stillafool Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 Stay strong and please don't beg him anymore. You will be okay. You are fooling yourself if you think you two can be friends. Friends talk about their love interests with each other as well as socialize with their SOs. Are you prepared for that? Meeting new girls he's dating?
Author gracey123 Posted October 12, 2016 Author Posted October 12, 2016 Hi everyone! Took all the advice and went NC and have really spent a lot of time working on me and enjoying university. Things are getting better! I'm finally happy! The last time me and the ex spoke about the relationship he was saying it's hard for him and me saying I had feelings doesn't make it easier. He's focusing on religion now and I asked if we'd get a second chance and he said "I can't predict the future but wouldn't think so" he wants to be "friends" Anyway, that was last month, start of this month he's been texting me every week! And talking about memories and the past, inside jokes we had. Asking me a lot of questions about what I'm doing etc. Like as soon as I've left him alone he's messaging me. I don't tend to reply because it sets me moving on back. Could someone give me an insight into this behaviour because to me it's really weird. Thanks guys hugs :D 1
Midnight_Madness Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Hi, I think people can become accustomed to a certain level of attention, and when this level changes it can have a positive or negative effect. In your scenario it seems your ex partner is missing romantic attention, whether it be from you or in general I cannot say. Regardless, I think he is feeling the loss of your contact and trying to open up lines of communication once more. He may also be enjoying the thrill of the chase as he has continued his pursuit to be closer to you even after noting you're reluctance. If you want to become friends with your ex this is a good sign that could happen. If you are interested in dating your ex again this is a good sign of that also, however I wouldn't get my hopes up just yet. Best of wishes for the future . 2
aloneinaz Posted October 12, 2016 Posted October 12, 2016 Why haven't you blocked him or changed your phone number? He texting seeking validation that he still has power over you and it is the same as you not blocking his number to see his texts. If you want to move on w/your life, you need to block or change your phone number. Sever any means he has to contact you and accept it's over. 1
Author gracey123 Posted October 13, 2016 Author Posted October 13, 2016 I don't particularly want to be the person to block, there are no bad thoughts. I'm just curious
aloneinaz Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 I don't particularly want to be the person to block Which means you're not ready to cut the cord, accept the finality that it's over and move on w/your life. People that are ready do exactly that. 1
Frozensushi Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 Which means you're not ready to cut the cord, accept the finality that it's over and move on w/your life. People that are ready do exactly that. That's the hardest part. Acceptance. Somedays I still can't believe that I'll never see that person again. It's weird. You spend so much time with someone, create all sorts of memories with them, then *poof* they're gone. Just do it, sever all ties and move on. Keeping that thread of hope means you are leaving yourself open for more pain.
aloneinaz Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 That's the hardest part. Acceptance. Somedays I still can't believe that I'll never see that person again. It's weird. You spend so much time with someone, create all sorts of memories with them, then *poof* they're gone. Just do it, sever all ties and move on. Keeping that thread of hope means you are leaving yourself open for more pain. Yep, it is VERY hard to be in a relationship one day and the next, it's over. The finality of it can overcome some. Sadly, it's when you reach acceptance that it's over AND understand that any reconciliation would only be short lived, that you truly start to accelerate your healing. How you holding up my man? 1
Frozensushi Posted October 13, 2016 Posted October 13, 2016 How you holding up my man? Hey, thanks for asking aloneinaz. Not going to lie, I've had some ups and some downs. I'm looking forward to the day my Ex ceases to enter my thoughts. Last year around this time was the height of our honeymoon phase, the shift in weather has been reminding me of those special times we had (or I had). I have caught myself being sentimental every so often. Guess I'm not out of the woods yet. Still doing well with NC, though. 1
Author gracey123 Posted October 18, 2016 Author Posted October 18, 2016 Ex has been very odd recently and I decided to see what was happening so I text him a memory and he said "strangely I thought of that this morning" I'm not replying in case I end up in hot water, what do I think???
mikeylo Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 We all have memories but it doesn't always mean that we want to go back where we were once. Don't read too much into it.
LostOnes05 Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 Why did you text him in the first place then? It will just seem like you're playing games now.
aloneinaz Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 Ex has been very odd recently and I decided to see what was happening so I text him a memory and he said "strangely I thought of that this morning" I'm not replying in case I end up in hot water, what do I think??? You need to think why you made this poor decision to contact him at all.
sooshi Posted October 18, 2016 Posted October 18, 2016 You ask yourself why you're okay with putting yourself in some very hot--potentially boiling--water by not going no contact.
