OVO07 Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 I've started dating a guy. We haven't said we're exclusive, however we talk very closely, he says a lot of sweet things"you're amazing, beautiful, we have a connection I don't have with others, wish you were here, im obsessed with you, I don't talk to other women etc etc" He keeps telling me to let my guard down, that he wants me to let him in and pour my heart out to him. He said "you can keep it up but I'll break it down anyway" he makes a point of me trusting him. A little over a week ago he said he is going to bed (via text) and I jokingly said "aww this early? Leaving me already?" He was like "do you work? (He knows I study atm) what responsibilities do you have outside of studying? You don't understand" he made me feel really silly cause I didnt mean it, I rally was joking around! He also said how he was really sad/disappointed that I hadn't text him the morning before on his birthday. But I replied to his text?! He said he expected I would send a happy birthday first. I apologised. Btw I said happy birthday the night before. Then Wednesday we got into another argument by text. I asked if he was talking to other girls online, and if so why does he make me feel special if I'm not the only one? Please remember, he makes a big deal about our connection. To me it doesn't make sense to be talking / looking if you really like someone that much? Well he got mad and was like "am I not allowed? When did we become exclusive?" I told him of course he's allowed, it's just confusing to me and either way I'd like to know. He said he sometimes looks on there ,but isn't chatting. Them he said "I'm going to bed" I tell him this is why I don't let my guard down, I'm obviously not enough. He ignores me for a whole day. I then admittedly freak out on him, I call him a horrible person for just ignoring me after wanting me to trust him etc. I called him a psycho. He read but still ignore. The next day he blocks me on WhatsApp (I hadn't even sent anything else so why then) so I text him to please talk to me, I'm sorry etc. Eventually Sunday evening he unblocks me. He says "are you done being mean?" I apologise and explain how much is hurt being totally blanked. How I never thought he'd do that. He says "but can you see why I had to do what I did?" I didn't want to rock the boat so I just said yes . He asked if I had told anyone we argued, I told him I had told one friend. He said "why did you tell her? From now on whatever we have will be between us I hope" agreed. He also said it might take a while to get back to how it was before. But Tuesday night he started acting closer again. Being more affectionate, saying really sweet things, talking about the future. Seemed like we were back on track. Then last night happened...I found he had been chatting to a woman online. Ok fair enough I guess. But get this...he tells her he's not seeing anyone. And then she asks for his number. He says he doesn't give it out that early cause he had issues with a crazy woman. He went on to tell her she (I) was abusive and he has to block me. that I was crazy and would go crazy if he didn't reply or want to go to bed (not true!) He was referring to me cause he told her what i said. She said I sound like a btch. That he should have beat me!!! He said "it's like a crying toddler you have to ignore" she was laughing. She asked if hes got me on block still, and he says yes (obviously not true!!!) and that he's enjoyed talking to her, does she want to talk to him again tomorrow night? She says "I'd love to babe, stay away from that btch" Wow. Wth? I'm hurt. He doesn't know I know anything about this. I don't know what to do. How could he let her say those things about me? Why is he lying? Is it me???
camillalev Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 this guy is a game-playing as*hole and honestly, its a good thing he's showing his true colors so early on. A good guy wouldnt block you like that and be so insensitive towards you. Dump him. His words say one thing and his actions clearly say another. There's better out there for you. 2
h0000 Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 He is a loser I don't even know where to begin. The only thing wrong about you is your standards are too low. Cut him off please 4
Buddhist Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 (edited) I could see the manipulation here before I finished the third paragraph. He's a manipulator, playing games with you and probably every other woman out there too. Do not buy into any of this stuff. It's words designed to put you on the back foot and apologise for just being you and standing up for yourself. Get rid of this jerk before he does any more damage. Do yourself another favour and go and read a PUA site. The information you'll find there is disgusting but you won't fall for this crap again or be hurt by it. He's basically training you to accept his behaviour and never question it. You are what's known as a spinning plate, and that's about the level of regard he has for you too. Edited September 15, 2016 by Buddhist 1
Author OVO07 Posted September 15, 2016 Author Posted September 15, 2016 Camillalev, h0000, Buddhist thanks for the replies. I just don't know if I did act crazy? I did call him a psycho lol. I did blow his phone up a bit by asking him to please talk to me etc. (More than once!) But it really really hurt he would ignore me after making a big deal about me trusting him. He's made me feel like maybe I really am THAT type of girl. What does he want with this other girl? To have us both? Not to be conceited, but I'm quite a lot prettier than her and she isn't very classy advising him to beat me!!! So why?
