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Two years later...

Tater Salad

By Tater Salad
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Tater Salad Member

Tater Salad

Posted
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and I feel fine! My most recent dumping was almost 2 years ago, and I have been reflecting. To quote the movie Swingers: "You almost miss the pain, for the same reason you missed her-because you lived with it for so long." I look back at the times that I was so sad I could barely feel anything, now I kind of miss those days, weird, huh?

 

NC, time, and distance are the only ways to get over a broken heart. I have done it 4 times now in my life (I'm 42, male). Don't cyber stalk, don't look at old pics, and don't do NC in hopes they will come back. They don't come back when you want them to, and when they do reach out again, you couldn't care less! It just makes you realize how much better off you are without them. With this last ex, I am mad at myself for being so sad about her. Her leaving me and not speaking to me again was the best gift she could possibly give me.

 

I know there are a lot of broken hearts out there right now, scouring through these forums like I did, but hang in there! It will get better with time, it always has and always will. Everybody has been through heart break, and everybody gets through it, stronger and wiser on the other end.

 

Remember: NC is for you and you only. It is not a tool to get someone back. They checked out on you, and that is their loss. One day they might realize it and wistfully reminisce about your time together, and that's when they might reach out. Then you can tell them to suck it.

  • Like 5
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
and I feel fine! My most recent dumping was almost 2 years ago, and I have been reflecting. To quote the movie Swingers: "You almost miss the pain, for the same reason you missed her-because you lived with it for so long." I look back at the times that I was so sad I could barely feel anything, now I kind of miss those days, weird, huh?

 

NC, time, and distance are the only ways to get over a broken heart. I have done it 4 times now in my life (I'm 42, male). Don't cyber stalk, don't look at old pics, and don't do NC in hopes they will come back. They don't come back when you want them to, and when they do reach out again, you couldn't care less! It just makes you realize how much better off you are without them. With this last ex, I am mad at myself for being so sad about her. Her leaving me and not speaking to me again was the best gift she could possibly give me.

 

I know there are a lot of broken hearts out there right now, scouring through these forums like I did, but hang in there! It will get better with time, it always has and always will. Everybody has been through heart break, and everybody gets through it, stronger and wiser on the other end.

 

Remember: NC is for you and you only. It is not a tool to get someone back. They checked out on you, and that is their loss. One day they might realize it and wistfully reminisce about your time together, and that's when they might reach out. Then you can tell them to suck it.

 

Then you can tell them to suck it --Not if you're maintaining NO CONTACT :) No contact is forever.

  • Like 2
Frozensushi Established Member

Frozensushi

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Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It's good to hear the stories of people who've survived. Gives me hope.

 

I understand NC is the only way to see myself through the pain I'm going through right now. Hopefully, in a month or two from now, it won't be as consuming like it is now. I just hate it!

  • Like 1
aloneinaz Established Member

aloneinaz

Posted
Posted
One day they might realize it and wistfully reminisce about your time together, and that's when they might reach out. Then you can tell them to suck it.

 

Nah, even better than telling them that is to provide them with dead silence in return. It means you didn't think enough of them to bother to reply. :) People HATE to be ignored.

 

Good post!

  • Like 1
Dis Established Member

Dis

Posted
Posted
Nah, even better than telling them that is to provide them with dead silence in return. It means you didn't think enough of them to bother to reply. :) People HATE to be ignored.

 

Good post!

 

This is the absolute truth

 

Silence is so much more powerful than words when it comes to break ups

 

I broke up with my ex over a year ago...I still loved him very much then but he had done so much damage...alot of lies...after the break up I found out he was cheating. Anyway, he never stopped reaching out to me..he stills texts me to this day (I would block his texts but my phone carrier only allows me to block calls) I never replied....and I never will.

 

The fact I wont say a word to him kills him...but for my health I cant ever talk to him again...silence speaks louder than words...and when a break up happens...usually words arent enough anyway

  • Like 1
aloneinaz Established Member

aloneinaz

Posted
Posted
This is the absolute truth

 

Silence is so much more powerful than words when it comes to break ups

 

I broke up with my ex over a year ago...I still loved him very much then but he had done so much damage...alot of lies...after the break up I found out he was cheating. Anyway, he never stopped reaching out to me..he stills texts me to this day (I would block his texts but my phone carrier only allows me to block calls) I never replied....and I never will.

The fact I wont say a word to him kills him...but for my health I cant ever talk to him again...silence speaks louder than words...and when a break up happens...usually words arent enough anyway

 

Amen to silence killing folks!! :)

 

Now, change your phone number so he has no means to reach out!

