cjrabbit Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 Help! I've been in an on again off again long distance relationship with a younger man for about a year. He came on very strong, consistent, and attentive, and things were great. He would call, text, we had weekly face time dates, and he would send me really sweet gifts. After spending a long weekend together out of town last December, he disappeared. He changed his mind about a relationship and I was devastated. Now he has popped in and out of my life. The last time he said he was single and it wasn't true. When confronted, disappeared again. He came back to me asking for another chance over the summer. I agreed hesitantly after he promised to make more of an effort. I flew out to visit him. It's been 8 weeks, and he hasn't been able to do 1 face time date. All communication is rushed and forced. Our few face time calls never lasted for more than a couple of minutes, and phone calls are short too. He does communicate daily, but usually through text. I prefer calls. He doesn’t care. He seems very disinterested in being with me and what's going on in my life. He can't express or show having any feelings for me. When confronted, he blames me, saying that I ruin everything by constantly pointing out the things that are wrong. I just want him to honor his word, and for things to be like they were in the beginning. I am an attractive woman, and finding dates is easy, but I have no desire to be with anyone else. I tried showing him that other men are interested. He really doesn't seem to care at all, and is confident that he is better than anyone else . The really confusing part is that he *insists* he wants to be with me, and that I'm being impossible. The truth is, given the betrayal of trust and the other woman, I **need** him to put in that effort so that I can feel safe and secure again. He does things like calling me for a few minutes at lunch time to say that he is going home to take a nap and disappearing for the rest of the day and night. Am I being paranoid? Am I being unreasonable to expect him to do the things he says he is going to do? I should mention that he is a busy person (in the military), but I'm a working divorced mom of two. I don't want to lose him, but staying with him under these circumstances feels horrible too. I really love this man and have not been able to truly move on, and I still mourn the loss of the perfect relationship we had in the beginning. Ms. Heartbroken
PegNosePete Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 He is a liar. He is a flake. He devastated you by leaving you after meeting. He kept disappearing. He doesn't care and acts totally disinterested. And all this is long-distance? Have you even met him again apart from that one weekend? Why on earth do you "love" him? What are his good qualities exactly? Yes you are being unreasonable to expect him to change. He has shown you exactly what kind of guy he is. He is a liar, a flake and a loser. You should ditch him and move on. 4
stillafool Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 It's quite obvious to me that he has another woman. This is why you get the short communication from him. If I were you I would start dating some of the other men who want to date you. I don't care what this guy is telling you but his actions speak of a man who is involved with someone else. You should move on.
Toodaloo Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 He is a liar. He is a flake. He devastated you by leaving you after meeting. He kept disappearing. He doesn't care and acts totally disinterested. And all this is long-distance? Have you even met him again apart from that one weekend? Why on earth do you "love" him? What are his good qualities exactly? Yes you are being unreasonable to expect him to change. He has shown you exactly what kind of guy he is. He is a liar, a flake and a loser. You should ditch him and move on. Wot he said. Quit thinking this guy is a good one. He isn't. Start being reasonable by cutting all contact with him and never seeing him or speaking to him again. 1
Larryville Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 I flew out to visit him WTF, ladies why do I keep reading you folks do this, I don't get... All communication is rushed and forced. Our few face time calls never lasted for more than a couple of minutes, and phone calls are short too. He does communicate daily, but usually through text. I really love this man and have not been able to truly move on… I’m sorry but you clearly have some serious issues going on. Not even about this particular dude... After what you wrote and you spit out that you love this dude? Really!? Old saying: You need to love yourself first before you can truly love others .. 1
Kamille Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 You're in a long distance relationship with a man who can hardly be bothered to contact you for more than a couple FaceTime calls. What's in this for you?
smackie9 Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 The guy is a player. He love bombed you to get you hooked....you are weakened and under his spell. Now you are willing to believe anything and do whatever it takes to stay with him. This is what he wants....to control you so he can find another, and maybe another to do the same thing. He a power tripper. Cut him loose before he destroys your well being. 1
Arieswoman Posted September 12, 2016 Posted September 12, 2016 cjrabbit, I didn't read any further than this ; I've been in an on again off again long distance relationship with a younger man for about a year If it's "on/off" then one or both of you isn't really committed. Please stop this waste of time and date someone closer to home
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