Brokenheart84 Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 I split from my boyfriend at the start of the year, but I still miss him terribly and have trouble sleeping at night. He was awful with me during our breakup and we haven't spoken a word since. I heard a few weeks ago that he was seeing someone new. I blocked everyone I could think with any kind of connection to him on Facebook, because I didn't want to see or read anything about them. Cut to yesterday- when on Facebook, I see a picture of him and his new girlfriend on a gig event page, who I follow (that they must have attended). I had a massive lump in my throat and had to fight back the tears. I couldn't sleep and today have had no appetite whatsoever. I understand our relationship is over and there is no going back, but seeing him with someone looking so happy, while I'm still trying to get over him hurts like hell. I have unfollowed the event page that I saw the picture on, but I can't get it out of my mind. I made the mistake of snooping a little and it seems they are quite serious after 3 months together. They have met each other's families. He is 35, divorced and has 4 kids under 10 years of age, 3,6,7 & 9. 3 of the kids with his ex wife and 1 with his ex girlfriend. His new girlfriend is 33, and has no kids of her own. It's really non of my business, but I just always thought he would find someone who was also a single parent. I've tried to make a list of all his bad points ie he was quite selfish in the relationship and drank every night, but my mind always reverts back to remembering our good times and his good points and it kills me that another woman is now sharing these times with him. I know it was bound to happen sooner or later, and I'm not the only one going through it, I'm just feeling extremely down at the minute and could do with some advice x 2
Deadmeat Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 (edited) Hey there. I'm sorry you are going through this. Look at like this: There is absolutely nothing you can do now to get him back. He is with someone else's. There is only one direction now. I know it's not as easy as that. I recall when I saw my previous ex girlfriend with her new boyfriend. I was so devastated but it also helped me to fully accept the reality of the situation and finally accept it. I hope it does the same for you. I also feel that's why I check in on my recent ex gf. I feel that if I saw her with someone else it would help me to move forward. I'm not sure if this is healthy though. Best of luck. Edited September 14, 2016 by Deadmeat 1
Hoosfoos Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 You're idealizing. It's normal. He doesn't sound like a good person and you would never be able to change his issues with alcohol. Find someone better! 1
Bito Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 Forgive him and wish him the best if you can. That is the best way to end your suffering. Right now your holding on to the pain because its what you have left. It feels right. But after 9 months haven't you suffered enough? You don't need him in order to be a complete human being. I know you miss the highs but those highs also come with all the crippling lows which I am sure is why you split. Best wishes, Bito 2
SixxChick Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 Taking on four kids under ten in a relationship with a selfish person who drinks every night ... she might be on this forum someday. I know how you are feeling as I just saw a pic of my ex at a baseball game with his arm around his new girlfriend that he is easily moving on with. The good news for me is that it seems he has somewhat downgraded. I know that is mean to say, but I always pictured him with a Hooters girl or a shiny toy like that after me. He's continuously broke too, so he was quick to find a new supply source to entertain his ego. Good luck to her. Anyway, try to click off those images when they appear. Distract yourself in way in any way possible. And stay strong. 2
Satu Posted September 21, 2016 Posted September 21, 2016 These are the stages of grief: 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance Even though it isn't a straightforward progression, it sounds like you are currently in stage 4. That means you've made progress, even if it doesn't feel like it just now. Try to respect your feelings and allow them to be what they are. As time passes, they will naturally change. But you have to respect yourself and where you are right now. You are healing. Take care.
Traceycprc Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 I will let you into a secret, Facebook is just a facade, all the 'good' stuff goes on Facebook and everyone looks like they have a fantastic life, you never know what is going on under the surface! I'm 2 months post breakup now and trust me it gets easier. You need to get out in the world now, and just take one day a time. I started running and joined a club. I have met some amazing people and it really brought myself back again, built my confidence. When you are doing things that make you happy you don't give the ex a second thought. Think about what you would like to do and make steps towards it. You can do anything, and you may even meet the one for you doing that anything. As for the facebook thing, don't snoop. My best friend on Facebook looks so happy, posting pictures of her and her boyfriend, looking so loved up. I know she isn't they argue most days, and then make up. In reality they are miserable, so take what you seen in facebook with a pinch of salt! 1
Frozensushi Posted September 22, 2016 Posted September 22, 2016 My best friend on Facebook looks so happy, posting pictures of her and her boyfriend, looking so loved up. I know she isn't they argue most days, and then make up. In reality they are miserable, so take what you seen in facebook with a pinch of salt! This is a really great point. I think we make up our own narrative by what we see on social media. I bet we'd be shocked knowing what's really going on behind closed doors. My Ex would post all these pics on-line of herself looking happy and smiling, but I knew she was in a major depression and it was only a mask. Anytime, I posted pics I had taken that revealed her "true self" she'd send me a takedown order or she'd act weird for a few days after. Most people want you to see what they want you to see.
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