justforraphls1 Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 I am a 24 years old female, (born and raised in Asia, came to USA two years ago to get my master). Because of the culture of my home country, I never had a boyfriend or any dating experience before. Then I came to US, I started using online dating like Okcupid and Tinder. I feel so frustrated whether the date went well or bad. For example, I dated a guy from Tinder for 15 days (he is from Ukraine) I really liked him at first sight. We met 5 times in 15 days, because he has a job we meet all at night from 8pm-11pm, we would have dinner then went to the park or watched a movie. He was very sweet, would ask me whether i am cold do i need his jacket. He paid for everything, even uber me back. He texted me everyday, called me often. He acted like a boyfriend. I thought we could be something serious. Cuz I want a boyfriend so badly. But there are some red flags which makes very anxious and I keep searching online" 10 signs he is a player" "how to know he just wants sex" " 10 ways to tell he wants something serious"....I read those articles again and again, thinking about everything he said, I couldn't concentrate on my study and I feel very disappointed about myself. The red flags are: 1:He hangs out with me very casually, we meet almost everyday, he would text me at 3pm and tell me he wants to meet me at 8:30pm today. But I think its understandable because he got out of work at 8:30pm. And he went hiking with his collages and had some extra work on weekend so we never got the chance to hang out in the day. But he only asked me about my date and talked about his busy schedule next day, he never asked my family or my personal life. We never getting to know each other. 2: He was very eager to have sex. Everytime we meet he would french kiss me and heavy made out with me. I did enjoy it but I fell for him quickly because of the physical intimacy. I told him I didn't want him to touch my boobs and my butt, he didn't listen and still touched them. 3. The last time we met I went to a bar with him, he ordered Tequilla for me (I didn't know it was a very strong drink, now I think about it, he tried to get me drunk) and I went to his place, he kept saying he would not harm me. But he still persuaded me to take off my clothes, he licked my pu**y and i did it to him. He didn't push me to sex. Next morning we had breakfast he still texted me as before. He even told me although it went a little fast but it was good and he wanted more. But when we got out of the house, we met his neighbor, he introduced me as his very good friend. And I can see he was uncomfortable and awkaward 4. I asked him what was he looking for, he told me he didn't know and said his friend had sex with a girl on their first date and they got married. He definitely is still using tinder. 5. I felt so sad and anxious about those red flags I couldn't study or do anything, all I am doing everyday is trying to figure out he is a player or not, so I want to end things in case he is a player so I won't get hurt. I called him yesterday and told him not see each other again. He insisted meeting me in person tomorrow and refused to facetime with me. He got a little impatience at last and ended the call quickly. Plus, I told him I am a virgin and want to take things slow. I want my first time to be with a special guy. I don't know i did it wrong or not. Is he a player? Should i meet him again? And I feel so frustrated about online dating because here in USA all guys my age want sex when they are dating. I get attached very quickly even by kissing and making out. I don't know how can i find love in USA.
VeveCakes Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 I told him I didn't want him to touch my boobs and my butt, he didn't listen and still touched them. 3. The last time we met I went to a bar with him, he ordered Tequilla for me (I didn't know it was a very strong drink, now I think about it, he tried to get me drunk) and I went to his place, he kept saying he would not harm me. But he still persuaded me to take off my clothes, he licked my pu**y and i did it to him. He didn't push me to sex. Sorry, can't get passed this. You said no and he continued. He has no respect for your boundaries. Stop dating places like the bar and his house. Go out during the day and stop drinking on dates. See how his demeanor changes. All signs point to him wanting to get some from you. Sorry 1
Zahara Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 I don't know i did it wrong or not. Is he a player? Should i meet him again? And I feel so frustrated about online dating because here in USA all guys my age want sex when they are dating. I get attached very quickly even by kissing and making out. I don't know how can i find love in USA. Sorry, but I think he's waiting to get into your pants. If you get attached when you get intimate, then take your time and date someone -- get to know each other first and hold off on the heavy make-out sessions and hanging indoors. I think you have ZERO boundaries -- just blindly going into dating and doing whatever the guy wants, even when you say no because you want him to like you. Going into dating with the "want a boyfriend badly" is not good. Chances are you'll be so desperate that you're going to likely make a bad choice. This being one of them. 1
SammySammy Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 Sounds like a guy who wants sex. Doesn't necessarily mean he's a "player", but I doubt he'll stick around long-term or be that "special" guy. If you want something different, you're going to have to be selective and find that guy whose interests match yours. 2
smackie9 Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 Tip: if you are wanting to wait for sex, don't be going to the guy's flat. In most cases going to someone's place means sex is expected or wanted. 1
No_Go Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 Tip: if you are wanting to wait for sex, don't be going to the guy's flat. In most cases going to someone's place means sex is expected or wanted. Too late - the OP says they had (oral) sex: 'But he still persuaded me to take off my clothes, he licked my pu**y and i did it to him. He didn't push me to sex.' They probably didn't have PIV (the last sentence) but sex is on the table already. OP - yeah, he's with you for sex, obviously. I'd not stay around him alone at his house because you do risk a date-rape. Public dates are ok but he'll probably bail. Btw oral sex is sex like any other form - you still risk stds etc. The only thing that you don't risk is pregnancy.
