What "special" thing does your GF do for you?

[TortugaGuy]

Been with my gf for about 5 months now. From the very beginning we hit it off and have fallen hard for each other. I love her completely and I know she feels the same about me. Big things are definitely in our future and both of us freely talk about it, with excitement. we've both been in serious relationships before, in our mid 30's, and have had ups and downs in a number of relationships. So we both know and appreciate how great what we have is.

 

The thing is, I buy her flowers, take her on trips and romantic getaways, leave cards for her telling her how I feel about her, all kinds of romantic gestures. She loves it and I love doing all of it. I have no doubts about the way she feels about me. I just never really received anything like that from her, yet.

 

It's not a big thing cause i know how we stand and have been completely happy in our relationship. Just curious how you guys and gals feel about women going out of their way to do something "special" for their dude. And what that might be...

[CarrieT]

You need to read "The Five Languages of Love."

 

Your language involves those romantic gestures you mentioned but her's may be entirely different that you aren't seeing because you are comparing them to what you do.

 

I am a similar person that I leave my husband cards and give him surprise gifts. But you know what he really reacts positively to? Having minor things taken care of for him.... It is very weird, but he is more emotive and responsive when he sees that I have organized a sock drawer or prepared a favorite dinner.

 

Granted, I would love to receive flowers, but I know that his "language" is taking care of me; including vacations that he knows I would like. I get more experiences versus "things."

[leogirl876]

You need to read "The Five Languages of Love."

 

Your language involves those romantic gestures you mentioned but her's may be entirely different that you aren't seeing because you are comparing them to what you do.

 

I am a similar person that I leave my husband cards and give him surprise gifts. But you know what he really reacts positively to? Having minor things taken care of for him.... It is very weird, but he is more emotive and responsive when he sees that I have organized a sock drawer or prepared a favorite dinner.

 

Granted, I would love to receive flowers, but I know that his "language" is taking care of me; including vacations that he knows I would like. I get more experiences versus "things."

 

I totally agree with this! Don't start thinking that your girlfriend never does stuff for you, try to see what she does instead of what she doesn't. My ex-boyfriend did that to me and it finally drove me away. When his dad was dying, I drove to another state on my semester break (I'm in grad school) I stayed with him, his mom & sisters, took care of them, cooked them their food, cleaned their house and then took his daughter back with me home while he stayed with his dad. While he was still with his dad, I took his daughter back & forth to school, fed her, took care of while she was sick, took her to the doctor, got all of his dirty laundry out of his house and washed it while he was gone, did her laundry, helped her with her homework, etc. This was a 2-3 week ordeal, the only time I had off from school, I was doing something for him. When it was all said and done he had the audacity to say I wasn't there for him when he needed me because I'm not the type to sit there and rub his head and tell him it's going to be ok, that's not the type of person I am, and I was in school, I had to spend that time doing homework. He said to me, he expected me to put school on the backburner to make him feel better, even though I was spending $100K in loans for school.

 

That did it for me. He had said and done stuff like that before, and I had enough. He never recognized all what I did do for him, it was always what I didn't do for him. So, please sit back and try to see what your girlfriend DOES do for you. If you look for the negative, it's going to bring out more negative in the relationship and she'll get tired and eventually leave like I did.

[Arieswoman]

Agree with Leogirl 100%

 

So, please sit back and try to see what your girlfriend DOES do for you. If you look for the negative, it's going to bring out more negative in the relationship and she'll get tired and eventually leave like I did.

 

When I was married I did all that and then some. And I paid more than my fair share of the bills because I earned more.

He never lifted a finger at home but when finally when I said "no more" and started asking for some help, he had the brass-necked cheek to tell his AP that I had got all "women's libbish".

 

His AP scored because she was prepared to hold his hand, stare into his eyes and tell him how wonderful he was...

 

Tread carefully here OP or you may find yourself walking alone.....

[Buddhist]

I'm an acts of service and quality time person. So far I think those things have been overlooked by previous partners who preferred other things. I'll be on the look out for another quality time individual, sick of being deluged with gifts and never spending any time together. You see how that works?

[joseb]

I must admit when I first heard people banging on about love languages on here I was a bit sceptical, but looking into it it does make a lot of sense.

 

Personally I would actually dislike someone buying me that kind of stuff.

And I'd find it very hard being with someone who was really into all that.

[Haydn]

`Post its` on the fridge.

 

Turn on washing machine.

 

Teacher parent meeting.

 

Chelsea season ticket?

 

Jane and David coming tonight. (Find a way to cancel, i hate them)

 

(Usually easy as i hate them as well, oh lovely your holiday snaps from Bhutan)

 

Sorry we all have `hives`

 

Took your car....

 

Wonderful woman.

[Leigh 87]

My BF doesn't like getting pampered or spoil the with monetary or materialistic things.

 

His love language is to receive plenty of quality time together with me, for me to take good care of him and do things like clean the bedroom, do washing, etc.

 

And back tickles.

 

He gets nothing out of new clothes, or if I was working full time, new TVs or a new motor bike; he prefers to earn his own big toys.

 

She should offer you back rubs or find little things you enjoy, such as. Preparing dinner and cleaning it up. Or surprising you with a clean apartment/house. That type of thing.

 

I am very much into the traditional gender roles; I LOVE for the man to take care of me and treat me to dates and small holidays and the occasional dress or handbag just because - BUT I also give give give loads of affection, time, compliments, and awesome birthday and Christmas gifts (he doesn't mind cool things for special occasions! But is not at all driven by material things outside of special occasions).

