love4me1991 Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 So I have been seeing this guy for just about 2 months now. The other day we had the exclusivity talk . I got upset because of a post on Facebook about his going to a soccer game this sunday with some girl . I confronted him because I was upset and he stated she was just a friend(this is how we came to bringing up being exclusive and he said he wants to be exclusive). Here is my problem though. Last week I mentioned to him that it was my birthday this weekend(sunday). I told him i would be busy with family and friends probably friday and saturday . I told him I was upset that he was taking a girl friend out on the sunday to the game and not me. He told me he promised the friend a while ago and she just reminded him this week. I dont know if I am overreacting because he hasnt changed his mind and said he would take me or if I should just let it go . I really need some advice ! I am thinking about just ending things if he doesnt say anything by like friday but I dont know how to go about doing so.
Gaeta Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 So I have been seeing this guy for just about 2 months now. The other day we had the exclusivity talk . I got upset because of a post on Facebook about his going to a soccer game this sunday with some girl . I confronted him because I was upset and he stated she was just a friend(this is how we came to bringing up being exclusive and he said he wants to be exclusive). Here is my problem though. Last week I mentioned to him that it was my birthday this weekend(sunday). I told him i would be busy with family and friends probably friday and saturday . I told him I was upset that he was taking a girl friend out on the sunday to the game and not me. He told me he promised the friend a while ago and she just reminded him this week. I dont know if I am overreacting because he hasnt changed his mind and said he would take me or if I should just let it go . I really need some advice ! I am thinking about just ending things if he doesnt say anything by like friday but I dont know how to go about doing so. Yes you are over-reacting, about everything. You confront him because he speaks with a female friend on FB You confront him because he made plans with a friend You confront him for not taking you to some game A man can only take so much confronting. Do you want a boyfriend or not? If you do than stop confronting and start having conversations. 3
Author love4me1991 Posted September 15, 2016 Author Posted September 15, 2016 Gaeta , I wasnt mad that he was speaking to a female friend. I am mad at the fact he is taking a friend out on the date of my birthday. I was kind of hoping somebody would tell me I was over reacting because I like this guy thanks for your responce
katiegrl Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 (edited) Yes you are over-reacting, about everything. You confront him because he speaks with a female friend on FB You confront him because he made plans with a friend You confront him for not taking you to some game A man can only take so much confronting. Do you want a boyfriend or not? If you do than stop confronting and start having conversations. Gaeta, Sunday is her (the OP's) birthday. But yet he chooses to take a girl who is supposed to be just a friend to the game instead? Surely, a friend would understand if he wanted to change the plan so he could actually take his girlfriend to the game instead of said friend, no? He and said friend could spend time together another time, when it wasn't his girlfriend's birthday. I would be a bit upset too OP. My spiney senses would be kickin in for sure. Edited September 15, 2016 by katiegrl 2
LD1990 Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 If I was really into a girl, I'd want to spend her birthday with her. The fact that this guy has chosen take another girl to a soccer game on your birthday is an issue. It's not hard to tell a friend "hey, I need a rain check on those plans, it's my girlfriend's birthday." And true friendships between men and women are rare. As silly as this may sound, you may want to find out how attractive this girl is. I'm a guy who has had a couple female friends. Know what all those friends had in common? I didn't find any of them attractive at all. 3
Author love4me1991 Posted September 15, 2016 Author Posted September 15, 2016 Gaeta, Sunday is her (the OP's) birthday. But yet he chooses to take a girl who is supposed to be just a friend to the game instead? Surely, a friend would understand if he wanted to change the plan so he could actually take his girlfriend to the game instead of said friend, no? He and said friend could spend time together another time, when it wasn't his girlfriend's birthday. I would be a bit upset too OP. My spiney senses would be kickin in for sure. thanks katiegrl , what would you suggest I do now, end things , or bring it up again?
Author love4me1991 Posted September 15, 2016 Author Posted September 15, 2016 If I was really into a girl, I'd want to spend her birthday with her. The fact that this guy has chosen take another girl to a soccer game on your birthday is an issue. It's not hard to tell a friend "hey, I need a rain check on those plans, it's my girlfriend's birthday." And true friendships between men and women are rare. As silly as this may sound, you may want to find out how attractive this girl is. I'm a guy who has had a couple female friends. Know what all those friends had in common? I didn't find any of them attractive at all. ya i did, and she is attractive. I don't really buy it either. I just dont understand yesterday I tried to end things because of this and he said no he likes me and wants to be exclusive. that i was just overthinking this . I dont know what to do now
kendahke Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 you may want to find out how attractive this girl is. I'm a guy who has had a couple female friends. Know what all those friends had in common? I didn't find any of them attractive at all. Apples and tanks. The question is: if he finds the chick attractive, not if she's attractive. He might think she looks like the bottom of his shoe, but OP may think she's drop dead gorgeous. One has nothing to do with the other. OP--he may be interested in sexual exclusivity with you, but not social exclusivity. He just might not be where you are in this. You're meeting the real him--the representatives have been sent home. It's still early days and you are in the waning honey-moon phase of a new relationship--when most of them die a natural death.
