How do you know you found "The One"?

[Jadedbyluv]

So just wondering what people's personal opinions are about "the One". How do you know? What do you feel?

[DrReplyInRhymes]

She's about 5'2", petite, mixed ethnicity, wild hair, dark eyes, and is so gorgeous, it's hard not to look at her.

 

As gorgeous as she is, her personality makes her looks pale in comparison.

[CarrieT]

By understanding that life is a journey and there will be MANY people in your life who are "The One."

 

I have had four or five men in my life whom I considered "The One." Some I married and some I didn't.

 

But the heart is a resilient organ that can break and heal and love again.

[Gaeta]

When everything is smooth and easy going.

When we are comfortable in our silence.

When he is willing to invest himself in my family and daughter.

When I feel he makes compromises for me.

When he doesn't want to change me.

When he makes efforts to adapt to what is dear to me even if it's silly to him.

When I feel I want to spend the rest of my life with him no matter what.

[Sometymeswhy]

So just wondering what people's personal opinions are about "the One". How do you know? What do you feel?

 

When the thought of living without them makes you physically ill.

[RecentChange]

How did I know?

 

Somehow almost immediately it became abundantly clear he was the one - I wasn't even looking for "the one", I wasn't looking for a relationship, but suddenly there he was.

 

It was as if I had no other choice, instantly I didn't want any other choice.

 

We shared an outlook on life. We share admiration of each other. Our strengths and weaknesses compliment each other. We share common goals and a vision for the future. And we share a deep love for each other.

[Bialy]

There are billions of people on this planet. There are many people out there who you will be compatible with and want to build a life. There are many "The Ones."

 

 

I agree with the above! When there is mutual attraction; mutual emotional investment in getting to know one another; mutual love, respect and trust; mutual interests and mutual life goals.

 

When I miss the person when he's away. When I want to explore and experience new places, sights, and things with him. When I'm comfortable just being relaxed and in my pjs with him.

[Bialy]

It was as if I had no other choice, instantly I didn't want any other choice.

Love this! Perfect.

[Buddhist]

So just wondering what people's personal opinions are about "the One". How do you know? What do you feel?

 

When you give up believing there is a particular person that is the perfect fit for you.

[SoThatHappened]

I thought I'd met "The One." She turned out to the the devil incarnate.

 

I didn't "know" anything. It was purely infatuation.

[BaileyB]

I don't believe there is only "one" person for someone...

 

But, I know that I searched for a really long time and nobody felt like "the one." I asked this question so many times when dating, unsure of the answer, and then I met my boyfriend. It was a shared feeling of connection - similar interests, values, sense of humor, outlook on life, etc... We could both just feel that we shared "something" and that feeling has only continued to grow.

 

There is an ease, a comfort, and a familiarity to the relationship... I once heard it described as if feeling like you were coming home... Yet, I still get excited and my heart still flutters when I see him or when we share something special together.

[Satu]

Treat everyone you meet as if they are most important person in the world, because every single one of them are "The One."

 

 

All in all

Each man in all men

all men in each man

All being in each being

Each being in all being

All in each

Each in all

All distinctions are mind, by mind, in

mind, of mind

No distinctions no mind to distinguish

 

- RD Laing, Knots.

 

 

Take care.

[pteromom]

There is no "The One"... and some of the reasons people give sound very sweet and romantic, but FEELINGS don't build a relationship.

 

You need much more than that to sustain and grow it... mutual respect, maturity, kindness, the ability to both give and receive love, the ability to communicate and resolve (and learn to live with the unresolvable), the ability to negotiate and compromise without building resentment, comfort, laughter, the ability to not take your partner's differences personally, and the integrity to stay committed through those times when you barely like each other.

 

Everyone I know who is in a truly HAPPY relationship says their partner is their best friend. I think that is first and foremost most important thing in building a relationship that leads to you being each other's One.

