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My BF wants to move in with his female friend (as a housemate)

anotherbear

By anotherbear
in Long-Distance Relationships

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anotherbear New Member

anotherbear

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Hi everyone, I am Asian, my BF is American. We have met twice, he flew here and we had wonderful time together. Our relationship is almost a year now.

So my problem is : He is finding his own place. He has been divorce couple years ago and sold his house last year. Currently he is living with his parent. He has spent 4 months looking for his own place, still no hope. Earlier today, he told me that one of his female friend as if he wants to move in to her place. She has a spare room.

So far, I have never heard about her. Now all of a sudden, he has a female friend, which as he said he has know her for 6 years. She is 26, lives alone and has a daughter.

I did try my best to be cool with this, but failed, and we end up fighting on the phone about this.

I trust him, fully trust him. But I don't know that girl therefore I don't trust her.

Has anyone been in this situation before ?

How should I react with this ?

sooshi Established Member

sooshi

Posted
Posted

If you fully trust him, it includes trusting that he will handle any inappropriate behaviour appropriately, should anything happen.

 

Take care.

  • Like 2
CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

Posted
Posted

Seems there are some barriers being crossed.

 

Why have you not heard of this friend before and why can't he find another place to live that doesn't involve a single female?

 

The other questions that would arise are; After a year "relationship" (where you have only physically met each other twice?) what kind of future can you hope for or expect?

 

Doesn't seem like you have very firm footing in having a real-time relationship if you have only met each other twice and he can't find anywhere else to live but with a female friend.

  • Like 5
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anotherbear New Member

anotherbear

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I will be visiting later this year(hopefully if I can get a visa). We are sure about our future.

He met my parent earlier this year. We plan on getting married next year.

Just I am worry, all this long distance.

Yes I trust him, but let say what if things happen between them. We talk and video call a lot. But he is a fully function man, he has needs. She has needs too. And there is an old saying in my country. You put the straw too close to the fire, one day it will burn.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
I will be visiting later this year(hopefully if I can get a visa). We are sure about our future.

He met my parent earlier this year. We plan on getting married next year.

Just I am worry, all this long distance.

Yes I trust him, but let say what if things happen between them. We talk and video call a lot. But he is a fully function man, he has needs. She has needs too. And there is an old saying in my country. You put the straw too close to the fire, one day it will burn.

 

Then things happen between them.

 

He has the power to prevent that. If he doesn't, then you know he wasn't committed to you.

  • Like 2
TunaCat Established Member

TunaCat

Posted
Posted

If you fully trust him like you say you do, then you should fully trust him to establish solid boundaries with his female roommate.

 

Don't give her all the power. He has power to prevent things from happening if he is really loyal & faithful to you.

  • Like 1
Miss Clavel Established Member

Miss Clavel

Posted
Posted

is there a way for you to become friends with this woman and her child? i think that is what i would do.

 

call her, talk about the visa, the wedding and anything else you think she might need to know. ask her about the room, tell her what you are bringing. ask about where you might find a job. tell her you love kids and will sit for her child once a week. slop some sugar.

 

it sucks because you are not there, but she is and it's time to make her your ally because, in the end, aren't you going to be living there? aren't' your parents coming to the wedding? if you are going to marry in your country, is there a way to invite her? if you are going to marry in his country and your family can't come, maybe ask her advice on your dress, cake and location. maybe she would be willing to "stand up" for you?

 

she's his "friend". i don't believe that men and women can be "friends" but here we are.

 

fire with fire.

  • Like 2
elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
Hi everyone, I am Asian, my BF is American. We have met twice, he flew here and we had wonderful time together. Our relationship is almost a year now.

So my problem is : He is finding his own place. He has been divorce couple years ago and sold his house last year. Currently he is living with his parent. He has spent 4 months looking for his own place, still no hope. Earlier today, he told me that one of his female friend as if he wants to move in to her place. She has a spare room.

So far, I have never heard about her. Now all of a sudden, he has a female friend, which as he said he has know her for 6 years. She is 26, lives alone and has a daughter.

I did try my best to be cool with this, but failed, and we end up fighting on the phone about this.

I trust him, fully trust him. But I don't know that girl therefore I don't trust her.

Has anyone been in this situation before ?

How should I react with this ?

 

I would be very wary here, this "friend" for 6 years is someone you have never heard of and she wants him to move in with her and her daughter???

I know you trust him and all that, but you will not be the first woman to find her bf is shacked up with some other woman, he failed to tell her about.

It may all be innocent, but surely a grown man can find a place to live that doesn't involve living with another woman. She may even be his ex wife and his daughter for all you know or some other woman who thinks he is going to marry her.

This LDR is not something to base a marriage on, where on earth would you live for one thing?

I would step right back, methinks you may be being played here.

GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

Posted
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Two points:

 

 

1) I wouldn't be okay with an SO moving in with an unrelated member of the opposite sex, period. Somebody else would probably be okay with it, and my (ex) SO would be welcome to seek out that person.

 

 

2) I don't see how anyone you've only met twice would qualify as your SO.

  • Like 2
lazcas Member

lazcas

Posted
Posted

That doesn't sound right at all. There is no reason for him to live with a woman, cannot he stay with his parents while you get married? If it is happening next year, I don't see why he cannot stay there and why living with a female "friend" is a better option. It seems as if he is hiding things from you here.

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anotherbear New Member

anotherbear

Posted
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Thank you all for giving advices and solutions.

Me and my BF talked about this again and it end well.

I told him clearly that although I trust him, and as selfish as it sounds, I dont want him to move in with his friend.

He agreed with my opinion and come to conclusion that we wont talk about it again.

Case closed. Thank you all. Cheers !

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