Ex Girlfriend Initiated Contact after 2 months NC

[kev432]

Hey everyone! I'm back so a couple of days ago my ex finally initiated contact saying, Hey! How are you?? Background story, she broke up with me because she lost feelings with me after I became too jealous, insecure and needy. I begged for her back for a week and I disappeared for the next 2 months. She then proceeded to ask me questions and told me everything happening in her life, she asked me if I have a girlfriend, she even flirted with me. I just responded calmly and didn't state anything about the past or even the relationship.

 

Conversation ended and she said we should continue again the next day. Next day she initiated contact again she heard that I went to my old school to get some things and we started texting again but it was just short she ended it with a be right back and initiated again the next day just asking some questions and did not contact again the next day. Since I do still have feelings for her, I was wondering if I should initiate contact as well or let her initiate, and I would be glad to hear any other advices.

[runup]

She's just checking in on you. Don't read into it too much.

 

If she regained those feelings she lost, you will know because she will say so sooner or later. For now just remain cool and keep limited contact. There is a chance for reconciliation but it's on your terms! Don't get your hopes up because everyone has a chance at reconciliation. In the end it comes down to her feelings; something you can't change! Let it be, focus on yourself and not her.

[kev432]

She's just checking in on you. Don't read into it too much.

 

If she regained those feelings she lost, you will know because she will say so sooner or later. For now just remain cool and keep limited contact. There is a chance for reconciliation but it's on your terms! Don't get your hopes up because everyone has a chance at reconciliation. In the end it comes down to her feelings; something you can't change! Let it be, focus on yourself and not her.

 

Okay will do, yes I am focusing on myself. So I should not be starting any conversations am I right? It should be her to text me first always? What if she is waiting for me to text her?

[runup]

You don't need to play those games. Don't text her unless you notice she's really interested in reconciliation. She should almost outright say it. Otherwise let her start conversations because emotionally it seems you are more invested right now. That's understandable but take it slow. She ended it, let her restart it (if chooses to) and you make her work for it.

[kev432]

You don't need to play those games. Don't text her unless you notice she's really interested in reconciliation. She should almost outright say it. Otherwise let her start conversations because emotionally it seems you are more invested right now. That's understandable but take it slow. She ended it, let her restart it (if chooses to) and you make her work for it.

 

What things do I have to notice if she is interested in reconciliation? First day she texted me I saw all the signs that she still cares about me. But I do not know if she thinks about getting back together. I want to give her space to think about this, this is the reason why I do not want to text her.

[aloneinaz]

You should ask yourself what has changed in only two months to want to potentially date her again IF that's her goal. Also ask yourself if you'd be better off leaving her in the past vs. going round two and risking getting kicked to the curb again when she gets bored.

 

I don't know all the details of your story but reconciliations have very short shelf lives. After the initial excitement of getting back together fades, people remember why they ended it the first time.

 

If you want to try again anyway, play it cool. Let her lead the way in contacting you. She already thinks/knows she has you wrapped around her finger. Don't make it too easy on her. Don't be too available nor quickly return her texts or calls.

[kev432]

You should ask yourself what has changed in only two months to want to potentially date her again IF that's her goal. Also ask yourself if you'd be better off leaving her in the past vs. going round two and risking getting kicked to the curb again when she gets bored.

 

I don't know all the details of your story but reconciliations have very short shelf lives. After the initial excitement of getting back together fades, people remember why they ended it the first time.

 

If you want to try again anyway, play it cool. Let her lead the way in contacting you. She already thinks/knows she has you wrapped around her finger. Don't make it too easy on her. Don't be too available nor quickly return her texts or calls.

 

Alright so I'll explain what caused the breakup. One day I got really depressed because I had family issues I lost my self esteem and I only had her, I began to overthink things thinking that she doesn't love me anymore I became really jealous I would ask her all these questions to make me feel better. I started texting her everyday no space. Till one day I made a mistake by mentioning one of her bestfriends being her 2nd boyfriend hours later she ended it. I was devastated but managed to heal and got stronger. Yes I did not quickly return her texts or calls, I also told her that I did not have a girlfriend but someone is interested in me. I also told her that I was really busy. So I should let her text me for now?

