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overreacting??

love4me1991

By love4me1991
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love4me1991 Member

love4me1991

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why didn't you invite him to your birthday? or you did but he declined?

any chance he may think you are not inviting him ?

are you guys GF and BF now? Exclusive can have other meanings

 

 

No not gf bf yet. Just not seeing other people we want to get to know each other better first it was a mutual decision.

 

I did not invite him out for my birthday. I am very cautious and dont really introduce friend and family for a while because i want to make sure he is a sure thing first.

 

I need to take things slow because i get involved too quick and it ruins things and iget hurt

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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No not gf bf yet. Just not seeing other people we want to get to know each other better first it was a mutual decision.

 

I did not invite him out for my birthday. I am very cautious and dont really introduce friend and family for a while because i want to make sure he is a sure thing first.

 

I need to take things slow because i get involved too quick and it ruins things and iget hurt

 

Wait so you're not "boyfriend\girlfriend"?

 

Why didn't you correct me when I kept referring to you that way?

 

This sheds a whole new light now.

 

Heck, I need a break from this board.

 

Best of luck.

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h0000 Established Member

h0000

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No not gf bf yet. Just not seeing other people we want to get to know each other better first it was a mutual decision.

 

I did not invite him out for my birthday. I am very cautious and dont really introduce friend and family for a while because i want to make sure he is a sure thing first.

 

I need to take things slow because i get involved too quick and it ruins things and iget hurt

 

You didn't invite him, yet got upset he made other plans and went out with a friend? So what should he do? Stay at home by himself?

Did you make plans with him then?

 

 

If you would get upset over this, you should make it a relationship. Because if you are "just seeing each other" ,he kinda has the right to hang out with whomever. You kinda don't have the right to get upset over this. You are asking for GF treatment while you aren't his GF

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LD1990 Established Member

LD1990

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So you're exclusive but not boyfriend and girlfriend? How many relationship levels do there need to be?

 

If you're exclusive you're boyfriend and girlfriend. At least that's how I and I'm sure most of the rest of the people on Earth understand it.

 

And did you tell him you'd be spending your birthday with your family and friends?

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Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

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woops missed later post, going points. Now I'm confused. You are exclusive but not g/f b/f?! Too soon to expect birthday stuff then

Edited by Sunkissedpatio
Sunkissedpatio Established Member

Sunkissedpatio

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not gf bf yet. Just not seeing other people we want to get to know each other better first it was a mutual decision.

 

I need to take things slow because i get involved too quick and it ruins things and iget hurt

 

???

Then take things slow and do your thing and let him do his, not sure what you want!?

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love4me1991 Member

love4me1991

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Sorry for the confusion

 

We decided to be exclusive (a few days ago)as in only seeing one another while we get to know each other better before actually becoming BF GF . We have been seeing each other for the last 2 months now. Talk everyday(he always initiates). I am not upset that he has girl friends i am upset that he is taking her on my birthday . He has already taken me to 2 games and he tells me he promised her. My post was to find out from you guys if I am overreacting/ how you would feel or go about this situation. i told him that i was going out friday with girl friends and saturday with family. Sunday I was free. No, I did not invite him out with friends and family. He said he would stop by the bar on friday that we were going to. but now that he is taking another girl out on the sunday tbh I don't want him meeting my friends yet. I guess I should wait until after the weekend to decide if I should end things or continue. just wanted a few opinions.

 

thanks guys

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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I'm confused. So do you mean exclusive in that you are only having sex with each other while trying to decide if you want to be bf and gf?

 

You were going to spend your b-day with family and you didn't invite him because you think it's too soon to introduce him to them. Yet you are upset that he is doing something with someone else during that time; but you are not bf/gf. Is this correct?

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love4me1991 Member

love4me1991

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I'm confused. So do you mean exclusive in that you are only having sex with each other while trying to decide if you want to be bf and gf?

 

You were going to spend your b-day with family and you didn't invite him because you think it's too soon to introduce him to them. Yet you are upset that he is doing something with someone else during that time; but you are not bf/gf. Is this correct?

 

We decided to only see each other exclusevily while still getting to know each other better. Not quite at the bf gf stage yet but do not want to see others. I was going to spend the saturday with family. My birthday is the sunday and that is when he will be going out with the other girl . I mentioned to him that I was free and was upset that he would not be takinng me.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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Oh I see. Well it is a bit telling that he didn't want to spend your b-day with you. Hmmm.

h0000 Established Member

h0000

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You don't want to get too serious, yet want to be taken seriously. You don't want to be the gf, yet want to be treated as a Gf...

Of course it would be nice if he treats you specially on your birthday, BUT, The fact is he is not taking you that seriously and your birthday is not a big deal to him. It's probably just another Sunday for him.

Can you blame him though? I don't know. Because You are the one who set the tone as "casual dating". It is confusing that your expectation is different than what you asked for.

It's two months, in my opinion it is enough time to get serious. If he is not there yet, I'd be worried. But again you are not there yet either, maybe he thinks you are not that into him.

It's fine if you want to take things slow, but you need to lower your expectations accordingly

Edited by h0000
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love4me1991 Member

love4me1991

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You don't want to get too serious, yet want to be taken seriously. You don't want to be the gf, yet want to be treated as a Gf...

