My ex is mad that I want to date other people.

September 15, 2016

No don't explain anything just show action by moving on blocking, delete and start dating again.

September 15, 2016

So should I just stop answering her texts? or should I explain myself

Just drop her and move on. If she wanted you to be happy she would support your dating. Shes toxic.

September 15, 2016

Just drop her and move on. If she wanted you to be happy she would support your dating. Shes toxic.

ok, she should have been happy. She is alot nicer and helpful than what is put in the original description but at the end of the day all that goes out the window if she doesn't support my moving forward. This is gonna be hard, but I need to be Loved and progress

September 15, 2016

So are you going to block and delete her?

September 15, 2016

Just block her from all social media, email, and phone.

She's a cancer in your life and will sabotage your chances with anyone.

September 15, 2016

or should I explain myself

She's not your mom. She is an ex. You don't need to "explain yourself."

September 16, 2016

So are you going to block and delete her?

Something like this. I think i will still explain it to her. I have know her for more than half my life....we were really best friends. She is mean cause she doesn't know any better. We have a lot of the same close friends. I gotta be delicate with it.

September 16, 2016

Something like this. I think i will still explain it to her. I have know her for more than half my life....we were really best friends. She is mean cause she doesn't know any better. We have a lot of the same close friends. I gotta be delicate with it.

It's no wonder she treats you poorly. She doesn't know better doesn't justify you treading carefully to protect her feelings and being best friends once doesn't justify you acting like a doormat. Here you are trying to pacify the one that has hurt you multiple times because you're afraid to hurt her feelings?

You really need to work on your self-esteem. Instead of trying to accommodate her feelings, love yourself and find some self-respect.

Edited September 16, 2016 by Zahara

September 16, 2016

Something like this. I think i will still explain it to her. I have know her for more than half my life....we were really best friends. She is mean cause she doesn't know any better. We have a lot of the same close friends. I gotta be delicate with it.

Nah, you don't. You aren't dating, you don't owe her anything. She's bringing drama to your life. You are an adult who wants to date. She's getting in the way, it's really that simple. I mean you are posting on a forum about it, so that says a lot. Just block and delete. No explanation needed.

September 16, 2016

Long story but here it goes. My ex was my best friend before we started dated. We dated for 3 year(1 and half years was long distance). She cheated on me multiple times and half assed apologized(she apologized for doing it and when I asked her to do one thing to make it up to me she initially says yes....than she backs out of it later and doesn't apologize for not doing it). She broke up with me(distance, I was broke, she didn't respect me) and started dating immediately.

1 year and some months after the break up we get close as friends again. we got horny, feelings re-arose and had sex 2x, but I came early both times(never happened when we were in a relationship)....to be honest a part of me didn't want to have a long session with someone that doesn't respect me as a man. But we still remained very close friends after that...I felt as we got closer as friends again she stopped dating and sleeping with other men, but I am not sure. The whole time after we broke up I haven't dated/slept/kissed anyone(I want my future wife to feel special and exclusive)

I really want to get married in like 2-3 years so I need to date now. So I told her that I am going to start. She acted ok with it, but I feel like she is not. When I communicate with her I feel something is wrong(I am pretty good with sensing this with her). I feel she is upset....I don't understand she is dating other people?? When we had a talk 6 months after she broke up with me, she gave me a list of what I needed to do for us to get back together and I gave her a list. I said yes to her list and have worked continuously on her list. She said no right away to me list, with no apology. So why is she upset....its very clear that she doesn't want me...she keeps on saying how she wants to be just friends. She talks about how im going to marry some other person. She even blocked me on all social media and gave me another half ass apology when I said I don't like being blocked.

Please help me understand. She is a great amazing human, and I really like spending time with her. She helped me with lots in Life. I just don't understand why she is upset. This is what she showed me she wanted with her actions and words. I'm lost

Simple solution cut contact and go and date.

September 16, 2016

It's no wonder she treats you poorly. She doesn't know better doesn't justify you treading carefully to protect her feelings and being best friends once doesn't justify you acting like a doormat. Here you are trying to pacify the one that has hurt you multiple times because you're afraid to hurt her feelings?

You really need to work on your self-esteem. Instead of trying to accommodate her feelings, love yourself and find some self-respect.