[privategal]

I'd do a pros and cons list of her and your happiness in the relationship as it was.

All those same problems would still be there.

People don't change much in 2 months.

The NC on your end caused her to regain *some* respect.

The question is have you changed your jealousy etc.

Has she realized or adjusted any ways she contributed to the breakup?

 

It's very possible she just wants attention or wants to put the bad feelings behind and be friends. Friends is a HORRIBLE idea unless you are TOTALLY indifferent with ZERO feelings.

If she doesn't come clean in the next day or so on her own that she is writing you to get back together then you need to stop this texting.

It's ripping the scab off when you were healing and its giving you false hope and preventing you from moving on.

 

Personally most reconciliations are usually unsuccessful. So I'd take the lessons you learned and use them to better yourself and start fresh with a new girl when your ready and sure you've changed what you need to in order to be a better partner.

 

It's easy to get nostalgic and run back to the ex when your single and haven't met anyone new. But it's just filling a void, it's not a good idea usually.

I'd use this little texting in the last week as closure and burying the Hatchett and be glad your on good terms but let her know you have to keep going, then wish her well, go back to NC and block.

It's healthiest for you. I know 2 months NC was hard but trust me being in limbo with not knowing what an ex wants and allowing them to just casually write and confuse you as to where they stand is also hard.

My vote is move on.

[kev432]

I'd do a pros and cons list of her and your happiness in the relationship as it was.

All those same problems would still be there.

People don't change much in 2 months.

The NC on your end caused her to regain *some* respect.

The question is have you changed your jealousy etc.

Has she realized or adjusted any ways she contributed to the breakup?

 

It's very possible she just wants attention or wants to put the bad feelings behind and be friends. Friends is a HORRIBLE idea unless you are TOTALLY indifferent with ZERO feelings.

If she doesn't come clean in the next day or so on her own that she is writing you to get back together then you need to stop this texting.

It's ripping the scab off when you were healing and its giving you false hope and preventing you from moving on.

 

Personally most reconciliations are usually unsuccessful. So I'd take the lessons you learned and use them to better yourself and start fresh with a new girl when your ready and sure you've changed what you need to in order to be a better partner.

 

It's easy to get nostalgic and run back to the ex when your single and haven't met anyone new. But it's just filling a void, it's not a good idea usually.

I'd use this little texting in the last week as closure and burying the Hatchett and be glad your on good terms but let her know you have to keep going, then wish her well, go back to NC and block.

It's healthiest for you. I know 2 months NC was hard but trust me being in limbo with not knowing what an ex wants and allowing them to just casually write and confuse you as to where they stand is also hard.

My vote is move on.

 

Yes I have worked on my jealousy, I regained my self-esteem I'm feeling like the most handsome man on earth just kidding but seriously. I guess she has already known what contributed to the breakup, in my mind I think she realized that she should have tried to make me feel better, convince me that everything would be okay and if she did that then I would have not changed to that kind of person. We hanged out last Saturday with friends and I saw all the signs that she still cared about me, honestly I do too. If this time reconciliation is not possible then I'll be moving on though I still love her. This time I should let her do all the texting am I right?

[AbbiJoy]

Hi there! You mentioned you were going to your old school. That made me wonder if you are in a good place to talk this over with your parents. I was just thinking when it comes to dating it's a good idea to become good friends first. Get to know each others character, morals, views, parents, friends, and the like. I'm sure you may think that seems silly because you've already dated, but it's still a important step in choosing a mate. My husband and I are already teaching our youngest about something called courtship. I hope you find your way and everything works out alright.

[AbbiJoy]

Hey everyone! I'm back so a couple of days ago my ex finally initiated contact saying, Hey! How are you?? Background story, she broke up with me because she lost feelings with me after I became too jealous, insecure and needy. I begged for her back for a week and I disappeared for the next 2 months. She then proceeded to ask me questions and told me everything happening in her life, she asked me if I have a girlfriend, she even flirted with me. I just responded calmly and didn't state anything about the past or even the relationship.

