mikeylo Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 We go into relationships with some given trust , meaning , we don't doubt the person till they give us a reason to. Beyond that , the person has to earn it, with little stuff that either builds or destroys it. How does the earned trust weigh in contrast to the given ? Am I making sense? 1
Larryville Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 we don't doubt the person till they give us a reason to. Before I spit this out I will acknowledge it is a character flaw LOL! But I don’t trust and freaking body. Since I have come in contact with so many via OLD and absorbed the personality and issues and faults of too many rarely if ever do folks earn my trust. I’m taking initial strangers at this stage of my life. I trust some in my life… daughter, mom, brother, my boss oldest friends for example. Not saying any of those I met OLD I would never allow them to earn my trust but too many people out there are just beyond screwed up and exceedingly selfish and are only out for their own interest. Sure I wish I did not have that mindset, those in life who DON’T think like me likely live happier lives. However I will use this site to prove my point. Betrayed trust is the reason why so many get on here and post countless threads. Not trusting while seemingly illogical and guarded might not be cool, it's just safer. 1
preraph Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 I would say you go into a relationship with your accumulated knowledge and that you are open to trusting the person if they seem trustworthy over time. 2
basil67 Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 I'd be the kind of person who gives guarded trust initially. I take them at their word, but I also know to watch, observe and protect myself. 4
PrettyEmily77 Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 Probably depends on past experiences and how well they've been dealt with. They say secure people go into relationships with an open mind and can leave a relationship without being too tainted by the bad bits. Theoretically, it'd be good to give everyone the same fair chance at the beginning without prejudging or thinking the worst; in practice, that's almost impossible if you have a laundry list longer than 'Crime and Punishment' even before meeting anyone. 2
Gaeta Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 I do not give my trust to someone until we are exclusive. Depending on how they behaved during that un-exclusive phase I will give them a certain level of trust once we're exclusive. I will give my trust if: * I have never caught them lying to me * When they said they'd do something they did * They don't act sneaky or secretive * They are reliable and I can count on them That is the basic for me to give my trust. 5
Gloria25 Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 This is sorta the "chicken before the egg" question I guess... Look, I believe that you have to be open to trusting someone until they give you a reason not to. But, at the same time before you give them that trust ^^, they have to have demonstrated why they can be trusted. Like if you meet someone on OLD and they start off with lying about their age, marital status, pictures, etc. Already they started off on a bad foot. Why should you trust them? So, let's say after you start dating this OLD guy and gave him a chance, one day he doesn't answer his phone when previously he would. Ok, now since he started off with lying to you about his pic/marital status/etc...now you think a missed call is him doing something to break your trust rather than him probably having a long and busy work day. 1
Methodical Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 I'm with basil. I used to blindly trust ppl. I didn't do research to find out whether or not someone was being honest and forthright bc I naively gave trust until a person did something to strip it away. After having been duped a couple of times, I became a person who gives "guarded trust initially." I don't necessarily remain guarded once there's a proven track record, but I've learned there are sinister/fraudulent ppl who get off on taking others for a ride and tells lies with a straight face. 2
Mr. Lucky Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 After having been duped a couple of times, I became a person who gives "guarded trust initially. I'll give most people a tremendous amount of trust initially. What they have to earn is the right to keep it... Mr. Lucky 1
Author mikeylo Posted September 15, 2016 Author Posted September 15, 2016 It's the intensity of betrayal of trust and how many times someone has been betrayed is one of the deciding factors. Some people become bitter while some become resilient and keep themselves guarded. I guess it's better to be guarded and keep trying to find a trustworthy person rather than give up. I've also seen that people who have been hurt a bit too many times by broken trust, find each other ! It can work well as both know how to earn it , keep it and most of all how it feels when it's broken. Once the butterflies settle , the real person comes out and then the work begins, with trust and respect at number one together.
cocorico Posted September 16, 2016 Posted September 16, 2016 IME, it's all earned. I don't trust anyone until they prove they warrant it. My default setting is to expect them to fall short - not because I think people are inherently bad, but because I know that everyone is fighting their own battles and circumstances don't allow people to act the way you might wish them to. Ultimately, they have to do what they need to do to survive - and you may well become a "victim" of whatever coping strategies they need to employ. So I don't take it personally, and I don't judge them harshly. It just is the way things are, IMV. YMMV. 1
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