Mkn1010 Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 So I'm just wondering (I'm a female here) whether games in dating actually work? As in waiting a while until you reply to messages and seeming like your schedule is very full etc. I have to say I never employ the above and I'm a very prompt person so I reply quickly. Also, when I like someone, I don't see the point in dating others etc only to seem like I'm a top catch that everyone's after. Cannot be bothered!! However, in the early stages of dating I don't do any initiating. If I like the guy though, I'll gladly accept dates and show enthusiasm! What do people think?
tolduso05 Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 Unfortunately, games have worked for lots of people. I'm female and I've been with men who play games. Thing is once you pull back and let them know they are clearly replaceable, they quickly adjust and/ or start to chase you. I think at some point we all play games to a certain extent. I wish we could all just be more transparent. However some men force you to play games or force you to leave them to play games by themselves... 1
joseb Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 Best way is to not have to play any games. Live a balanced life where you have things to do and are not sitting around with nothing to do looking at your phone hoping some virtual stranger texts you so you can reply immediately:) 2
PegNosePete Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 Nothing "works" unless you let it. If you want to be with someone who plays games, then date those who play games, and play games yourself. If you want a mature, adult relationship then don't play games and don't tolerate games being played on you. 1
Miss Peach Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 I don't play games. I am pretty direct when needed. But I am like you OP in that I expect men to initiate in the beginning. Like you I show enthusiasm, thank them, etc. 1
deep_night Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 i want to be liked for who i am without games. i want someone to get to know me, my character and energy. i like being approachable for that significant someone... sometimes i reply in 1 minute, sometimes after two hours (because im a human) sometimes ill text something because i want attention... sometimes i will initiate and plan, other times i just want to be left alone. sometimes i will go for the kiss, other times i'll want to take over one side of the sofa by myself. my boyfriend sometimes laughs out of nowhere and i'm all like "what's so funny?". he replies "because look what i have! no one else has that!". he didnt even have competition because i kept other suitors away. and he knew it! since the beginning. im a 'one person at a time' girl', giving the impression of a queen bee doesn't make me happy. im with him NOW, 100%. and if i was gone he knows in his heart, i wouldnt look back... because im a 'one person at a time' girl. 1
mortensorchid Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 Some have accused others of playing games. I don't really see it, but then again I am a very verbal person and certain things are now clear to me that they were not before. For example, if a man says to me that he wants to "take a step back" or "take a break", for me now, that means that it's over and done with. He's emotionally checked out of it or doesn't want to be with me. Why? I don't really care why anymore, he's just saying that it ain't gonna happen. It's not game playing, it's saying what it is. It's depressing, to be sure, but ... It's what it is, isn't it? 1
Author Mkn1010 Posted September 13, 2016 Author Posted September 13, 2016 I have to agree with you Mortensorchid! I know there have been suggestions on this board about how to 'play it' when a man pulls away/needs to 'take a break', etc etc. However, the only propose matching their behavior serves, in my opinion, is self-preservation for the inevitable ending! And moreover why should we play silly games like 'pretend you don't care about them disappearing' when the fact is that you DO care! If a man can't take on board the fact that you do care, then he's not really someone you should be playing games in order to win back .... just my two cents. The exception here is the rare guy who truly does get freaked because of the intensity of his feeling and pulls back to rein it and THEN come back to you in a mature and self-aware way, explaining exactly what happened! Still a gamble though in terms of him doing the same thing again!! Needless to say, my friends tell me I have high expectations about people's character, so a lot of women simply cop the above crap and actually change THEMSELVES to get the dodo back.... Geepers 1
Gloria25 Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 Best way is to not have to play any games. Live a balanced life where you have things to do and are not sitting around with nothing to do looking at your phone hoping some virtual stranger texts you so you can reply immediately:) This is an excellent post!!!
Gloria25 Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 (edited) I don't believe in games and detest who plays them... But yes, I've read the "Rules" books and the 'Why Men Love Bs' book and heard the calls on my favorite podcaster's show and thing is, if you don't conduct yourself in a certain way, the guy loses interest. Me, I've gotten dumped for the town skank; my 42yr old FWB delighted in being oppressed by the Ice Queen; my neighbor choose a pig who put demands on him over me; my current 26yr old guy may have a thing for his ex who keeps him at arms length and reaches out when she needs/wants something... Essentially, these women got "game". I don't... They withhold sex, affection, and make the guys "work" for their time/attention. Me? I don't have time for games and manipulations. If I wanna have sex with you, I'm gonna have it. I can pay my own bills, don't need a babysitter/sperm donor, and/or a geeen card or military depedent ID...so I don't need to demand marriage and/or a kid to tie you down. I'm gonna show you care and affection. If you're out there working in the sun, I'm gonna bring you a cold one to drink. But no, guys see me as "smothering" them and they crawl back to the manipulators. Men don't respect what they don't have to work for. I still haven't learned that lesson...cuz here I am texting you, and guys who I had interest in rode off into the sunset with some game playing chick. Edited September 14, 2016 by Gloria25 1
Author Mkn1010 Posted September 14, 2016 Author Posted September 14, 2016 Gloria25, sad but true! What a waste
SammySammy Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 I don't believe in games and detest who plays them... But yes, I've read the "Rules" books and the 'Why Men Love Bs' book and heard the calls on my favorite podcaster's show and thing is, if you don't conduct yourself in a certain way, the guy loses interest. Me, I've gotten dumped for the town skank; my 42yr old FWB delighted in being oppressed by the Ice Queen; my neighbor choose a pig who put demands on him over me; my current 26yr old guy may have a thing for his ex who keeps him at arms length and reaches out when she needs/wants something... Essentially, these women got "game". I don't... They withhold sex, affection, and make the guys "work" for their time/attention. Me? I don't have time for games and manipulations. If I wanna have sex with you, I'm gonna have it. I can pay my own bills, so don't need to demand marriage and/or a kid to tie you down. I'm gonna show you care and affection. If you're out there working in the sun, I'm gonna bring you a cold one to drink. But no, guys see me as "smothering" them and they crawl back to the manipulators. Men don't respect what they don't have to work for. I still haven't learned that lesson...cuz here I am texting you, and guys who I had interest in rode off into the sunset with some game playing chick. Interesting. I remember talking to my brother about women we grew up with and noticed how every single one of them was in a relationship filled with drama. How they would go from man to man invariably ending up with a guy that brought her more drama than the last. From drama to more drama. I have two brothers, both having been married for over twenty years. One has a peaceful marriage. The other ... constant chaos. I don't think it's true that we don't want or respect women that aren't manipulative game players. I cut ties with women like that quickly. Don't entertain them long at all once I see what they are about. I will have peace in my relationships or I won't be in a relationship at all. However, I think there's something to be said for keeping ... excitement ... in a relationship. Even negative excitement. I wonder if that can be had in a positive manner. Where two people can be respectful and straightforward with each other while keeping their relationship "alive".