Author gracey123 Posted October 19, 2016 Author Posted October 19, 2016 I'm not playing games My friend had told me to text him and see what he is like. I miss him as a friend and partner so it was nice to chat
sooshi Posted October 19, 2016 Posted October 19, 2016 (edited) My friend had told me to text him and see what he is like. I miss him as a friend and partner so it was nice to chat But he's not your partner or your friend. Just because your friend told you to text him, you didn't have to. You wanted to. You just took your friend's words as a reason to contact him. You sent him a text, he responded, and then you said you weren't going to respond in case you get into hot water. I think you thought by sending him a memory, it'll cause him to reflect on that memory and hope there's some desire in him for reconciliation. You didn't get it, and now you're asking us what to think. By contacting him at all, you set yourself up for over-analyzing, for anxiety, insecurity, and for pain. You've already shown this just by asking us what you [should] think. You need to block him everywhere and not contact him. Otherwise, you're just setting yourself up for more pain. Edited October 19, 2016 by sooshi 1
Author gracey123 Posted October 19, 2016 Author Posted October 19, 2016 But he's not your partner or your friend. Just because your friend told you to text him, you didn't have to. You wanted to. You just took your friend's words as a reason to contact him. You sent him a text, he responded, and then you said you weren't going to respond in case you get into hot water. I think you thought by sending him a memory, it'll cause him to reflect on that memory and hope there's some desire in him for reconciliation. You didn't get it, and now you're asking us what to think. By contacting him at all, you set yourself up for over-analyzing, for anxiety, insecurity, and for pain. You've already shown this just by asking us what you [should] think. You need to block him everywhere and not contact him. Otherwise, you're just setting yourself up for more pain. I did it through wishful thinking, because everyone I've spoken to has said it seems like he misses me and I dunno. He responded really positively, thinking of a memory first thing in the morning I love your advice sooshi <3 you're always so logical and helpful I blocked him today, time to be okay again
sooshi Posted October 20, 2016 Posted October 20, 2016 He might miss you, but not in the way you want. Missing you and wanting to reconcile with you are two separate things. I can understand about wishful thinking; it can really mess us up sometimes if we allow it to take hold of us, and I am glad that while you gave it power, you took your power back by blocking him. I am glad you blocked him today, gracey. The next step is to ask the people in your life who know him to not feed you any more information about him. Keeping him out of contact will help you heal more quickly, and someday you'll open yourself to dating someone else again. Until then, be single for a while, and focus on expressing your emotions appropriately. Thanks for your kind words, but I certainly cannot take all the credit. I've learned a lot from others along the way. 1
Author gracey123 Posted November 15, 2016 Author Posted November 15, 2016 Hi everyone. I blocked my ex last week after I told him that him suddenly ignoring me hurts and I can't feel like **** anymore. He then text me off another number and said that the reason things are the way they are is because it's hard for him and that I think he's living his life happy, I asked him why it is hard and he said it isn't hard to work out, so I said because he misses me and he just said it doesn't matter. I ignored it and he said he's trying to move on from his feelings and I didn't make it easy but we aren't getting back together because our relationship was "ruined" and I'm not making it easy being friends by bringing up the past He said he doesn't see himself in a relationship for a long time. At the start we were talking as friends, laughing about memories and stuff, now all of a sudden he's finding it hard. I blocked this different number because it hurts but I don't understand Why is it suddenly hard for him, at the start we broke up and he said it was because his feelings had changed and now he has feelings again, and why doesn't he want to be with me if he's miserable and stuff too This was my first love and I was his, please can someone help me. I'm so confused as to why he's ignoring me all of a sudden. I don't want advice on how I need to work on me because I am doing or I should block him, I have. I just want to know what is going on here 1
DarrenB Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 Well only you really knows what's going on. We can only analyse it to an extent, but we don't know him like you do. It's a myth that some people tend to move on quite quickly, but over a period of time they begin to realize what they've lost and they feel less at ease than they were at the start. I can only assume he feels like this. If he tells you he doesn't see himself in a relationship for a long time, I'd believe him. First loves are... difficult. To remain civil or friends can be extremely hard, especially if there were multiple hardships and flaws in the initial relationship. I don't think it's right to speak to each other right now. Obviously there's still a lot of conflicting feelings between the two of you and you're just not helping yourselves by provoking the situation by staying in touch. Like everyone says, NC isn't supposed to help you reconcile with your previous partner. It's supposed to be the opposite. He's ignoring you, because he knows it's not right to keep in touch. It is that simple. He contacted you beforehand because he felt he should have done, he addressed the situation and he's been honest. You can't expect anymore than that. 1
Author gracey123 Posted November 15, 2016 Author Posted November 15, 2016 Well only you really knows what's going on. We can only analyse it to an extent, but we don't know him like you do. It's a myth that some people tend to move on quite quickly, but over a period of time they begin to realize what they've lost and they feel less at ease than they were at the start. I can only assume he feels like this. If he tells you he doesn't see himself in a relationship for a long time, I'd believe him. First loves are... difficult. To remain civil or friends can be extremely hard, especially if there were multiple hardships and flaws in the initial relationship. I don't think it's right to speak to each other right now. Obviously there's still a lot of conflicting feelings between the two of you and you're just not helping yourselves by provoking the situation by staying in touch. Like everyone says, NC isn't supposed to help you reconcile with your previous partner. It's supposed to be the opposite. He's ignoring you, because he knows it's not right to keep in touch. It is that simple. He contacted you beforehand because he felt he should have done, he addressed the situation and he's been honest. You can't expect anymore than that. He's been so confusing we chatted at the start as friends and stuff and now he suddenly finds it hard. So confused. He wanted to be friends. 1
Satu Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 You're not lovers and you're not friends. You're exes. Maybe something can grow out of the ashes of your relationship, but that won't happen soon, and it may never happen at all. Take care. 5
DarrenB Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 He's been so confusing we chatted at the start as friends and stuff and now he suddenly finds it hard. So confused. He wanted to be friends. Believe me, been there done that and have the dozens of t-shirts. Some people believe in themselves that they know what they want, but if things become increasingly hard and such it begins to pressure them. He probably just doesn't know what he wants himself at this point in time. I'll be cliche again and say staying in touch and doing so, would probably not alter his current decision. Maybe in a few months or so? you could remain friends, but for the meantime I personally don't see it happening. That's just by going through my own few experiences. You know what's best to do already, so I wont enlighten you like a broken record. 1
Blanco Posted November 15, 2016 Posted November 15, 2016 You're not lovers and you're not friends. You're exes. Maybe something can grow out of the ashes of your relationship, but that won't happen soon, and it may never happen at all. Take care. This sums it up and you need not look any further than this for answers. Most people say they want to do the friends thing after a split. I've felt that way every time a relationship ends. I'm friends with just one of those people, though, and it took many years for an actual friendship to be possible.
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