mortensorchid Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 This has probably happened to some of you out there:. You have made some new friends, either individuals or a group. Over time you get to know them, either on an individual or group level. And ... You all of a sudden realize something. There is one that you really do not like for whatever reason. They do or say something that REALLY bothers you, and then you have a talk with yourself and ask yourself "Is this person (Name) my friend or not?" Or "Do I want to be with this person or group anymore?". And then... The answer is no. And you distance yourself from them, you just go *poof*. What you feel is one thing - you're wrestling with the fact you made a bad friend and you are repairing, you have learned things about yourself, etc. But what I wonder is how the other person or group feels. Sometimes you don't know how they will react until they show that side of themselves - I have had some react with complete apathy or never even noticed I was gone, I have had some react with anger and lashing out (via email or text I would like to add) as to why they were eliminated. I distanced myself from a group recently because I realized I was with a "bad crowd", none of them reached out to me after. In that case, I feel they are self centered if nothing else and we were never good friends to begin with. Another (oddly enough or maybe not - I fell out with women friends past) on an individual basis allowed for the women to cuss me out with every filthy word in the book, I walked away and never talked to them again and they tried coming back to say they were sorry. My question is this: How do you feel about eliminating yourself from a person or a group? What is the motivation to do so? Once you have, how do you feel? And how do you deal with confrontation if any from the group or individual who wants explanation?
JewelD Posted September 16, 2016 Posted September 16, 2016 Well, I know from experience 'group' friends never really work out unless you have a long history. There's usually a primary friend in the group and everyone else is like acquaintance level. But I have distanced myself from individuals frequently. Usually it's when I find out they're not a good friend or they're just not a good person in general. I always feel good afterwards because: fk people. They will drag you down and fk with your inner peace and there's just too many people out there to hold onto a friendship that's not making your life better. I haven't really had any of those people reach out to me for an explanation but I would probably ignore them if they did. I have received friend requests from ****ty friends past but I never accept them. Discussions and explanations are for when you want to salvage a friendship. When I'm done, I'm done for all of eternity.
Arieswoman Posted September 17, 2016 Posted September 17, 2016 mortensorchid; My question is this: How do you feel about eliminating yourself from a person or a group? What is the motivation to do so? Once you have, how do you feel? And how do you deal with confrontation if any from the group or individual who wants explanation? 1. I have no problem distancing myself from any person or group when I no longer find their company enjoyable or positive. I want to spend my life surrounded by people who uplift me, not those who drag me down or make me feel bad. 2. I always weigh up the positives and the negatives. Too many negatives and I'm out. 3. I usually feel disappointed that things didn't work out but also relieved as I am now free to seek out more positive associations. 4. No-one has ever asked me for an explanation. In some situations there has been a difference of opinion(s) so people will be quite clear as to why I left the group.
Gloria25 Posted September 17, 2016 Posted September 17, 2016 (edited) I am very particular and picky about who I consider a "friend". So, when people do things to require me to break it off, it's hard for me. It really is. It hurts cuz you're trying to weigh all the good times and pros about that person. But, at the same time, you believe that something they did/say/change about themselves is enough to warrant a break. You're also wondering if you are being to harsh, because none of us is perfect. So, what can I say? I can just say that it's a tough decision but its up to you to decide what's your boundaries. Our boundaries are particular to us, our morals, values, etc. I mean, some people don't mind being part of a clique of bullies, but when the clique finally turns on them, they realize how awful the conduct is of a bully and finally get the courage to break away from the clique and probably never ever form friendships again with such types. Some, before the bullies turn on them, maybe after watching the clique bully one or two people, decide they don't wanna be part of the clique. So, again, for one person the boundary was drawn when the clique turned on him/her...another, it only took watching the bullies in action against another person that was enough to turn their stomach. Maybe you don't have to go to such extremes as to extract them from your life. Maybe you can put them into a "category" or "box". For example, you may not trust X person with your deepest, darkest secrets anymore, but hey she's ok to catch a dinner or movie with...and, that's ok. Not every person is gonna be your best bud. Some people are only good to go work out with, some to go on a walk with, some as a co-worker, some as a bingo buddy...but, some you connect and/or spend time with on a deeper level, like you would visit them if they were in the hospital and they would for you. Edited September 17, 2016 by Gloria25
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