katiegrl Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 Pushing what? I'm not pushing anything, just answering her question that yes it's obvs he's interested in her, and nudging her to actually do sth about it, bc obvs she cares enough to have asked about it here, and doing nothing generally results in nothing happening - like we saw w gym guy. Also I'm pretty sure we don't need to interpret Amjam's sensibilities for her ....she can decide and declare them herself. I don't wish to argue with you jen but by suggesting that AMJ should "do something about it," yes you're pushing it. Same way you pushed her to do something about gym guy, which she did and he ended up messing with her. AGAIN, she prefers and likes guys take charge aggressive guys. But yet you continue to suggest that SHE should "do something about it." NO.... he was the one who got in touch with her, HE should be asking her out, NOT abruptly cutting off their conversations. Sure she should "go for it" if she wants, but I don't see that turning out well for her given all the info we have been given thus far.... and being that I really like AMJ, I would like to see her focus more on guys who make their interest known and NOT afraid to do something about it.
katiegrl Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 He may not be doing it intentionally, but I believe this behavior is a PUA tactic. This is what I suggested earlier when I said he could be cutting off convos FIRST as a way to intrigue her and get her to chase. Straight out of the PUA handbook. I have read it (and experienced it) myself! And I disagree with you rester.... if he's following some rule from the PUA handbook, you better believe he's doing it intentionally.
Weezy1973 Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 Women like guys to "take charge" in the initial asking out phase when they're terrified of rejection. They place so much of their internal self worth on something shallow like being physically attractive that if they do get rejected, they'd feel devastated. You know nothing about this guy and can assume nothing from the fact that he's not asking you out. It in no way means he's not a "take charge guy". If you're interested, ask him out on a date. If you're not, don't. It's just a date, you're not asking him to marry you!
katiegrl Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 (edited) ...or he's just not interested. And every time she steers the conversation in that direction, he cuts it off. It could be that too, does it really matter? Whatever his MO, he is obviously not right for AMJ IMHO! Whenever a guy has our wheels spinning like this, wondering what his intentions are, etc, something is seriously OFF. Edited September 14, 2016 by katiegrl
mortensorchid Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 Well, has he asked to actually meet you face to face again? That's taking things to another level if he does. If he's just keeping it confined to Facebook IM chats, then he's not too interested other than having a buddy to talk to online.
jen1447 Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 I don't wish to argue with you jen but by suggesting that AMJ should "do something about it," yes you're pushing it. Same way you pushed her to do something about gym guy, which she did and he ended up messing with her. AGAIN, she prefers and likes guys take charge aggressive guys. But yet you continue to suggest that SHE should "do something about it." NO.... he was the one who got in touch with her, HE should be asking her out, NOT abruptly cutting off their conversations. Sure she should "go for it" if she wants, but I don't see that turning out well for her given all the info we have been given thus far.... and being that I really like AMJ, I would like to see her focus more on guys who make their interest known and NOT afraid to do something about it. katie. This thread isn't about you and I debating the quality of my advice or what you believe I said about anything, it's about AMJ's situation. We're both entitled to respond. If you don't like what I say, please just ignore it and focus on your own opinions and AMJ. 1
katiegrl Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 katie. This thread isn't about you and I debating the quality of my advice or what you believe I said about anything, it's about AMJ's situation. We're both entitled to respond. If you don't like what I say, please just ignore it and focus on your own opinions and AMJ. Sounds good jen and I trust you will do the same.
staggerlee71 Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 This an interesting thread because I think there is a fairly clear path to finding out his motivation. First if he reached out after all these years, he want to re-connect beyond being bored. its also an indication that he is not a passive guy. As a guy, we always need to do the asking out. which I agree with. He took the first steps by initiating a connection. I agree with rester that he is using a PUA method by cutting off the convo. And it working. You have gone as far a thread to figure this guys motives. Men and women deal with rejection all the time, but when it comes to first dates, men get rejected more often then not, for various reasons. Usually because of misinterpreted information. If you want to see where you stand, without coming across as aggressive by suggesting a meet( which I don't think you would), then give him buying signals. blatant ones. That is what he is looking for. its been years, he doesn't know you anymore. Hes not going to come out and ask right away, over facebook. Probably the first indication of his interest would be talking on the phone to set a date. Ask /suggest him to call you next time. If he wont call, then you have your answer. if he does, same However,The clear path is to ask him if is interested in having a drink or coffee. It will be viewed as confidence. If its received as aggressive, then this is an insecure guy. cut the crap and noise in your head, and find out what he wants or this will go on for a while.
