blackendangel13 Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 So a little background, my last ex and I were together 6 months. He lived 30 minutes from me and thats pretty much what broke our relationship. About 3 weeks in he was telling me he loved me and coming to see me, and about 3 months in he started to pull away and didn't EVER want to drive to see me. Despite the fact that I kept telling him it made me feel bad that I was doing all the driving and he was taking me for granted, he kept blowing me off. About 5 months in I wrote a very long letter about how ****ty he was making me feel. He took it very hard and was very upset and tried to do everything possible to defend himself to me. He said I didn't tell him what was wrong when I was sick of having the same arguement and bla bla. Anyways, we have been broken up for a month. I finally broke it off because he just swept it all under the rug after the letter and was not going to change. I said we needed to learn to be friends and just not label our "relationship" because we had moved very fast. For awhile this was ok. It still saddened me a little talking to him a few times a week and hearing how he seemed to move on so quickly. He never spoke about the relationship or the break-up since. A few times when I was feeling lonely I called him and I ended up sleeping with him. The first time was ok, no strings and lots of fun. The second time depressed me with how he said goodbye like I was his sister, eventhough he had just done things with me that definately would not have done with said sister. So I ended that arrangement. He came to my housewarming, which was nice because it was a huge disaster and all my friends stood me up. But he is still weird around me. I got robbed the other week and called him to see if I could stay with him because I was afraid to stay home alone in my house. I was crying on the phone and he said "I'll call you back" and didn't for 5 days. Well last Saturday was the first time we have been at the same bar since the break-up. Again he treated me like a sister when he did talk to me and pretty much ignored me the rest of the time. I got really depressed about it also and the more I drank the more upset I got (I know surprise, surprise). Some times in the night I was almost in tears and had to excuse myself to the bathroom. I don't even want to be with this man. It also didn't help that all of his friends were asking me to go make up with him and get us back together, as if I was the one who was wrong. I felt like they wanted to me to say "Hey, come back and I'll let you treat me like ****." I felt very insulted and told them it wasn't happenening and I excused myself. I don't even know why it bothered me so much, I don't want him back. He wasn't hanging on other women or anything. I guess I was just upset that this was a man a few months ago who said he loved me and now barely speaks to me and has so quickly shut me out of his life. Break-ups suck.
sanne Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 then you know what you need to do, No Contact. everytime you have contact with this man it just tears you apart inside. he's not worth your time, love, or energy.
Author blackendangel13 Posted July 6, 2005 Author Posted July 6, 2005 No Contact is going to be pretty much impossible. We have a lot of mutual friends and go to a lot of the same places. I am going to stop taking his calls though and try to stay away from places he will be but in order to achieve NC I would need to get a new set of friends and I'd rather be sad sometimes than lose my friends.
sanne Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 well try your best to avoid any sort of contact with him whatsoever for the time being. your obviously not strong enough to deal with these kind of encounters right now, once you have recovered you will be able to see him and talk to him like nothing ever happened.
sanne Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 hmm that makes this all the more difficult. well all i can say for now is to try your best to avoid contact with him. when we say no contact is the best option, we mean it, and for me i find it is the only way i can think clearly about things. whenever i see my ex i just end up confused and unsure of my feelings.
Author blackendangel13 Posted July 6, 2005 Author Posted July 6, 2005 I have been trying to avoid contact with him but its been hard. I really care about him but you are right, it doesn make you unsure of your feelings. I know in my head I don't want him back but I think my heart just wants someone and it creates mess. I am not going to answer his calls for awhile and hopefully by the next time I see him, which is July 22, I will think more clearly and if he asks me why I won't hide it from him and I'll be honest.
not_myself Posted July 6, 2005 Posted July 6, 2005 I completely understand the double edged 'hurt' with this: 1 - you can't comprehend how he can shut off his previously proclaimed feelings. Do not try to understand this. Some people can do this - push down feelings and go along their merry way. Its not healthy, but thats not your problem. Don't try to relate to his actions and specualte about his feelings based on how YOU deal with things, b/c obviously he deals with things differently. It couls all be a front as well, or a way of protecting himself. 2 - Knowing you don't want to ultimately be with someone - but ALSO being lonely and feeling like companionship can drive you crazy - b/c you run the risk of going back to something, or at least wanting and obsessing about something you know isnt good for you. ITs very confusing. Try to keep it clear in your head that wanting to be with someone, doesn't mean you should want to be with him. Dont try to worry about how he is feelings and how he is acting - what matters is how you feel. You made the move so feel proud about not accepting his shortcoming behavior. You will feel lonely for now and miss him, but that will pass abd you will be better off for getting out of something that didn't make you happy - before you invested and wasted a lot more time than 2 months.... hope that helps - I am going through somehting similar, but with 2 year history...sucks
Author blackendangel13 Posted July 6, 2005 Author Posted July 6, 2005 Thanks for all the support. I think the real issues I am having are with my pride. Before this ex, the last one took me for quite a ride and I really didn't want a relationship with new ex but I figured what the hell and didn't think I'd get a second chance. I also didn't think it would be as screwed up as our relationship was because I was very guarded in my feelings. I am just angry that he doesn't feel I am worth it, because I know I am. I am worth more than what he can ever give me and it sucks. I guess I am angry I didn't see it sooner. Sometimes when all lights are flashing red we still choose to ignore it. He always pushes his feelings down. Thats why he is mean and bitter. He is very selfish and I am hoping my selfish heart lets go soon because I don't want to feel this way and IF he ever finds another woman to put up with his **** (I was his only girlfriend in 4 years) I will be even more of a mess. UGG
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