Lover1978 Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 Hello, I am 38, had a relationship with a 25 girl, for about one month, everything was almost great, we went out, I paid everything, I was provider, we had sex couple of times, it was good, even though she told me had better sex before... I have even arranged her an interview with a friend of mine to take her into his business.....she suddenly broke up with me last week, said several reasons that she doesn't like my behavior, I act like a kid, I am insecure etc...the true reason is she met someone else, she even told me, that now that she compared me with the new one, she realized that I mean nothing to her, as far as a boyfriend...she broke my heart, I was calm during that night, she kept yelling m for no reason...I left her calm and gentlemen, I am in no for 3 days...and today she called me, didn't answer, texted me that she wants the mobile of my friend the businessman that she went interview last week, in order to arrange for her new possible job...what should I do? It was a bold message, no how are you, nothing, just asking politely the pone number...should I reply or let her find another way, she can just go tomorrow from his office to get it, it's near her home...please advice me 1
privategal Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 Stay no contact. She said you mean nothing to her. I guess until she needs your help? Let her new boyfriend help her, you owe her nothing and I would block her on your phone. You stayed calm and we're a gentleman, staying NC and moving on will further help your self respect and self esteem that you did not act in the way she did. She has a lot of nerve even texting you for help. Read the No contact guide at the top and stay strong. 7
Arieswoman Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 Lover 1978, If she broke up with you then you owe her nothing. she told me had better sex before That's just nasty. Block her, delete her, whatever. And don't help her out - she has a new guy to do that - right? She sounds like a drama queen and you don't need that. Be the bigger person, continue to act like a gentleman and don't get drawn into her silly dramas - you deserve better. Please move on and find a nice lady who will appreciate you. Good luck x 4
CarrieT Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 If she already had an interview, she should have the contact information. If she doesn't, she shouldn't get the job if she is that irresponsible. Her contacting you is a way of digging at you. Don't take her bait. If you block her 100% on your phone, you can't see her trying to contact you. 4
Satu Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 Block her and stick to NC. Don't communicate with her ever again. Take care. 3
Author Lover1978 Posted September 12, 2016 Author Posted September 12, 2016 Yes but shouldn't I look bad and that I hold bad attitude, meaning I am pissed off with her, would be a sign of bigger value if I just give her the number, nothing more a plain number
CarrieT Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 Why is it your job to help her find a job if she didn't have the wherewithal to obtain the important information for herself? It has NOTHING to do with you holding grudges or being spiteful anything else. It has to do with her being a responsible - and possibly excellent - employee or a forgetful, irresponsible person who shouldn't have the job. Stay NC. You are not her assistant or helpmate. 4
sooshi Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 It doesn't matter how she views the act of blocking, because it's for you. You're blocking her for self-preservation, not because of a bad attitude. You do it to show that you have a loving attitude towards yourself. You do it because you're ready to heal. Take care. 3
Author Lover1978 Posted September 12, 2016 Author Posted September 12, 2016 Why is it your job to help her find a job if she didn't have the wherewithal to obtain the important information for herself? It has NOTHING to do with you holding grudges or being spiteful anything else. It has to do with her being a responsible - and possibly excellent - employee or a forgetful, irresponsible person who shouldn't have the job. Stay NC. You are not her assistant or helpmate. Yes but I have feelings for her, I m deeply in love, cannot get her out of my mind, I keep crying like a small child several times per day, I love her...I want to have her back in my life and I m afraid if I piss her off now she will never come back
CarrieT Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 Why do you want someone back who has treated you like sh*t and yelled at you? 4
sooshi Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 You paid for everything, provided for her, etc. It sounds like you were playing the role of a parent, much more than that of a partner. I'm sorry you're hurting, OP. But it sounds like you're much better off without her. You only knew her for about a month. You're letting her use you. You do it willingly. Pick up your self-esteem and reflect on why you continue to let this happen. Stop being a doormat for this girl. Don't confuse being "in love" with toxic attachment or co-dependency. Take care. 3
Author Lover1978 Posted September 12, 2016 Author Posted September 12, 2016 Why do you want someone back who has treated you like sh*t and yelled at you? The whole story that the day She told me she dated another guy I was so upset and hurt that I called her and demanding to know if she had sex with other guys while we were together, cause 1-2 times I had sex without condom and now I am afraid , I admit this is very irresponsible behavior, to tell her that...she was s upset that told me she doesn't want to hear me again, but next day, the broke up day we went out for dinner and she had the behavior I described, I tell you all that cause I admit it was very rude to ask her if she slept other guys while was having free see with me, I also want to point out that she didn't want to have free sex, I was demanding it and just happened during the touching each other...:/
CarrieT Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 I also want to point out that she didn't want to have free sex Huh? Free sex? Versus PAID SEX? You aren't making much sense other than it seems like you were concerned she was sleeping around and it turns out she probably was. In that regard, you dodged a bullet. And I know you are hurting, but the best thing is NO CONTACT and let her go.