I got self respect. Just not too much when it come to my Love life I am beginning to learn. Plus I am all about do unto others as you would want them to do to them. If I was hurting and someone and it caused me to make them cut me off I would like to be known of the issue before it happened.

If I just cut her off abruptly its gonna be dumb, cause it won't help her grow. If I cut her off and let her know why she may be mad for years but eventually she will realize the reason why I did and it will help her grow. I don't stop Loving and Respecting someone because they hurt me. I appreciate you guys telling me to cut her off and have more self-respect for myself....that will help me stand my ground when I talk to her. However I am not gonna turn into an *******. Hurt people hurt people...so obviously she is hurting me because I of how someone hurt her. I am not going to add to the hurt. Wouldn't want anyone to do that to my Sisters, so I won't do it to her. Thank you everyone!!

September 16, 2016

I got self respect. Just not too much when it come to my Love life I am beginning to learn. Plus I am all about do unto others as you would want them to do to them. If I was hurting and someone and it caused me to make them cut me off I would like to be known of the issue before it happened.

Everyone is telling you the same thing my friend. She's treated you like a little stray puppy and a door mat. If she was a classy, integrity driven woman who was on the up and up, a few may suggest what you want to do. HOWEVER, she isn't. You can teach her a "lesson" by vanishing and cutting of all contact w/out an explanation. You don't owe her anything.

If I just cut her off abruptly its gonna be dumb, cause it won't help her grow. If I cut her off and let her know why she may be mad for years but eventually she will realize the reason why I did and it will help her grow.

I'm struggling to wrap my brain around this logic. Someone treats you like a POS and you feel obligated to "help her grow"? Interesting.. 99% of human beings don't feel like they need to "teach" someone how to grow after they've been $hit on. They simply look at that person's character and say to themselves "this isn't someone I want any further contact with" and vanish. What you are suggesting will only make you look like a further meek, low confidence, insecure guy that she'll have no respect for. She'd think you "manned up" if you vanished and never spoke to her again.

September 16, 2016

I got self respect. Just not too much when it come to my Love life I am beginning to learn. Plus I am all about do unto others as you would want them to do to them. If I was hurting and someone and it caused me to make them cut me off I would like to be known of the issue before it happened.

Well, begin to learn by creating boundaries for yourself. You're not learning if you are reverting to behaviors that got you to where you are in the first place.

That's the thing -- she isn't hurting. She's upset that her lap dog won't be there anymore. You're projecting how you feel onto her -- she doesn't feel the way you do. You would feel hurt because you see value in the other person. She is not hurt because she sees no value in you -- it's been evident in the way she has treated you. Don't confuse her manipulation for hurt.

If I just cut her off abruptly its gonna be dumb, cause it won't help her grow. If I cut her off and let her know why she may be mad for years but eventually she will realize the reason why I did and it will help her grow. I don't stop Loving and Respecting someone because they hurt me. I appreciate you guys telling me to cut her off and have more self-respect for myself....that will help me stand my ground when I talk to her. However I am not gonna turn into an *******. Hurt people hurt people...so obviously she is hurting me because I of how someone hurt her. I am not going to add to the hurt. Wouldn't want anyone to do that to my Sisters, so I won't do it to her. Thank you everyone!!

Instead of focusing on her "growing", it would be best to focus on why you choose to rescue someone that treats you like crap. You are the one that needs "growing". Co-dependents (you) choose to focus on the issues of others because it's much easier to do that than to focus on their own issues.

It's all excuses to protect her feelings because you still need to look like the good guy in her eyes. You desire that validation from her. You're going to keep making excuses to appease her so the advice here is moot.

Good luck.

September 16, 2016

It's all excuses to protect her feelings because you still need to look like the good guy in her eyes. You desire that validation from her.

.

^^^THIS^^^ As long as you appear to be the good guy, this type of woman will never, ever respect and want you. She needs and wants someone tougher than she is. If you never want her to want you as a boyfriend, continue being the nice guy.

September 16, 2016

I think a part of her needs to hang on because she may believe you could be the one, but just not now. I suspect that is the reason behind her being upset with you looking to move on. She wants to keep you engaged until she is ready to go again.

