boyfriend recently dumped me but it feels like he still wants to be with me?

[Jeweliamj]

I need some advice on a situation I've been going through. Long story short, we began dating in May and spent the entire summer together and both love each other. He broke up with me a little over two weeks ago due to some issues I'd rather not say. A few nights after that he asked me to come see him so we could talk, so I did. He told me he loves me and has fallen in love with me these last few months but doesn't see a future with me. The next night we hung out at a bar and he told this couple there WE were moving together next year to the Virgin Islands from an offer from his uncle. Right after just saying he sees no future with me.

We see each other a few times a week still. He won't let me come over until it's late at night and everyone is in bed. He lives with his brother and sister, who is dating his best friend who also lives there. I guess they were all extremely happy for him when he dumped me. I don't know why and he told me he doesn't get it either.

He doesn't want them to know whenever I am over. We'll have sex, go to sleep and sometimes I'll leave at 3-4 in the morning. I don't feel I'm being used for sex. He told me he keeps seeing me because he loves me and is attached to me and can't let go. I keep telling him I just want us to be together. But what's holding him back is his family. He told me he cares more what they think than he does about me, point blank. He doesn't want to disappoint them and has too much pride he dumped me to get back together with me.

I'm all sorts of hurt and confused. I keep holding on we will be together again like before. It's like he wants it too but again won't because of his family. I know I deserve better. But him dumping me was due to a fault of my own. I blame myself. I keep trying to make him see things would be different because I can't jeopardize losing him again. These last few weeks have been so difficult. I love him so I can wait. But at the same time I can't .... Because this situation is destroying me. And he doesn't seem to care. And why hold onto someone who isn't sure about me and cares more what everyone else thinks ... I told him I would wait because I truly don't want anyone else ... He hasn't said the same to me though.

[ExpatInItaly]

He knows why his family doesn't like you, he just isn't telling you. It's enough that he's keeping you a secret now. Why did you two break up? I know you said you'd rather not get into the reasons, but it's hard to give you good feedback when we don't know what led to this. You say you blame yourself - why?

 

He told you exactly where he places you in his life. What are you waiting for, exactly? If he doesn't seem to care, well, it's because he doesn't. Don't keep doing this to yourself. I would not be okay with going over for sex and being made to leave in the middle of the night.

[LostOnes05]

If you don't think you're being used for sex, you've got to use some Visine to get the red out (2 drops in each eye should do the trick). Think about this...you're good enough to come over as a booty call but not for his family to know you're there. Either you did something really bad that is borderline unforgivable, or he's playing you and as soon as he finds someone his family likes your 3-4 am trips home are over.