Author love4me1991 Posted September 15, 2016 Author Posted September 15, 2016 Apples and tanks. The question is: if he finds the chick attractive, not if she's attractive. He might think she looks like the bottom of his shoe, but OP may think she's drop dead gorgeous. One has nothing to do with the other. OP--he may be interested in sexual exclusivity with you, but not social exclusivity. He just might not be where you are in this. You're meeting the real him--the representatives have been sent home. It's still early days and you are in the waning honey-moon phase of a new relationship--when most of them die a natural death. when we spoke the other day we decided on not seeing anyone else, his decision. Up until then we never really communicated about what we wanted and he said i came off as very reserved and thought i was seeing others because I go out frequently . this is part of my confusion. I gave him an out yesterday why not take it
katiegrl Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 thanks katiegrl , what would you suggest I do now, end things , or bring it up again? I hesitate to answer that because I cut guys off and next them FAR too hastily, and I need to work on that, which I am. On the other hand, I realize you are disappointed and I would be too, but at least he was honest and didn't make up some shyt story, plus he has expressed his feelings to you, a desire to be exclusive and talked you out of leaving, so that's something. I think if up till now he had been a wonderful boyfriend, I would stay and continue to play it out. If you start to notice more activity with this girl (FB chats, texts, etc) THEN you can address it, and walk if necessary.
LD1990 Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 Yeah, it's possible that this girl is attractive to some, but not to OP's boyfriend. The hotter she is, the less likely that possibility becomes. OP, I do think your boyfriend's behavior is inappropriate. When you're in a relationship, you take your significant other on dates. You sure as hell don't go out one-on-one with some "friend" of the opposite sex. Doing it on your birthday is just the icing on the cake. You'll just have to decide if this is a deal breaker for you. If it really bothers you, now is the time to either figure it out with this guy or break things off. 1
katiegrl Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 Yeah, it's possible that this girl is attractive to some, but not to OP's boyfriend. The hotter she is, the less likely that possibility becomes. OP, I do think your boyfriend's behavior is inappropriate. When you're in a relationship, you take your significant other on dates. You sure as hell don't go out one-on-one with some "friend" of the opposite sex. Doing it on your birthday is just the icing on the cake. You'll just have to decide if this is a deal breaker for you. If it really bothers you, now is the time to either figure it out with this guy or break things off. I tend to agree, it's not even about whether or not he finds her attractive. It is the fact he is choosing to spend the day with her, and not you, his girlfriend, on your birthday. Now maybe birthdays are NOT a big deal to him, and that's fine. But he should at least be sensitive enough to realize that they might be important to you and as such you would like to spend the day with your boyfriend on your birthday. But it's still early days, so if everything else is going great, then just play it out and observe his actions going forward. If things start feeling off, then just end it before you get in too deep. 2
stillafool Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 when we spoke the other day we decided on not seeing anyone else, his decision. Up until then we never really communicated about what we wanted and he said i came off as very reserved and thought i was seeing others because I go out frequently . this is part of my confusion. I gave him an out yesterday why not take it What was the out? How long has he known that Sunday is your birthday?
Author love4me1991 Posted September 15, 2016 Author Posted September 15, 2016 What was the out? How long has he known that Sunday is your birthday? i mentioned it to him last thursday. i told him the other day that i cant do the casual thing and maybe we should stop talking. thanks again guys! I think this will definitely be a deal breaker for me . I just wasnt sure if i was overreacting or not.