sooshi Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 I also want to point out that she didn't want to have free sex, I was demanding it and just happened during the touching each other...:/ Like Carrie, I am not making much sense out of this. So you paid for everything, provided for her, and she wanted to be paid to have sex with you? Am I understanding this correctly? So, she was with you for your money. And now she's contacting you to get help for something that she should have been responsible for. You're letting this girl walk all over you. She continues to do so because you let her. Stop letting her. Reflect on why you've been doing what you've been doing for her. I agree with Carrie, you dodged a bullet. Go no contact and start working on building some self-respect and self-worth for yourself. 2
Author Lover1978 Posted September 12, 2016 Author Posted September 12, 2016 (edited) Sorry guys, "free" sex I mean without condom.... I also want to point out that I have the slight hope of getting her back with the use of nc, as I read in the sites, I don't believe it strongly but I am desperate, hope is the only I have left ( Thank you again for helping me Edited September 12, 2016 by Lover1978
basil67 Posted September 13, 2016 Posted September 13, 2016 You were only with her for a month. We can barely scratch the surface of another person in this time. You don't know her well enough to love her. Recognising that this is infatuation and not love will help you heal.
Author Lover1978 Posted September 13, 2016 Author Posted September 13, 2016 You were only with her for a month. We can barely scratch the surface of another person in this time. You don't know her well enough to love her. Recognising that this is infatuation and not love will help you heal. Yeah I know it's too soon, but we were together every day , so one month compares to at least 3-4 months for people that are seen each other 2-3 times per week Anyway, I am 40, I know what i want, she probably cannot settle in a steady relationship, she likes to be provided and treated well, but as she is sexy and beautiful she wants to capitalize on that now she is young ang fulfill her ego buy having better sex with younger men, I can realize that...:/ I didn't give her the number and I feel guilty as she now will get pissed and never gonna speak or see me serious again, I lost her forever
Author Lover1978 Posted September 23, 2016 Author Posted September 23, 2016 Hello after 10 days of NC I just saw a message ' I miss you and wanted to let you know' from her, what should I do...I miss her too but I m not sure if she means it or not
aloneinaz Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 Hello after 10 days of NC I just saw a message ' I miss you and wanted to let you know' from her, what should I do...I miss her too but I m not sure if she means it or not Seriously?? A one month R/S that failed and you want to continue with this childish drama, bs and games? You should ignore any contact and move on to someone you can get along with.
SixxChick Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 I also want to point out that I have the slight hope of getting her back with the use of nc, as I read in the sites, I don't believe it strongly but I am desperate, hope is the only I have left ( The purpose of NC is NOT to get your ex back. It is for YOU and your healing process. Go back and read the NC Guide for further reference. Stick to it, despite what your honeymoon phase mind tells you, because someday you will realize that you dodged a bullet. One month won't be too hard to recover from as long as you stay away from the alcohol. Best of luck. 1
trippi1432 Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 Hello after 10 days of NC I just saw a message ' I miss you and wanted to let you know' from her, what should I do...I miss her too but I m not sure if she means it or not It's okay that you miss her, what she was to you for that time in your life. But to go back to what Basil67 pointed out, recognizing infatuation will help you heal. Someone told me something that his grandmother told him once, and it actually makes sense........all relationships start as lust/infatuation, it's not love until you establish respect, loyalty, trust and caring....those are things that take time. Even more than a month of seeing each other every day. What should you do?? Well, after a month of seeing each other every day...and other than the fact that she is beautiful and sexy to you, were there any aspects of respect, loyalty, trust and caring on her part? Those are the elements of a healthy relationship and something that has substance for the long term. You may have had those feelings for her, but it takes two to have those feelings for each other. If it makes YOU feel better, give her the phone number and wish her well would be my advice, no other favors, no words other than that. Then do NC for YOU with a clear conscience and take the higher road. Let's be honest, you pulled one 25 year old so you must not be all that bad.
Author Lover1978 Posted September 23, 2016 Author Posted September 23, 2016 Thanks for your replies. You are perfectly right in all what you say,BUT I was thinking that she is only 25 and might be not mature in her responses, may she was lying teasing me to test me and she my response... What if she shows signs that she has changed, I know its my life and I should not play such games as time goes away quickly:/ But I am still in love
Chi townD Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 Hello after 10 days of NC I just saw a message ' I miss you and wanted to let you know' from her, what should I do...I miss her too but I m not sure if she means it or not Dude, she's pulling on the leash to see if the dog is still there You are too emotionally attached to her. Stay NC. Anytime you have a feeling of weakness, take a deep breath and think about how she told you that you meant nothing to her and that she openly admitted that she cheated on you. Now, does that kind of behavior warrant your time? And if you still feel weak, then log onto here. Trust me, someone will always be here to walk you through this. Hang in there dude. 1
VeveCakes Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 Thanks for your replies. You are perfectly right in all what you say,BUT I was thinking that she is only 25 and might be not mature in her responses, may she was lying teasing me to test me and she my response... What if she shows signs that she has changed, I know its my life and I should not play such games as time goes away quickly:/ But I am still in love at 38 you kind of need to grow up here. You arent in love...you don't even know her. 2
Zahara Posted September 23, 2016 Posted September 23, 2016 - even though she told me had better sex before - she doesn't like my behavior - I act like a kid - I am insecure - I mean nothing to her Find your self-respect and move on. You're not in love. You're infatuated by her. Your ego is hurt. I can't imagine what you can possibly love about someone that pisses on you and you've only known for a month. And don't respond to her about the business contact. She's just using you to get what she wants. She does not care about you. 2
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