Bialy Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 I'm online dating ("OLD"). Last Friday, I had a nice first date with someone. He is a former Navy guy, 29 years old, and has been living in my metropolitan area for a year and a half. We have a second date tomorrow and we have plans to see a free movie screening together in two weeks. Is there a good time to ask him if he likes the area and sees himself here -- OR if he will be taking on another job assignment elsewhere? On our first date, he mentioned loving California, but felt he didn't live there long enough to enjoy it (6 months) and he also mentioned really loving his time in Korea (1 year), before returning to the states. I guess I'd like to know if he still has an "itch" to take on another overseas job assignment or relocating to California for another opportunity. Should I wait until our third or fourth date? Should I just ask? I love my metropolitan area and everything it offers. I have a very good, stable job. I love to travel - but I don't want to relocate at all. In my area, people tend to stay in their positions for 20+ years.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 (edited) I'm online dating ("OLD"). Last Friday, I had a nice first date with someone. He is a former Navy guy, 29 years old, and has been living in my metropolitan area for a year and a half. We have a second date tomorrow and we have plans to see a free movie screening together in two weeks. Is there a good time to ask him if he likes the area and sees himself here -- OR if he will be taking on another job assignment elsewhere? On our first date, he mentioned loving California, but felt he didn't live there long enough to enjoy it (6 months) and he also mentioned really loving his time in Korea (1 year), before returning to the states. I guess I'd like to know if he still has an "itch" to take on another overseas job assignment or relocating to California for another opportunity. Should I wait until our third or fourth date? Should I just ask? I love my metropolitan area and everything it offers. I have a very good, stable job. I love to travel - but I don't want to relocate at all. In my area, people tend to stay in their positions for 20+ years. Really, I think this is one of those things you put in your profile, up front and emphasized. This is a DEAL BREAKER for you...moving, so you need to let people know as they view your profile. I understand that things may change, but this is misleading. DO you at least put in your profile that you love the area, the city, blah, blah, blah??? Anyway, the cart before the horse....you should let him know ASAP how you feel about the city you live in. He may pick up on the idea that you will not relocate and make a decision based on that to continue dating or not. Edited September 12, 2016 by simpleNfit 2
Author Bialy Posted September 12, 2016 Author Posted September 12, 2016 Really, I think this is one of those things you put in your profile, up front and emphasized. This is a DEAL BREAKER for you...moving, so you need to let people know as they view your profile. I understand that things may change, but this is misleading. DO you at least put in your profile that you love the area, the city, blah, blah, blah??? Anyway, the cart before the horse....you should let him know ASAP how you feel about the city you live in. He may pick up on the idea that you will not relocate and make a decision based on that to continue dating or not. Good point. I do make mention of it in my profile: I say something to the effect of: "I have been living in this area for 5 years and enjoy life here. I'm at a good place in life and enjoy everything this area has to offer." I don't, however, list any dealbreakers -- and this would be one of them. Now, he did mention that one thing he disliked about Navy life is that it's so hard to establish friendships or really any relationships, especially as an introvert. I guess I'll find out soon enough. He's a nice guy, but I want to make sure he's not going to leave the area, if we continue dating. Because I'm not much looking for short-term dating...
Gr8fuln2020 Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 Good point. I do make mention of it in my profile: I say something to the effect of: "I have been living in this area for 5 years and enjoy life here. I'm at a good place in life and enjoy everything this area has to offer." I don't, however, list any dealbreakers -- and this would be one of them. Now, he did mention that one thing he disliked about Navy life is that it's so hard to establish friendships or really any relationships, especially as an introvert. I guess I'll find out soon enough. He's a nice guy, but I want to make sure he's not going to leave the area, if we continue dating. Because I'm not much looking for short-term dating... Ok. Good and I think fair. If I were looking at your profile and I had no intention of staying long term, I would hesitate contacting you. I would also need to consider (If I'm honest) whether I will change my mind depending upon how great of a person you are (become). I am seriously reconsidering whether I want to stay in the area I live long term. I actively contact profiles that "feel" like or appear to be ladies who are more open to moving or there is very little or nothing keeping them here I avoid divorce women with children, or profiles that mention owning/running a business or being close to family/friends. That's where I am right now. 1
Ami1uwant Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 You should state in your profile that you want to stay there. Based on what you said he is former military. Have you asked him did hr like the moving aspect of his military life? Both of you are around 40...life ahead of you. What do you do..is it a field that's hard to find or easy to find? What about what he does? Where is your family?? Where is his?? You may change your mind if you were to get married and have kids and want family support.
Author Bialy Posted September 13, 2016 Author Posted September 13, 2016 You should state in your profile that you want to stay there. Based on what you said he is former military. Have you asked him did hr like the moving aspect of his military life? Both of you are around 40...life ahead of you. What do you do..is it a field that's hard to find or easy to find? What about what he does? Where is your family?? Where is his?? You may change your mind if you were to get married and have kids and want family support. We are NOT in our 40's! Don't age me just yet... lol...I'm 34. He's 29. We live in an east coast city and we both have family along the east coast too - so moving to California or the west coast in general is just not something I'm interested in doing at all. Not with this guy or anyone. I don't mind taking vacations out there - but moving is just not in the cards for me.
Ami1uwant Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 Sorry..typo .meant 30. You are robbing the cradle. Why do you think he wants to move??? Just because he shares is stories of places he has lived?
Author Bialy Posted September 13, 2016 Author Posted September 13, 2016 Why do you think he wants to move??? Just because he shares is stories of places he has lived? Because he said he really likes the west coast, misses it, feels more like he belongs there, and felt like he didn't take advantage of his time while he was over there for 6 months. I think this will probably come up in conversation again - tomorrow and our next date. I totally know where he's coming from in terms of loving the west coast - I have the same mentality -- but geographically, I like where I live and won't be moving out there.
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