Tirtlez Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 There's something I've never really had a chance to talk about with anyone because no one really cared to listen. I hope some of you do. I should start off by mentioning I'm bisexual. I was in a 3 year long distance relationship with another woman. We had a lot in common, shared a lot of laughs but I was not very sexual with her. In fact, I'm not. Very sexual person in general. It turned into her being rather abusive. She would say things like "because I am diagnosed bipolar, one of the mania symptoms is that I require more sex". She used bipolar as a crutch frequently for her bad behaviour, and I told her she needed to focus on getting better so that did not happen anymore as it was putting massive strain on our relationship. The inevitable happened and she fell in love with someone else. A mutual friend to the two of us. I confronted this man, and he said that he wanted to take this chance and be with her. I should have let the two of them go together, and never spoke to them again. Just moved on and be free of her emotional strain. But I stupidly fought for this relationship. And the man apologised, as he was a friend of mine, and was not interested in my girlfriend anymore. He continued to be my friend, and I trusted him. As time passed things got worse between her and I. And she began to ask for permission to sleep with other people. I wasn't ok with this, you might as well just move on at that point. So she strung me along for weeks, and I waited to hear she was going to break up with me when my cat suddenly died of a heart attack. Complications from hyperthyroidism. I was devastated. 3 days later she broke up with me. However, the very same friend of ours (that my ex wanted to date) came after my cat died to comfort me. He helped me through everything, and when I told him I wasn't that upset about the breakup and would like to go out on dates with someone he became sad and confessed his feelings for me. We started dating, he told my ex we were dating and she became furious. To this day I'm not sure what she told everyone but I lost pretty much all of my friends. I'm sure it was lies and manipulation as that is what she is good at. For example, she hated her then roommate and coworker. Told me about how when he sat in front of her while carpooling that she wanted to "slit his fat throat while he is asleep." Now he is her champion, and he hates me. Her coworker is completely oblivious to how she really feels about him, and I'm not the one to tell him. The breakup was a relief and a boon. What hurt the most was my friends abandoning me right after my cat died, and not bothering to ask for my side about anything. They just believed her and left. This was about a year ago now, and her friends still harass me, I just ignore them and I haven't spoken to my ex again this whole time. Things are going well between my boyfriend and I. In fact, he is now my fiance, but I still feel awful about when my ex wanted to be with him. It's not really his fault that happened. But anyways, sorry for monster post. Any thoughts on all this?
heartbrokenlady Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 I had similar issues 2 exes again. Never diagnosed but I'm pretty sure it was bpd. I forgave an affair but there was also violence. Eventually, I got fed up with the abuse and left. Anyway, AFTER I ended it, our mutual friends all took against me. Some I let go and just wrote it up to experience, some I fought back for and told them stuff they hadn't previously known about (the affair for example). I lost some friends. It was pretty bad for a while. An attempted house break in. Phone calls. Texts. Emails. But eventually it stopped. You have to ride it out. If it gets too bad, get the police involved (I did that once). It will die down and she'll move on eventually. 1
Author Tirtlez Posted September 15, 2016 Author Posted September 15, 2016 I had similar issues 2 exes again. Never diagnosed but I'm pretty sure it was bpd. I forgave an affair but there was also violence. Eventually, I got fed up with the abuse and left. Anyway, AFTER I ended it, our mutual friends all took against me. Some I let go and just wrote it up to experience, some I fought back for and told them stuff they hadn't previously known about (the affair for example). I lost some friends. It was pretty bad for a while. An attempted house break in. Phone calls. Texts. Emails. But eventually it stopped. You have to ride it out. If it gets too bad, get the police involved (I did that once). It will die down and she'll move on eventually. I'm having trouble at this point trusting anyone to be a 'genuine friend' at this point. I keep everyone at extreme arms length, even my fiance to an extent because he at one point was tempted to be with my ex before we even realized we had an attraction. So again, I know its not his fault, and he is extremely loyal to me now, but how do I let that go?
heartbrokenlady Posted September 16, 2016 Posted September 16, 2016 Well, it was before you two got together, so he can't be held responsible for it. If he loves you and is good to you, eventually, hopefully, you will feel you can trust? I changed my phone number and after 2 years, moved away from the area to get away from my ex. It was awkward. I owed some money and was repaying it monthly, but I ended up being taken to court as a revenge tactic, even though the court ordered me to pay less monthly than I had previously been paying. It is easy for me to say, years later, ride it out. But that, time, is the only thing that will help. One day you'll look back and be like, 'bi%^Des be crazy' thank god I'm not there anymore!
Recommended Posts