[Toodaloo]

`Post its` on the fridge.

 

Turn on washing machine.

 

Teacher parent meeting.

 

Chelsea season ticket?

 

Jane and David coming tonight. (Find a way to cancel, i hate them)

 

(Usually easy as i hate them as well, oh lovely your holiday snaps from Bhutan)

 

Sorry we all have `hives`

 

Took your car....

 

Wonderful woman.

 

She did leave that fake giant spider on your pillow for you to wake up to once... Don't forget that!!!

 

As for stuff I do. It depends on the person and what they like.

 

Last beau never felt he had enough hours in the day so I would go and mow his grass and his Mums grass for them while they were out. Or I would grab all his washing and get it done for him so he didn't have to worry.

 

One of my bosses sometimes gets really stressed so every now and then I will run into his local on the way home and pop a pint in the till for him. Another likes cake. Another likes cups of tea.

 

Poppa is a cake man as well. Ice creams during harvest. That sort of thing.

 

Most of the men I know are pretty simple creatures so they have everything they consider a "need" so I look for things that they "want" or would consider a "treat". I do things that will ease their stress and make them feel as though they have back up. I make sure I pay compliments that are thoughtful and appropriate. Listen carefully to what matters to them.

 

I know a bit abstract thinking about "other" men in my life not just romantic partners but all these things foster good relationships with family and friends.

[BikerAccnt]

I must admit when I first heard people banging on about love languages on here I was a bit sceptical, but looking into it it does make a lot of sense.

 

It really does make a lot of sense. Each of us is different, and each of us like different things.

 

She likes home cooked, you like to go out.

She likes horror movies, you prefer action.

She likes the room cool, you prefer it warmer.

 

Learning how a person likes love, is all part of the same. We need to find out about our partners, and do your best to do what we can to meet what they need to be happy. At least, if we want a good relationship we do.

[jacarter2016]

This is an interesting topic, because I struggle with this with my b/f. I am constantly doing little things for him & I'm not talking about just buying him things, I mean I will pick him up a card here and there, buy him his favorite drink, pick up the tab here and there when we go out to eat, and do unexpected things, basically do those "just because" things that may not be huge things, but involve effort and there's a lot of love behind them. In addition to that I will clean & cook for him and do other things to make his life easier. I am not one to ever do anything with expecting something in return for what I've done, everything I do is done out of the goodness of my heart and because I am a very giving person. However, I find it very odd that he does very little back for me. When others above have spoken about looking at what your SO does for you versus the actually materialistic gifts, I struggle with that too. In the time we've been together I've received a card and flowers for specific occasions, i.e Birthday, Anniversary, but nothing out of the blue. However I don't feel he does a lot for me on his own without mention of it from me either. We've had the discussion of those being things I like and that make me feel loved (love language) and with that I'd hope he would step up his game, but I don't feel as though he does. So I can relate with OP in regards to being secure with your relationship, knowing your partner loves you, but in bewilderment of why there's little reciprocation. Honestly for me it only makes sense that it would come naturally to want to do "just because" things for your significant other, to me it seems as though when you love someone you think about them in that way and it doesn't have to be all the time and it doesn't even have to consist of monetary things or things at all, but maybe doing something for them on your own without them mentioning their desire that you would. Correct me if I'm wrong, but doing things for each other in your relationship is important to enhance and grow your emotional connection.

[jacarter2016]

and do your best to do what we can to meet what they need to be happy. At least, if we want a good relationship we do.

 

This is exactly my point, you put it perfectly. You do for your SO what you can to make them happy, which means if you know they like receiving gifts it doesn't necessarily mean you have to shower them constantly, but occasionally you do it because you know it makes them happy. If they like something else you do that, it's about the effort and doing things for each other that you know each other like. When that doesn't happen or you feel the effort is off balance that's when things start to come into question on someone's part and you wonder why the person isn't doing the special little things they know you like and make you happy.

[TortugaGuy]

I never meant to imply that my gf doesn't do anything for me. She does. I'm not materialistic or need her to buy anything for me either. She tells me how she feels and shows it too. Even the sex tops the charts. I'm happier than I've been in a very very long time and not focusing on anything negative about her. We're adults, not some middle school kids needing reassuring notes all the time.

 

Maybe I'm more of the romantic, giving type. Definitely more than her. I'll have to read up more about the love languages. But I think surprise intentional gestures are important and just curious what some of you do for your SO.

[RecentChange]

Maybe I'm more of the romantic, giving type. Definitely more than her. I'll have to read up more about the love languages. But I think surprise intentional gestures are important and just curious what some of you do for your SO.

 

See - thats the thing (and what other people are trying to make clear) YOU think those things are more important. She might not feel the same way at all.

 

Personally - cards and flowers aren't very important to me. Sure, its a nice jesture, but not really "my thing" - especially store bought flowers - I do get an "awe thats sweet" feeling when I find that he has left me a bouquet of hand picked wild flowers....

 

But I suppose I am an "acts of service" and "physical touch" person - those are the things I appreciate, and I tend to show my affection doing the same things.

 

So, when he handles something for me so I don't have to stress about it - I really appreciate that, and feel cared for. Or I come home to my chores done And show me physical attention? Be touchy feely? :love:- those things means a lot more to me than flowers or a card.

 

And that is what is natural for me to show my affection.

 

I'll make him is favorite meal, prepare the house so all he has to do is relax and get a massage after a long day. If he feels under the weather, I'll spend hours making chicken soup from scratch.

 

But I don't think I have ever bought a card for him - and certainly never flowers! I show him I care through other means.