 

Conversation ended and she said we should continue again the next day. Next day she initiated contact again she heard that I went to my old school to get some things and we started texting again but it was just short she ended it with a be right back and initiated again the next day just asking some questions and did not contact again the next day. Since I do still have feelings for her, I was wondering if I should initiate contact as well or let her initiate, and I would be glad to hear any other advices.

 

I understand you may be excited of the possibility of reconciling an old flame. This may or may not be a good idea. I would encourage you to think back on the character of this girl. Also if you are able to talk with your parents that would be a great idea. My husband and I are teaching our youngest about something called courtship. It's where you don't actually date, but rather you really get to know one another and each others family as well. Find out what your morals are and your values. Take it slow and be mindful of what you two are getting into and what your expectations of one another are. I have learned that no one can fit into the God sized puzzle into our hearts, but Him. We can however help one another along this journey I call life. I hope you two find out what's best. Blessings to you!

 

Dating and Things to Look For In the Opposite Sex

[kev432]

I understand you may be excited of the possibility of reconciling an old flame. This may or may not be a good idea. I would encourage you to think back on the character of this girl. Also if you are able to talk with your parents that would be a great idea. My husband and I are teaching our youngest about something called courtship. It's where you don't actually date, but rather you really get to know one another and each others family as well. Find out what your morals are and your values. Take it slow and be mindful of what you two are getting into and what your expectations of one another are. I have learned that no one can fit into the God sized puzzle into our hearts, but Him. We can however help one another along this journey I call life. I hope you two find out what's best. Blessings to you!

 

Dating and Things to Look For In the Opposite Sex

 

I don't think I have to talk about this with my parents since I think I'm already mature enough. Well this girl, she is amazing, before we dated we would talk about everything from the tiniest bit of what she likes till her parents and my parents background and to getting married and having children together. Time has passed and I started to have my own problems such as depression due to family issues I lost my self esteem. I only had her.

 

I was really scared of being alone with nobody to support me so I was really afraid to lose her I started to overthink things, did not give her space, needed to ask all these questions just to make myself feel better. I still love this girl and I'd love to give it another shot.

 

My Question now is should I let her text me first to show I have changed or do I text her first?

[Chi townD]

Dude, she was pulling on the leash to make sure the dog was still there. After she broke up with you, you were chasing her around like a lost puppy. Then, she got nothing. You disappeared (assuming you went into NC) Now, she's wondering if the dog is off the leash.

 

But, let me ask you this. Was she asking a lot of questions about your love life? Like, if you have a girlfriend, are you dating girls, is there anyone that sparks your interest? If she has, than that's her guilt coming through.

[kev432]

Dude, she was pulling on the leash to make sure the dog was still there. After she broke up with you, you were chasing her around like a lost puppy. Then, she got nothing. You disappeared (assuming you went into NC) Now, she's wondering if the dog is off the leash.

 

But, let me ask you this. Was she asking a lot of questions about your love life? Like, if you have a girlfriend, are you dating girls, is there anyone that sparks your interest? If she has, than that's her guilt coming through.

 

Yes, She texted me few days ago, I didn't initiate any contact though and then she contacted again asking me if I know a friend of hers, 1st time she texted me she goes all like are the girls you know beautiful, and oh wow you must be popular among the girls then, asking if I have a gf and I just said that she is a special kind of girl since she doesn't gossip alot and she goes like nahh your special one is one of them dafuqq... She texted me again yesterday and goes flirting with me and stuff but I ended it anyway lol.

[aloneinaz]

I know you're not going to want to hear this but, here goes.

 

You should of ignored her contact and blocked her from reaching you. I agree that she was just checking to see if she still had you on her leash. Dumpers love to know there's a fall back plan for them and that there's someone else out there who covet them.

 

Many dumpees slam the door after getting dumped. They vanish from the dumpers life and wouldn't consider speaking to them again. Having contributed on this site over the years and having read so many threads, I've come to the conclusion that they are right.

[kev432]

I know you're not going to want to hear this but, here goes.

 

You should of ignored her contact and blocked her from reaching you. I agree that she was just checking to see if she still had you on her leash. Dumpers love to know there's a fall back plan for them and that there's someone else out there who covet them.

