kumar123 Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 Alright tell me if I’m overthinking this. Been on 3 amazing dates with a guy. He told me on our last date that he felt a great connection with me. We met 3 weeks ago and our first official date was 2 weeks ago and we haven’t been intimate yet. He also agreed to come to a chilled out party I’m hosting this weekend. For the first 3 dates he was pretty good with suggesting a day straight away. Obviously we are seeing each other at the party but it’s pretty casual and there will be other people there so it’s not like we will be talking a bunch. Initially he said he would come by a few hours before the party but he just texted me saying he can only come an hour before. I’d also recommended after our last date that I come over and we hang out (we live 15 minutes walking from each other) and he said he’d let me know when he’s free, but he just texted me saying he won’t be free this week. We both have very active social lives so it’s cool if he is actually booked out the whole week, but I find it odd that he couldn’t specify a day to get together next week I also find it odd that he couldn’t tell me earlier this week that he wasn’t free to get together this week. He only mentioned it cause I texted him this morning asking how he’s been as it had been a couple days since our date. I’m a very active person but if someone asked me when I’m free, I could tell them straight away. I don’t need days to figure it out. Like most people I’ve had unpleasant behaviors with flakiness or a guy suddenly losing interest. He is coming to my party and meeting many of my friends so that’s definitely a good thing and he agreed to come the minute I asked (so he knew his schedule for Saturday already), I’m just not sure if I should be concerned about the fact that he can’t confirm a date with me in advance (when in the past he has). He did mention we can get together sometime next week, but again it was very vague. He did invite me over to his place on the last date and I told him I was not ready for sex and wanted to get to know him a bit more. He was very understanding and we just relaxed at his place and he said he felt the same as me and believed it was too soon for sex. Going off past experiences, I’m just a little concerned he’s being a bit noncommittal due to that incident but maybe I’m reading too much into it or worrying over nothing?
ThisOverThat Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 You are relationship hungry, like this guy a little bit, and are more sexual than you want to admit. With you wanting to be in a relationship as bad as you do, you are overemphasizing the 3 dates as well as the seemingly Noncommittal thing. It's good to pay attention to everything but you are tripping. And I brought up the sex thing because I have a feeling that if you two would have done it up after one of these three 'amazing dates' that you would be more realistic about this interaction.
Author kumar123 Posted September 14, 2016 Author Posted September 14, 2016 You are relationship hungry, like this guy a little bit, and are more sexual than you want to admit. With you wanting to be in a relationship as bad as you do, you are overemphasizing the 3 dates as well as the seemingly Noncommittal thing. It's good to pay attention to everything but you are tripping. And I brought up the sex thing because I have a feeling that if you two would have done it up after one of these three 'amazing dates' that you would be more realistic about this interaction. How am I relationship hungry? I've been single for the last 3 years (the majority of which was by choice). Not everybody has sex at the same time or has the same comfort level. I personally like to get to know a guy first before having sex... which is usually longer than 3 dates... if I felt 100% comfortable I would have but I'm not going to pressure myself into having sex when I'm not yet ready
ThisOverThat Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 How am I relationship hungry? I've been single for the last 3 years (the majority of which was by choice). Not everybody has sex at the same time or has the same comfort level. I personally like to get to know a guy first before having sex... which is usually longer than 3 dates... if I felt 100% comfortable I would have but I'm not going to pressure myself into having sex when I'm not yet ready Uh huh. The tone of what I typed probably came off as offensive. My bad, seriously. I'll leave my opinions about the overall out of this and just answer your questions and/or respond to your concerns... Him being less committal to meetups than he has in the recent past may be something to look at and it may not. Have you done anything different as far as communication patterns in that time or is all the change on his end? And it seems that you are a very prompt and exact person. IF you hold everyone to the same standards then many will fall short. 1
Author kumar123 Posted September 14, 2016 Author Posted September 14, 2016 Him being less committal to meetups than he has in the recent past may be something to look at and it may not. Have you done anything different as far as communication patterns in that time or is all the change on his end? And it seems that you are a very prompt and exact person. IF you hold everyone to the same standards then many will fall short. No worries at all. Yeah you are probably right. Maybe my expectations are too high. I am a pretty prompt person when it comes to my friendships, family and guys I want to date. In terms of texting, we are both pretty responsive to each other. The main difference is he hasn't solidified any plans outside of the party. I suppose I was just worried as I've been dating a few other guys too (but I'm not that interested in them) and I tend to have that behavior with them. Basically saying "I'll let you know" and committing to a plan last minute.
Gloria25 Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 Sorry, but this guy sounds like he wants sex. I mean, he's gonna come an hr before or after your party? If he wanted more he'd make time to nail you down for an actual date instead of last minute planning. He'd also come during your party - even if it is to help you serve food/stuff for a minute. 3
Author kumar123 Posted September 14, 2016 Author Posted September 14, 2016 Sorry, but this guy sounds like he wants sex. I mean, he's gonna come an hr before or after your party? If he wanted more he'd make time to nail you down for an actual date instead of last minute planning. He'd also come during your party - even if it is to help you serve food/stuff for a minute. Oh he is coming during the party. I'm hoping he'll stay the whole time. He meant he'd come an hour earlier (so he will help a bit). It's just a few days ago he said he'd come over a few hours earlier so I thought we'd have more time to chat one on one. But yeah I am worrying a bit about the last minute date stuff considering he'd lock me down for a date straight away.
GemmaUK Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 I think I would be doing exactly the same as he is right now. The guy has the upcoming hurdle of meeting all your people. He will get judged and he will no doubt judge too. You, in turn will be judging how he interacts with them. Wait until the party/after the party to set something concrete up. 1
Author kumar123 Posted September 19, 2016 Author Posted September 19, 2016 I'm still not sure what to make of the situation. So he came to the party and had a great time. My friends all liked him and he even friend requested a couple of my really close guy friends on Facebook which I was surprised by. The party was a couple of days ago. He did initiate a conversation with me today asking how I am but has still not confirmed plans. I'm going on a holiday in a week and am feeling like maybe this guy isn't interested. He asked when my holiday was and I replied to his message literally a couple of minutes later, but no response. The first few dates he locked in a day very quickly but we technically haven't been on a proper date with him in over a week now. He did go to the party but we didn't get to interact much there. So yeah I'm not sure if this is just a sign of lack of interest and if I should just move on?
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