Redhead14 Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 I've started dating a guy. We haven't said we're exclusive, however we talk very closely, he says a lot of sweet things"you're amazing, beautiful, we have a connection I don't have with others, wish you were here, im obsessed with you, I don't talk to other women etc etc" He keeps telling me to let my guard down, that he wants me to let him in and pour my heart out to him. He said "you can keep it up but I'll break it down anyway" he makes a point of me trusting him. A little over a week ago he said he is going to bed (via text) and I jokingly said "aww this early? Leaving me already?" He was like "do you work? (He knows I study atm) what responsibilities do you have outside of studying? You don't understand" he made me feel really silly cause I didnt mean it, I rally was joking around! He also said how he was really sad/disappointed that I hadn't text him the morning before on his birthday. But I replied to his text?! He said he expected I would send a happy birthday first. I apologised. Btw I said happy birthday the night before. Then Wednesday we got into another argument by text. I asked if he was talking to other girls online, and if so why does he make me feel special if I'm not the only one? Please remember, he makes a big deal about our connection. To me it doesn't make sense to be talking / looking if you really like someone that much? Well he got mad and was like "am I not allowed? When did we become exclusive?" I told him of course he's allowed, it's just confusing to me and either way I'd like to know. He said he sometimes looks on there ,but isn't chatting. Them he said "I'm going to bed" I tell him this is why I don't let my guard down, I'm obviously not enough. He ignores me for a whole day. I then admittedly freak out on him, I call him a horrible person for just ignoring me after wanting me to trust him etc. I called him a psycho. He read but still ignore. The next day he blocks me on WhatsApp (I hadn't even sent anything else so why then) so I text him to please talk to me, I'm sorry etc. Eventually Sunday evening he unblocks me. He says "are you done being mean?" I apologise and explain how much is hurt being totally blanked. How I never thought he'd do that. He says "but can you see why I had to do what I did?" I didn't want to rock the boat so I just said yes . He asked if I had told anyone we argued, I told him I had told one friend. He said "why did you tell her? From now on whatever we have will be between us I hope" agreed. He also said it might take a while to get back to how it was before. But Tuesday night he started acting closer again. Being more affectionate, saying really sweet things, talking about the future. Seemed like we were back on track. Then last night happened...I found he had been chatting to a woman online. Ok fair enough I guess. But get this...he tells her he's not seeing anyone. And then she asks for his number. He says he doesn't give it out that early cause he had issues with a crazy woman. He went on to tell her she (I) was abusive and he has to block me. that I was crazy and would go crazy if he didn't reply or want to go to bed (not true!) He was referring to me cause he told her what i said. She said I sound like a btch. That he should have beat me!!! He said "it's like a crying toddler you have to ignore" she was laughing. She asked if hes got me on block still, and he says yes (obviously not true!!!) and that he's enjoyed talking to her, does she want to talk to him again tomorrow night? She says "I'd love to babe, stay away from that btch" Wow. Wth? I'm hurt. He doesn't know I know anything about this. I don't know what to do. How could he let her say those things about me? Why is he lying? Is it me??? And, when she finds herself in the same position you are in now, he'll be telling the next one that the last two women were crazy . . . block and delete him right now. Done . . . next . . . 3
Buddhist Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 Why? Because he gets his rocks off by duping people. He tells every single one exactly what they want to hear to reel them in. Then he'll sleep with all of them telling them trust is paramount (while cheating on all of them) and if his behaviour is ever questioned he will stonewall. That's how PUAs work. It's nothing to do with you and everything to do with feeding their own hurt and broken ego's. You are a game to him, not a person. He cares nothing for your feelings only your compliance in his game.
