second...yes.... confidence is key. But you cant be confident if you dont k know who you are. And what is attractive? You day you are not but in others eyes you may be. And certainly physical appearance is only a small part of the overall mix. If you think you are a good catch then others will see it to.

[Marek]

Wow. My appreciation for all the replies. I should also have noted that I suffer from social anxiety, and take medication for it but it's by no means a cure-all.

 

My height is a bonus, according to you guys. Let me tell you, being 6'2" doesn't give me any advantage. Ugly is ugly. Not matter is you're 6'2" or 5'2". In fact, I'd rather be 2 inches shorter because I always feel as though I "stick out" in the crowd because of my height, and then I become self-conscious.

 

I do go to the gym 4 times a week, so my physical condition isn't too bad, but I don't have that steroid-induced bodybuilder look.

 

I'm rather introverted. I have solo hobbies: playing chess, learning languages, reading (both fiction and non-fiction) ... these hobbies of mine are of little use with the opposite sex -- they don't care about such things. In fact, my hobbies may be a deterrence to the opposite sex, as they make me look "geeky".

 

Plus I'm on campus 4 days a week, virtually surrounded by attractive girls, but in my three years as an undergrad and nearly 12 months into my Masters, I have not met one girl. When I do happen to talk to them the conversation is stilted and I only talk about studying.

 

I'm not humorous, quick-witted, nor the least bit charismatic. I seem to repel girls.

 

Smile more? Well you know when people say you have a beautiful smile, well it works both ways; that is, my smile looks awkward and unattractive. I'm a true introvert in that too much socializing drains me mentally. Plus, I'm no good at it.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

My friend was single for 15 years. She just recently got with someone. Sure he's ten years younger, but as far as I know, she's happy. Everyone I know is feeling pretty jubilant for her, though I think they all can't quite believe it either. It's a bit of a miraculous story.

 

I think stories like hers just goes to show, that despite people waiting for what feels like a lifetime, they can still find love despite everyone else finding it before them. She's feeling great; it's everyone else that's incredulously shocked about her finally getting with someone as no one in my friend group can shut up about it!

[Silver_star]

Wow. My appreciation for all the replies. I should also have noted that I suffer from social anxiety, and take medication for it but it's by no means a cure-all.

 

My height is a bonus, according to you guys. Let me tell you, being 6'2" doesn't give me any advantage. Ugly is ugly. Not matter is you're 6'2" or 5'2". In fact, I'd rather be 2 inches shorter because I always feel as though I "stick out" in the crowd because of my height, and then I become self-conscious.

 

I do go to the gym 4 times a week, so my physical condition isn't too bad, but I don't have that steroid-induced bodybuilder look.

 

I'm rather introverted. I have solo hobbies: playing chess, learning languages, reading (both fiction and non-fiction) ... these hobbies of mine are of little use with the opposite sex -- they don't care about such things. In fact, my hobbies may be a deterrence to the opposite sex, as they make me look "geeky".

 

Plus I'm on campus 4 days a week, virtually surrounded by attractive girls, but in my three years as an undergrad and nearly 12 months into my Masters, I have not met one girl. When I do happen to talk to them the conversation is stilted and I only talk about studying.

 

I'm not humorous, quick-witted, nor the least bit charismatic. I seem to repel girls.

 

Smile more? Well you know when people say you have a beautiful smile, well it works both ways; that is, my smile looks awkward and unattractive. I'm a true introvert in that too much socializing drains me mentally. Plus, I'm no good at it.

 

 

Your confidence and self esteem are so poor right now, you paint yourself in the worst light possible. We are always are own worst critics.

If you just stopped saying that crap to yourself (like the bolded above) and start being kinder to yourself and taking good care of yourself, it would show others you give a **** and that is attractive. No girl wants to spend all her time trying to build your self esteem back up. Do it for yourself. To be blunt: You probably shouldn't be worried about a relationship right now as much as you should be worried about your own self esteem/ confidence issues. Could you try and say like one positive thing about yourself?

 

 

PS - Some girls like geeky guys, and a lot of them have the same "geeky" hobbies, so I don't buy your excuses why you are sooo impossible for anyone to care about.

Edited September 23, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
formatting ~6

[Osmium13]

It makes it harder to build friendships if you're focusing too much on finding a partner. You're putting pressure on yourself and probably increasing your own anxiety by doing so, which in turn will make you nervous and uncomfortable when talking to someone you might like. Women will pick up on this and think you're either devoid of any confidence or just plain weird - neither of which are particularly attractive.

 

Stop looking at girls as potential mates, start thinking of them as people to talk to and get to know. Few relationships happen instantly or from random people you meet based on physical attraction... I've had a couple resulting from this type of situation, they were pretty lame and none of them lasted.