  • Like 2
Frozensushi Established Member

Frozensushi

Posted
Posted
Silence is so much more powerful than words when it comes to break ups

 

My Ex tortured me with dead silence for weeks, many times over the course of our relationship. During those dreaded weeks of silence, I would have given anything for a text message, even if it was harsh and negative. It caused me so much stress because for weeks I would be hanging by a thread, wondering if we were going to break-up again.

 

I couldn't agree more, silence is the worst punishment anyone can receive.

heartbrokenlady Established Member

heartbrokenlady

Posted
Posted
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It's good to hear the stories of people who've survived. Gives me hope.

 

I understand NC is the only way to see myself through the pain I'm going through right now. Hopefully, in a month or two from now, it won't be as consuming like it is now. I just hate it!

 

 

I couldn't agree more. I've said it in another forum, but I'm NEVER putting myself through this again. I'm determined.

 

This misery is too much. I'm glad to see someone who has lived through it and can reflect on it for us still wallowing in it.

  • Like 2
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Tater Salad Member

Tater Salad

Posted
  • Author
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I meant for the "suck it" part to be more figurative than literal. Indifference is the goal, not hate. Years later you will remember the good stuff, and the pain they caused won't mean as much because you just don't care. In the end, our lives are just a collection of memories. Don't focus on the crap ones.

  • Like 1
heartbrokenlady Established Member

heartbrokenlady

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LOL Tatersalad, I wish I could be that way with my PREVIOUS 2 exes (3 is more than enough for anyone ever, so NEVER again) but I have to admit I can't. Too many bad memories, but then, they were alcoholics so...

 

Recent ex is different. He's a good guy, other than his issues so maybe I can achieve it with this one.

Frozensushi Established Member

Frozensushi

Posted
Posted
I couldn't agree more. I've said it in another forum, but I'm NEVER putting myself through this again. I'm determined.

 

This misery is too much. I'm glad to see someone who has lived through it and can reflect on it for us still wallowing in it.

 

Agreed. After I let myself go through a living hell, having to pretty much suffer a continuous year-long breakup with mini breaks in between, I can't do this to myself ever again.

heartbrokenlady Established Member

heartbrokenlady

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I can't help but feel a single life is a lonely life. I don't want marriage but I did want a relationship of equals.

 

But I've never seen a marriage I was envious of. Need to change my mindset. Heart break isn't worth it.

  • Like 1
Frozensushi Established Member

Frozensushi

Posted
Posted
I can't help but feel a single life is a lonely life. I don't want marriage but I did want a relationship of equals.

 

But I've never seen a marriage I was envious of. Need to change my mindset. Heart break isn't worth it.

 

I firmly believe that people aren’t born to be alone. Two people together make one whole. There’s no shame in feeling the need for someone to complete and balance you.

 

But society enforces this whole 'single' ideal that’s not healthy. Mental health, sharing stressors and dealing with them together, helping each other out, it's important. Also, scientifically speaking cuddling and touching releases a hormone that is an anti-depressant!!

 

I know you are miserable right now, so am I. I've been in pretty bad shape the past few weeks. But if you listen to the supportive and knowledgeable people on this forum, you'll know it's going to be okay. So many have gone through what we're going through right now. It's going to get better, the pain won't last forever.

 

It just really sucks to be us right now. Seriously, I just want to run away and never come back.

  • Like 1
heartbrokenlady Established Member

heartbrokenlady

Posted
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Running away doesn't help. I ran away and am still away and just as miserable.

 

I'm an age now when I think I'm too old for another partner. Not to mention my cancer scars. He was there throughout that process. I can't show them to anyone else.

 

Wishing you whatever is best for you.

aloneinaz Established Member

aloneinaz

Posted
Posted
I can't help but feel a single life is a lonely life. I don't want marriage but I did want a relationship of equals.

 

But I've never seen a marriage I was envious of. Need to change my mindset. Heart break isn't worth it.

 

I can be as cynical as anyone. However, I know plenty of 20 year+ marriages that are healthy and happy. Do they have bumps in the road on occasion like all R/S's, sure but they are minor.

 

I speak for me. My past is littered w/failed R/S's that I knew were not healthy at the beginning. Compatibility issues were obvious yet I stayed in them for various reasons until in most cases, I ended them.

 

Age brings experience and the hope of not repeating the same mistakes. I learned A LOT from my last R/S that damaged me. So far, those mistakes from the last R/S have prevented me from repeating them again in relationships since.

  • Like 1
heartbrokenlady Established Member

heartbrokenlady

Posted
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Oh I agree, there are lots of happily married couples that I know.

 

What I meant was, I've never seen a couple that I'm envious of, a marriage that I'd want to be in myself.

 

My preferences aren't that traditional. But despite that, I have always wanted to have a partner. Maybe that's why I'm alone now. Because I'm too independent, too introvert. Maybe I'm just not enough OR too much for my exes.

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