 

Many dumpees slam the door after getting dumped. They vanish from the dumpers life and wouldn't consider speaking to them again. Having contributed on this site over the years and having read so many threads, I've come to the conclusion that they are right.

 

Yeah you are right.. She asks questions if I remember about a memory we had, goes flirting but seriously if she wont get straight to the point then yup gonna ignore her. But I was glad I ended the conversation. Any opinions?

[lolablue17]

You mentioned that she ended it because you've became needy.

 

I've read your messages in your post and you seem needy to me. The very fact that you don't know how to approach her in every sentence or reply, shows that when it comes to her, you become needy.

 

If you weren't needy, you would have just flirted with her, acting like a man, leading her to think that she's lucky to get some replies from you, and ended up her begging for you to take her back.

 

BTW, that is the only way she might want you back, if you show her that you're not needy, you don't need her, she's not so important, you have a whole and complete life without her, including girls. But you're not. You don't date, and you're needy when it's about her.

 

Noticing that she was your first gf, I think you should cut contact with her, and go dating to find yourself a gf. Your new gf will probably want a man with self esteem, with confidence, who takes the lead. Try to practice on that, instead of wasting your time with a girl who dumped you and might pull you toward your low areas.

Edited September 14, 2016 by lolablue17

[kev432]

You mentioned that she ended it because you've became needy.

 

I've read your messages in your post and you seem needy to me. The very fact that you don't know how to approach her in every sentence or reply, shows that when it comes to her, you become needy.

 

If you weren't needy, you would have just flirted with her, acting like a man, leading her to think that she's lucky to get some replies from you, and ended up her begging for you to take her back.

 

BTW, that is the only way she might want you back, if you show her that you're not needy, you don't need her, she's not so important, you have a whole and complete life without her, including girls. But you're not. You don't date, and you're needy when it's about her.

 

Noticing that she was your first gf, I think you should cut contact with her, and go dating to find yourself a gf. Your new gf will probably want a man with self esteem, with confidence, who takes the lead. Try to practice on that, instead of wasting your time with a girl who dumped you and might pull you toward your low areas.

 

No no no... I do not base my happiness on her. I've been on no contact for as long as 2 months so I've proved that, I am also not focusing on her to be my girlfriend again though I'm open to having a chance with her again, like I said someone is interested on me and I'd love to give a try with her as well. I have indeed a complete life without her I go to the gym, I go out with friends and things, and yes during our conversation I did FLIRT with her, but since I know that I want her to want more, I ended the conversation. You see me on how I communicate am I right? I am not a type of person that communicates through texting well but I've been working on it for some time now. This time I'm only asking what I should do now since I might still have the chance. Those questions may seem needy I know but they are literal questions because yes this is my first time in a relationship so I am asking a literal question and not a desperate kind, and also since she's the one who broke up with me I don't really intend to chase her.

Edited September 14, 2016 by kev432

[lolablue17]

Great!!! So as you said, you don't like communicating via texts, tell her that. Next time she texts you, reply with "It's exhausting for me to talk via texts, I don't like it, if you want to talk, let's meet, otherwise it's a waste of time".

[kev432]

Great!!! So as you said, you don't like communicating via texts, tell her that. Next time she texts you, reply with "It's exhausting for me to talk via texts, I don't like it, if you want to talk, let's meet, otherwise it's a waste of time".

 

Right I'll try that. By the way, what is the point of her texting me, flirting with me. I'll add another information though so after the breakup she asked for friendship I did agreed on that friendship, of course I begged and pleaded to her to be with me again last conversation friendly chat then no contact 2 months. Weeks before initiating contact she starts to share posts like she's depressed and shares a quote saying "It doesn't matter who hurt you or broke you blahblah what matters is who makes you happy." So yeahh before I was clingy and was myself I admit I did make her happy she also said that she was happy to be with me I made her smile alot.

 

I mean if she wanted to give it another shot then why not go straight to the point. I also don't want to talk to her about the relationship I'd love to be with her again but it gotta be her decision I won't start to chase her anymore.

[Frozensushi]

.. what is the point of her texting me, flirting with me.....