 

Look on the bright side - If you're not model material, or at least don't think you are, it's a good way of knowing that any interest in you is not based on those superficial elements. When you find someone (and you will!) you'll know she's interested in who you are, not what you look like.

[Searching4Love]

Be patient but always look to improve yourself. Be confident in yourself and it will come.

[Versacehottie]

Wow. My appreciation for all the replies. I should also have noted that I suffer from social anxiety, and take medication for it but it's by no means a cure-all.

 

My height is a bonus, according to you guys. Let me tell you, being 6'2" doesn't give me any advantage. Ugly is ugly. Not matter is you're 6'2" or 5'2". In fact, I'd rather be 2 inches shorter because I always feel as though I "stick out" in the crowd because of my height, and then I become self-conscious.

 

I do go to the gym 4 times a week, so my physical condition isn't too bad, but I don't have that steroid-induced bodybuilder look.

 

I'm rather introverted. I have solo hobbies: playing chess, learning languages, reading (both fiction and non-fiction) ... these hobbies of mine are of little use with the opposite sex -- they don't care about such things. In fact, my hobbies may be a deterrence to the opposite sex, as they make me look "geeky".

 

Plus I'm on campus 4 days a week, virtually surrounded by attractive girls, but in my three years as an undergrad and nearly 12 months into my Masters, I have not met one girl. When I do happen to talk to them the conversation is stilted and I only talk about studying.

 

I'm not humorous, quick-witted, nor the least bit charismatic. I seem to repel girls.

 

Smile more? Well you know when people say you have a beautiful smile, well it works both ways; that is, my smile looks awkward and unattractive. I'm a true introvert in that too much socializing drains me mentally. Plus, I'm no good at it.

 

Ok you're going to need a slight change in attitude. You will have to find a way in which socialize works for you. Maybe one on one? Always use a smile. Even so-called ugly ones are pretty beautiful. You need to find the zone in which you ARE more charismatic. For types like you, i think it will be in the things you enjoy doing (your hobbies) and friends you do have (maybe through your hobbies) and build confidence from there. You have to think you it as a building process. If you have very little social skills you need a chance, time and the right environment to build them in. No one is going to do this for you. So take these suggestions and think of your own life and ways that you can make it work. Not the ways that it won't work (that is the attitude adjustment I am talking about). You CAN do it. yes, some girls love geeky guys so if you try, and adjust along the way you should be able to do it. good luck

[Curious-One]

Wow. My appreciation for all the replies. I should also have noted that I suffer from social anxiety, and take medication for it but it's by no means a cure-all.

 

My height is a bonus, according to you guys. Let me tell you, being 6'2" doesn't give me any advantage. Ugly is ugly. Not matter is you're 6'2" or 5'2". In fact, I'd rather be 2 inches shorter because I always feel as though I "stick out" in the crowd because of my height, and then I become self-conscious.

 

I do go to the gym 4 times a week, so my physical condition isn't too bad, but I don't have that steroid-induced bodybuilder look.

 

I'm rather introverted. I have solo hobbies: playing chess, learning languages, reading (both fiction and non-fiction) ... these hobbies of mine are of little use with the opposite sex -- they don't care about such things. In fact, my hobbies may be a deterrence to the opposite sex, as they make me look "geeky".

 

Plus I'm on campus 4 days a week, virtually surrounded by attractive girls, but in my three years as an undergrad and nearly 12 months into my Masters, I have not met one girl. When I do happen to talk to them the conversation is stilted and I only talk about studying.

 

I'm not humorous, quick-witted, nor the least bit charismatic. I seem to repel girls.

 

Smile more? Well you know when people say you have a beautiful smile, well it works both ways; that is, my smile looks awkward and unattractive. I'm a true introvert in that too much socializing drains me mentally. Plus, I'm no good at it.

 

 

Your problem is not that you are ugly ... your problem is the social anxiety part and your social skills.

 

If you are going to attract a girl you need to have good social skills so that you dont come off depserate, boring, weird etc etc... if you trully have social anxiety that is your problem PERIOD.

 

Combine social anxiety with lack of confidence and there is your reason for no success. I say work on the social skills first and talk to everyone...and i mean everyone start with old people cashiers , approach girls and just have conversations witht them and dont look for results dont look for numbers just try and have a good convo. Once you master that then look for a girl and try to close BUT try with average or below average one. You need to build your worth IN YOUR HEAD.

[soyou]

To find true love, it takes time, effort, and patience.

 

So dont ever give up. Believe in yourself and have faith in life that your the one is waiting for you somewhere in your life journey.

 

I'm 31, female and still single. I know that my awesome man is just somewhere and we shall meet when the time is right.

 

I know and believe that I'm smart, fit, and very attractive. I know that I can get any man I like which I really do. You need to believe in yourself.. if you think you're good looking, people will believe so too.

 

All the best ;-)