Author justforraphls1 Posted September 13, 2016 Author Posted September 13, 2016 Too late - the OP says they had (oral) sex: 'But he still persuaded me to take off my clothes, he licked my pu**y and i did it to him. He didn't push me to sex.' They probably didn't have PIV (the last sentence) but sex is on the table already. OP - yeah, he's with you for sex, obviously. I'd not stay around him alone at his house because you do risk a date-rape. Public dates are ok but he'll probably bail. Btw oral sex is sex like any other form - you still risk stds etc. The only thing that you don't risk is pregnancy. Yes, I was just trying to cheat myself. He even told me before we went to his place that he just did a STD text and asked whether i wanted to see the document........He is obviously in for sex. I just don't understand why he put so much effort texting me call me and paying for me. I even told him I would consider to be his FWB. 1
stillafool Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 Yes, I was just trying to cheat myself. He even told me before we went to his place that he just did a STD text and asked whether i wanted to see the document........He is obviously in for sex. I just don't understand why he put so much effort texting me call me and paying for me. I even told him I would consider to be his FWB. He was doing it for the sex. You even told him you would be his FWB which means sex with no commitment. You need to work on your boundaries or men are going to use you. 2
Author justforraphls1 Posted September 13, 2016 Author Posted September 13, 2016 That's what I realized later. I guess I did want to explore sex, I wanted to lose my v-card and he was gentle and loving so i thought whatever, even we became fwb or one night stand it doesn't matter. But later I found out I fell so fast for him with physical intimacy. If I couldn't find a decent bf, I would be virgin till 30??? I really don't want to be like that.....But if I try to lose it in a casual way, I fell attached....Maybe I can learn try not to give a f***? But it is very hard in the beginning like what I am going through. 1
No_Go Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 OP, he's calling and paying to get in your pants. He's a typical player (always 'busy' in day hours, trying to get you drunk etc). For losing virginity - don't worry at all. You've practically done it already since you had oral sex. If hymen is your deal - break it yourself first and then have penetrative sex with him or someone else. The whole attaching-to-your-first-lover is a myth. It is just reinforced by men because it serves them well (to manipulate women). In short - if you want sex with him (penetration; sex you've had already) - go for it. If you want a relationship (long term boyfriend) - this is not the guy for you. That's what I realized later. I guess I did want to explore sex, I wanted to lose my v-card and he was gentle and loving so i thought whatever, even we became fwb or one night stand it doesn't matter. But later I found out I fell so fast for him with physical intimacy. If I couldn't find a decent bf, I would be virgin till 30??? I really don't want to be like that.....But if I try to lose it in a casual way, I fell attached....Maybe I can learn try not to give a f***? But it is very hard in the beginning like what I am going through.
Author justforraphls1 Posted September 16, 2016 Author Posted September 16, 2016 I sent him a text and broke up with him. He just simply texted back" don't make me hurt" didn't even call me or anything. I guess you guys are right. He was just in for the sex.
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