[Jadedbyluv]

I only asked this because I recently met someone who is pretty amazing in every sense of the word. It is still fairly new but my friends keep asking me is he "the one". They said they have never seen me like this before and can tell he is different. Part of me feels foolish to think about that so soon but I admit after our first date, I had a feeling I haven't felt before.

 

I guess part of me is doubting what I am feeling because I am coming out of a toxic on/off again relationship.

[RecentChange]

When I met my guy 15 years ago while in college, my friends would snicker and say you are soooooooooo going to be the first to get married. They said they could tell "he was the one".

 

And he is, after these years he is still my best friend.

 

It just felt right, it felt easy, and yes like someone else said "like coming home" to be with him.

[central]

Much of what others have already said, but I need to have confirmation that everything is real for us both, and that takes about 2 years. All too often, "the one" turns out to be just one more when you truly get to know them. The real keepers still feel like the one even years later.

[pteromom]

I only asked this because I recently met someone who is pretty amazing in every sense of the word. It is still fairly new but my friends keep asking me is he "the one". They said they have never seen me like this before and can tell he is different. Part of me feels foolish to think about that so soon but I admit after our first date, I had a feeling I haven't felt before.

 

I guess part of me is doubting what I am feeling because I am coming out of a toxic on/off again relationship.

 

No need to doubt what you are FEELING. That "falling" feeling feels really good.

 

But being as you only RECENTLY MET this person, it is way too early to say whether he is the one. You certainly wouldn't know yet.

 

Here's what you should be looking for right now if you are trying to weigh whether this has long-term potential:

 

- He is honest and true. How do you know? Well, the things he says to you check out. And he has solid relationships with his family and friends. (A liar burns bridges along the way.) And he is honest in his dealings with other people at work/school.

 

- He is KIND and RESPECTFUL. To you, to waiters, to everyone. If he's a jerk to others, but nice to you, remember that someday, he will be angry at you. Then you'll see that side come out toward you.

 

- He listens to you and desires to understand who you are.

 

- He respects your differences. If he argues with you about what you like or tries to make you change, that's a sign of a controlling person.

 

- When you disagree, he doesn't treat you like an enemy. He wants to work with you to solve a problem.

 

- He's got control over his own life. No crippling addictions. No major family or ex dramas. A stable job. A stable home. A plan for the future.

 

- His values and goals and beliefs and lifestyle work with yours. You would be cool to have a child who grows up to be just like him.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

- He is honest and true. How do you know? Well, the things he says to you check out. And he has solid relationships with his family and friends. (A liar burns bridges along the way.) And he is honest in his dealings with other people at work/school.

 

I beg to differ about this particular segment. Especially when you can be targeted by a group of people who feel you wronged them in some way when in reality, you got burned SO BADLY by the people you thought you could trust that you eventually gave up and refused to repair and/or replace those relationships. Ever.

 

Burning those bridges may have been the best thing to ever happen to you, but now he's considered a bad candidate to date?

 

How many times have two people in a mutual friend group gotten together and then at the breakup, lost most of the mutual friends due to the friends' perceived notion of having to navigate face-time with each individual separately, ultimately growing slowly apart?

[Buddhist]

The one I want to be with inspires me to be that I can be just by virtue of being who he is. I met someone like this recently. Sadly nothing came of it. I shall wait an eternity to meet another.

[deep_night]

i dont know if he's the one and im tired of conceptualising things that may never come. dont know whether i want to marry. maybe yes maybe not. but having the need to experience a specific person and only that person kinda makes him 'the one', no? as long as he keeps studying my face like trying to copy it in his memory, as long as he lends me his best jumper pretending to not be cold, and as long as i know im the only one, im not lettting him go.

[Gloria25]

I don't think there's "many" or "any"..."The One".

 

I believe that with experience and maturity we get to a point in life where when we run across someone who has what we're wanting and needing in a person is there. It may not be 100% there, but enough for you to wanna make them you're "One".