PS, she isn't a good person, good people and friends don't treat people the way she is treating you....best for you to cut her off totally.

September 17, 2016

Well, begin to learn by creating boundaries for yourself. You're not learning if you are reverting to behaviors that got you to where you are in the first place.

That's the thing -- she isn't hurting. She's upset that her lap dog won't be there anymore. You're projecting how you feel onto her -- she doesn't feel the way you do. You would feel hurt because you see value in the other person. She is not hurt because she sees no value in you -- it's been evident in the way she has treated you. Don't confuse her manipulation for hurt.

Instead of focusing on her "growing", it would be best to focus on why you choose to rescue someone that treats you like crap. You are the one that needs "growing". Co-dependents (you) choose to focus on the issues of others because it's much easier to do that than to focus on their own issues.

It's all excuses to protect her feelings because you still need to look like the good guy in her eyes. You desire that validation from her. You're going to keep making excuses to appease her so the advice here is moot.

Good luck.

Im not trying to look like the Good guy, I am trying to be compassionate. How am I reverting to old habits....I never once in our relationship/break up said "I am done contacting you?" this is the first time. There was once I said to her "I am not going to contact you for a month and I did that" so how am I reverting to old habits. She is not a monster you guys perceive her as. She is just unclear about things.

I had a time in Life when I was a jerk...it was only the people that Loved me and told me about my errors that helped changed me. The only reason I was a jerk was because of the hurt I had felt before and because I really didn't know what I was doing.

September 17, 2016

We dated for 3 year(1 and half years was long distance). She cheated on me multiple times and half assed apologized(she apologized for doing it and when I asked her to do one thing to make it up to me she initially says yes....than she backs out of it later and doesn't apologize for not doing it).

a part of me didn't want to have a long session with someone that doesn't respect me as a man.

she gave me a list of what I needed to do for us to get back together and I gave her a list. I said yes to her list and have worked continuously on her list. She said no right away to me list, with no apology.

its very clear that she doesn't want me...she keeps on saying how she wants to be just friends. She talks about how im going to marry some other person. She even blocked me on all social media and gave me another half ass apology when I said I don't like being blocked.

You're trying to be compassionate, but you're trying to be compassionate with the wrong person. Be compassionate with yourself. Read and re-read your quotes above.

She has cheated on you multiple times. Doesn't show remorse for doing so. Lacks integrity; doesn't stick to her word. She GAVE YOU A LIST of things you need to do to get back together. It's her way or the highway. You agree to do everything on her list, and it's still not enough for her. It's very claer that she doesn't want you. She talks about how she's going to marry someone else.

Telling her that if she wants to be with you, that she might still have a chance, is doing exactly what she wants: getting her ego fed. She likes that she has power over you, and she's not afraid to take advantage. You're like a puppy that follows her around and will do what she wants.

To give her another chance, is opening yourself up to getting cheated on again. Her giving you ultimatums and even if you were fulfill them, not being satisfied anyway. To keep the door open to her means her continued disrespect. She's already told you that you're going to marry someone else, and you said yourself that it's clear she doesn't want to be with you.

Zahara was right. You need to set a boundary. Expat gave you a good example of how to do it. You two were best friends before, but she doesn't sound like much of a friend at all. To open the door again to this woman, you WILL be reverting back to hold habits and behaviours, because history will repeat itself, and it will be because you have failed to be compassionate to YOUrself. You care so much about what she thinks, but it is so glaringly obvious that she doesn't care about you. Pay attention to her actions, and you'll see once you've removed the blinders you have on.

You're teaching her how to teach you poorly. That's not teaching her to grow. Want her to grow? Block her everywhere, move on, and find a real friend.

September 17, 2016

If you would describe someone who treats you like that as a best friend...

Then the problem is you. I am sorry to be mean in saying that.

September 17, 2016

You're trying to be compassionate, but you're trying to be compassionate with the wrong person. Be compassionate with yourself. Read and re-read your quotes above.

She has cheated on you multiple times. Doesn't show remorse for doing so. Lacks integrity; doesn't stick to her word. She GAVE YOU A LIST of things you need to do to get back together. It's her way or the highway. You agree to do everything on her list, and it's still not enough for her. It's very claer that she doesn't want you. She talks about how she's going to marry someone else.