 

Weeks before initiating contact she starts to share posts like she's depressed and shares a quote saying "It doesn't matter who hurt you or broke you blahblah what matters is who makes you happy." .

 

In my experience when they send you messages after a breakup they are breadcrumbs. They're either lonely, curious about you, or want to know if they still have power over you. Those posts she's sharing could be that she is missing you and is struggling with thoughts of reconciliation.

 

My Ex made similar posts like those weeks after we'd break up, showing how sad she was. Then she would send me "I hope you are doing well" text messages. Eventually, we'd get back together just to break up again in a week or two.

 

In your case, it's hard to say. One trend I'm starting to understand the more I learn about relationships on this forum is that in most cases, it's far better to move on and disappear from their life than to try and get back together.

 

If I would have done this, I would have saved myself a year's worth of consistent pain and grief. Getting back with an Ex feels like a really bad idea after everything people have said on this site.

[kev432]

In my experience when they send you messages after a breakup they are breadcrumbs. They're either lonely, curious about you, or want to know if they still have power over you. Those posts she's sharing could be that she is missing you and is struggling with thoughts of reconciliation.

 

My Ex made similar posts like those weeks after we'd break up, showing how sad she was. Then she would send me "I hope you are doing well" text messages. Eventually, we'd get back together just to break up again in a week or two.

 

In your case, it's hard to say. One trend I'm starting to understand the more I learn about relationships on this forum is that in most cases, it's far better to move on and disappear from their life than to try and get back together.

 

If I would have done this, I would have saved myself a year's worth of consistent pain and grief. Getting back with an Ex feels like a really bad idea after everything people have said on this site.

 

What was the reason for your breakup? After some research I've learned that maybe there were some complications during a time a couple was together and they needed to grow in order to fix all of those and they ended up together, happy.

 

I do not know if I have the same case here but I'd love to know more. I've proved that she doesn't have power over me by ending conversations right? I do not initiate contact as well and yes I may have flirted with her but I don't understand if she is struggling about getting back together why not talk about it with me instead of wasting my time. The reason why I do not want to talk about the relationship other than rejection is I don't want to look like I haven't moved on from her. Is she afraid to tell me?

[Mr. Karma]

I subscribe to all the good advise given by the 'veterans' in this post. I think you should move on but that is not what you want to hear. You clearly have not closed this relationship.

 

You have cornered yourself in a twilight zone which leads to nowhere. Analyzing her communication is a mind****. You read her messages with pink glasses and you are looking for hidden messages between the lines.

 

Why don't you just ask her? Be upfront. Take action. 'What is the reason you are contacting me? Are you just checking in to see if I am ok or is there more at stake?' (English is not my native language so you probably can create a better message.

 

If her answer is vague or no than close the door and move on.

[Mr. Karma]

I subscribe to all the good advise given by the 'veterans' in this post. I think you should move on but that is not what you want to hear. You clearly have not closed this relationship.

 

You have cornered yourself in a twilight zone which leads to nowhere. Analyzing her communication is a mind****. You read her messages with pink glasses and you are looking for hidden messages between the lines.

 

Why don't you just ask her? Be upfront. Take action. 'What is the reason you are contacting me? Are you just checking in to see if I am ok or is there more at stake?' (English is not my native language so you probably can create a better message.

 

If her answer is vague or no than close the door and move on.

[aloneinaz]

You're only "play" is to start ignoring her bread crumbs, ego stroking contact w/you. She barks and your jumping. She dumped you, you owe her nothing. Not a reply to her attention seeking contact. Nothing.

 

What you should do? Move on from her. Go out and date. You've only had one GF. What if you meet a new one that REALLY rocks your world and makes you realize how lousy your first one was? There's MILLIONS of woman out there with different personalities, sexual skills, hobbies, interests, etc.. Why put all your effort into the first one you had as a "GF"?

 

Seriously.. Stop letting her screw w/your head. Shut her down by ignoring any further contact. Expend that energy in finding a new hot thing to date and have fun with. Wouldn't it be great to ignore her and a couple of months down the road be out to dinner w/your new hot thing on your arm and run into this ex? That's where your head should be, not trying to recycle your FIRST R/S that ran it's course and ended.