 

I don't believe in romance movies. I don't believe you run into "the one" when you least expect it. I don't believe that you meet a particular person and "poof" you just decide you wanna get married, have kids, whatever - when before you met that person you didn't want kids/marriage. I don't trust the sincerity, maturity, or intelligence of someone who makes decisions based on the fallacious theory. Why? Cuz, when the infatuation dies and they picked you based on "feelings" and not knowing themselves, what they want - even what a good spouse and parent would make...they're gonna dump you like a Hot Pocket and hopefully you didn't make the mistake of having a kid with them.

 

My recent 26yr old dude? I was so smitten cuz he had things in a man I desired. The sex was great. He was smart. He was handsome and yes, I have a thing for guys who look like him (tall, skin/hair). He can play a certain instrument . He was fit. And, sorta shy like me...takes a minute to warm up. It was also like "jackpot" and such a freakin' weird coincidence that he dated a girl (who I think he still has feelings for) from my country, so he speaks my 2nd language, knows of some of my culture, and is open to dating ethnic women. The downside is the age, communication issues, and different places in life.

 

You see how I could clearly articulate why I was so smitten with 26yr old dude? If someone cannot articulate that about someone - yet proclaims you're "The One", I'd run for the hills. Also, the more you have in common with someone (the "glue") the more likely your RL will survive. Again, if you can't articulate the commonalities between you and someone, yet they are "the One", then really?

 

Also, like it or not, I believe in deciding if someone is "the One" you have to be honest about their pros/cons. Again, using my articulation of 26yr old dude. I was clear regarding so many things I liked and knew about him...yet, I accept(ed) the realty of issues that I would/had with him. If you are full force about marrying someone and/or having kids with them cuz they're "the One" and you won't consider, admit, acknowledge, and/or address the "cons"...then again, really?

 

I think a lot of people pick "the One" without taking a practical and realistic analysis of why he/she is "the One"...worst, they probably have no idea what qualities a good SO would have. They only know that the person makes them feel good and they like the same popcorn and movies and that should be enough to make them "the One".

[BaileyB]

Same for me. My friends have listened to my "search" for years and when I met my current boyfriend, they all said "this guy is the one." They could just tell by the way I talked about him and the way I looked when I would talk of him.

 

And, I too believe that the best relationships are built on friendship. And, the best relationships are definitely built on things like honesty, communication, kindness, respect, etc... But, there is still a "feeling" that you get when that finally happens.

[Leigh 87]

I only asked this because I recently met someone who is pretty amazing in every sense of the word. It is still fairly new but my friends keep asking me is he "the one". They said they have never seen me like this before and can tell he is different. Part of me feels foolish to think about that so soon but I admit after our first date, I had a feeling I haven't felt before.

 

I guess part of me is doubting what I am feeling because I am coming out of a toxic on/off again relationship.

 

I can tell you what is NOT "The One"

 

Short term infatuation that ends with one or BOTH parties feeling " hey, something feels off, WHAT IS THIS - we had so much chemistry?" Happens every time. You meet, feel wow this feels so real - only to realise that you do not actually click on the emotional/menta/intellectual front. You do not admire or respect one another enough. The list goes on.I think we have ALL experience a series of chemistry driven encounters where we kept on getting " confused" as to why one day, you are loved up, and the next week - something starts to feel " off" and you just.. " loose feelings"

 

They are not true feelings that are " lost", of course!Iit is chemistry that dissipates because that is all that was joining you to begin with. Therefore, when I felt infatuation and compatibility AND I also felt on track to reaching my to entail in life within the next 10 years (AKA - I was done growing and changing at a break next speed that would render me useless for any "long term"commitment!)

 

I know very well that chemistry and infatuation was strong and can OFTEN be felt in absence of emotions and substance! I also knew that I was very compatible with a lot of men but that it didn't mean I should accept their dating proposals, either. I became accustomed to feeling alive and amazing and infatuated with men where there was nothing deeper present beyond for getting along fantastically - and also hooked up with the super compatible men who adored me I every way yet who I did not feel passionate about.