Of course it would be nice if he treats you specially on your birthday, BUT, The fact is he is not taking you that seriously and your birthday is not a big deal to him. It's probably just another Sunday for him.

Can you blame him though? I don't know. Because You are the one who set the tone as "casual dating". It is confusing that your expectation is different than what you asked for.

 

We both decided on exclusivity but not BF GF as we both felt it was still too early for that. I don't know if I should blame him , I just know that it still upsets me and is definately a deal breaker for me still. I don't know if I should bring it up again, or just let it slide and maybe end things on monday perhaps if things don't change. I just need to know if I am overreacting

h0000 Established Member

h0000

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We both decided on exclusivity but not BF GF as we both felt it was still too early for that. I don't know if I should blame him , I just know that it still upsets me and is definately a deal breaker for me still. I don't know if I should bring it up again, or just let it slide and maybe end things on monday perhaps if things don't change. I just need to know if I am overreacting

 

Is he seeing you any other day this week? Friday or something ? Or have you already been out this week?

If so, then yes I think you are overreacting. He has already taken you out, just not exactly on Sunday .but it's probably cuz he doesn't take birthday that seriously. I don't either.

If not then I would talk to him. Tell him it upsets you that he doesn't give a damn about your birthday. Tell him what your real expectations are. As I said over and over, if you wanna take it slow,you gotta lower your expectations. Otherwise,tell him you both need to take things more serious

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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We both decided on exclusivity but not BF GF as we both felt it was still too early for that. I don't know if I should blame him , I just know that it still upsets me and is definately a deal breaker for me still. I don't know if I should bring it up again, or just let it slide and maybe end things on monday perhaps if things don't change. I just need to know if I am overreacting

 

Love4me: You have been seeing each other for 2 months but he is not important enough yet for you to invite him over to your family's birthday, and are only exclusive since 48 hours ago. You treat this man as a fwb but he has to treat you like a gf and cancel his 'already made' plans to take you out? If you don't treat him like a BF why should he treat you like a GF?

 

You want to break up because he is not changing his plans for your birthday. Maybe he is considering breaking up because you did not invite him over to your family. Sounds to me you want to withdraw more than you've invested.

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Blkwidow New Member

Blkwidow

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I have a question to something you said. What would be the difference between confronting someone about a concern you may have and conversing with them about it? What would be different between the two?

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love4me1991 Member

love4me1991

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Love4me: You have been seeing each other for 2 months but he is not important enough yet for you to invite him over to your family's birthday, and are only exclusive since 48 hours ago. You treat this man as a fwb but he has to treat you like a gf and cancel his 'already made' plans to take you out? If you don't treat him like a BF why should he treat you like a GF?

 

You want to break up because he is not changing his plans for your birthday. Maybe he is considering breaking up because you did not invite him over to your family. Sounds to me you want to withdraw more than you've invested.

 

So in other words, you would agree that I am over reacting? I don't want to withdraw I like him, but I though maybe this shows disinterest on his part .

 

blkwidow i confronted him about the post on facebook and then we conversed about where we are at and explained the situation

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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So in other words, you would agree that I am over reacting? I don't want to withdraw I like him, but I though maybe this shows disinterest on his part .

 

blkwidow i confronted him about the post on facebook and then we conversed about where we are at and explained the situation

 

Yes you are over-reacting. Why don't you wait Sunday and see? Who knows many he has a surprise for you.

 

Why do you 'confront' ? Confronting is aggressive and accusatory. Why jump in his face before opening a peaceful conversation from start?

h0000 Established Member

h0000

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So in other words, you would agree that I am over reacting? I don't want to withdraw I like him, but I though maybe this shows disinterest on

 

In short, Yes you are

kgcolonel Established Member

kgcolonel

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So in other words, you would agree that I am over reacting? I don't want to withdraw I like him, but I though maybe this shows disinterest on his part .

 

blkwidow i confronted him about the post on facebook and then we conversed about where we are at and explained the situation

 

Not sure of your ages but....the way you get to know each other, build a relationship etc is to communicate. You seem really nice however, if I were your exclusive friend (not your bf) I might run too. I get the disappointment but there is also the idea of learning what you bring to the relationship. If he invited this friend, assuming nothing romantic is happening, you could look at this a bit differently, he is a man of his word....he invited someone else, is standing by his word when more than likely, he'd rather be with his new love interest.....that is integrity....wouldn't you prefer to have a BF who you can trust that when he says he'll do something, you can count on it? Instead, it looks like you're looking at "what's in it for me"....I personally see this as a bit immature. Not trying to bust you but just being honest with you.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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I read your last thread. I think you are over investing yourself in this relationship. You have been dating 2 months and only 10 days ago your guy was still on Tinder getting notifications. It explains why exclusivity had not been brought up yet, he was not in a hurry to lock you in an exclusive relationship. He was happy to sleep with you and still browse the ladies online.

 

Now when you told him you were not interested in pursuing a man still on Tinder after 2 months THEN came with this exclusivity arrangement....except it's only a sexual exclusivity do you understand that?

 

This guy is at square 1 still and you are at square 6.

 

He is in a sexually exclusive relationship with you and that is why he is not spending Sunday with you. You are a FWB and people don't change their plans for FWB.

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