katiegrl Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 What was the out? How long has he known that Sunday is your birthday? See below. ya i did, and she is attractive. I don't really buy it either. I just dont understand yesterday I tried to end things because of this and he said no he likes me and wants to be exclusive. that i was just overthinking this . I dont know what to do now She told him last week it was her birthday. 1
Leigh 87 Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 If he was into you and he was also a generous guy - he would want to treat you to a birthday dinner on Sunday.... No guy who is that into you would do nothing for your birthday ..... After a week? I would still expect a small gift or a dinner date if the guy was REALLY into me and it was my birthday .... But TWO MONTHS in - girl, most men who are crazy about you will be in love by 2 to 3 months! It sounds like he likes you, feels some chemistry and wants to see where things go - but is not blown away by you at all. And it is actually quite rare to have opposite gender friends between attractive people - I have two - one is a long time friend who is well older than me and there has never been any attraction from either end - and the other even ADMITS he want to shag me in theory, that he is attracted to me but he has demonstrated that he is there for me during hard times, is generous with his time and he legitimately gets something out of just being my friend despite his attraction to me. There is no real chemistry there beyond him being male and wanting to shag at asttractive female that offers it up. Which I am most certainly NOT........... I really do not know of any men who are REALLY into their girlfriends and yet entertain other women with baseball games and generous " hanging out", if the female in question is attractive. Most men are too enamoured with their girlfriends too want to spend much quality time hanging out with other attractive females. I mean I know an extrovert guy who loves socially interacting with people ALL DAY and yet would NEVER just go and chill with other attractive females! Yet with his ex fiancé who he WAS NOT THAT INTO - guess what? He would go out clubbing and hang out with women all the time. Cos he dodn't care for her much. What I am getting at is - men who care and fall hard enough for a girl WANT to take her out and wine and dine her for special events and occasions. Period. Only stringy, mean spirited people would've feel the need to be generous for a woman's birthday after 2 months........ 2
katiegrl Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 (edited) i mentioned it to him last thursday. i told him the other day that i cant do the casual thing and maybe we should stop talking. thanks again guys! I think this will definitely be a deal breaker for me . I just wasnt sure if i was overreacting or not. Well if you just up and end it cuz of this, then I would say yes you are over-reacting.... especially if everything else has been going great thus far. What I am even learning myself is that the people we date (in your case your boyfriend) will always disappoint us.... and maybe even hurt us sometimes, but that doesn't necessarily mean it was their intention to do so. As I said HE may not consider birthdays a big deal so for him, going to the game with this girl friend may not be a big deal, and doesn't understand why you would be upset by it. Combined with being a bit clueless in general as so many men are... lol This is where communication comes in! You explain to him that birthdays mean a lot to you and that you were very disappointed he chose to take her instead of you. Don't go off the rails about it, just explain calmly and in such a way that he KNOWS and understands for next time. As I said, I am learning this myself as I am like you, one wrong move and I'm gone in a flash -- next! I am learning to give men more of a chance especially in early stages. Give them the benefit of the doubt and continue observing. Good luck though whatever you decide. Edited September 15, 2016 by katiegrl
Sunkissedpatio Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 I wonder how he would feel if you were taking a guy out to our fave play that is playing in town, on HIS birthday? I'd be put off. If he is intending to be exclusive then part of that exclusivity or commitment also means sharing something like a birthday together. Granted some people are just not that big on birthdays. So if he would be totally cool with you doing the same in reverse it may be that you just discovered your first fundamental incompatibility. That sucks Love4me
katiegrl Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 Just wondering... is he planning on seeing you after the game is over? Taking you out to dinner perhaps? I mean how long is a sports game, three hours? If he chooses to blow your entire birthday off, in lieu of spending it with this other girl, then I might have to rethink my earlier opinion about staying and playing it out.
katiegrl Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 Just thought of something else. OP are you looking for an out? Cause if you are, you definitely found one... without looking like the bad guy. I am not suggesting you are, just wondering as there have been times I myself have wanted out, but felt so guilty that one mistake on his part was all I needed to justify ending it. So I guess I am doing bit of projecting there, but was just curious if there may be some truth to that.
Author love4me1991 Posted September 15, 2016 Author Posted September 15, 2016 Just wondering... is he planning on seeing you after the game is over? Taking you out to dinner perhaps? I mean how long is a sports game, three hours? If he chooses to blow your entire birthday off, in lieu of spending it with this other girl, then I might have to rethink my earlier opinion about staying and playing it out. it would be done just before 7. he hasnt mentioned anything the only reason i would want is out is because I cant handle disappointment like this . he keeps talking to me though and I cant ignore him I like him! Im confused
katiegrl Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 it would be done just before 7. he hasnt mentioned anything Yeah plenty of time to treat his girlfriend to a night out, drinks, a bite to eat. Those darn spiney senses again, this isn't looking good, I'm sorry.
Author love4me1991 Posted September 15, 2016 Author Posted September 15, 2016 when/how do you think i should go about ending it?
katiegrl Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 when/how do you think i should go about ending it? Wait and see how the day plays out .... he still may change his mind and/or want to see you after the game. It's only Wednesday after all.
h0000 Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 (edited) why didn't you invite him to your birthday? or you did but he declined? any chance he may think you are not inviting him ? are you guys GF and BF now? Exclusive can have other meanings Edited September 15, 2016 by h0000
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