 

I basically waited for the right trigger that made me want to date someone - Which for me, was the fireworks AND subsequent amazing compatibility on a fairly high level. After analysing where I was at in life (halfway through as podiatry degree, yet to reach my potential in life and won;t until my 40's in all likelihood) I decided that I was happiest having chemistry fuelled flings, no expectations, just pure hedonism and lust with men I at least got along very well with! No feelings or emotions involved enough to turn our worlds upside down!

 

Then I met my boyfriend.

 

 

 

 

 

...................................

 

I was not especially ready for a relationship, nor is it the best thing for me at this stage in my career/personal development in life. I was FINALLY really happy with my decision to remain single and enjoy short lived flings; I literally had 000000000.00% desire to "date" again in the next decade.

 

Could I get this elusive combination again? Probably not.

 

 

The connection and intensity of it all, feeling alive in hi presence and having the best bedroom chemistry imaginable? With amazing compatibility on every level? Probably not. The white hot fireworks and " love of your life" and :" big love" type feelings are RAELY EVER felt in conjunction with true compatibility with a person who is your BEST FRIEND. Where there is genuine admiration. No, I will not find this again, but I could very well find "The One" for me at different stages in my life, if this man does. Not work out (touch wood that he does though!)

 

It did take me until age 30 to " get it all" in the one guy. The next closest was my first long termed - at age 17 - it was an instant connection and we were legitimately in love and compatible for a time - but it was not TRUE compatibility. Ultimately......... I was a kid and not fully developed and had not lived enough. I am hedonistic and NEEDED to experience life. So only 2 men in my entire life I felt the "sparks" and instant magic with - who ALSO felt it for me, and wanted to date me long term. The rest was the typical instant buzz, following the man realising that he didn't;t really like ME all that much as a person.....or VICE VERSA!

..........................

 

 

Strangely, I did not feel my first BF was " The One". I did not think he wasn;t, I just didn't think about "The One" at that stage in my life at all. We had chemistry 10/10 and decent compatibility yet there was no "The One" or marriage centred thoughts or discussions at all between us. Although over ten years later he reached and and felt that I was supposed to be the One for him. If only he knew that it was simply great chemistry that felt instant - that MAKES people believe things that are not true. It is an ILLUSION. If he had felt the same instant spark with his long term gf, he would not be thinking of me!

 

I could fall in love again and probably have a happy lifelong momogomous relation ship if I so chose to - If that was a priority and desire of mine. HOwever, at this time in my life, feeling passion and alive and supercharged is my priority - to have the magical connection that makes your emotions feel SO STRONG. Couple that with compatibility and I was sold!

 

Later in life if this guy didn't work out, I strongly believe I will not suddenly get the need to have a partner for the sake of it, and in place of having shorter lived flings with men I feel amazing chemistry with. But you never know - later in life I may loose my libido and want a partner - a life partner - in total absence of sizzling chemistry and super charged emotions and the out of body connection. And he would be the one to me based on my age, and what I want at that point in my life!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Right now my BF is "The One: in EVERY sense of the word.

 

If it didn't;t work out - I may get another life partner but he would not be the love of my life. He would just be a likes partner.

 

The One does not have to be the great love of your life though, which is key here.

[Leigh 87]

Same for me. My friends have listened to my "search" for years and when I met my current boyfriend, they all said "this guy is the one." They could just tell by the way I talked about him and the way I looked when I would talk of him.

 

And, I too believe that the best relationships are built on friendship. And, the best relationships are definitely built on things like honesty, communication, kindness, respect, etc... But, there is still a "feeling" that you get when that finally happens.

 

I also got that "feeling" only once.

 

Despite having had a long term BF before who I had the instant connection and 10/10 chemistry with and who I GENUINELY fell in love with.

 

And maaaaaaaany other flings who I felt that giddy rush of excitement with - I never had any sort of "special feeling" for them at all. It was more the adrenalin and dizzying rush of chemistry.

[gaius]

When you set an office record for the quarter but feel only disappointment and annoyance, because it meant you wouldn't be home in time for family dinner.