Author AMJ Posted September 15, 2016 Author Posted September 15, 2016 If the guy sent you a friend request and did nothing else that would be one thing. But this guy is clearly no shrinking violet. He's repeatedly contacting you and engaging you, then dropping you. That's not hesitant and shy by any means! I think you need to ask why you care so much that he's not actually asking you out? Why you're wasting headspace on him? You also need to take a hard look at the shiny baubles that catch your attention--gym boy, the HS quarterback who wasn't really a friend back in high school, etc. There seems to be no substance behind the shine. None of these guys are giving any indication that they are looking for anything more than a little fun distraction. In your earlier post, you talked about being frustrated that guys aren't serious when you invest and just drop you once you are ready to date. Well part of that is recognizing when someone is taking you seriously and when someone is just using you as a fun distraction or a challenge...like Mr. HS QB here. He connects on Facebook, routinely initiates communication and then abruptly drops the conversation whenever it suits him. Sorry, but even if he were actually interested, that's not someone who is taking you seriously. When he's bored, he knows who he can rely on to stroke his ego, and as soon as anything else pops up, he drops you immediately. Serious question: What about this exactly is appealing to you? Well if what you say is true, then I'm the shiny bauble and nothing more, and that's pretty depressing. What about this is appealing to me? I am curious and don't see much harm in being curious about any of this.
Author AMJ Posted September 15, 2016 Author Posted September 15, 2016 ...or he's just not interested. And every time she steers the conversation in that direction, he cuts it off. I'm not steering this conversation anywhere. It's just that he intentionally cuts it off right when it picks up. Would it be nuts to count, but I feel like he generally cuts it off at the same place every time. Idk I mean, when guys don't want to talk to you, they simply just don't talk to you.
Author AMJ Posted September 15, 2016 Author Posted September 15, 2016 This an interesting thread because I think there is a fairly clear path to finding out his motivation. First if he reached out after all these years, he want to re-connect beyond being bored. its also an indication that he is not a passive guy. As a guy, we always need to do the asking out. which I agree with. He took the first steps by initiating a connection. I agree with rester that he is using a PUA method by cutting off the convo. And it working. You have gone as far a thread to figure this guys motives. Men and women deal with rejection all the time, but when it comes to first dates, men get rejected more often then not, for various reasons. Usually because of misinterpreted information. If you want to see where you stand, without coming across as aggressive by suggesting a meet( which I don't think you would), then give him buying signals. blatant ones. That is what he is looking for. its been years, he doesn't know you anymore. Hes not going to come out and ask right away, over facebook. Probably the first indication of his interest would be talking on the phone to set a date. Ask /suggest him to call you next time. If he wont call, then you have your answer. if he does, same However,The clear path is to ask him if is interested in having a drink or coffee. It will be viewed as confidence. If its received as aggressive, then this is an insecure guy. cut the crap and noise in your head, and find out what he wants or this will go on for a while. So tell me more about these tactics. Is there like a next step that comes after the cutting off conversations? Or is the plan for me to get intrigued and just hound him all the time because I'm so needy for attention or approval? I don't get why that approach would work. I agree it would have been weird for someone I haven't seen or spoken to since we were kids to ask me out right away. I admit I'm not good at all at giving blatant signals. I can try.
angel.eyes Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 Well if what you say is true, then I'm the shiny bauble and nothing more, and that's pretty depressing. What about this is appealing to me? I am curious and don't see much harm in being curious about any of this. Aww, AMJ! You're gold, not gold plated tin. You have a lot of depth to you. That's why I'm encouraging you not to give headspace to time wasters.
katiegrl Posted September 15, 2016 Posted September 15, 2016 (edited) So tell me more about these tactics. Is there like a next step that comes after the cutting off conversations? Or is the plan for me to get intrigued and just hound him all the time because I'm so needy for attention or approval? Yeah pretty much AMJ. Cutting you off first is supposed to send you the message that he is a super busy guy with high value and many options ... and maybe to throw you off a bit too..... so YOU step up your game to prove your high interest and chase. It's a push/pull thing and a "qualifying" tactic for men who follow PUA. That's my understanding of it anyway. You should google PUA... bunch of stuff on there that may be of some value to you. I don't get why that approach would work. It wouldn't work because you are not needy for attention or approval (like a lot of women are). I have never had a guy play that particular game with me, but if he did it would not work for me either. I would probably assume he wasn't all that interested and lose interest myself. Corey Wayne (many men swear by his advice) believes in this game too. Edited September 15, 2016 by katiegrl
Author AMJ Posted September 16, 2016 Author Posted September 16, 2016 Yeah pretty much AMJ. Cutting you off first is supposed to send you the message that he is a super busy guy with high value and many options ... and maybe to throw you off a bit too..... so YOU step up your game to prove your high interest and chase. It's a push/pull thing and a "qualifying" tactic for men who follow PUA. That's my understanding of it anyway. You should google PUA... bunch of stuff on there that may be of some value to you. It wouldn't work because you are not needy for attention or approval (like a lot of women are). I have never had a guy play that particular game with me, but if he did it would not work for me either. I would probably assume he wasn't all that interested and lose interest myself. Corey Wayne (many men swear by his advice) believes in this game too. Yeah, I'm not going to chase him...I wouldn't chase someone unless I was already majorly hung up on them and even then that's a stretch. I couldn't even finish reading the first article I found about qualifying PUA tactics. And men say that I think too much!!!!??? GEE-ZUS that is way too much work. That sh$t is ri-diculous.
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