Angel29 Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 (edited) There was a guy who I liked in school and he liked me too, but as I was shy he did not realise I was interested too. We went our separate way but he contacted me 3 years later in 2005. We met up, it was clear he was interested in me but I had a partner. I felt torn as I always liked him but chose my partner as I wasn't going to end the relationship based on one reunion. Over the years I thought of this guy. I have not seen him in over 10 years. I regret staying with my partner as he was very abusive. I have been single for a while now but the guy I liked is married now with a 2 year old. I would not contact him as he married so he is not available. Does anyone have any regrets about not pursuing someone? How would I know it was not meant to be? I feel quite upset right now as he was a nice guy. Edited September 13, 2016 by Angel29 More to add
preraph Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 I guess you can't know if he was a good guy or not because you didn't know him that well, so you have to stop yourself from painting him in your mind as the perfect guy who got away. The likelihood is he's far from who you have him built up in your mind to be. Look, there's a billion guys out there who are single and available. It takes some fishing to find a good one. But take your time and get to know new guys a year or two before you move in with them and subject yourself to them. It takes some time to find out who a person really is. You have to go through some real life challenges with them to find out. And since you attracted one abusive one, you may be chosen by another one. There may be something that makes you seem weak and tolerant and a good victim. So you set some boundaries and bail at the first red flags, and those should be: jealous, controlling, critical, tries to make you feel stupid, and tries to keep you from seeing friends and family. Bail at the early smallest signs of these things. Good luck. 1
scooby-philly Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 This is the second straight reoly from preraph i would give 200 likes to if I could. 1. Yes...dont paint people up in your mind. The reality may be far off target and if you dodnt know him well then even if he is a great guy you two may not be compatible. 2. Not to pour it on....but people can attract what they dont want until you learn to respect yourself and learn what ever lessons you need to learn, unfortunately some times the hard way. So just be cautious and cry or yell or punch walls as much as needed if thats what it takes for you to set those boundaries when you fall for a guy and he isnt good enough and respectful. 3. I can relate . My two long term relationships were disasters bc i stuck with women who simply said yes. The first wasnt compatible in terms of long term goals and had a streak of jealousy and pnly cared for what people thought and turned out didnt respect me. Second one wow...warning signs were there 2 weeks in. Stuck out a year until i hd the courage to admit i was only with her bc i didnt want to be a lone. See my threads for details. 4.and specifically not pursuing someone...no. perhaps for a minutr or two here and there...but when i see what they post on fb or what i hear them say or see what theyve become....any regrets dosappear.
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