Telling her that if she wants to be with you, that she might still have a chance, is doing exactly what she wants: getting her ego fed. She likes that she has power over you, and she's not afraid to take advantage. You're like a puppy that follows her around and will do what she wants.

To give her another chance, is opening yourself up to getting cheated on again. Her giving you ultimatums and even if you were fulfill them, not being satisfied anyway. To keep the door open to her means her continued disrespect. She's already told you that you're going to marry someone else, and you said yourself that it's clear she doesn't want to be with you.

Zahara was right. You need to set a boundary. Expat gave you a good example of how to do it. You two were best friends before, but she doesn't sound like much of a friend at all. To open the door again to this woman, you WILL be reverting back to hold habits and behaviours, because history will repeat itself, and it will be because you have failed to be compassionate to YOUrself. You care so much about what she thinks, but it is so glaringly obvious that she doesn't care about you. Pay attention to her actions, and you'll see once you've removed the blinders you have on.

You're teaching her how to teach you poorly. That's not teaching her to grow. Want her to grow? Block her everywhere, move on, and find a real friend.

How am I reverting. All I am doing is talking to her and telling her that I can't talk to her anymore....instead of just cutting her off out of nowhere. I never once said I want to get back with her, that's the reason I want to date others.

That list she gave me is something I asked for. I are you telling me that it is clear that she doesn't want me. I put that in the posts....I know this..lol.

September 17, 2016

I think a part of her needs to hang on because she may believe you could be the one, but just not now. I suspect that is the reason behind her being upset with you looking to move on. She wants to keep you engaged until she is ready to go again.

PS, she isn't a good person, good people and friends don't treat people the way she is treating you....best for you to cut her off totally.

That makes so much sense on why she would be upset...because I am really not making myself an option.

September 17, 2016

How am I reverting. All I am doing is talking to her and telling her that I can't talk to her anymore....instead of just cutting her off out of nowhere. I never once said I want to get back with her, that's the reason I want to date others.

That list she gave me is something I asked for. I are you telling me that it is clear that she doesn't want me. I put that in the posts....I know this..lol.

You're reverting if you keep her around. You open the doors to the same poor treatment you've received in the past.

You asked her for a list? Yep, time to develop some self-respect.

I was quoting your posts to show you how poorly you've been treated and how this woman being in your life isn't good for you.

But you seem very defensive and reluctant to do any inner work.

I'm out. Good luck.

September 17, 2016

You're reverting if you keep her around. You open the doors to the same poor treatment you've received in the past.

You asked her for a list? Yep, time to develop some self-respect.

I was quoting your posts to show you how poorly you've been treated and how this woman being in your life isn't good for you.

But you seem very defensive and reluctant to do any inner work.

I'm out. Good luck.

Alright..i never said I am keeping her around. I asked her for a list because I know I am far from perfect. The list will help me be a better to the next woman in my life...i am committed to personal development.

September 17, 2016

@Progression, I think it's great that you've taken the high road and are turning the entire situation into a positive. I think some of the other posters are skeptical of the situation, but I'm sure you know all of the dynamics of your relationship. I hope everything turns out well for you because I think you really are trying to do the right thing.

September 18, 2016

Often the best way for someone to learn is to learn and truly have it stick, is to learn the hard way. Being nice and compassionate is great for someone that has earned it. Your ex hasn't just by the cheating in its self. You want to be nice and trust me, she will not learn a damn thing that way. not asking you to be mean. Just suggesting you disappear from her life. She knows how she's treated you. You accepted the way she treated you. Your words are meaningless now to her. She doesn't need you explaining things to her.

September 18, 2016

@Progression, I think it's great that you've taken the high road and are turning the entire situation into a positive. I think some of the other posters are skeptical of the situation, but I'm sure you know all of the dynamics of your relationship. I hope everything turns out well for you because I think you really are trying to do the right thing.

Thank you! I got a different prospective on the situation from the responses and you are right I understand the dynamics of things in the relationship more than I can express through typing.

So I will in the most positive way take steps towards that. I have already started taking those steps. I really appreciate everyone's words of input on the this. Thank you.

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My ex is mad that I want to date other people.

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