Gloria25 Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 (edited) Interesting. I remember talking to my brother about women we grew up with and noticed how every single one of them was in a relationship filled with drama. How they would go from man to man invariably ending up with a guy that brought her more drama than the last. From drama to more drama. I have two brothers, both having been married for over twenty years. One has a peaceful marriage. The other ... constant chaos. I don't think it's true that we don't want or respect women that aren't manipulative game players. I cut ties with women like that quickly. Don't entertain them long at all once I see what they are about. I will have peace in my relationships or I won't be in a relationship at all. However, I think there's something to be said for keeping ... excitement ... in a relationship. Even negative excitement. I wonder if that can be had in a positive manner. Where two people can be respectful and straightforward with each other while keeping their relationship "alive". The women I'm referring to - the manipulators, game players, etc...aren't all about drama, fights, and hair pulling. Actually, they are quite suttle. For example, dude may approach them and ask them on a date...on the date he tries to lean in for a kiss and she's like 'not ready, I'm saving it for a guy who wants more than to get laid'....and, there you go, he thinks she's special for holding out and he's special cuz she isn't easy and is holding out for that "special" moment all for him Another manipulation? She may have sex or even give him oral, but then pulls back and starts some sob story about wanting to be in a committed thing before going forward. Look, watch the movie "Don Jon"...Scarlet Johansen's character pulled the moves on dude and this is some dude who could have any girl, anytime. Even after she barked at hin one day (revealing her fangs), his little sister said that she just wanted to control him, and Julianne Moore's character being the first woman to ever teach him how to "connect" during sex...the movie still ended with him trying to get Scarlet back. Game...game that is... So, all these manipulators aren't going around screa screaming and causing drama. Actually, their suttlety it probably how so many guy fall for their crap until they wake up a few years and kids in and it's too late. Edited September 14, 2016 by Gloria25
Author Mkn1010 Posted September 14, 2016 Author Posted September 14, 2016 Well MidKnightDreams, I'm happy to hear that there is at least one sensible male who is not keen on manipulation..... hope exists
SammySammy Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 Well MidKnightDreams, I'm happy to hear that there is at least one sensible male who is not keen on manipulation..... hope exists We exist. I can see through those examples Gloria gave a mile away. I would be offended and disappointed if a woman thought it was necessary to try that on me. I think it's possible to build and maintain a relationship from a positive perspective. It takes respect, good communication and maybe some patience and consideration, but what better foundation to build your relationship on? If we have to lie, trick and manipulate a person into being with us, then we don't need to be with that person. Just my opinion. 1
crederer Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 Games don't work unless you're under 25(ish)
Gloria25 Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 Games don't work unless you're under 25(ish) Nah, it also takes weak, naive and/or people who lack street smarts. A strong man like MidKnightDreams is gonna send a woman like that walking. When town skank tried those moves on this tall, drink of hotness Sergeant I worked with, he was like 'keep it moving'. Even a guy like Don Jon is easy to manipulate cuz some idiot who's all about scoring lays has serious insecurities too. Thing is, manipulators are like psychics. They have no magical powers, but are good about reading people and playing on their weakness/insecurities. I don't have time for that pooop. God blessed me with two hands/feet and a strong back and brains to actually work for a living - instead of playing guys.
crederer Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 Nah, it also takes weak, naive and/or people who lack street smarts. A strong man like MidKnightDreams is gonna send a woman like that walking. When town skank tried those moves on this tall, drink of hotness Sergeant I worked with, he was like 'keep it moving'. Even a guy like Don Jon is easy to manipulate cuz some idiot who's all about scoring lays has serious insecurities too. Thing is, manipulators are like psychics. They have no magical powers, but are good about reading people and playing on their weakness/insecurities. I don't have time for that pooop. God blessed me with two hands/feet and a strong back and brains to actually work for a living - instead of playing guys. Are these celebrities you're talking about?
Gloria25 Posted September 14, 2016 Posted September 14, 2016 Are these celebrities you're talking about? No. The examples I gave earlier in this tread unfortunately were my experiences with guys who passed me over for 'trick-chicks'. Besides that, I was referring to a movie called 'Don Jon'...excellent fictional - yet real example of a manipulative and controlling chick who it worked for....umm now that I think about it, she remained single at the end of the movie too. Goes to show that sometimes even for a manipulator it's hard to find marks.
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