angel.eyes Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 Camillalev, h0000, Buddhist thanks for the replies. I just don't know if I did act crazy? I did call him a psycho lol. I did blow his phone up a bit by asking him to please talk to me etc. (More than once!) But it really really hurt he would ignore me after making a big deal about me trusting him. He's made me feel like maybe I really am THAT type of girl. What does he want with this other girl? To have us both? Not to be conceited, but I'm quite a lot prettier than her and she isn't very classy advising him to beat me!!! So why? Because you have insecure written all over your behavior. Honey, dating isn't some competition to prove you're better than some other random girl! You should be focused on whether this chump is right for you, not why he's making fun of you or paying attention to another girl...when he should notice you're really the "prettier" one! Obviously he's a total douche bag buffoon and not worth wasting your time on! BLOCK...DELETE...NEXT. You can do way better than this! Stop running after the loser begging him to talk to you. Stop apologizing to him for his bad behavior. Stop chasing after him for approval and validation. Just stop! 3
camillalev Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 This guy is making fun of you with a new girl and calling you crazy. Why are you continuing to care what he thinks. Hes an as*hole. Move on. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 Ugh, this joker is a typical player. Forget about him. I'm curious how you know all the details of the conversations he's having with this other woman, though?
mrs rubble Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 Ugh, this joker is a typical player. Forget about him. I'm curious how you know all the details of the conversations he's having with this other woman, though? I was wondering the same, how you got those details. Yeah he sounds like a player to me. Block and walk away.
Lois_Griffin Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 I'll be honest. Just reading how clingy, insecure and immature you were acting toward him gave me my first clue this wasn't going to be a longterm relationship. While he's a complete douche, you did come across as far too needy. 2
elaine567 Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 YOU can have all the "connection" you want, all those deep conversations, all that stuff in common, all those compliments, all those positive vibes, but the guy told you you are NOT exclusive, so he is free to do what he wants with other women and it sounds like that is exactly what he is doing. He doesn't see you as someone he needs to be faithful to. Many men love their women to be faithful to only them, hence all that stuff about wanting to break down your walls and make you feel like he really cares and that you should let him in and you should love him unreservedly. He wants to be number one in your world, he wants to be very important to you, but as soon as you expect to be number one in his world he throws the "We are not exclusive" card at you. You cannot go all bf/gf on him if he has not even taken the first step to say he is not seeing other women. If you want to be one of a string of women he plays with, then carry on as you are, if you want a man to want you and only you then this man isn't the one to do that. 2
andie1969 Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 It's sounds like all your communication has been via text/phone, have you even met in person?
kendahke Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 (edited) What to do? Block him and quit dealing with him. This was over before it started. You have no relationship with this guy yet. You're just casually dating and are still free to talk to others, which is what he's doing. He's not going to act like your boyfriend when he doesn't view himself as your boyfriend. He views you as someone's sex to get--that much is clear by what he said to you and to this other girl. Doesn't matter what all he's said: he hasn't said "I only want to be with you and no one else". Anything outside of that declaration is meaningless. He's shown you that he's a liar and that he doesn't live by his own words. Who needs such a dissembler in their life? Also, looks have nothing to do with anything. She could look like the bottom of his shoe, but if he's attracted to her, he's attracted to her. Edited September 15, 2016 by kendahke
Bialy Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 Stop with all the damn texting. Anyone can sound charming in a text box and type anything sweet. You're believing the illusion that you two have a connection and are meant for each other. It's all words on a screen. What are you two actually doing? Not much, it sounds like. Learn from this and delete and remove him from your life. The entire situation sounds like an utter mess.
anika99 Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 By reading your last thread it sounds like you only started chatting with this guy a couple of weeks ago and possibly haven't even met him yet. He is definitely a jerk but your behaviour is rather odd too. Why would you believe that a man you just started talking to earlier this month is obsessed with you or even really cares about you? Why are you being so obsessive over man you have only been talking too for a couple of weeks? You are both being way over the top. This isn't even a relationship, you don't even know each other. Just let it go. 1
katiegrl Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 (edited) I've started dating a guy. Newsflash: If you have never met each other in person, and are only texting or even Skyping, you are NOT "dating." You are "interacting" via the internet. Nothing more, nothing less. And you better believe YOU are not the only one he's "interacting" with either. Please learn the difference. And don't ever go "exclusive" with a man you've never met that's just downright dumb. Edited September 15, 2016 by katiegrl
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